irl, i live alone. irl, i am disabled. irl, that intersection and my lack of interest in partnering actively makes life really hard. everything is expensive. i can't always cook when i want to or have fresh ingredients, because my symptoms don't care if I want to cut up vegetables and eat something homemade before they go bad. if I have a bad flareup and getting up is not in the cards, that's it. i have what's next to me. the lack of social support for single folks, for disabled folks, for folks whose family care is inadequate or damaging... it's impactful.

I talk about how i once visited a place with an ex partner. i mention how our relationship started because i was pressured into it, and i wasn't really into the level of seriousness and 'forever' she treated it with. everyone says it's weird that i agreed if i didn't want it to be serious. i remember being 16, saying no, and a chorus of people telling me i was stupid and immature, that her family was rich, that we would be cute and to listen to them, not my heart. my heart was saying nothing.

i look at my current age and life goals. for many of my peers, dating and marriage and eventual kids are common goals. i am watching my rights erode and trying to practice good mental hygeine. my five year goal is to be alive. my next major life milestone is a nebulous desire to find a life i can tolerate living.

being aromantic significantly impacts my day to day. i want to see aro people living their lives, and doing so with joy. i want to see aro adults making it, ones like me. i want aro people to thrive. i want to live, aromantically.

It is so monumental when same-sex marriage is legalized because the government is essentially stating that they will acknowledge same-sex relationships' existence and grant them the right to gain these benefits, which otherwise are barred off exclusively to monogamous heterosexual relationships. Same-sex marriage being legalized only expands those who get the rights to these as monogamous allosexual relationships.

It is, generally, considered illegal for an "illegitimate marriage" to be conducted, therefor two friends who may wish to somehow spend the rest of their lives devoted to each other in a non-traditional way still seeking benefits in order to make this easier on a legal principle may get labeled as having a "sham marriage." Something the government ultimately decides for you, dictating what your personal relationship is and what it can entail.

Marriage can be important, but it can also be a deeply oppressive and discriminatory system. Marriage can be important, but it isn't important to some people. Marriage can be important, but it is also the government telling you what is and isn't allowed in your personal relationship. You're not worse, somehow, for getting married, I think there's just things to consider about marriage as a whole concept because it in itself is a legal process and legal processes can be unjust in execution or otherwise.

Three, almost four years ago, when I finally came out as aromantic (and asexual) it was extremely cathartic and joyful to be so unapologetically un-romantic and un-sexual after trying to convince myself that I wasn't for most of my teens. It was a wonderful feeling to admit to myself that I didn't want the things that everyone is supposed to want! I loved embracing this utter disinterest, I loved defining myself by the absence of romance and sex. I loved rejecting all of it and feeling superior for doing so. I was 17 and at that age, everyone is looking for identity, and my realisation felt like I finally became myself after years of trying and failing to create a persona that never felt right.

Here's the thing though. My "love loses, no thanks, romance is lame, sex is stupid" baby aroace phase did not and could not last forever. It certainly could not last beyond high school. As fun as was to center everything around not wanting these things, you kind of have to move onto phase 2 which is figuring out what it is that you do want. The sad reality is is that if you continue to define yourself by an absence, it's going to get emptier and sadder in a few years. If you don't want to feel empty and sad, you have to find something beyond the absence. It can be anything, it doesn't have to be a person, or people, it doesn't have to be a different kind of love. It just has to be something that can fill your life, so you don't end up with a deep chasm from centering your life around not wanting something.