suck my fucking sweedish meatballs

44

Potatoes, while obviously the single most lifegiving crop in human history, have gotten a bit of an unfair rap in the media. Be it because of carbohydrates, not enough greenery, or the fact that everyone only eats them fried to a crisp in oil and heavily salted, it seems like there is always a chance for our so-called "truth tellers" to deliver a slam to the noble spud.

Of course, improving your mood will require cooking a potato. Eating them raw does not seem to make me feel any better. And that can be difficult, if you are already feeling pretty terrible. That's why I think we should replace the police with people who hand out a baked potato. They could have like a little oven or something with them and when you want one, you get one.

Now, now, I hear a lot of you saying: oh, but then who will arrest the criminals? That's scarcity thinking. There'll be no criminals anymore. If you're feeling like you might want to rob a bank, it's possible that you just need a baked potato. With chives, little sour cream, bacon bits? Any nearby Potato Officer will provide, and then you can go right back to having a productive life, doing some kind of weird hobby instead of threatening to shoot a bunch of people unless they give you money that you would just use to buy potatoes anyway.

.also, scale reference! just the wheel is 70 feet in diameter