aroacemonster

In that moment I realized I was in front of a lecture hall of privileged students. I was surrounded by people who didn’t know poverty or desperation like I had. I clawed my way here on scholarships while they were legacy kids or trust fund babies. In that moment it clicked in my head that there’s this level of empathy that you can only gain when you have absolutely nothing to lose. A level of empathy that only the impoverished have. A level of empathy that screams out that you have to fight to make things better even if it doesn’t benefit you. It’s a concept that you can only really grasp when you have nothing to lose and the kids before me hadn’t known that pain. They hadn’t developed that kind of empathy.

Meanwhile, I was reading an article about a gay club in Melbourne, and the author mentions in passing how body shaming and femmephobia is endemic in the gay male subculture. I really was not joking about the ‘no fats, no femmes’ thing. I haven’t seen it around as much these days, but I also don’t read the queer street press cover to cover like I did in the late 90s and early aughts when I was first out. However, this Medium article indicates that this bullshit is still going on Grindr.

Queer is not a slur. It has been an identity label for decades. It has been MY identity label for twenty years.

The lie that ‘queer is a slur’ comes from THE EXACT SAME RADFEMS AND EXCLUSIONISTS who have been trying to steal ‘femme’ from the wider community.

Radfems and exclusionists don’t like ‘queer’ because it’s INCLUSIVE. It includes ace and aro spec people. It includes trans folk. It includes nonbinary folk (who may or may not identify as trans) for whom labels like ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ don’t sit right because they assume binary genders.

Queer is radical in the very real sense of the word. It breaks down boundaries. It welcomes many different types of people and recognises the things they have in common. Queer is playful; it allows for you to find what things make you comfortable and happy in your own gender and sexuality. It provides room for playful experimentation so you can find the label that fits you best, whether that label is ‘queer’ or something else. Queer is an umbrella label you can use when you don’t want to explain what being a grey-ace bisexual means to you to a new work colleague.

Queer is not a new term. It was claimed by us as a label over a hundred years ago.

In comparison, ‘gay’ as a queer identity label only dates to the mid 20th century.

Claiming one of our proudest and most inclusive labels is a slur is another rewriting of our history, and it’s yet another radfem campaign, dating from about 2013. Male-attracted men were referring to themselves as “queer” as early as 1910, according to George Chauncey’s Gay New York.

When we started studying our community within an academic context in the 1980s, we called those studies ‘Queer studies’ and ‘Queer theory’. This means queer as an umbrella term for our wider community is over thirty years old.

The fact that homophobes and transphobes have used it to insult us when it has been one of our identity labels for over a hundred years says more about the bigotry endemic in our society than it does about us, or our labels.

If you or someone who follows you on tumblr dislikes the word ‘queer’, or has trauma about it, all you need to do ensure that posts are tagged with the word ‘queer’. So long as the post is tagged with that word, all you need to do is go into your tumblr settings and add it to your filtered tags. It’s easy, it’s free, and it means you’re not tagging people’s actual identity as a slur.

The text reads:

Fem (col.) A passive homosexual.

The term may be applied to both men and women, but more usually to men. It Australia it is generally applied only to men.

It is based upon the French word for women, femme, and indeed, in English, this spelling is sometimes used for passive lesbians, in preference to fem.

—

I’d personally define it differently (ugh, @ ‘’’passive’’’), and I suspect that the spelling preference has tipped in favour of femme these days for all genders, but this is a book from 1988.

Okay I can see why some people might want this...

So, what do they actually collect and what do they do with it? Well:

Collecting my data? My biometrics and location?

You betcha.

And you will sell all that information?

Gotta make a profit ❤️

And how about information on my ethnicity, political standing, religion, criminal record, location, my biometrics, sexuality and gender?

Well. We will sell that too, but only to the good girls and guys 😊 We will sell your biometrics to facial recognition software and everything else to your government or others, that give us enough money 🙏

So if I am in a country that wants to target me for my ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender identity or political standing, you will sell them this information?

In a heartbeat 🏳️‍🌈

.....

Do not use this Plattform. Please.

/j stands for /joke and if u put it at the end of ur sentence that means ur joking

/s stands for /sarcasm and if u put it at the end of ur sentence that means ur being sarcastic

a lotta autistic people (and other neurodivergent ppl tbh) have trouble reading tones in peoples sentences so if you add /j or /s it doesnt like... distract from the sentence but it makes it clear that youre joking/being sarcastic, so people who wouldnt have necessarily read the correct tone will now know what tone its supposed to be conveying

if you are one of these people please consider the following

maybe the joke was never funny to you. maybe you just enjoyed feeling superior to people who may not have understood it.

I always maintain that exclusionary rhetoric of any kind harms many groups beyond just the one supposed target, but in particular this is true for questioning people. Already, there is a lot of self-doubt surrounding yourself when you’re questioning, and having people continually claiming that there’s this huge issue of people pretending to have LGBTQ+ identities are fakers, oppression fetishists, or are just following some “new trend” only makes it that much worse. I guarantee that if I had seen this kind of stuff directed at any LGBTQ+ orientation or gender group when I was still in the questioning stage about being bi, back when I was a tween/young teen, it would have taken me much, much longer to come to terms with my orientation - if I ever did.

exclusionists thrive on the very concept of some people inherently mattering less while conversely being able to frame those people as privileged because it allows them to frame their overt bigotry as activism and self defense as bigotry. and no matter how many times it happens people always fall for it because exclusionists manage to word it in terms that sound reasonable until you understand what they’re actually saying.

“men aren’t oppressed for being men” sounds reasonable until you realize that it’s being said by a terf or being said to insist that trans men don’t face generalized oppression or misogyny. “cishets aren’t oppressed for being cishet” sounds reasonable until you realize that it’s being said to paint a marginalized identity as straight to cover up their oppression and justify bullying.

it happened to bi people, it happened to pan people, it happened to ace people, happened to aro people, it happened to trans women, to nonbinary people, it happened to non-dysphoric trans people, and it’s happening to trans men. and it’s going to keep happening until we’re willing to defend our own and reach out with love and compassion to individuals solely because they, personally, are hurting and we have the ability to help them

Before the term bi existed bi women just called themselves lesbians. 

Lesbians and bi women are oppressed in the same way for the same reasons. 

The idea that bi women can “steal” or “appropriate” lesbian terms and culture is completely fabricated by teenagers on tumblr. And it still all plays into the idea that bi people have privilege or are less gay than gays and lesbians. 

And just saying, you don’t see gay men and bi men screaming at eachother about who can call themselves bears or twinks. 

None of this actually matters in the grand scheme of things and i honestly wish that you guys like… went outside and met lgbt people in person cuz I think youd find it pretty hard to tell a stone biker lady that she cant call herself butch because she’ll fuck a dude now and again. 

Dont tell me to read stone butch blues I already have and maybe you should read it to before you parade it around like it supports you when it doesnt. 

Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book “Minimising Marriage” to refer to:

the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types. (Source)

Amatornormativity doesn’t just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst it’s often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.

Amatonormativity in practice is…

The assumption that all single people are unhappy with their status and looking not to be single.

“Coming of age” milestones often revolving around romantic accomplishments (first kiss, first crush, first love, marriage, etc).

Non romantic partnerships (sexual or platonic) being looked down upon.

A sort of relationship hierarchy where marriage is at the top and everything else falls somewhere below it.

The expectation for romantic partners to be more important than jobs, hobbies or other commitments in a person’s life. And the belief that people who choose to pursue the former are selfish.

People who are not seeking exclusive romantic relationships being seen as less mature, stable, trustworthy or settled.

The structuring of laws and society on the basis that eventually everyone will be in a committed romantic partnership (marriage).

The toxic idea of a “friendzone” (which of course, overlaps with misogyny), where friendship with a woman is seen as “second prize” to a relationship with her.

People settling for someone they’re not really happy with or compatible with just to fulfil the desire or expectation to have a partner.

Non-aromantic asexual people trying to normalise their orientation by saying they can still “fall in love” or “have relationships” “just like anyone else”.

Asexual people or people who don’t feel attraction to anyone feeling pressured to seek out and enter into relationships.

And much more…

In 1992, ACT-UP led a protest against George H.W. Bush, furious at his inaction in the face of the AIDS crisis. Angry queer people literally threw the ashes of their dead loved ones onto the white house lawn to shame the government into action. Another Ash Action happened in 1996.

There’s video. It is incredibly intense and made me openly sob the first time I watched it.

https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/08/26/anti-trans-protestors-march-in-front-of-manchester-pride-parade-leaving-trans-women-worried-about-safety/

An organiser from GetTheLOut, who does not want to be named, told PinkNews that, alongside lesbians, the group was made up of “lesbian-allies, detransitioners and cotton ceiling rape survivors, with the support and participation of ReSistersUnited, Object ! and MakeMoreNoise”.

The organiser continued: “The GBT movement, feminists and lesbian allies should be horrified about the exponential transitioning of lesbians and the enforcement of heterosexuality on us through grooming, rape and sexual violence.

She said that the group “marched together in the face of the constant hostility, violent anti-lesbianism and rape threat of the GBT movement, to raise awareness about the transitioning, the raping, the appropriation and the erasure of lesbians”.

“The lives of real lesbians are on the line and our issues are urgent and real.”

She added: “We will not be silenced and we will keep fighting for lesbian’s rights, visibility and liberation.”

***

Just in case y'all still doubt where this "queer is bad, queer is a slur, lesbian not queer, don't call me queer" shit comes from.

This is where it comes from. It comes from TERFs who hijack Pride events to carry signs with transphobic bullshit on them, TERFs who want to talk shit without being named, TERFs who regard all trans people as a threat to lesbians, TERFs who claim not to even want to be part of the LGBTQ community.

That's what you sound like when you "BUT QUEER IS A SLUR DONT EVER USE IT".

Don't want to be confused with a duck? Don't quack.

WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT

I'm so shocked to find that the only person to respond to this in a shitty way is... wait for it...

You know what's also been used as a slur, and the word that was first used to hurt me and mock me, and many other queer people?

Lesbian.

Lesbian is the first word I had yelled at me on the playground as an accusation, followed by gay, lesbo, f*g, dyke, and, yes, queer.

And yet, despite the fact that my trauma from the 80s and 90s centers around lesbian, gay, f*g, dyke... I would never dream of yelling LESBIAN IS A SLUR HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF THAT OR TALK ABOUT THE LESBIAN COMMUNITY.

The reason I'd never do that is because it's an important community word, reclaimed from when it was a pathologizing term, and I respect that even though those words were used to hurt me.

Likewise, the reason why QUEER IS A SLUR HOW DARE YOU is so widespread is because exclusionists of all stripes, including TERFs, don't like the huge umbrella that it creates. If someone identifies themselves as queer, they don't know if they're "good" (cis lesbian, non-ace, etc.) by their narrow and destructive standards, or "bad" (a bi person not in a same gender relationship, an ace person, a trans person).

I literally don't give a shit if you personally don't want to be personally called queer. That's not what this is about. The slogans "lesbian not queer" and "queer is a slur" are TERF rhetoric.

If you wanna quack, then quack. Telling people queer is a slur and shouldn't be used? Quacking. Saying "that's not my identity word, please don't use it for me personally"? Not quacking.

🤷‍♂️