Anxious and scared of social interaction

When we (blissblrcord) made the duo name for Nem and Stormz a couple months ago we had no idea that they would become real but by god are we happy they did. The duo name we gave them, Retrograde, means moving, occurring, or performing in a backward direction. Or tending toward or resulting in a worse or previous state. Stormz and Nem are the two characters on the server who are defined by how steeped in the past they are, how much they regress back and forth and back and forth and back throughout their story. 

From the moment Stormz joined bliss, Nem and Stormz did not have a positive relationship (even if one-sided at the start). Stormz got recruited by Dol9hin to Horizon to help fight LE because he was a strong player and suddenly he was getting treated better by Dol9hin than Nem. Nem, the teammate Dol9hin had since she joined, who’s run into battle after battle after battle with her. This was the beginning of Nem’s hatred of Stormz (who was oblivious at the time). Nem was jealous and Stormz’s arrogant “I do what I want” attitude certainly didn’t help. Dol9hin even gave a mace to Stormz. A mace. One of the mythics they had been fighting for months to get ahold of and she gave it to someone who just joined the team. Nem was jealous of Stormz for having Dol9hin’s attention, he projected his anger toward Dol9hin not consulting him onto Stormz. And yet when Stormz gem was broken, Nem also gave Stormz energy for Dol9hin because he was Dol9hin’s friend.

 Stormz at the time wanted to defeat LE because they were “villains” but mostly for the power defeating LE would give him. The tidal changing point for their relationship which turned it from one-sided petty dislike and projection to actual hatred was Stormz’s gembreak. After Stormz’s gembreak, Stormz felt used. He didn’t feel like team ragebait cared at all for anything he was doing to help them and Stormz was getting tired of constantly sitting around waiting to fight LE over and over and over. He felt powerless. He felt desperate. And worst of all, as Mugm said, he felt helpless. His sadness turned to rage and paranoia. So when he found Nem and Whatmax at his base, he immediately assumed the worst (and he just wanted to take a fight he could actually win for once) and attacked them. Despite Nem being one of the people to lend Stormz energy to repair his gem, he attacked them and even called Mugm for help. Mugm of all people. Their enemy. 

This interaction sparked the hatred between retrograde and as Stormz grew angrier and angrier and became closer with Mugm; the hatred only grew. Stormz saw team ragebait as a whole as dishonorable, cowardly, brainless pawns of Dol9hin who deserved nothing but death. And as TE progressed and he spent more time with Mugm, Stormz was fully regressing into a mindset similar to his infuse disciple mindset just with less care about the server. Nem believed Stormz was ungrateful. Team ragebait had helped him restore his gem, they gave him a mace, and they helped him in fights. Nem had been on the server for so long now and had suffered for it, yet he wasn’t going around whining that the server should all die. He considered Stormz’s constant wallowing in his issues a nuisance and looked down upon how Stormz only ever hurt those who helped him (namely Nem and team ragebait, also Q later). Stormz joining Total Eclipse confirmed to Nem that his opinions on Stormz were correct. When Stormz joined Torchblossom, Nem tolerated Stormz because he was friends with Quakitus but he still hated him because he was still working with LE. It did not help that Torchblossom was a minefield of arguments and misunderstandings and Stormz would constantly lash out at Quakitus. Stormz thought the same way of Nem, especially since Nem was one of the people who broke Silva’s gem. 

For Stormz, Torchblossom was a constant back and forth. Regression and growth swinging repeatedly like a pendulum. TE breaking up like it did and the contract he made with TE didn’t help either. Stormz didn’t know who he was or what he wanted anymore, what he was fighting for. Was it to be a protector and protect TB? Was it to gain power so no one could hurt him and he could crush the server? Was it both? Was it neither? This uncertainty was displayed obviously with his black and white wings story arc which he even directly said represented pride (black wings) and humility (white wings). The TE contract ending and his promise with Mugm made him believe “Okay. I want power and I care for no one but myself. That’s who I am and who I’ve always been.” This lock-in on one extreme resulted in his argument with Quakitus and Torchblossom dissolving as Stormz left. But when Stormz was confronted by everything Torchblossom was and his memories of Quakitus and Silva, he realized he was wrong. He did care about Quakitus and Silva and power wasn’t everything. But it was too late now and all he could do was give torchblossom a real proper end and try to make amends; which he did by giving them energy and writing them full books of apologies and explanations. Similarly, Nem as Horizon progressed, lost himself more and more. He leaned into Dol9hin’s ruthless careless nature and even enabled it. He neglected and ignored his old friends such as Lezy and Whatmax until he needed them for fights. He even initiated the Silva Horizon confrontation. It was only when Lezy’s gem almost broke and Lezy confronted Nem that Nem realized he didn’t even know he was or what he was fighting for anymore. Nem was confronted by everything Horizon was and his memories of both Dol9hin and the people he hurt, they both hurt. Nem made amends with Lezy and Whatmax by doing restorations for their gems and helping them. He deliberated and didn’t fight with Horizon for a week before deciding, for himself and others, to leave Horizon, to leave Dol9hin. 

Both Stormz and Nem lost themselves and hurt their friends in reckless pursuit of a goal which would give them recognition and power. They even both joined/made a team afterwards in order to have a fresh start (neohorizon for Stormz and sunflower for Nem) but were haunted by their old teammates throughout it (Meteorflower for Stormz and Dol9hin for Nem). And both Nem and Stormz are then abandoned by those teams. Nem left Dol9hin, the person he’s been teamed with for months and picked up the moment she joined, and joined Nezoshoki. Stormz left Nezoshoki, the person he joined the server for and picked him up the moment he joined, and joined Dol9hin. Both of them get knocked down over and over and over and yet get back up time and time again. When Nem loses his gem to Mugm, he gives up. He could have asked for help from Zenith, he didn’t have to take the fight, but he did. He felt powerless and guilty and helpless, he fought Mugm but he still let it happen. He gave up. When Stormz lost Heretic, he didn’t have to take the fight with Whatmax. He could have asked Silva for help or Pinity (even if he would not have helped) or even Dumb, but he didn’t. He was tired of being hunted, of feeling helpless despite holding a mythic, he just wanted to give up. After these moments, Stormz and Nem are at their worst they’ve ever been. They both feel like they can’t get back up and there is no use. And yet. They both get back up (even if Stormz crashes out a bit longer and hurts a few  people). 

At this point, Stormz and Nem hold a mutual dislike for each other (with Nem’s feelings being much stronger) but it's not really in the forefront of their mind. It isn’t until energy games that their dynamic finally changes. More specifically, the finale day of energy games. Despite Stormz being at his worst mentally before energy games, the event throwing him into the survival mindset where he has to fully think about every move he makes actually makes Stormz care less about grudges and more about survival and the optimal ending for the games. This led to, when Pinity made the rule for only teams of two, Nem and Stormz teaming up on the last day. Nem’s other teammates teamed up together and so Nem reached out to Stormz to team after Stormz’s last teammate in the event was eliminated. The team up started due to necessity because they both didn’t want Pinity to win and although Nem still disliked Stormz a bit, it had been awhile and he decided it could be fun. In Nem’s own words, “I used to be mad at Stormz for the Total Eclipse stuff. I kind of don’t care anymore in all honesty. Kind of feel for the guy so I don’t know… On the server, I’m indifferent to him. But if it came to an actual team I probably wouldn’t team with Stormz but because it's an alliance type of thing, I don’t mind that.” Nem is even sympathetic to Stormz now, but their history was never resolved. Neither Stormz nor Nem expect to win, Nem wants his teammates Hazel and Shaun to win and Stormz just doesn’t want Pinity to win. 

But what’s interesting is their first conversation they have in vc together after Nem distributes the orbitals he got to Hazel. Nem brings up how he’s hiding in a tunnel because he thought he heard Auratus and Stormz recognizes it as the tunnel where Dol9hin died during the mythic wars. This sparks a conversation about the mythic wars while they were on opposing sides. Stormz compares Total Eclipse to Pinity with Auratus, saying how they were not this bad and any concrete plan could have taken them down rather than the continuous just running at them. This sparks Nem to say, “Yeah no, what pissed me off is that I wanted to use Speed and Dolphin was like ‘ehh or you can use Astra’”. And Stormz even confirms, “Oh, no, Speed would have literally killed any of us. No windcharges the mace is useless… I was mad surprised that Dolphin was heavily against that.” For the very first time (at least on camera), Nem talks to someone about one of his biggest griefs with Dolphin during Horizon. When Nem proposed this plan to Dolphin during the mythic war, he was almost immediately rejected and it was just further proof that she didn’t listen to him or value his input/plans. Stormz confirming to Nem that Nem was right, not Dolphin, Nem was right, is so important. It supports that Nem’s grudge with Dolphin, his anger and his strategies, were correct. Stormz, who is one of the people most associated with speed gem, who was their direct enemy in Horizon, who used to be Dolphin’s ally/teammate, being the first to directly acknowledge that idea and straight up saying that it would have worked is like healing a wound, a grievance Nem has had for months and just let fester. 

Nem and Stormz end up being the only ones online that are still in the games for a bit so they start fighting Pinity. Although the fight starts awkward and quiet, they’re doing good and they start having fun. A rule is then imposed to mute everyone and the comms change even more. Nem actually starts to miss Stormz and says, “I’m enjoying teaming with Stormz. Pretty solid teammate.” Getting the chance to fight together, just them against a strong opponent, gives them the opportunity to naturally change the way they see each other; even if only a little. Pinity runs and Hazel calls Nem over to team with her instead (Shaun isn’t online and Hazel found Pinity when he ran). Nem even says, as he and Hazel are fighting and Hazel sighs over Stormz coming to watch the fight, “I won’t lie, Stormz grew on me today. Imma say it, Stormz grew on me today.” That one fight where Nem and Stormz barely and awkwardly spoke to each other before they got muted was enough to change how Nem sees Stormz. Ironically, a fight against an LE associated mythic holder which is how they first teamed in the beginning of Stormz’s time on Bliss. It was also enough to instill a respect for Nem in Stormz. This is displayed when Stormz makes the mace rule.  While Nem and Hazel are fighting Pinity for the third time, Stormz asks every player in the event that aren’t going to fight for energy in order to make this rule. Stormz, who attacks without thought, who takes rather than begs, who’s known to be a selfish asshole who helps only himself, asks for the energy. He asks for help. He does this to help Nem and Hazel. And it does. Hazel crafts the mace and seconds later they pop Pinity’s totem twice in a row. And that isn’t all Stormz does to help Nem and Hazel, he gives them materials for traders that allows Hazel to trade to life gem, heartlock Pinity on a lower heartcount by Stormz’s suggestion, and for Nem to finally kill Pinity.

 Even though Stormz is the only one left in games and their last opponent for victory, Nem refuses to instantly attack Stormz and instead let him keep the mythics he got from Pinity in exchange for eliminating him from the game. They decide in exchange for his help, the netherite mythic helmet, and Stormz letting them kill him to make them the winners of Energy games, they give him Auratus. Not only do they trust Stormz with a mythic, but he trusts them to not farm him for energy when they have his spawn, saying, “I trust y’all. Unironically, I trust ya’ll a lot. I feel like we all have respect for each other in this case. I’m gonna really hope you guys feel the same.” And Stormz is slain by specifically Nem using his sword named “May it never falter”. Nem’s sword, named after his will to never falter, to keep going no matter what, a trait that Nem shares with Stormz more than anyone else on the server, is what kills Stormz. A direct symbol that Stormz has decided to get back up and never let himself stay down like he did after losing Heretic again. Just like Nem after beginning The Path to Restoration to get his gem back when he named that sword. Stormz gaining the Auratus gem and Nem becoming the Astra gem are the turning points in their lives; where they decide it’s time to get back up and change, to never falter like that again.

After the deal is done, Stormz asks Nem if he would want to team next season because of how much fun they had today. He even says it reminded him of “prime Infuse”. For the first time, Stormz brings up infuse positively. Nem is the reason Stormz begins to think of his past, such as Infuse, positively instead of only remembering the bad. Nem agrees and they proceed to, multiple times after this, gush about how they cannot wait to team. In fact once Bunny Buddies officially win energy games, Nem messages Stormz, “Thank you man” and Stormz replies gushing about wanting to team next season so badly. It’s even brought up when Lezy and Nem talk later. Nem and Lezy are two people with similar reasons for disliking Stormz as they both helped him after his gembreak and they both were affected by him joining Total Eclipse. Lezy’s dislike is still there but Nem, after everything that just happened, practically defends Stormz to Lezy. Nem reasons for giving him Auratus to Lezy, “Auratus? I gave it to Stormz. You know what, like in all honesty, I feel like people won’t be too happy with that. But teaming with Stormz today, it kind of made me think differently of him. You know, the Total Eclipse stuff just kinda vanished away, if that makes sense. You feel me?”. Fighting together for one fight, one fight where their comms were half awkward and half muted, made Nem’s feelings towards Stormz change so drastically. Not only did Stormz change so much since Total Eclipse and during this event, but Nem got to truly see it; enough that his past grudges and anger faded away. Coincidentally, right after Nem says that, Stormz messages him once again about teaming next season. 

After energy games, Stormz makes the team Monarchy (Dumb, him, and Sans) and his team is allied with Bunny Buddies. This allyship and friendship is very valued from both sides. Nem starts speaking positively about Stormz (“Best friend Stormz!”) and Stormz offers his help whenever Bunny Buddies get into a fight. This bond is valued so deeply that when Quakitus pulls her IOU on Sans to get him to start hunting the netherite pieces, Stormz doesn’t even consider helping Sans, his own teammate, fight Hazel. In his own words, “ If I were to help Sans, Energy Games would mean completely nothing… the only reason I have auratus is because they (Bunny Buddies) are nice enough to (give Auratus to Stormz).” All of his development, all of his revelations, everything he worked for in energy games would not matter if he ruined his relationship with and attacked Bunny Buddies. He would refuse to help his own teammate because of how deeply he respects Bunny Buddies. 

Their alliance is finalized with a fight the day they try (unsuccessfully) to box Wyll’s logout. At first, it’s just Pika, Nem, and Stormz fucking around who don’t actually care that much about killing Wyll and are doing it for fun. But as they recruit more people (Q, Lezy, WM, Dumb, Shaun, Hazel) and when the rest of LE pull up and make it an actual fight, they commit to it. They realize that they can actually take this fight. For the first time since team ragebait, the server bands together against LE and actually succeeds. They end up able to break Pinity’s gem and eliminate a very dangerous opponent from LE’s side. Although the alliance reminds many on the server of team ragebait, it reminds them of it in a fond way rather than a negative one. Nem and Stormz especially reminisce on Horizon and how Dolphin taught them these techs. Nem even says to Stormz, “There's still a little bit of Horizon in us, you know what I mean (laughs)”. Not only does Nem get Stormz to start thinking about a dark part of past more fondly, but Stormz gets Nem to start thinking back to Horizon more positively; and even, just like Nem did with Stormz with infuse, begin to make new memories that remind them of that time but happy. Retrograde and Solarflare as whole heal a part of Nem and Stormz’s past that have been haunting them for months. Not only are they happy to fight together, everyone is taking care of each other no matter the pvp level, and Nem and Stormz joke to each other multiple times throughout the fight. One that stood out to me was Stormz joking to Nem, “Yo we won this one in a lot worse odds, Nem!”. Retrograde fighting Pinity together one time made Stormz confident enough to fight LE again. His friendship with Bunny Buddies also allows Stormz to make these new allies in Solarflare like Pika that are already friends with Bunny Buddies. Bunny Buddies are the bridge that gives Stormz more real good connections, friends, on the server. 

Stormz respects Bunny Buddies so much. Enough to not lie to them. Enough to tell the truth even when cornered and scared. Para have an argument and Dumb insists that for their team to work, Stormz must pick a goal and stick to it. No more back and forths, no more instantly going back on what he says minutes before. Stormz decides to keep his old promise to Mugm, he will try to kill everyone who doesn’t deserve this server if he gets gold gem. Bingeyy overhears this and snitches to Hazel. However due to the trust and respect built since and from energy games, Bunny Buddies decide to hear him out first and simply ask him about it. This conversation is the most important conversation Retrograde, and Bunny Buddies and Stormz, has. The first sign of trust and how much this means for Stormz is that when Nem suggests having the talk inside Stormz’s house, Stormz lets Bunny Buddies corner him inside his house. He doesn’t lash out or run away, he stands in the corner of his house facing them and stays calm. When Stormz starts explaining his reasoning, he cites how Bingey has been ruining his life and he can’t even fight with him despite having the numbers because, “ What’s going to happen to you guys if you get charge-creepered? or what’s gonna happen to Dumb?”. His two biggest worries are Bunny Buddies and Dumb getting hurt. He can’t stand how people like Bingey who hurt him and could hurt the people he cares for, Bunny Buddies and Dumb, can just walk around the server. Stormz then explains when Hazel asks where he draws the line that, “I don’t know maybe this is a really bad way to say it, but people who I think are morally right. Because Hazel, if you were to pick up the gold gem as well, I would want you to kill me. Because I don’t think, I don’t think, I can recover from what I used to do. I think I’m going to spend the rest of my time on this server recovering. I think I want to be honest with my feelings. I think I want to help you guys as much as I can with Auratus.” It’s that moment where Nem truly understands Stormz and his reasoning. Nem’s entire philosophy is second chances and Stormz doesn’t believe he deserves one. The first time Nem speaks up in the conversation since they started talking seriously is to ask, “You don’t think you deserve a second chance?”. Nem realizes that Stormz sorts himself in the same category as people who don’t deserve to play on the server. A same categorization Mugm used when he claimed people’s gems for gold gem. That same categorization that Nem volunteered his own gem to stop and Nem believed that he himself didn’t deserve to play on the server either.  

Stormz justifies that he’s working up to deserving a second chance and helping Bunny Buddies is how. Stormz believes that by helping Bunny Buddies with Auratus and helping them with their goal to stop LE, he can become a better person. A person like them. Bunny Buddies tell him he’s already halfway there. Stormz even tells them his realization that fully changes how he goes about life on the server a couple days later first, before even Dumb, “But I would always try to lie and fill like a space that people wanted but I didn’t realize that the like the space that was missing was just me.” Stormz has this same thought process fully accepted days later in the cinematic he does. But he tells Bunny Buddies this now and they support it. Hazel even tells him, “I like this new you, Stormz”. They like the true Stormz, not the one he molded himself into for others. Hazeli and Stormz compromise on giving the server 24 hours if he gets gold gem and the conversation ends happily. Stormz admits now that the serious part is over that he was terrified because, “because I didn’t want to lose you guys as allies.” He was terrified because Bunny Buddies mean so much to him. Bunny Buddies thank him for telling the truth, a testimony for how much Stormz has grown to be true to himself rather than what he believes others want. 

Right before Bunny Buddies leave, Shaun asks Stormz if he believes that she is worthy of playing on the server. Stormz instantly, before she even finishes asking, assures her that all of Bunny Buddies are worthy of playing on the server. But he mentions one thing to Nem specifically, “Nem, if you didn’t have the realization you did with Dolphin then.. You know. (Nem laughs: yeah-) but you realized and I realized and yeah, you’re good bro. All three of you guys are good.” The Nem of Horizon, the Nem that hurt people with barely a care, would not have deserved to live in Stormz’s eyes. Just like how the Stormz of Total Eclipse who did the same thing, was a horrible person in Nem’s eyes. Nem and Stormz have been bad people and regressed over and over and hurt others, but they changed. They grew. They realized what, who, they didn’t want to be and became someone better. Retrograde are a pair that whole’s character are defined by their healing, their regressing, and their growth. For Stormz, Nem is such a huge factor in how he was able to grow into the person he is now, his true self. Days later, when Stormz does a whole cinematic on who he is, the turning point is energy games. Stormz says, “Then Energy Games happened and I remembered all those feelings, every single one. The pure passion for defeating the person in front of me. I didn’t care who I was going to become. I didn’t care what my relation with people was going to be. The only thing I did realistically care about was the people that were close to me (Stormz and Nem side-by-side as they face Pinity on screen). I was just going to be me. And it worked. I watched my impact in front of my eyes. From allowing maces when just the night before everyone was saying no. It was something that I wanted to do. Then the trader that I gave Hazel, watching her kill Pinity, I don’t know if that was going to happen without me. And to be rewarded with Auratus. It made me remember that very same feeling…  I’m just me. I’m a player who has control over my gem. And inevitably when I die, I’ll still just be me.” Energy games and everything with Bunny Buddies during them was what made Stormz begin to realize who he actually is. Who he can be and who he wants to become. How he wants to heal, to grow. That last sentence Stormz says is a sentiment Nem also believes for himself. They are both satisfied with who they are now, their true selves, enough that if they were to die today, they would be fine with it. 

Even the actions Stormz takes after that to show he’s serious are a parallel to Nem. Stormz blows up the carrot field/Silva tent to represent destroying bonds, destroying the past, to show those old bonds don’t mean anything to him now, and to represent moving on. Stormz in the past even took part in blowing up Torchblossom Island so that they could move on and destroy that past. Nem blew up his reflection room, the old Horizon base, all his items in his echest, withered many old builds with Nezo, friendship island, and even the old brotherhood base all for similar reasons. They both mean that destruction of the past, but at the same time they have such a hard time moving past it. Nem destroyed so many representations of Horizon and yet he still brings up Dol9hin and projects his relationship with Dol9hin onto others. Stormz destroyed the tent made by Silva and yet he has mixed feelings on his relationship with Meteorflower. Stormz destroyed the carrot field which sparked the TE breakup and yet he still relies on the promise he made to Mugm for a part of his sense of self and goals. Nem and Stormz have grown so much, but they’re not perfect. They regress and fall back on old trauma, Nem projecting him and Dol9hin onto Stormz and Dumb and Stormz ranting all of his terrified feelings to Dumb not letting her talk, but they get back up again. They don’t let themselves fall all the way to the ground. Not anymore.

Doing Mugm rants has always been super intresting for me. Mainly because most of my claims for the LONGESTTT time had no proof behind it. But the recent Q lore stream has actually helped be a ton!

Mugms time on bliss has been centered around one big prompt. Fitting the stereotype other people place onto you, what I mean by that is basically as soon as Mugm joined Bliss he was pretty much given the role of a villain. He didn’t do anything to deserve it imo- he was no different then any other player! The only I guess major difference is that he was good at the game.

And being good at the game and having ambition meant you were not only a threat. But the main threat of the server, essentially meaning anything Mugm did at the time was seen as an act of violence against the server. Even though at first he was literally do nothing different then everyone else.

Personally for me I think Mugm didn’t fully recognize the fact he was playing a role at first. Mainly because of how ignorant he was, season two for him was full of his genuine reactions when things happen. And essentially being unaware he was assisting in creating a mold for what he’s “meant to be”

I think I should word that last paragraph a bit better and go more in detail. Mugm during early season two didn’t fully recognize that he was seen as a threat beyond belief.

He knew that he was dangerous, I mean there was a lot of hype to him at the time. Basically impossible for him to not that he’s dangerous. But he didn’t know that being dangerous allowed the floodgates of him being targeted.

During the netherite arc there wasn’t much reason for him to be targeted at the time. But he and by proxy his team were solo’d out as the “bad guys”. Despite literally doing nothing different then anyone else, theu werent exploiting, werent breaking any rules, not being rude, they were literally just trying to kill the ender dragon.

However gets complicated after that, because Mugm goes on his whole quest to get the ENTIRE set. Meaning he was completely devoted to kill for it, or to betray for it. And that he does! Both kill and betray for that set. To me personally it shows a disconnect he has to people and items.

Him betraying Wyll for the netherite pants had two like main parts. The first being he did it because he felt that he needed to be on top, and second he didn’t find the alliance with Wyll more beneficial than the pants.

The disconnect between people and items makes it so his young ignorance grew. Because he also WON having that disconnect, doing“bad” things to people. Meaning it worked for him so there’s no reason to not continue the thinking that being close to people isnt any more then items that give you an edge in a fight

That disconnect continues throughout all of season two. His arrogance being a creation of the surrounding area and people, during Gamebreakers arc when he joined the Gamebreakers and betrayed Astral Divnity he did it because he felt bad for Togez and Wyll.

He arrogantly thought that Gamebreakers NEEDED him to be on the team to be a threat. And I guess he wasn’t wrong completely, but again the only reason he was right was because the rest of the server followed that thought process. They also thought it, minus Wyll and Togez mainly. But that’s just because they hated his ass to hell and back and made Gamebreakers to literally be feared and beat Mugm- which ig did work in the end highkey bc Wyll had the axe exploit and made Mugm run and then they both lost exploits blah blah blah yeah…

And when Wyll left for vacation of course it was him who got leadership of Gamebreakers. Who else would it be given to? Of course he’s the one allowed to call the shots. He’s the most important member isnt he?

This thought process is also seen in finale. Where Mugm obviously tries to collect all of the wire fragments. Because who wouldnt start collecting them?? But he’s so protective over them it fuels doubt in Wyll. And he’s mainly protective because he doesn’t see Wyll as an equal, but a follower.

Everyone to Mugm at this time was a follower, someone beneath him. I mean he even admits it during the End Fragment where he literally says that he’s the one running the shots. And tells Wyll to “just take it” and let him say whatever he wants.

Which all of this kinda brings me to a final point about s2. Wyll betraying Mugm is in my opinion the only reason why Mugm ever grew up out of his arrogance. If Wyll didn’t betray him, he would’ve won. And winning once again proves him that the mindset that EVERYONE is beneath him, tbat HE is the ONLY reason why teams are a threat, that doing horrible things mean winning.

Wyll gave Mugm his first true taste of failure.

That’s also a pretty solid reason why Mugm is weirdly not-normal about Wyll. Like in a “this guy is like the most important person in my life” not-normal. Also csnt really blame the guy, Wyll being the first person to ACTUALLY make Mugm loose something after being “beneath him” all of this time changes how someone thinks.

It’s also the main reason why Mugm has stuck with the same goal pretty much the entire season. End season three like season two shouldve.

He faced his loss, and he recognizes his arrogance and has called himself stupid for behaving and thinking that way in the past. But facing that loss and changing his mindset makes it so he now is open to failure, and sees it as a step to winning instead of total loss.

Doesn’t mean he LIKES failure though, hell no- no one enjoys dying and loosing everything, watching someone cheat in fights, or just lie in general. That isn’t fun, but instead of taking that as either a reason to start being arrogant again OR being completely utter failure no return.

He actually tries to think of strategy other than brute force “I’m the best player on the server” mentality.

Really the entire thing with Mugm is insane growth of yourself. After being facilitated in a toxic enviorment and unknowingly molded into a role. That he played to perfection because it’s literally all he knew and it WORKED for what he wanted to do.

Imo this rant is super sloppy and bad… but I really wanted to get this out sob. I will probably one day come back to this and rewrite it or add onto it!! Especially since I didn’t talk about Mani, Golen Dream, or weapon talks… my bad guys… I’ll do better next time gulp

Bliss spoilers :P

Hi anon!

I definitely think so, if only for the reason that this boy is genuinely so lonely. He’s consistently talked about how he hates not having anyone to rely on so it makes sense that he’d latch on to any opportunity he got.

You bringing up sans’ awareness of what q wanted is beautiful because that detail alone makes a distinction, he’s not doing this due to naivety. Sans has the clearest view of who exactly Quakitus is and all that she has planned/is willing to do; and is willfully ignoring it and even accepting it. Quakitus doesn’t play down any of her “evilness” or sugar coat the majority of things for sans; and despite all of that he still has conversations with her, is willing to be be friends(?) with her, and willing to sign the book. Hes even willing to lie and lose everything he has for Q.

I want to sort of use Stormz’s comment towards Quakitus from yesterday’s stream—“You’re just like Mugm”—to bring up how, like, he’s right but not in the way anybody in the scene actually thinks. Q and Mugm are genuinely very compelling foils because of how extremely similar they are, but both characters are too biased by their own perspective to identify how (that is not a complaint, it actually really adds to this moment). The rest of this post will be sort of divorced from the context that comment was made in, but I feel like talking about the truth in it before discussing it in actuality (that is, discussing the irony of it. post about that here shoutout solis) is interesting in of itself.

I think the ways they’re similar can be read on a surface level: preoccupied with control and power, prescriptive judgements of the nature of other people and of the world around them. There are of course others (that I feel like I would derail this post by talking about). But in regards to those surface level observations, I actually don’t think that’s what makes them truly similar. The way I think they’re similar is specifically because both of their worldviews are efforts to give their suffering and trauma meaning. It’s extremely difficult to face the fact that you might’ve been or are currently being badly hurt with ultimately no grander recompense, so it’s very common for people to try to derive some lesson or purpose out of pain. Most often this is also a form of trying to avoid re-encountering that pain or trauma by warping the rest of the world around it—either to compensate for or avoid acknowledging the existence of that trauma (sometimes both simultaneously, by normalizing/genericizing it). Both Quakitus’s categorization of relationships into Controller and Controlled and Mugm’s understanding of the world as a holy stage in which his role serves the highest purpose are forms of this.

But, like, before we talk about how those mindsets actually accomplish their goals as coping mechanisms we have to understand what they’re coping For. And it kind of happens that those are also extremely similar, in that Q and Mugm are both attempting to rationalize retraumatization (the initial trauma being violent and/or sudden abandonment) under different contexts.

For Mugm:

Wyll’s betrayal in S2’s finale—which lead to emotional and physical humiliation from having to fight the entire server essentially alone— was heavily traumatic for Mugm and he compensated for it in S3 by changing the way he approached teams. He creates an identity centered around servitude and usefulness rather than self-centered domination to make sure a betrayal of that magnitude would never happen again. Obviously, Nezo’s betrayal happens despite all his effort, and it’s a betrayal where Mugm is deliberately singled out and excised for performing role-servitude Too Well (and later his entire time in that team would be recontextualized as him being dehumanized and taken advantage of).

For Quakitus:

Team Friendship is of course an elephant in the room, but I’m kind of reluctant to talk about it until videos come out because we don’t know the precise ways Q coped with Silva leaving the team or what exactly happened afterward. I did want to mention it because Team Friendship is important background for her. But I actually wanted to focus on Team Mesa as sort of an origin point. You can see in her Dragon Games video how much emotional stock she placed in this team (as opposed to Team Friendship whose goals Q didn’t seem actively invested in during its time nor afterward). Mesa really seems like the first team he genuinely identified with, to the extent that he kind of came across as “team lead.” Of course, Mesa ended with both Nezo and Nufuli betraying for Brotherhood in relatively quick succession, instilling deep trust issues and insecurity in their abilities within a team. So Quakitus compensates for this by, for lack of better vocabulary, becoming a follower. They go along with what Wyll wants because doing their own thing got them punished with betrayal and they don’t trust that it won’t repeat, so they do the opposite in an effort to prevent that. Yet like Nezo with Mugm, Wyll betrays anyway and deliberately singles her out as the reason why Gilded falls apart and faults the identity she adopted as a coping mechanism. Alrey would later echo this sentiment, becoming yet another unexpected abandonment.

Both of these are instances of Mugm and Quakitus attempting to cope with their trauma by rationalizing it as a product of themselves, yet being suddenly thrust into the exact same position again even having adapted to avoid that. What this did is teach them they essentially have no control over whether they are hurt or not. Damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Which is why their mindsets become so expansive and entrenched in their identities—they are accomodating for the perceived contradictions in the “reason” why they were traumatized. I also think it’s notable that both Quakitus and Mugm’s retraumatization involves disparagment of their identity and an assessment of their worth—Quakitus in terms of her relationships and Mugm in terms of his humanity, which is where they differ and what determines the focus of their defensive worldviews.

Quakitus’s mindset causes her to understand the world through lenses of control, where people exist to be useful—The Controlled—and power involves both being able to persuade people into being used and being able to discard someone once they’re useless—The Controller. This rationalizes the circumstances of her abandonments, where she explains Mesa’s betrayals in terms of not being persuasive enough for people to stay (he was a weak Controller) and Wyll’s betrayal in terms of not being useful enough to avoid being discarded (he was an inadequate Controlled).

In her mind, the way to avoid being hurt again is therefore to become the Ultimate Controller. The Ultimate Controller has no risk of being discarded and people seek them out to be controlled by. Quakitus accomplishes both through her recently-contextualized “persona”—he acts nice and kind and moral to attract people toward him, and the fact that it is an act and he supposedly doesn’t truly care allows him to, ideally, be unaffected in the case people don’t stay. Her suffering is given meaning in that it taught her something, and now she is able to be safe and exercise power (attaining mythics and then throwing them away) because of it.

Mugm’s mindset heavily revolves around dehumanization and coping with his own, after Brotherhood was recontextualized for him. I have a separate post about how normalizing his trauma by dehumanizing the rest of the world alongside himself lets him avoid thinking about the specificity of his trauma, but it also saves his ego from the idea that there was something uniquely and categorically wrong about him that caused Nezo’s betrayal (and the subsequent conflicts afterward). In his mind the only difference between him and anyone else is that he is Performing His Role (which has shifted from Protector back again to Villain) better than them. It’s crucial to understand that he doesn’t see the world in terms of evil and good, only this role and performance idea where success and perseverence determines worth.

This idea is only further reinforced by outside factors other people like Wyll and Mani, the latter of which introduces another crucial element that shapes his later worldview—which is the idea of higher purpose. That there’s some divine purpose to certain types of role-performances and those who are good at it are “deserving” as opposed to failure, which is sin. Mugm’s role becomes the most esteemed—the thing that keeps Bliss alive. With nobody to end the server, there will be no new cycle. Bliss will rot and die. Therefore, his suffering is given meaning in that it was and is in pursuit of serving Bliss Itself—a purpose he enjoys fulfilling, literally given to him by the divine.

Now that both of these worldviews are fully developed and entrenched, and neither of these characters are exactly being subjected to such severe stress anymore, they’re able to develop actual concrete goals in accordance to their now-stable mindsets. Quakitus’s motivations as of now are primarily her own fun even at the expense of others (she has fun with the mythics, she has fun manipulating people to act how she wants, and then feel safe in knowing she can throw both away when they aren’t fun anymore), while Mugm’s still revolve almost entirely around performance (he wants a massive, exciting finale with real challenge rather than a simple, boring stomp that nobody will care about afterward). Though both are definitely hedonistic, Quakitus believes the world exists to serve her, while Mugm believes he exists to serve the world.

IT ALL CAUGHT UP TO HIM!! all of his lies all of his meddling everything. and he fr expected mapicc to just listen to him

"ALL YOU DO IS FOLLOW ORDERS" ??? DUDE.

Rather than facing himself and how he hurt his friend he tries to tear Mapicc down. Tries to guilt him into just blindly listening to what Spoke is saying by implying he's blindly listening to Jamato.

HE CAN'T STOP!! There's nothing else he knows. He only knows how to lie and trick because he knows if he stops then EVERYTHING crashes down around him. But now it's caught up to him. Once a single crack was visible, the rest became clear. The glass shatters

don't even get me STAAARTED ON THE LAST 30 MINUTES

Stranded in a labyrinth. A maze! A twist of lies he can't escape from. The portals appearing in front of him feels like a metaphor for everything he's running from. If he tries to go over it, he gets caught. All he can do is go through the mess he made. And even that doesn't work

Ohhh my god his confrontation with Mapicc at the end. Mapicc breaks the chestplate. Fuuuck. Even when Spoke is confronted with how badly he's fucked up HE KEEPS LYING!! He keeps trying to convince himself and everyone else that he's in the right. It doesn't work anymore. Nowhere to run little voidling!!

March 31

Tumblr user @sexy-people-contests-2026 posts the first round of their tumblr sexy jester/clown poll bracket. Entries were collected via community form, in which a user submitted vtuber Gavis Bettel.

April 3

Cover Corporation (parent company of Hololive Production) announces that they are downsizing their male vtuber branch, Holostars. Company support is almost entirely pulled from their 12 Japanese talents. Fans of their 10 English talents worry that they could be next on the chopping block. A larger discussion on how these talents are marketed by the company also begins.

April 7

Bettel wins his first round against Laughing Jack and moves onto the next round. In this next match up he is put against Shadow Milk Cookie from Cookie Run Kingdom.

April 8

Gavis Bettel hits 200k subscribers on YouTube.

April 9

Twitter users are made aware of the poll. Users start coming back to their old tumblr accounts or create new ones to start voting for Bettel.

April 10

Bettel becomes aware of the poll.

He also becomes a popular pick for people who are mad at the writing decisions made in Cookie Run Kingdom.

People also start making joke ship art between Bettel and Shadow Milk (bettelmilk)

April 15

Bettel wins the second round and moves on to round three.

In this round he is put against Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus.

He talks about the poll bracket on his Week in Review stream and admits he has never used tumblr. Viewers inform him of classic tumblr memes and stories. He also asks the social media team from Bandai Namco America (they often appear in his chat) to get on their defunct tumblr to vote for him (they can't access the account).

April 18

Bettel has an unarchieved karaoke stream to celebrate 200k subscribers, the runner of the of the polls tunes in.

April 19

The official Holostars EN twitter and Instagram accounts make ominous posts about the poll since they are unable to directly link to it due to company policy.

April 20-21

Bettel makes one last rallying cry to see if he can get people to vote for him. He receives endorsements from other vtubers including Elira Pendora, Shu Yamino, and Yu Q. Wilson.

The illustrator for his vtuber model, Senzaki Makoto, also becomes aware of the poll and says she will draw him if he wins the bracket.

April 22

With a rally of support from across the vtuber fan sphere, Bettel is able to beat Pomni.

I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.  

People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.