My wife to be and my best friend were pregnant within a few weeks of each other. My best friend told me right after I broke the news of ours. "Congratulations! What are the odds!"
I began to imagine us raising our kids together. How our kids would always have a friend their age to lean on. How we could help each other through the difficulties of being young parents. I couldn't have been happier than that moment...
"I'm getting an abortion."
My heart collapsed. Never had I felt so defeated. I understood her reasons, how her parents would be disappointed, how she wasn't ready emotionally or financially. She was scared of how it would affect the rest of her life. Still it crushed me.
I begged her to reconsider. I told her I would cover any expenses. I told her I would put him/her through school. I offered to adopt or even claim to be the father. I promised I would do everything in my power to make sure that child had the best life possible...
She still had the abortion. She never told her family, and I kept her secret. The night she told me I had a dream, a young girl looking up at me asking me one question.
"Why? Why didn't you save me?" I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her it would be alright. I just stood there, just as helpless as she was. I didn't know what to tell her. I awoke shaken, sweating, and crying.
I had several of these dreams, but eventually they faded. I still check in on my old friend from time to time, she's helped me though some tough times and I have helped her through hers. I don't blame her or hate her, but it still hurts to think about what could have been...
The other day New York lit the trade center pink. I had the dream again, though this one was different. She didn't ask me the same question.
She asked "What are you going to do about it?"
I still don't know how to answer her...
She would be 7 and a half, just like my son. Maybe she would have been a boy. I'll never know, but I know I loved this child more than life itself and would have readily given my life for his or hers. I know there is nothing I could have done differently. I know I had no responsibility for this child, nor any claim to it. Still I miss them. I miss them more than anything. I'd have given anything to be able to hold them and tell them everything would be alright. I'll never get that chance, because no one gave them a chance.
pixelskylines
izzy806
baratheonpilled
origamiaround
germansingergirl
2087
