Asking "why would a billionaire bother to steal your money?" is like asking "why would the guy sitting on an ever-growing mountain of teeth want to steal your teeth?"

Is there a quicker way to summarize the sentiment of "the thing you're criticizing is wrong and bad in so many ways but you're choosing the criticism that's the most ambiguous and subject to debate and I low-key think that it's a result of propaganda pushed by what you're trying to criticize bc those points are easier to contest or "disprove" when you could be picking something SO much more glaringly and undebatably horrible about the thing that we're not talking about right now bc you keep talking about the thing that's hardest to prove"

Cuz this is how I feel about AI water usage

call her cock bootable media the way its 3.5" floppy

if a single one of you tries to make a hard disk joke then im killing us all she has erectile dysfunction and you have to love her anyway

they’re burning me at the stake tomorrow. If anyone wants to come

this was not a cry for help. it was an invitation for entertainment

@robinparravel

Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

This post gets notes every Ides of March even though it’s not a depiction of Julius Caesar’s assassination, it’s a depiction of the emperor Caligula’s assassination, who was killed on January 24th, 41 AD.

Happy deathday caligula

It's weird to think that big hollywood movies are edited on normal editing software and they have to click a little export button just like anyone else when it's done. It feels like they should be edited on a big machine with a bunch of lights and when it's time to export you have to flip a huge mechanical lever.

my parasocial relationship is better and more ethical and less gauche and passé than yours

my "i don't need a rabies shot because i eat the vaxx-laced meatballs that fish & wildlife leaves out for the coyotes" shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

I’m gonna write smut I think

As long as you don't use the phrase "gummy walls" to refer to a body part, you'll do fine

Don’t worry there will be absolute zero sex

sex is such a cliche in smut, anyways

See, you get me

they are not “gay little fingerless gloves”. they sre my normal sized fingerless gloves of undisclosed sexuality.

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.