I'm not very witty

However I do support people labelling their relationship the way they want. A QPR is not “extra super best friendship”, it’s not “friendship but better”, so I really don’t understand why you think it’s somehow devaluing friendship. It’s just an aro term for aro experiences. You’re absolutely allowed to love and care for your friends endlessly, the fact that some people try to use a label that’s not “friendship” nor “romantic relationship” doesn’t change that at all.

However I do support people labelling their relationship the way they want. A QPR is not “extra super best friendship”, it’s not “friendship but better”, so I really don’t understand why you think it’s somehow devaluing friendship. It’s just an aro term for aro experiences. You’re absolutely allowed to love and care for your friends endlessly, the fact that some people try to use a label that’s not “friendship” nor “romantic relationship” doesn’t change that at all.

There’s no “allo privilege”. If anything like “allo privilege” existed, it would be incredibly deeply rooted in straightness and patriarchy, using it to qualify lgbt people would be non-sense. “Allo” just means “non ace”. It’s a useful word to discuss our experiences.

Actually it’s mostly about heterosexism. Discussions about the hardships experienced by ace/aro people mostly centers around how our straightnormative society and sexism hurt ace/aro people, etc.

I can understand that for some people, it’s not a good reason for including ace/aro people, because to them the community centers around specific fights : against homophobia and transphobia. Other people however think that anyone who suffer under cisheteronormative society because of their gender alignment and/or because of their orientation can be welcomed (in specific spaces though, of course non gay people won’t go to gay safe spaces, same with cis people etc). It’s never been about being oppressed by allos as a group (in my book anyway, and I’ve read the discourse for far too long haha)

I guess I reacted to your post in particular because I was tired of seeing so many people misuse the word “allo”. I’m so tired how seeing people joking about “filthy allos”, “dirty allos”, “allogays”, or mentioning “allo privilege”, because it really misrepresents what the word means, and what it’s used for.

There’s no “allo privilege”. If anything like “allo privilege” existed, it would be incredibly deeply rooted in straightness and patriarchy, using it to qualify lgbt people would be non-sense. “Allo” just means “non ace”. It’s a useful word to discuss our experiences.

like? if you don’t even understand the definition of the thing you’re arguing about you have no kind of authority or credibility to talk about it as if you do. knowing what this means is the absolute bare minimum to expect from a discourser; you don’t have to be an expert, obviously, but at least know what you’re talking about.

Same with the whole aroace thing, the huge majority of exclusionists know the discourse is not just about cishet aces and aros, they know they also exclude cis aroaces and aces who don’t use the SAM, but they just don’t care enough to take 2sec to acknowledge this. Because “cishet” is a simpler umbrella term, who cares if it’s a shitty thing to do.

Needless to say, it’s just as silly, irrelevant and inappropriate than the hundred other times this came up in the discourse.

2) Please, no one think “allos” are “dirty perverts”. It’s really time to stop feeding into these stereotypes, it doesn’t help the discourse in any way.  I’m pretty sure you can find a few posts where “ace people” sex-shame non ace people, but please keep in mind a few posts on the internet, especially in a discourse full of trolls and young people, isn’t exactly a good reason to caricature a whole identity.

I’ve read a lot of stories about ace people being assaulted and abused, and yes, it is mostly rooted in misogyny and toxic masculinity imo. But if they were specifically targeted because of their asexuality, why shouldn’t they use a word to express this idea ? Me being insulted because I rejected a man’s advances, and me being “proposed” fixing because I talked about not being into men are two examples of misogyny. But one happened specifically because of my orientation, and I think it’s important to be able to talk about it.

Ace people talking about violence and assaults and using the term “aphobia” to discuss the specificities of their experiences doesn’t mean all violence and assaults are exclusive to aphobia. 

If you have any example of people claiming “men not taking no for an answer” (to quote your OP) is an ace only issue, feel free to link them to me, because that’s not ok. However there is a lot of misunderstandings and misreading in the discourse, and sometimes just saying “this thing happened to me because I’m ace” can be read as “this thing only happens to ace people/is somehow worse because I’m ace”. Which is a shame because it doesn’t really go anywhere.