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Meditation for Social Anxiety

The 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer was a way for you to instantly get a grip on your anxiety attacks, to take your attention away from the anxiety and direct it wherever you choose. You can practice that any time, especially when you feel your anxiety building up and it’s a tremendous way to bring yourself into this more cool, calm, rational state where you decide how you’re going to act in any given moment.

So you know how to bring yourself into that state for a while, precisely when you need it. But what if there was a way for you to introduce coolness and calmness into every area of your life?

What if you could extend the benefits of the 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer to your everyday reality?

Again – mindfulness comes into play, but in a slightly different form this time.

I’d like to introduce you to the daily practice of meditation.

People use and practice it for various reasons:

Some do it for the overall energy increase it provides,

Some want to establish greater discipline and gain control over their cravings,

Some want to clear their mind and be able to approach life rationally, not giving up to fears and negative emotions.

All of these reasons are valid and frankly, I can be the advocate for all of them.

I was an obese teenager and meditation has helped me tremendously to get in control my cravings and maintain the diet and exercise routine I had to follow in order to achieve the physical state I was striving for.

Many times, usually in the afternoon when for some reason I happen to feel as tired as if I could fall asleep just by laying down, I engage in the practice of meditation and it serves as a greater energy refill than both a nap and a coffee.

When I was struggling to get rid of my Social Anxiety, once again I reached out to the practice of meditation for help.

You might remember that I had lots of support from my friends, and I’m eternally grateful for the wisdom they shared with me but I don’t think I would ever be able to keep myself sufficiently focused and driven to apply their advice into my everyday reality, if it wasn’t for meditation.

And here’s the main difference between the regular practice and the practical use of meditation which you experienced with the 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer. The former keeps you on track towards your higher goal, and the latter helps you remember what that goal is in times of crisis.

What’s the daily meditation about

The practice itself is fairly simple. I’d like you to divide anywhere between 10 and 20 minutes to this practice daily.

You can meditate for longer periods of time – there’s nothing wrong with it. However, it will be much easier for you to decide on meditating for at least 10 minutes a day and this can be done as part of your morning routine although any part of the day works just fine.

Sit comfortably on the floor of your bedroom, preferably beside the wall and use a cushion to support the lumbar area of your back if you find it necessary.

I find it more comfortable to meditate with calming background music, so I suggest you do the same and play a recording before you begin to meditate.

Set a timer for yourself, if you decided on 10 minutes – so be it. This way you want have to occupy yourself and think about with how much time you got left for practice – the timer will do it for you.

And now begin to integrate yourself with the surrounding world. We all try to be the judges of our experience – all the time we issue statements, form opinions, label the things we see, hear, or touch everyday. During meditation, I’d like to invite you to be an observer, and not a judge.

Consider the sounds, the different sensations you suddenly realized you experience as plain noise. Just like when sitting in a cafe you wouldn’t try to make sense out of all the conversations going on around you, extend this little “ignorance” towards the music, the different sounds, the words, the way your seat makes you feel, the position of your limbs, the possible discomfort – all the noise.

Don’t try to interpret what’s going on. Try just to accept that it is.

Right now your breath probably got a little calmer by itself and you weren’t paying a lot of attention to it. The breath can be either voluntary or involuntary, and you can use it to your benefit in both forms.

You’re going to experience a lot of distractions, and to be honest – this is what most of your time mediating will be spent on. Your mind can’t help but make sense out of what’s going on around it.

You’ll start remembering the most random events, contemplating all the sounds you hear, you’ll want to change your position within a few minutes, etc.

But when that happens, I want you to do one thing – keep on meditating. Without getting angry at yourself, without considering the session failed due to too much distraction just go back to the practice.

If not everything else, meditation is a way for you to put things into perspective. It’s a way for you to take a glance at your life without looking through all the filters you accumulated over the years, without looking through fear, shyness, anxiety and helplessness. It allows you to be attentive without being judgemental, and this works both ways – you’ll become a better listener but those who can listen also tend to get heard more often.

How to deal with the practice not going as planned

Below, I’ll list the most common troubles you might come across when working your way towards mindfulness. Keep in mind that this isn’t an exhaustive list, but I wanted to give you an idea of what possible “hardships” you can expect during your practice.

Small body pains, aches and discomfort

Without a doubt after a few minutes of sitting in meditation you’ll start experiencing all sorts of discomfort. You’ll be wandering whether this is how you’re supposed to feel, etc. That happens because we’re used to adjusting our position whenever we feel like it, most of the time doing it unconsciously.

Changing the placement of your arm or leg doesn’t require that much attention from you if you’re occupied with some other activity. But in meditation, you’ll be thinking about it. A lot. And that’s entirely normal.

When it happens realize that it’s what your body is used to, it wants you to take that action, and then your mind starts convincing you to do it and the sensation turns into thought. Acknowledge it, be aware that it’s there, and let it go. Let it float past you without bringing it to any conclusion.

Sleepiness

At the beginning, if you’re sitting still, with your eyes closed, with or without a calming audio track in the background, you’re bound to feel sleepy in a few minutes. Either that or you’ll want to occupy yourself with thoughts in order to keep yourself awake. And again, that’s normal.

But the thing is, these two aren’t your only options – you can also occupy yourself with awareness. We could call this a middle state between active thinking and falling asleep. You’re acknowledging that the thoughts are there, but aren’t necessary eager to turn your focus away from awareness, towards the thoughts.

Random thoughts not wanting to go away

Even though you’re setting out to become mindful and aware, your mind will want to follow up on some of those thoughts and sensations. And it’s going to succeed. But this isn’t a reason for discouragement. It happens to all of us, it happens to experienced monks, just as it happens to inexperienced practitioners.

Once you realize you spent the last few moments following the thought, don’t get discouraged over it. Acknowledge the fact that you did so and simply go back to being aware. Take a breath, then another and notice things without granting them bits of your focus.

Disappointment

Like with all new things in life, you’ll have certain expectations of meditation. And that’s good, after all we want results when we take action. But this practice isn’t about results. I’ll go as far as to say that it’s about giving up the expectation.

When meditating you want to find yourself as close to the moment happening as you can be. You want to observe, feel and not get carried away and you simply can’t do that looking into the future. At your goal, that is.

I told you before what the practice is capable of changing in your life. It has wonderful potential, and it will help you with lots of issues, but the trick is not to make it a necessity.

Some days you’ll find meditating and being unbiased easier, and some you’ll find it harder. Just like any other activity you pick out through life. You know the practice will prove itself beneficial, so at the moment of disappointment just go back to the practice. That’s all.

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The 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer

This is probably the most hands-on technique you’ll come across for dealing with social anxiety on the spot. And you’ll use it most often, too.

It is a way for you to steer yourself towards mindfulness and peace of mind whenever and wherever you want to. It’s called an anxiety tamer because your anxiety attack is the precise trigger you’ll learn to associate with this technique.

The physical trigger

You know how it feels, when the anxiety starts building up, when you haven’t yet verbalized with your thoughts what it is you’re so afraid of, you haven’t even begun to wonder about what the consequences of the whole event are going to be but you already feel it in your body.

You feel the slight dizziness, your stomach tightening up, you’re starting to feel hot, your hands are beginning to shake, your legs are getting weaker and you’re struggling to catch a breath.

The symptoms can go on and on – you know that already. And you of all people know best how your anxiety attack feels and when it starts.

So pick the physical symptom that your anxiety starts with, and write it down on a piece of paper. You could make a note on your smartphone or your computer but I’d rather you use paper. Whenever you’ll reach into your pocket the paper is going to be there and reminding yourself of it won’t require you to take any more action than to pick it up and look at it.

Now, when you got that covered, let’s work on the actual technique you’ll use after you recognize the symptom of your anxiety attack.

Your most sensitive breathing spot

Start with one deep breath, deep into your diaphragm. To make sure that you’re breathing diaphragmatically do this simple exercise:

Lay down on your back and breathe in slowly, put one arm on your abdomen and the other on your chest. Which hand is moving more? If it’s the one on your abdomen then you’re breathing into your diaphragm.

Inhale slowly, be in control of your breath constantly, pause for a little while after you breathe in fully and exhale in a similar manner – slowly and controllably.

Try to establish where in your body you feel the experience of breathing most strongly. When you breathe deeply, and the breath is all that’s on your mind – how does it present itself on your body? Do you feel it inside your nose? Around your throat, or in your chest as it expands? Maybe you feel it on the nostrils or the diaphragm?

Establish what that spot is, what is your most sensitive breathing spot. You already know this – you might not have given it as much attention as you’re giving it now, but at some level you are aware that that’s how breathing feels like.

Alright. You got your breathing spot. Now take another slow, controllable breath into your diaphragm – this time bringing your full attention to your breathing spot. Try to focus on it completely. I know it only lasts a few seconds, but isn’t it a bit tricky to be so entirely focused on only one thing?

Your thoughts might be trying to wander, you may be asking yourself some questions, thinking about doing things the right way but all you have to do is focus on that one spot while breathing.

That’s it, really. Breathing seems to do pretty well on its own most of the time, so there’s one thing left for you to do – focus on that particular breathing spot.

Try another breath, and see how your mind doesn’t want to allow you to give up on thinking. Your inner voice has no intention to shut up, and all you want to do is feel.

This requires practice. If you couldn’t focus on your breathing spot entirely throughout the whole breath – that’s alright. It happens to all of us – it happens to me, and I’ve been doing it everyday for the last 4 years. But perfection is not what we’re striving for in this exercise.

We’re striving for attention

This is the attention that social anxiety so desperately wants to take away from you. Every time your inner voice tries to talk you into falling for your anxiety, giving up to your fears, when it pushes you to be blocked out from all the things you desire from life – it takes your attention away.

By trying this exercise, you will learn how to manipulate your focus and attention a bit better. How, even for a little while, not to let it all to be governed by your social anxiety.

But we started from the 5 Breath Anxiety Tamer, and we spoke about triggers.

Where are the other breaths, and what were the triggers for?

You already know how to practice focusing on your breathing spot for one breath. You can stretch it to two, and you’ll surely have no difficulties practicing it for 5 breaths in a row.

With these deep, diaphragmatic breaths it takes on average 25 seconds to perform all five. And this allows the practice to be performed wherever and whenever you wish.

The physical trigger you established, the one that seems to start your whole anxiety attack and the avalanche of thoughts, feelings and events resulting from it will now be something you connect to the breathing exercise.

Remember how the breathing allowed you to take the attention away from your inner voice, from your social anxiety trying to take charge?

Now, when you feel that physical trigger – hands shaking, legs weakening, breath getting shallow – whatever you established as yours, get yourself to perform the 5 breaths while focusing on your breathing spot.

Take the attention away from the anxiety. Imagine taking it away from the body part in which a sensation triggered the anxiety, and directing it to your most sensitive breathing spot. You may close your eyes if you wish to, but this isn’t necessary.

Work on the connection, the association between the physical trigger (the beginning of your anxiety attack) and the 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer (your way for dealing with the attack).

And that’s it – 5 breaths, 25 seconds and a whole lot of opportunities to practice!

I hope this technique will help you realize how close you really are to being guiding your focus and attention instead of letting the SA take charge. I hope that it will help you on your way towards overcoming social anxiety.

Have a great day!

And by the way, if you haven’t noticed already I just wanted to remind you that the whole SA Tips of The Day series is now accessible from the sidebar on the top of this blog.

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Replacing Bad Habits to Overcome Social Anxiety

You might have already heard me say that it’s much easier to get rid of a bad habit by replacing it with a new, better one.

And listen, you’re the best judge of your own behavior so it’s up to you to decide which of your routines and habits are beneficial on your way towards getting rid of social anxiety and which are holding you back.

When looking at habits ask yourself these questions:

Why do I insist to keep on doing this?

This is your own reason, the idea behind you putting effort into that particular behavior day in and day out. It’s the drive behind the habit. You might have right intentions, but be taking the wrong actions.

Also, the reason behind the habit might not just be the one leading you towards an anxiety free life. Dig deep into the reasoning. “I’m doing this to avoid people” is not quite a satisfying answer. Why are you avoiding them? Ask yourself the “why?” question for as long as it takes – until you uncover the entire truth about your habit.

What is this habit about?

What’s the necessity, what has to happen for this habit to be “completed”? Take a look at how what you’re doing relates to your goal. If the goal is right and noble but the actions turn out to be wrong – you know you have to change something. Remember, you can’t be doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen as a direct result of me stopping this habit?

Often you’ll find that the danger isn’t nearly as terrifying as you thought it was. You’ll realize that there’s not that much in favor of keeping this habit a part of your life.

Now let’s move on to the replacement part.

We’re more comfortable with the things we know, even if we’re aware that they’re bad for us, than with things we don’t know because in our mind it seems like those could be even worse. We’re afraid of the unknown.

That’s why I’m not asking you to give up the habit once and for all. I’m proposing that you gradually replace it with something else, something you feel could benefit you more.

It might be the evening routine – there must be something you do in the evening, something you did for a long time (even if that’s not a behavior and just a thought pattern), and now I’m proposing that you gradually give it up and start doing something slightly different.

Try replacing some of your current routine bits with the new ones and through this process you’ll end up doing what’s good for you without ever feeling the dread of giving up your habit.

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Use a Checklist to Keep Yourself Active and On Track

This is a wonderful, unbelievably easy way to keep yourself on track towards overcoming your social anxiety. It’s so simple that for some it doesn’t even feel necessary. Yet with as little effort as it requires – it makes an enormous difference!

Make a checklist for yourself on paper, or download an app like 7 Weeks – Habit & Goal Tracker. Include in there all of the habits you’d like to work on – the morning routine and all of its aspects, the evening routine, exercise and healthy diet, etc.

Discipline and change are all about consistency – if you let yourself go once and without plan, then you start making up more and more reasons for doing it again. The checklist takes care of that. You’ll see it every day, you’ll see whether you’ve managed to complete each of your new habits, and if not – it will give you an opportunity to do so. It’s that simple.

If you need more reasons for introducing the checklist into your reality, there’s a great book on the subject called The Checklist Manifesto written by Atul Gawande. He proves over and over how useful a checklist can be, not only for your daily habits but also for highly trained professionals like surgeons or aircraft pilots.

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Exercise and Healthy Diet to Overcome Social Anxiety

To most, this is a cliche right now but that doesn’t make it a bit less worth mentioning.

The healthy diet and regular exercising elevate our lives to levels we couldn’t previously imagine. The trouble catching a breath, the excessive sweating, the risk of falling for a lot of diseases – these all practically evaporate when you introduce healthy diet and exercising into your reality. Not to mention the mental, psychological benefits they carry.

You will feel more relaxed, calmer, stronger and more focused within days from introducing exercising and healthy eating habits into your daily reality.

In the morning routine you got introduced to exercising in order to fully wake up your body, help the blood flow. Here, we’re talking about habitual exercise, a few times a week.

Whatever works for you, different people prefer different exercises – for me it’s strength training like powerlifting plus cycling, running and stretching a bit after each. These are the exercises I like the most.

At first it took me some time to get convinced that exercising might become a part of my life and a bit more to end up enjoying it, so don’t get discouraged if you won’t end up enjoying the first few of your workouts. With time comes more practice, and with that – more improvement.

By witnessing how your body develops as a result of the training and seeing how much better it makes you feel in the long run you’ll fall in love with physical activity. I guarantee it!

The exercises may be different for you – again, look for those you feel most comfortable with. You’ll still extend your comfort zone a bit by making the exercises habitual. If until picking up the anpene Social Anxiety Course you haven’t exercised at all – stick to your morning dose of physical activity. You’ll experience the benefits in no time!

The notion that your mind becomes stronger following your body is a fact. Click To Tweet

The notion that your mind becomes stronger following your body is a fact. Your body requires three things to function at its peak performance – rest, exercise, which we’ve already discussed, and fuel in the form of a healthy diet. We’ll stick to the basics of healthy eating.

First of all, find out your approximate calorie requirements using something like myfitnesspal.com. This site will also suggest the amounts of macronutrients you should ingest on a daily basis, and it’s pretty accurate for most people.

We got the quantity covered, so let’s move on to quality. Most simple carbohydrates, saturated fats and processed foods are bad.

There are many reasons why they are, the primary in my opinion being:

They drain away your energy.

They’re not as nutritious as their healthy counterparts, yet they represent same numbers of calories.

They mess up your hormonal balance, and get you swinging between very different physical sensations.

They make you feel bad – plain and simple.

If you’re interested in the subject there is lots and lots of free resources on the internet through which you can comfortably broaden your knowledge.

For example, take a look at Brad Gouthro’s website – he was the one who kickstarted my own journey towards physical fitness. What foods are unhealthy has stopped being a mystery a long time ago. If you have any questions, or would like me to clarify something regarding the subject – don’t hesitate to ask!

Now, let’s move on to what you should be eating. First and foremost, healthy protein. It may come in a form of fish, poultry, lean beef, pork, or lamb (be cautious about the last three though) but you can also find healthy protein in nuts, beans and lentils.

Healthy carbohydrates are what’s produced by nature and not messed around with too much by humans. You can eat fruits which are a healthy source of simple carbohydrates (but do it with moderation, stick to your calculated nutritional requirements), almost all vegetables, preferably provided by local farmers.

Most grains have to be processed a lot, so try to minimize the amount of bread and pasta you consume. Aim instead at brown rice, potatoes, yams, or the lentils I mentioned before, besides being the source of protein they’re also quite dense in complex carbohydrates!

And when it comes to fats the better choice would be to eat more unsaturated fats which come from foods like avocados, nuts, olives, fish and seeds, paying special attention to the Omega-3 Fatty Acids which have been found to be beneficial for your brain and heart.

That’s it! I hope you enjoyed the tip, and will make exercising and healthy diet parts of your life. Take care!

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Learn How to Be a Good Listener

Listening is the pillar of building friendships. All the time people get into arguments, enter into shouting matches against each other, or cut the lines of contact with others just because they felt they weren’t listened to. Marriages end in this way, families get destroyed and friendships ruined just because one side was too focused on forcing their opinion.

I first realised this when reading a few books on charisma, and I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the most successful people we’ve all heard about were not only masters of their profession, they were also terrific listeners.

Let’s take Sigmund Freud for example. It couldn’t have been more helpful to be a good listener in any other profession, and one he was. Those who have met him report that even at their first meeting they felt as if he was their long-time friend. With his sheer appearance came such a feeling of kindness and trustworthiness, that people wanted to share their lifestories with him all by themselves.

And there’s nothing hereditary in listening skills – you can easily master them yourself. Here are a few principles on becoming a good listener:

Maintain eye contact.

This shows the other person that you’re attentive and care about what he or she has to say.

Keep an open mind. Listen to what the other person has to say, not what you want to hear.

When listening to others expressing their opinions, be sure to get familiar with their definition of the meaning of their beliefs. Very often we listen to others, and even judge them based on what we associate with the beliefs and opinions they share with us. And sometimes our associations can get pretty negative. This can ruin potential friendships and relationships, when it could be prevented by simply asking a few more questions.

If you’re not sure what he or she meant by what you heard – let it be known. Wait until they finish a sentence and ask about what you might have misunderstood. This shows your farther engagement in the conversation, and ensures that your communication is clear – that’s very important.

Also if you simply want them to elaborate on some subject – ask them to do so. Remember, that people love to talk about themselves? Asking questions is your way for allowing them to do so.

Don’t interrupt the other person.

Don’t do it impolitely, that is. If there’s something you feel you need to say right at that moment – don’t rush in with it, wait for them to finish their sentence, and then say that you’d like to add something to the conversation. When you do so, be sure to ask what’s their opinion about what you said.

Also, if you want to show your approval aim to do it by nodding or smiling. Because when you approve with somebody by saying: “Yes”, “I get it.”, “Alright.”, etc. it might be interpreted as you trying to rush them. It doesn’t have to be your intention, but it’s what they’ll think you mean.

If you realize you’ve been doing this in the middle of your conversations, it’s not the end of the world – let the other person know that it’s your way of showing approval and not rushing them.

Empathize with them.

Imagine what they’re going through, put yourself in their shoes and think about how would you feel in that situation. Then, think about what you could say or do to make the other person feel better, think what would you want others to do if you were in their place.

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How an Evening Routine Can Help Decrease Your Social Anxiety

Since we’ve already embarked upon the subject of following the cycle of night and day, you can add significance to your evenings just as easily as you can to your mornings. Let’s focus on making sure that you get an optimal amount and quality of sleep first.

There are certain adjustments all of us can make to the habits, or routines that usually drive our evenings.

For example, most of us tend to go to the bathroom, take a shower, brush their teeth and perform their whole evening ritual the last thing before going to bed. And that’s not as good for your sleep as it may seem. Bathrooms, and especially bathroom mirrors are usually filled with a great number of lights and lamps, and by exposing ourselves, our eyes, to those lights our bodies get tricked into believing that we’re still in the middle of the day.

Let me explain why that happens.

There’s a hormone called Melatonin, which is responsible for alligning our bodies with the cycle of night and day (See? I told you it was a thing!), or rather anticipating the daily onset of darkness. Melatonin is what kicks in when you’re falling asleep, and it’s triggered by the amount of light your eye registers.

So, when you’re standing in front of the mirror, with all those lights facing you directly, your body starts thinking that this amount of light must be a shining star of some sort, just like our Sun and if that’s in place then there still must be day outside.

In order to avoid this “misunderstanding” I’d like to suggest that you finish all your bathroom rituals at least half an hour before going to bed. And this brings us to another part of the routine.

For that last half an hour you could do another activity that will help you get closer to the person you’d like to be. If you always wanted to learn playing an instrument, solving a Rubik’s cube, juggling, etc. then this time is perfect for practicing that activity. Our brains are much more responsive to learning motor skills in the evening or at night.

Even if the guitar lick won’t necessarily play as smoothly when you’ll be practicing it before going to bed, you might just wake up knowing how to perform it almost effortlessly!

And if you’re not working on any skill like that, you can just spend it reading a book with your bed lamp. 30 minutes of reading a day, leads to one book read per week. And that’s around 50 per year, not counting what you read during your morning exercise and the rest of the day. Quite impressive, isn’t it?

The next thing you can do in the evening is going through your morning journal (check out the section on Routines in our free Social Anxiety Course, if you haven’t started writing a morning journal yet). Scanning that page won’t take long, but it will allow you to reflect on whether you met all your goals for the day, and if not what can you do to make that happen the next day.

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How to Make Small Talk when You Have Social Anxiety

You’ve been having trouble approaching small talk, you might even be dreading it as I used to, but don’t worry – this is all about to change!

The secrets behind successful small talk aren’t magic, and anyone can learn them easily. In this article, you’ll learn step-by-step how to initiate, maintain and gracefully end small talk with anyone, so your anxiety will have no foundation on which to build up in the future.

You need to know precisely three things when it comes to starting small talk.

You need to know how to initiate small talk withing a group, with a single person and how to respond when someone initiates small talk with you. Initiating small talk within a group is the trickiest one, so we’ll take care of it first, but before that, let me introduce you to the SOFTEN technique.

The SOFTEN technique.

You see, the SOFTEN technique is sort of a cheat-sheet for approaching others. You know there are more things to be learnt about it, but it wouldn’t be very rational to expect of yourself that you’ll incorporate them into your reality within days, and do it flawlessly.

The SOFTEN Technique however, is very easy to memorize, it’s simple to execute and it can do wonders to how you interact with other people.

I’m emphasizing the importance of smiling when it comes to building our relationships with others, and that’s not without a reason. For me personally, convincing myself to smile more might have been the most important “physical” change stemming from my fight against SA. You see, I used to be a very grim and dire young man throughout my struggle with social anxiety.

For some reason or another, I convinced myself that you had to look tough in order to be tough, gain respect and approval from others. And what did I think “tough” would look like? Well, you guessed it – angry, pumped up and ready to rumble.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case. All I achieved through appearing this way was more social exclusion.

When you smile at others, they smile back. That’s the beginning of an interaction, and it’s a pretty good beginning too – it’s a positive first impression. And it’s true that you can influence others’ opinions of you beyond the first impression, but it becomes harder with time.

We’re wired in a way allowing us to assess the situation we find ourselves in within seconds. It’s not anybody’s fault – it’s just how we are. And this includes our assessment of people.

Initiating small talk within a group.

When you’re at a social gathering there are always these groups of people talking to each other, and it can become enormously uncomfortable, being the only lonely person in the crowd.

Now, I know the anxiety will try to get in your way, but bear with me. Before approaching the group listen for a while what subject are they talking about.

Prepare a few sentences you could say on it on your own, and then join in on the conversation when a short silence occurs – the person previously talking took a break, or everybody is occupied contemplating an idea.

People get uncomfortable when there’s silence for too long, that’s why it always feels awkward to be the first person speaking. But remember – by stepping up, you’re bringing relief everybody else.

Starting small talk with a single person.

This is frankly less of a challenge than approaching a group of people, nevertheless somebody has to take initiative. And from what you’ve experienced, it’s rarely the other person, right?

We all possess this need for connection. And small talk isn’t about discussing serious matters as the name suggests. It’s not even about the discussion and its topic themselves – it’s about connecting to another human being. About finding these tiny similarities between you two, acknowledging them and realizing that there’s some part of life you share with every human being on the planet.

This realization is very powerful when it comes to setting your approach to small talk. There are no great expectations for you to meet, and the little ones that are, you meet with your sheer presence.

Every time there’s an opportunity for small talk, there’s at least one thing you and the other person have in common. And it’s the environment in which you’ve met. Be it a grocery store, some networking event, a high school reunion, etc.

The environment gives you an amazing basis for starting, and maintaining the conversation. Anything could be the subject. Have you ever heard a comedian speaking? They’re often talking about subjects so mundane, that none of us would even consider mentioning them in a conversation, yet they’re able to make whole crowds laugh at once!

Keep the SOFTEN technique in mind, and if you’re having a hard time coming up with something to say, let me remind you of the 20 Best Conversation Starters – any one of them will work perfectly!

How to behave when someone else approaches you for small talk.

You’ll probably get a bit frightened at first. But then you’ll be glad, because that person would have already performed most of the work for you. In response, smile and answer politely.

Strive for it at first, and keep on doing the good work. If you won’t smile one time out of ten – nothing bad happens. Try to end your response with a question directed at the person you’re speaking to:

“The rain’s surprised us today, huh?”

“Oh yes it did. Rain in LA? On this date? I don’t even have anything to cover myself. How about you?”

And on from here it goes.

Where should it go? You’re about to find out.

How to maintain small talk.

Be honest with yourself, that’s the first and most important idea you need to plant inside your head.

By this I mean, that you shouldn’t try to satisfy the person you’re talking to by disguising your beliefs, opinions, and the wording of your expressions. Remember, you’re not expected to perform at any level, nor be a part of some grand scheme. You’re a person engaged in small talk.

When you’re in a restaurant and you see it in your mind as a fine establishment serving gourmet cuisine – speak of it this way, if on the other hand you see it as the good ol’ joint that feeds ya stuff, again – say so.

Another thing, and I’ve mentioned this before – try to ask questions of the person you’re talking to.

This way, you’ll allow them the opportunity to share more with you, and the only goal of small talk is to share. By inviting the other person to do so, you not only get the conversation going, you might also gain a friend. Because people love to talk about themselves, and they like when someone wants to listen.

Bringing small talk to the end.

Generally, you don’t want to be impolite to others. And some ways of ending the conversation might feel just that way to the person you’re walking away from.

If you want to end your small talk, excuse yourself politely and remember to give a reason for doing that. It’s not a matter of explaining yourself, it’s a matter of allowing the other person to feel comfortable. Just try to remember what thoughts tend to run through your mind when someone stops talking with you and dashes away without giving a reason.

When the conversation was stimulating, you enjoyed it and you think you’d want to see the person you were talking to again, then tell them so. If you’re uncomfortable with doing that, be honest about it. There’s no need for concealing your true feelings, and especially when you’re looking to make a new friend.

But if you’re leaving to talk to a different person, or introduce yourself to someone you’ve been looking for, again – tell it to the other person. If you’re not feeling comfortable, and would like to be by yourself for a while – tell them that you need a moment alone. It’s as simple as that.

Congratulations!

You now know the essentials of making small talk. I hope you’ve made some important relisations throughout this article, and if you’d like to learn more about dealing with social anxiety and building up your social skills remember to like our facebook page and subscribe to our newsletter.

Check out new https://anpene.com/blog/social-anxiety-and-extending-your-comfort-zone/

Social Anxiety and Extending Your Comfort Zone

This is a habit you can embrace within seconds, or rather – an everyday challenge. Each day, do something you’ve never done before. Or something you don’t remember doing, or something you tried and failed, but wanted to succeed at.

You want to work continuously on expanding your comfort zone, because this is crucial when getting rid of your social anxiety. I know it sounds a bit overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. A tiniest achievement keeps on being an achievement.

For example, if you’re afraid of eating outside, or it makes you really uncomfortable – get a bag of nuts and eat a few as a snack while walking down the street. Probably nobody will even notice, but you’ll have this little achievement. The next day you could get a coffee to go, and a cone of ice cream after that.

If you’re always seeking a place to hide when you blush, the next time it happens, try to direct your focus away from the blushing, pay attention to your breath and once that’s done think about something else.

If you’re terrified of looking strangers in the eyes, make it a goal to maintain eye contact with one random person walking down the street for 2 seconds. The next day you might try it with two people, and the next with three, if you feel comfortable enough, etc.

You get where I’m going with this. What are your strongest insecurities, what do you feel should be dealt with most urgently? Once you get that clear, look for a way through which, with the least possible (but still present) discomfort, you could approach it.

Check out new https://anpene.com/blog/social-anxiety-tips/

Social Anxiety Tips of The Day

Another series on anpene facebook page just started and it’s called SA Tips of The Day.

These will be useful tips and ideas for dealing with social anxiety, always with an article or a section dedicated to help you understand the tip in its entirety. Below is the first from the series: “When facing an anxiety trigger, do a reality check.” connected with the Symptom Management Skills section from the SA Treatment Overview.

If you like what you’re seeing, remember to like the anpene facebook page and share your thoughts with us either through the comments or any of the direct message options!

Check out new https://anpene.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-anxiety-attacks-comprehensive-report/

How to Deal with Anxiety Attacks (comprehensive report)

Some of you may remember this report from our infographic on dealing with anxiety attacks. It used to be available only to our subscribers, but we decided to include it on our blog so that every one will have easier access to its contents. I copied the report as was and just added some minor editing. Have a great read!

Nice to see you around! My name is Matt, and I’m the man behind most of the words you’ve read or will be reading here at anpene.

In this report I want to talk to you about the anxiety attack – what it is and what it isn’t, its origins, triggers and symptoms. We’ll dig into how you can anticipate your anxiety attack, take control over it right when it happens and what can you do to best prevent the anxiety attacks from overwhelming you in the future.

Listed below are the sections that build up the article, you can read it from top to bottom or use the navigation to get wherever you need to be the most!

What is an Anxiety Attack The Origins of an Anxiety Attack Anxiety Attack Triggers Anxiety Attack Symptoms Reacting to Anxiety Attacks Preventing Anxiety Attacks Conclusions

What is an Anxiety Attack

To be as general as possible, an anxiety attack is the sudden increase in the feelings of dread, fear and anxiety. It can manifest itself in a great number of ways at which will look in the greatest detail possible within the pages ahead.

An anxiety attack can be approximated by this following cycle:

Alright, an outside trigger is self-evidently what caused you to experience anxiety in the first place. These can be rational, they can be irrational, they can come from a number of places at which we’ll look in detail few lines ahead.

Typically, the anxiety attacks can be divided into two groups: voluntary anxiety attacks and involuntary anxiety attacks.

You’re now probably asking yourself what the hell is a voluntary anxiety attack? Who’d ever wanna go through such an experience voluntarily? And I sympathize with you on this one, but bear with me. The difference is in their origins.

A voluntary anxiety attack is the one which you’re trying to get rid of. It’s an anxiety attack which is set off by your perceptions, opinions and conclusions rather than the danger itself.

It’s the anxiety attack caused by an irrational trigger, e.g. finding yourself in a crowd of people, seeing others laugh while looking at you and so on. Later, there’s a list of possible anxiety triggers you can use as a reference but it will be best to simply observe your own behaviour.

An involuntary anxiety attack on the other hand, is the one which does what it’s evolutionarily meant to do – it puts you in the state of heightened awareness and responsiveness in reaction to real danger.

Our bodies physically react to the feelings of anxiety in various ways.

For some an elevated heart rate and the feelings of warmth can be what it boils down to, others feel a numbing weakness overcoming their limbs, for some blushing is a symptom of an anxiety attack and for others it’s a cause. There’s a whole section devoted to anxiety symptoms ahead.

The Origins of an Anxiety Attack

Where does it come from?

Who’s the SOB responsible for dropping the anxiety on the top of your head like an anvil in a cartoon just when you need it the least? (as if there ever was a time you needed it at all)

Well, there was a time. It wasn’t you who needed it, but the fella who skipped around with your genes in his sack. And he couldn’t have been more grateful for having it around.

It’s a humorous example but back when humans lived in small hunter-gatherer nomadic tribes literally struggling for food and shelter on a daily basis, a proper response to a sense of danger was a matter of life and death.

You might have heard about the negativity bias, you certainly deal with it every single day without necessarily realizing it.

The negativity bias is our overwhelming susceptibility to direct our attention to the negative. There were some studies, where they found that we need around 3 to 5 positives of comparable intensity to make up for one negative event. Just to feel good!

The news are overwhelmingly negative in their reports with tiny stories of bliss leaping forward right at the beginning, or at the very end of the broadcast. You’ll spend a whole day, if not a week thinking about what you did wrong, ignoring the fact that throughout the whole week you’ve been doing everything else right.

The negativity bias is there. But why?

You see, back in the day, when all humans lived in those nomadic tribes survival was at stake at all times. And what could challenge the prospect of human survival?

Examples of negative events:

Exclusion from the group

A predator, ready to attack

Lack of food

On the other hand, what could stand behind the positive?

Comfort, content and safety. Even though every creature strives for these three throughout its life, they’re the ultimate goal, they’re the end. And means to this end are filled with obstacles, danger and general trouble.

Now it’s only obvious that the human body would adapt to the circumstances it was dealt with and the best way to adapt was to be ready to react to danger every time.

And as we’re unable to detect whether the danger is genuine or not most of the time, our bodies chose to treat each possibility of danger the same. A different response was too great a risk to take.

When your body senses danger it reacts by raising your adrenaline levels (and blood sugar in result), making your body more reactive and your mind more aware of what’s going on at the very moment.

The mechanism is an ancient one, in its generality it’s something we share with the lizard when it dashes away after feeling the ground beneath its feet vibrate in an irregular way, with the flock of pigeons flying of a tree only after one of them makes the subtlest movement, it’s something we share with the herd of gazelles taking to run after one of them hears the slightest rustle from the nearby field of grass – this could mean a predator creeping in on them after all.

And for each of these species, and each of us humans, a similar structure in the brain does the job. It’s the amygdala. It’s a small almond-like structure located right around the middle of your brain. It makes you act before you consciously realize why you should.

The amygdala has many other responsibilities, and it’s not an obsolete structure at all. It still serves many valuable purposes if you take away the anxious reactions.

Just take a look at Daniel Goleman’s story from his book, about a man who jumped into water without taking off his coat and tie after a single glance of a terrified woman staring at the canal. The man held no conscious reasoning behind his action, yet once in water he realized that the woman was staring at a toddler who had fallen in – he was able to rescue him and everything turned out alright.

Anxiety Attack Triggers

Now that we got the theory and background covered, let’s move on to what dealing with an anxiety attack is like in everyday practice.

What triggers your anxiety?

In practice, your anxiety can be turned by any sensation. For some people it can be a particular smell or sound, which they associated with danger somewhere in the past (not necessarily knowing it consciously), for others it might be a sight or a gesture, and still for others it can be a location or a memory.

For something to become an anxiety trigger there are just two requirements: the sensation must be strong enough to be recognized, and it must come along with something dangerous.

There’s truly an unlimited supply in the well of anxiety triggers, so just as a reference let’s look at these few examples of irrational triggers you’ll want to deal with, and the rational ones as a point of reference:

Irrational triggers:

Speaking to people in authority

Being exposed to judgement or criticism

Seeing others laugh

Blushing

Sweating due to physical exercise

Rational triggers:

Walking alone through an alley of a dangerous neighbourhood at night

Driving on the highway at double the speed limit

Highligning above the Yosemite National Park

As you can see, these could go on and on.

Anxiety Attack Symptoms

Anxiety attacks can manifest themselves in physical sensation as well as feelings, and as you know from experience – most often as both in the same time. You have to be aware of your anxiety attack symptoms if you’re aiming to be successful at taming them.

Physical symptoms:

Pounding heart

Sweating

Stomach upset or dizziness

Frequent urination or diarrhea

Shortness of breath

Tremors and twitches

Muscle tension

Headaches

Fatigue

Insomnia Trouble breathing or choking sensation

Hyperventilation

Hot flashes or chills

Trembling or shaking

Nausea or stomach cramps

Psychological symptoms:

Feeling detached or unreal

Feelings of apprehension or dread

Trouble concentrating

Feeling tense and jumpy

Anticipating the worst

Irritability

Restlessness

Watching for signs of danger

Feeling like your mind’s gone blank

Surge of overwhelming panic

Feeling of losing control or going crazy

Heart palpitations or chest pain

Feeling like you’re going to pass out

These lists are by far not exhaustive, they’re here to give you an idea of what the anxiety symptoms are and how the two groups differ from each other.

Reacting to Anxiety Attacks

Alright, getting down to business!

The AWARE Technique

Acknowledge and accept Watch and observe Act Repeat End and expect

This translates to:

Accept that your thoughts and feelings of anxiety are natural. Don’t get annoyed or frustrated right away thinking that this shouldn’t be happening. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it is. Acknowledge this fact. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, realize that they’re a part of the human experience and be patient in the process of taming them.

Watch and observe your anxiety. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them, without criticizing yourself and your thoughts. Just imagine you’re looking at your thoughts and feelings from another perspective, from a distance. What would be your stance towards these thoughts and feelings if you were observing another human being experiencing them?

Act despite your anxiety. Take a deep breath into your diaphragm, hold it in for a while and then calmly exhale. Focus on the point on your body where you feel the breath most strongly. Take another few breaths this way and try to get back to what you were doing before the anxiety attack. Don’t run away from the anxiety or hide yourself behind a phone. Don’t get distracted. Instead of avoiding them, face your fears in steps and stages.

Repeat as much as possible. The anxiety won’t go away in the blink of an eye but it will lessen and in time become irrelevant. Keep acknowledging your anxiety, observing it, and acting as if you’re better until it becomes second nature and your feelings change.

End and expect realistic improvement. Be hopeful and patient, realize that there’s no magic pill for making the anxiety go away in an instant and that the end result is possible but with controlled practice. Be realistic and expect setbacks but see them as temporary, as opportunities to strengthen your coping skills.

Be reflective

You don’t need to actively act against your anxiety attack to make it go away. Take a notebook and write down your current thoughts and feelings, your expectations about the future of your fight against anxiety.

After you got your current thoughts written down, turn farther towards your imagination, write about what it would be like to live anxiety-free. How is this attack different than the previous ones, what have you learned so far, etc.

Writing down your thoughts and then expectations will create a little distance between you and those two. It will help you realize that the feelings of anxiety and how they make you view the world are only temporary, and even though you experienced them already they can become similar to your expectations. Distant, yet attainable if desired.

It will become your job and responsibility to pick which thoughts and expectations you want to occupy your mind.

Remind yourself, it’s only temporary.

The overwhelming amount of anxiety will go away. It always does. And at this point you know more than you did before. The next time will be easier.

Understand the anatomy of an anxiety attack.

We spoke about this earlier and I hope that with the understanding you gained you’ll be able to better cope with the anxiety attack when it’s happening. Realize that it’s not anything out of this world, it’s a human experience like any other and just like any other it has its consequences and effects on how you feel. Also knowing what an anxiety attack is, you’ll be able to deal with it.

Recognize your body is doing what it’s supposed to in response to thinking you are in danger.

And if the real danger isn’t there, you can train your body not to recognize it as such.

Preventing Anxiety Attacks from Happening in The Future

Cognitive-behavioral therapy

Judging by its overall results CBT is the most successful therapy for anxiety out there. Most people experience significant decrease in their levels of anxiety after as little as 8 or 10 sessions.

The Cognitive part of it is responsible for discovering how your negative thoughts or beliefs contribute to your anxiety and providing you with “replacements” or different ways of approaching those thoughts. The Behavioral in CBT deals with your behaviour in situations triggering your anxiety and afterwards.

Exposure therapy

As the name suggests it’s about exposing yourself to the situations most often triggering your anxiety. Pretty often this can be done as a part of CBT where the therapist asks you to imagine going through such a situation, or gives you an “assignment” to controllably expose yourself to a similar situation yourself. You can also do this entirely by yourself although this is a pretty risky approach. It would be much better if you had a close person to consult with about your exposures.

Exercise regularly

Exercising is a natural drug for stress and anxiety. When performed and sometime thereafter it helps your body release endorphins which play the role of painkillers in your system. It will also help you sleep more, get relaxed more easily and approach life with a more positive attitude. Sounds like some hyped up concept, right? But just take a look at anybody who exercises regularly and you’ll see its advocate. It really works as well as people say.

Adopt healthy eating habits

Eat in smaller portions and focus on whole, unprocessed foods. Try to include some type of protein in your every meal, especially breakfast. Drink lots of water, at least half a gallon a day.

Monitor how your body reacts to what you eat and provide it with what’s most beneficial. There are many, many words which can be said about a healthy diet and I’m sure you know your share already. It’s not a secret that your diet is responsible for a lot more than just how your body looks, just like the exercise.

Medication, drugs

There are quite a few types of drugs used in the treatment of anxiety. They can relieve some of your anxiety’s temporary symptoms, but unfortunately they don’t address the underlying causes of anxiety disorders.

Taking medication should be under continuous control with your doctor and it would be best if it was coupled with therapy. For the examples of available drugs and the scope of their use visit the Social Anxiety Treatment Overview

Meditation

In a long run meditation will help you feel more relaxed, take the approach of an observer whenever you feel it necessary and calm your thoughts. It’s also a great way to relax yourself right after or even during the anxiety attack. What you learned through the AWARE Technique is an example of meditation – you’re supposed to direct your attention to your body and breath, prove yourself that you’re capable of leading your attention and make the anxiety lessen and go away eventually.

Get enough sleep

It is known that sleep deprivation leads to an increased amount of anxious thoughts and feelings you’ll be experiencing. For most people enough means between 7 to 9 hours a day and this will be dependent on your exercise regime, your diet and lifestyle in general.

Reduce alcohol and nicotine

Right when the anxiety attack strikes, or to prevent feeling anxious at a party for example, we feel as if alcohol and nicotine were great coping strategies. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Not mentioning their effects on your physical health, in the long run they make you more stressed and anxious and serve as an escape from your anxiety rather than a technique for coping with it. And they also mess up your sleeping patterns.

Books, videos, courses

There are thousands of instructional books, videos and courses aiming to help you cope with your anxiety disorder. You can find quite a comprehensive list of those most successful at it on our Resources Page. And below are just a couple of examples.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns

Centre for Clinical Interventions

Support Groups

Joining a support group or a community, whether physically or via the Internet, can help your anxiety tremendously. It will open your eyes to the fact that there are lots of other people struggling with similar problems as you, that you’re not alone with it all.

You’ll have the chance to learn the techniques others have used to deal with their anxiety and receive the support everybody needs so much when struggling with anxiety.

And at last, ask yourself these questions:

Do you make time each day for relaxation and fun?

Are you getting the emotional support you need?

Are you taking care of your body?

Are you overloaded with responsibilities?

Do you ask for help when you need it?

Consider this a starting checklist for dealing with your anxiety. By making sure that the answer to all of the questions is yes you’ll set a great foundation for making your anxiety disorder go away in the not so distant future.

Conclusions

This has been quite a long journey, you must admit. But I’m proud and grateful that you went through it with me. You now learned a ton of coping strategies for dealing with anxiety, you know what to do when it happens and how to behave in order to ensure that it will stop happening in the future.

You can get back to this report anytime you feel like refreshing some of the knowledge you acquired or to look for helpful resources when at a weak point of your fight against the anxiety.

Let me know what your thoughts about the report are, and see you around!

Check out new https://anpene.com/blog/social-anxiety-treatment-overview/

Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment Overview

If you’re here then you’re probably among the 13% of people who will experience social anxiety during their lifetime. And for 66% (two thirds!) of those people that means struggling with at least one other mental disorder.

Unfortunately for the majority it’s depression. Statistics show that people who struggle with SA are around 2.5 times more likely to suffer from depression than the general population.

Most of these people won’t ever seek treatment. 36% of them will wait 10 years or more to do that. But you have decided to act, and I want to say out right – I congratulate you for it!

Choosing a treatment or even learning about the possibilities can get pretty overwhelming. There are tens of options available, some more easily than others, and most of them have their advocates who will claim that their choice of treatment is absolutely the best.

But their case of SA isn’t your case of SA, it differs for all of us. You need something that will work for you, and to be honest it doesn’t matter whether it works for anybody else – as long as it works for you. This can get confusing.

And I know how it feels, I’ve struggled with SA for the majority of my life. As a matter of fact all of us here at anpene did at some point. But our history is not what you’re here for, we’ve established that already.

You’re here to learn about the treatments, their pros and cons, their side effects and success rates. You’re here for knowledge, and that’s what this article intends to give you.

I divided the treatments into four categories listed below, so that they’ll be easier for you to navigate than the >4,100 words of text. Let’s dig in!

Therapy Medication Natural Remedies Self-help Solutions

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most common and most successful type of psychotherapy for social anxiety.

It usually teaches you cognitive restructuring, how to shift your attention whenever you need it, and also the social skills necessary to prevent relapsing into SA. CBT is usually time limited, and I’ve rarely seen it lasting more than 20 sessions, but it happens.

The reason for limiting the amount of sessions is simple – CBT is aiming to give you the tools to deal with your SA and prevent you from relapsing. The therapist is there to point you towards the right direction. Once that happens his or her role becomes more or less obsolete.

Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy for social anxiety can often be coupled with CBT and that’s when the therapist gives you tasks or “homework” to do on your own. It’s a gradual process and when you have somebody to talk to about it and guide you through it, it can be very effective.

But be aware, because it’s pretty easy to get it wrong when working at it all by yourself. Most of us are taught from an early age that forcing your exposure at any cost is the key and unfortunately that rarely works.

Supportive therapy

It’s main goal is to establish an emotional bond between the therapist and the patient, later reinforcing the patient’s positive beliefs and habits so that they will lead his or her later psychological development.

Supportive therapy for social anxiety is mostly used as an initial course of treatment. Studies have found that it’s much more beneficial for patients to engage in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy instead of the traditional supportive approach.

Group therapy

It’s often based around CBT but conducted in a group setting where you can interact with other socially anxious people and even try controlled exposure to some of your anxiety’s triggers.

Group therapy is gaining more and more interest and the reasons for this include its high success rate but also the decreased cost of therapy resulting from the greater number of participants.

Antidepressants

These are among the most commonly prescribed medications for social anxiety. Doctors generally don’t choose antidepressants as the first line of treatment but it’s not a rule everyone abides by.

There are many kinds of antidepressants prescribed for social phobia. Some of them work right away, some take weeks and some of them don’t work for some people at all.

They are known to cause patients to experience a whole spectrum of side effects, hence it is advised that they shouldn’t be used for longer periods of time, and the whole course of treatment must be closely monitored by a doctor.

SSRIs

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors are antidepressants, but I felt they needed a separate category since prescribing them for social anxiety is becoming more and more popular.

They work by altering the chemical balance within your brain. The exact mechanism for how they work is not known, but they are believed to be increasing the extracellular level of serotonin by limiting its reabsorption into the presynaptic cell.

The SSRIs are considered to be safer primarily because you can’t overdose them which is a significant risk when taking other antidepressants.

Beta blockers

They have been developed and are most widely used for cardiac arrhythmias, however prescribing them to treat anxiety disorders is not uncommon.

When it comes to social anxiety, beta blockers are most often suggested for patients who experience a lot of physical symptoms in certain social situations, such as excessive sweating, elevated heart rate or shaking associated with performance anxiety (or stage fright).

They don’t address the underlying causes of social anxiety, and they only work with the outside, physical symptoms.

Benzodiazepines

They are considered minor tranquilizers, or sedatives and are prescribed to deal with anxiety disorders and also insomnia, muscle spasms, seizures and other problems which can be managed by slowing down the central nervous system.

Benzodiazepines are highly addictive, and they shouldn’t be used by people with prior substance abuse problems or as a long-term course of treatment for social anxiety.

5-HTP

5-Hydroxytryptophan is a naturally occurring amino acid which serves as the metabolic intermediate in the biosynthesis of serotonin and melatonin.

It’s also often used for social anxiety, but its effects vary from person to person. When trying out 5-HTP make sure to follow the instructions provided by its manufacturer and consult it with your doctor if possible.

People who have used 5-HTP for dealing with social anxiety reported feeling better when waking up, experiencing more ease when making conversation and feeling a bit less anxious in general.

However, using this supplement coupled with other medicine or even dietary habits has not been clinically studied. It’s known to cause nausea, heartburn, stomach pain among other complications and you have to be aware of how your body reacts to 5-HTP especially in the first weeks of taking it.

Kava Kava

Kava kava is by many considered helpful when it comes to regaining control over your feelings of anxiety, however it also has the potential to damage your liver and shouldn’t be used by anybody with a history of liver problems.

Due to this fact many countries have issued warnings about the use of this supplement. When considering kava kava for coping with your social anxiety, be sure to consult your doctor first.

Passion Flower (or passiflora)

A herbal supplement made from passion flower’s stems, leaves and flowers is often used for dealing with problems such as insomnia, nervousness and anxiety.

Some people report that it’s been helpful in their struggle with social anxiety, lifting their social inhibitions and allowing them to feel comfortable in situations they couldn’t bear before.

There are no significant risks associated with using passion flower as a supplement, therefore you might try it whenever you wish.

Rhodiola Rosea

It grows in the cold, on high altitudes and is often also called arctic root, golden root, rose root, Aaron’s rod, or king’s crown.

Rhodiola Rosea was primarily used as an anti-depressant supplement, however it’s known to be useful when struggling with anxiety – it can calm your nervous system, help you feel more relaxed and allow you to take another perspective on things.

But be aware, some sellers of Rhodiola Rosea have tried to associate it with all sorts of miraculous effects like treating the flu, migraines, infections and even cancer. This has led the FDA to remove some of Rhodiola Rosea-based products from the market.

In some cases when people took too much of the supplement, they experienced an increase in the levels of Beta waves associated with anxiety in their brains, meaning that when taken without consideration Rhodiola Rosea can actually increase your anxiety.

It also has the potential to stimulate your metabolism and elevate your energy levels as a result – this can lead to increased anxiety levels for some.

St. John’s Wort

For some St. John’s Wort has been helpful when dealing with social anxiety and for others it made no difference. It’s quite popular among people interested in natural remedies for social anxiety, however when a study was done to see its effects compared to a placebo, no meaningful difference has been found between the two.

It’s generally agreed upon that when starting supplementation with St. John’s Wort you should wait around 4 weeks to judge its results. Most people react well to taking this herbal remedy but it can cause nausea, stomach pains or headaches in some cases.

Valerian Root

In alternative medicine this herb has been used for quite long time as a sedative but also for headaches and digestive problems. Many people report feeling better and being more confident about their social skills after taking valerian root for social anxiety.

It hasn’t been clinically studied for its effects on SA, therefore there are no scientific proofs to how well can it work for unbiased patients.

It’s advised not to take Valerian Root when pregnant, suffering from a liver disease or taking MAOIs (Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors). It has the potential to interact with other medications too, therefore you should consult your doctor before taking it on a regular basis.

Winter Cherry

Also known as Ashwagandha or Indian Ginseng, Winter Cherry has been used to deal with physical and emotional stress.

People who took Winter Cherry for social anxiety reported feeling better and less stressed overall, also more at ease when making conversation and interacting with strangers.

It’s side effects are rare and just like Valerian Root it shouldn’t be used by pregnant women, people struggling with a liver disease or taking MAOIs. It can also interfere with other medications so it would be wise to consult your doctor before introducing Ashwagandha into your daily reality.

Chamomile

Most people recognize Chamomile in the form of tea, hence this is the most popular way of taking it as a supplement.

It’s known to have a calming effect on people, lowering their anxiety levels for a few hours after ingestion and has been used to deal with social anxiety. For example before going to a party or a networking event where you know you might be exposed to a lot of triggers.

Chamomile can cause an allergic reaction in some people, it shouldn’t be used by pregnant women and when struggling with a bleeding disorder or when taking medications that might increase the risk of bleeding – be sure to consult your doctor before introducing Chamomile into your diet.

Micronutrients

The deficiency in Zinc and vitamin B6 associated with a condition called pyroluria has been associated with increased levels of social anxiety. Here’s a questionnaire which will help you determine whether that may be an issue for you.

Drink lots of water. It isn’t a micronutrient, but I felt this is the best place to mention it. Most people walk the Earth with various levels of dehydration. It’s advised to drink at least 2 litres (or half a gallon) of water a day, but most of us are barely reaching half of that amount. The benefits of being properly hydrated are endless and they include the improvement of your wellbeing.

Try drinking at least 2 litres of water per day for a week and you’ll experience them all for yourself.

Foods with a low Glycemic Index are the ones that provide your body with a steady dose of energy stretched over a period of time instead of quick, almost unexpected energy spikes and long-lasting feelings of fatigue provided by high-GI foods. The resource linked above will provide you with examples and rational reasons for introducing the former into your diet.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids are a good thing to include in your diet, because being depleted of them can lead to increased feelings of anxiety, stress and depression.

Social skills training

Training your social skills will make you more confident when faced with an awkward social situation.

Think of it this way: lifting weights regularly, 3 times a week for an hour, for 3 months makes you more comfortable and more confident moving furniture, lifting heavy things off the ground, some people even say they feel safer walking down the street!

And it’s the same with every skill and its training. So, what are social skills then? It’s knowing about body language and what do certain gestures mean to the majority of people, it’s learning small talk (how to start, maintain and exit the conversation gracefully), it’s basically knowing what to do to make most strangers like you.

Bear in mind that there will always be exceptions to the rule. You can’t expect everybody to like you, because lots of people approach others with their mind already set on whether they like them or not based on what they associate with a certain characteristic of the other person.

This has to do with their past experiences and not the other person. And it’s pretty hard to change someone’s mind once it’s set.

Symptom management skills

You know best what the symptoms of your social anxiety are, but to make it a bit easier we’ll divide them into two categories: physical and psychological.

You physical symptoms might include blushing, sweating, elevated heart rate, etc. They’re mainly present when you’re experiencing an anxiety attack, or are exposed to either a high amount of your SA’s triggers or a very strong trigger.

All of these are rather natural reactions, resulting from your body sensing possible danger and releasing corresponding chemical substances into your blood.

These mechanisms were developed through thousands of years of evolution and even though they might not be very helpful for you when experiencing anxiety, they were helpful to your ancestors one way or another.

Your psychological symptoms are the thoughts, feelings and behaviours resulting from your exposure to the anxiety trigger. For example, let’s say that you’re afraid of being criticized and uncomfortable around people with authority.

Suddenly, you see your boss dashing out of his office and walking towards you with a furious expression on his face. You might think: “I must have done something wrong. Oh my God, of course I have! He’s coming to get me! I’m gonna get fired!”

All of a sudden you’re feeling afraid and in danger. You’re thinking about the loss of your job. The image of your landlord throwing you out of the apartment pops up in your head. The future is doomed! You start shaking, looking at the things on your desk trying to assess which are your personal belongings and what you’re going to have to let go when leaving the building with a half-filled cardboard box in your arms.

And then the boss walks past you and out of the building.

Your interpretation of the situation didn’t match what was really going on – your brain wanted to make sense out of what was going on and it associated the image of an angry boss storming through the hall with someone getting fired. Your anxiety and the direction he was heading in made that someone to be you.

Now, how could you prevent this from happening?

To calm your body and get into a more peaceful place you could try breathing exercises. Just take a look at the 5-Breath Anxiety Tamer. It will help you relax and doesn’t require anything other than a few moments of your time to work.

There’s not much more than that for you to do to immediately reduce your physical symptoms, because as I said earlier – they’re natural to your body, it does what it feels is necessary in the given situation (or more accurately, in your interpretation of the situation).

But it does what it FEELS is necessary, and here’s where the fun begins. How to start feeling more comfortable when facing an anxiety trigger?

Do a reality check. Instead of telling yourself “I must have done something wrong” ask yourself: “What could he be angry about? Could a manager of a company have more to worry about than the details of what his employees are up to? What could I have done wrong anyways?”

Then think about the past. Has this happened before? Have you seen your boss angrily walking out of his office? What were the consequences of that? If you’ve seen him doing that, was it always because someone was going to get fired?

Consider your assumptions about the future. If it’s highly unlikely you’re going to lose your job, it’s possible you won’t be thrown out of your apartment. If your boss gets angry a lot and it frightens you, maybe the workplace he manages isn’t the best environment for you. Would it be a good idea to start looking for other opportunities?

You can go even farther with this, ground yourself in reality as well as you can. This will give you a more rational, less anxious perspective on how to go about your triggers.

Education about the disorder

You know as much as there is to know when looking at your particular social anxiety from the first person perspective. But SA, given that it’s recognized by the whole world can describe a number of symptoms, and there’s a lot of different approaches you can take when trying to overcome it.

There are also different perspectives. You know how you feel but given that it’s all connected for you – the mind (thoughts feelings, interpretations), the body (physical reactions resulting from the thoughts) and the environment as you perceive it – there might be quite a lot you can miss. Literally, you can’t physically see everything there is!

Your eyes have blind spots, where they can’t register anything and yet what you see seems like a whole, as if it’s all there is. Not true, your brain fills the blind spots with an assumption of what might be in the spot derived from what it noticed previously.

This is just an example meaning to show you that it’s great to reach out for help, educate yourself, broaden your knowledge and even if from the 10,000 words you read or hear 10 will form into a sentence allowing you to decrease the anxiety – it’s worth it!

And if you’re struggling with social anxiety and don’t know how to go about fixing it you can always contact us through the contact form or our facebook page. We’ve been there and who knows, we could come up with something together!

Support groups

Joining a support group, especially one focused on fighting your anxiety can do wonders for your progress. You’ll meet lots of like-minded people and learn from their experience as well as share your own with them. Here are just a couple of supportive groups or communities for people with social anxiety:

Social Anxiety Resource Center Social anxiety Overcoming Social Anxiety r/socialanxiety

This has actually played a big part in my own journey towards becoming SA-free. I wanted to do it all at once and when it turned out social anxiety doesn’t want to comply, I was at the brink of giving up. If it wasn’t for the groups and for the friends I’ve made through them, I probably would have quit.

Through countless conversations with those friends I’ve realized that dealing with SA is a step-by-step process. It can’t be done in one night and it requires effort, real effort. Whether you’re going through therapy, or even taking medications or supplements – the crucial part of it all is your own effort.

Exercise and lifestyle

Exercise and diet have been found to be useful in so many areas. You might even be tired of hearing about them everywhere and every time (though you probably would have been less tired if you exercised more and ate healthier – oh, just kidding!) but social anxiety is yet another area where your lifestyle choice might make a difference.

Take a look at this study, linking more exercise and eating fermented foods to experiencing less social anxiety.

I know it sounds weird, and especially the fermented foods part but that’s just a funny way to name them – these foods include: dark chocolate, yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut, soy milk, etc. Consider adding a few of them to your diet every other day and see what happens.

Eating healthy in general is another matter. There are books, courses, university degrees built around our dietary habits and guidelines and here I’ll include just a few examples of the essentials.

When it comes to carbohydrates choose the more natural and less processed options if you can: fruits and vegetables, legumes, anything with fiber – you can find all the sweetness you need in fruits, and when it really is time for a trait, how about dark chocolate with strawberries? You’ll have your fermented food coupled with a fruit and it’ll taste delicious.

It would be best to eat fats coming from vegetables and if you’re about to include butter, the one coming from grass-fed cows is a much better choice. Also aim for nuts and seeds as a healthy snack. If you enjoy drinking milk, full fat is the healthier option even though it has more calories – if that’s an issue, you could just drink a bit less.

Protein we’ll make even simpler – just make sure you’re eating enough and there are tools for it all over the web, e.g. myfitnesspal.com. This site will show you how many calories to eat based on your daily activity and goals, there’s an enormous database of products and using it daily takes less than 5 minutes, more like 2.

Now, I’m aware that a healthy diet is more costly than the alternative and that’s a choice you’ll have to make for yourself. I can assure you that turning towards a healthier diet will make your life more enjoyable but it comes at a cost.

About exercise, just do what you enjoy doing the most whether that’s running, lifting weights, swimming or riding a bike. Taking a walk each day will also be fine. Make sure to do it around 3 times a week for an hour, or 6 times a week for half an hour, or even 4 times a week for 45 minutes – it’s your choice.

The total amount of 3 hours a week isn’t accidental, that’s around the amount recommended by a Mayo Clinic expert.

Stick with it!

I can’t stress this enough. Whichever path you choose for dealing with your social anxiety – stick with it. Do it for 3 weeks – aren’t sure yet? Do it for 3 months. All of these require little of your time and energy, it’s the thinking and overanalyzing which take the most out of you.

There are support groups for SA, and I’m sure most people will admire you for setting out to make a difference for yourself and will be as helpful as they can.

Did you choose to start exercising? Great! There are plenty of support groups for people starting to exercise too. If you won’t feel like exposing yourself too much at first, join a group and just read. Then engage in the group’s activities gradually.

Hopefully this article has helped you get closer to choosing your own way of overcoming social anxiety. I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this, and if you have any suggestions as to how the article could be improved, don’t hesitate to let me know! Leave a comment down below or message me any way you wish.

If you’re now set towards getting rid of your SA, then you should join our group of like-minded people called: Overcoming Social Anxiety, and remember to like the anpene facebook page for the newest tips, techniques and knowledge for dealing with social anxiety.

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Famous People with Social Anxiety and the 101 Social Anxiety Facts

If you’re following anpene on facebook then you’re already aware of this, but if not – here’s a quick notification.

A little over two weeks ago we started a facebook series called 101 Social Anxiety Facts and at the moment of this writing we’re already at the #17 Fact. They come in the forms of images with a few lines of valuable, helpful and important information just like the one you can see below.

By sharing these and exposing them to as many people as possible we hope to spread awareness about what social anxiety really is. What’s it like to live with the condition, how is it viewed by professionals and what can everybody do to help SA sufferers live more peaceful lives.

Besides that we just two days ago started another series called Famous People with Social Anxiety. The reason behind this series is to show everybody that we all know someone who suffered from or still struggles with SA on a daily basis. We may not know them personally, but they affect our lives nonetheless.

These are the actors, athletes, entertainers and performers who in spite of the joy they bring to others and the fame that is brought to them are not immune to social anxiety just like the 18% of the general population. And just like other socially anxious people – some of them receive treatment and get better, some are left to struggle with the condition to the end of their days.

We hope the series will resonate with you and if so you’ll follow the footsteps of others enjoying them by sharing and liking them on facebook.

Let’s end the stigma!

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How To Stay Calm And Relaxed During a Random Conversation

To learn to see – to accustom the eye to calmness, to patience, and to allow things to come up to it; to defer judgment, and to acquire the habit of approaching and grasping an individual case from all sides. This is the first preparatory schooling of intellectuality. One must not respond immediately to a stimulus; one must acquire a command of the obstructing and isolating instincts.

Friedrich Nietzsche

This issue is really important, primarily because it’s unavoidable. There will always be random conversations and interactions with people spawning from nowhere and you have to have a way to handle them. This is where this article comes into play.

We’ll look at techniques to calm yourself down and stay cool without the other person even noticing a difference, how to respond to the interaction in a way that preserves your integrity, there will be tips on maintaining the interaction and exiting it in peace.

So let’s dig in!

Calm yourself down through breathing

If you follow anpene, then it’s probably going through your head that we’ve already been through this, over and over. And you’re right we have, and we’ll get back here countless times in the future. This is important.

Your breath is the most valuable resource you can turn to when it comes to controlling your body. There are people who can raise their bodies’ temperatures utilizing breathing techniques.

There’s a man who ran half a marathon above the polar circle and climbed Mount Everest in nothing but his shorts citing his breathing techniques as the most important factor leading him to these achievements and at last there are lots and lots of people who ascribe their escape from social anxiety to skillful breathing.

How should it be done, when a random interaction occurs?

Firstly, learn to read your signs of discomfort. Most of the time you’ll be fully aware of feeling uncomfortable, simply because the situation you’ll find yourself in won’t be anything new.

But at times the discomfort isn’t there at the beginning, it develops in hiding and only becomes visible and felt when it’s too big to be tamed on the spot. But you can learn the signals and cues for your discomfort developing by listening to your body.

Maybe your hands will start shaking slightly, you’ll feel a little weakness in your legs, you’ll feel more agitated and a little more anxious than usually. Also sweating and quickened heart beat are pretty accurate signs of a developing discomfort. Listen to your body, observe it, and you’ll find your own “hidden” signs of discomfort in no time.

Listen to your body and you’ll find your own hidden signs of discomfort in no time. Click To Tweet

When you got that covered, it’s time for the actual breathing technique. Once you feel any sign of discomfort, or even anticipate that it might occur because you see somebody approaching you, bring your attention to the breath for a while. Start taking notice of how you breathe, and begin breathing through your nose into your diaphragm.

Try it right now, put your one hand on your abdomen, the other on your chest and try to breathe through your nose so that only your abdomen is moving. Your chest might be moving slightly but it’s the abdomen that does most of the work – if it’s so, you know you’re breathing diaphragmatically.

Automatically your breaths will become deeper, and you’ll take charge of where your focus and attention go right at the beginning. If you’ll notice any signs of physical discomfort developing farther into the conversation, bring your attention to the diaphragmatic breath again and take a few more deep breaths.

This technique applies to when you find yourself in a conversation with one stranger, or with a group of people. So do the sections below, sometimes I’ll refer to “the other person” when talking about how you can behave in those random interactions but keep in mind that it applies just as well to dealing with a group.

Smile

Some people with social anxiety are uncomfortable with their smiles, some have spent so much time feeling dread and fear that they believe smiling would make them look odd and fake in the eyes of others, some believe there’s no reason to smile, most of the time.

Now, I’m not trying to convince you that walking around with a massive grin on your face will make you calmer and more comfortable (however, I’m not denying it either – strange as it may seem, it could work for some people).

Keeping a smile when interacting with another person shows them that you’re interested in what they have to say, it’s a welcoming sign. It shows them that you’re a nice human being.

When someone approaches you from out of the blue they probably intend on getting into casual small talk, rarely without a hidden agenda in mind. And do you remember what small talk most strongly stands for? It’s an acknowledgement of the two of you sharing an experience and getting along.

Also, putting on a smile and working in your mind to give it a reason for being there will lead you to feeling better. You could have learnt the “fake it till you make it” principle when we talked about body language and it applies here too.

Focus on the other person and what he or she has to say

Now when your interest has been manifested through the smile, it would be great to keep up with it and genuinely get curious. The thing is that most people are very, very bad listeners, and here’s why: they listen with anticipation, and not with interest.

They listen in order to catch the right moment to drop something of their own into the conversation, they listen because they want to speak and be heard instead of wanting to understand and broaden their perspective on things.

When you put yourself in a different position, when you don’t wonder constantly about what it is you could or should add to the conversation and focus on what the other person has to share with you instead, the interaction will instantly become an entirely different experience.

Actually, adopting this mindset works so quickly and miraculously that I could be comfortable saying: ”It will happen at the snap of your fingers!”.

Instead of eagerly sharing what you have to say on the subject, ask questions and make it your goal to understand the other person’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs.

When you set out to be a listener and not a contributor, you become a better conversationalist. And it takes a bunch of anxiety out of the way, because right now you’re not susceptible to make a mistake. It’s all on the other person. But when you listen attentively and with a smile, I believe that even if he or she makes a ton of mistakes, they’ll exit the conversation content because you listened to them so well.

Be objective

The other person’s opinions are only that – opinions. And this section is kind of an elaboration on the previous one. When you find yourself in a conversation as an attentive listener you’ll often feel as if the other person’s words where somehow directed at you.

The other person’s opinions are only that – opinions. Click To Tweet

Your mind will insist that the other person’s opinions are challenging your own, it will want to make sense out of what the other person has to say in a way that brings all of his or her words back to you.

But remind yourself of this – the interaction is random, the person you’re talking too probably has no, or has very little idea of what your opinions and beliefs are. He or she is nowhere near trying to offend you, all they want to do is share a bit of their mind and character with you.

The only situation in which taking offense at the other person’s words has any foundation, is when they keep on fiercely expressing their beliefs and opinions after you told them what you think, and that you find what they say offensive. These two are mandatory!

And if you don’t intend on sharing what offends you with the other person, don’t take it personally. There’s really no need to put yourself through so much unnecessary hassle.

Be honest

Your social anxiety is often reinforced by the doubts you have regarding the right and wrong of doing things. Honesty will get that out of the way. This won’t happen at the snap of your fingers, not here, but rather the gradual implementation of honesty into your interaction with others will build up towards you feeling more comfortable in your own skin.

We all have faults, very few of us know the right thing to do in every interaction, none of us know the right thing to do in every situation. What we say, how we act and behave is a guess more often than not. It’s just that when you’re struggling with social anxiety it feels close to impossible to make that guess.

That’s why I find the approach of an objective, attentive listener so valuable. If you’re genuinely curious, it also allows you to be honest, and so does directing your attention towards the breath when you start sensing signs of discomfort.

To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.

Charles Dickens

Use honesty when exiting the conversation, if there’s a train you need to catch, if you want to take your attention somewhere else and not keep it in the conversation, or even if you’re not up for a stop and chat at the moment – don’t hold it back, tell it to the other person.

I hope you’ll find this article helpful and I’d love to hear what your thoughts on it and the matter are. Have a great day!

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How to Deal With Anxiety Attacks

Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today’s job with yesterday’s tools and yesterday’s concepts.

Marshall McLuhan

Dealing with anxiety attacks is overwhelming and also quite exhausting most of the time. But fortunately treatment for anxiety attacks is not kept as a secret and there’s also plenty of knowledge on how to act if you want to prevent them from happening in the future. All of this is in the infographic below. Have a great read!

Click on the yellow button and get access to our 11-Page Report on the matter!

You’ll learn the origins of an anxiety attack and the mechanisms behind it. But also a massive amount of knowledge on recognizing it beforehand and taking care of it on the spot as well as making sure that it won’t happen again in the future.

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How To Get Motivated to Deal With Social Disorders

I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.

Anthony Robbins

Now that you’ve set out on this wonderful journey towards becoming free from social anxiety, you’ll begin to notice a few hardships spawning across the way.

Or maybe you already have and if so, what’s bugging you the most is probably the conflict between your want and need to keep pushing forward and be inspired all the time and the reality.

The truth is that motivation usually burns away in time. So does the passion, the inspiration, even the wants and needs become a bit blurry. At least that’s what I struggled with, back in the day when social anxiety occupied every hour on my schedule.

Fortunately I finally managed to come up with and learn a few techniques to keep me on track towards achieving the goals I set out for. And the first of these techniques is to set the right goal following the Smart Criteria.

SMART Criteria

Specific – target a specific area for improvement. Measurable – quantify or at least suggest an indicator of progress. Assignable – who will make it happen (you, all by yourself!). Realistic – focus on goals achievable with reasonable amounts of time and effort. Time-related – specify when the result or results can be achieved.

Remind yourself that you’re in charge.

The A in SMART, but I believe it needs some elaborating upon. How many times per day do you want to blame something external, out of your control, another person perhaps for what you’re struggling with and for not ending the struggle already?

You’re in charge. You’re the only person capable enough to free yourself from social anxiety, and even with a thousand psychiatrists on your right, and a thousand psychotherapists on your left it remains your responsibility.

And it’s not a bad thing either! It means that nobody’s mistake will halt your progress and it will be nobody’s pride but your own when the SA is finally gone.

The R for Realistic.

The R for Realistic in the SMART Criteria is where this could have ended, but in my opinion it’s necessary to point this out in a separate section. Make sure the goal is realistic! And if not, break it down into a few smaller achievements, so that you can keep the flames of passion burning as you progress.

How to do that? Decide on what is the ultimate goal you want to achieve – getting free from social anxiety – and think about what skills would build into this ultimate goal. Where is your SA the strongest? Are you most afraid of judgement and criticism, approaching others or ending up all alone in the Universe? If you’re having a hard time defining this, look into the social anxiety test, and maybe there you’ll find some suggestions.

Acknowledge the small victories.

Make sure to spend some time “taking in” the good of what you already accomplished. You might not be SA-free just yet, but damn if you’re not better at small talk or projecting the right body language!

If you learn a new skill, complete a new achievement pause for a while and think about what just happened. You became a better person just now, and it makes you happy, it brings you joy, it makes you fulfilled. Acknowledge those positive feelings, and if you don’t have enough – look for even more of them and spend some time with those too.

Explore the reasons for pursuing this goal, and remind yourself of them often.

Why is it so crucial for you to overcome your social anxiety? If you’ve taken our SA Course, then you might remember the last question in the Course Pilot: “What’s the biggest thing social anxiety has taken away from you?”.

There’s a reason for asking that, even though it may be painful to think about it at the moment, I believe it’s very important if you’re struggling with a lack of motivation.

Reminding yourself of this important part of your life which was snatched by the SA will give you something to constantly look forward to. It may not be the thing that anxiety has taken, it may be something that the anxiety never allowed you to embrace. In both cases, keep that in mind to propel your motivation.

Join communities of people determined to achieve a similar goal.

Even when struggling with social anxiety being among others who share your goals can be beneficial. And you don’t have to join physical support groups either.

You can subscribe to the subreddit called r/socialanxiety, where over 30 000 SA sufferers gather to exchange their knowledge, support and significant events from their lives.

There are also lots of awesome groups on facebook such as the Social Anxiety Resource Center, members of which are one of the most engaged and supportive socially anxious bunch I’ve ever met.

And if you’d like to hang around others actively pursuing getting rid of SA, you can join our newly created group called Overcoming Social Anxiety.

Learn to enjoy the process.

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

Marcus Aurelius

It’s hard to stick to anything if you don’t enjoy at least parts of it. And as dealing with SA is often hard and uncomfortable it’s really easy to become blind to what lays ahead and focus on the obstacles currently around you.

When that happens, when you reach this point where all you want to do is give up, ask yourself these two questions:

What’s good about this? What can I learn from this?

Maybe the situation you’re in has some bright points to it if looked at from another perspective? Maybe the fact that you won’t get one job due to an anxiety attack leads you to apply for a different position, in a different firm where people with mental health issues are supported, respected and cared for?

There’s only one way from the bottom, and it leads up. Every obstacle can be a lesson if you treat it like one. What are skills after all? They’re ways to solve a problem.

Ready to become a social butterfly?

Check out our free course!

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39 Great Ways To Meet New People

Everybody loves meeting new friends, but sometimes we just have no idea where else to turn ourselves when we want to meet somebody new.

Here are the categories of our 39 ways for meeting new people:

Health and Learning Hobbies and Interests Leisure Meet new friends online Other

1. Sports class

Nowadays, there are classes for practically every sport there is. Try out a few, or pick your favorite one, and find a class. These are great places for meeting new friends.

2. Seminars

Here you have a guarantee that you’ll encounter interesting, driven and passionate individuals. New friends, maybe even future business partners? Who knows. Try approaching people when there’s a break, or after the classes are done for the day.

3. Toastmasters (or any other public speaking club)

More people are afraid of speaking in front of a public than of dying. If you’re one of them, this will be a wonderful opportunity to practice your skills, broaden your comfort zone and meet new people. Even if you’re an experienced public speaker, there’s never enough practice in this domain.

4. Tournaments

Are you regularly practicing anything competitive? Then you’ve probably been to a few tournaments already, but even if not – now can be your first time. It’s just like your sports class, but with a higher amount of competitiveness involved, and that doesn’t have to mean more anxiety. Other than that, lots of interested, passionate and driven potential new friends.

5. Language practice

Learning a new language is easiest when you’re able to use it regularly, and for this reason many people organize these meetups where you’re only allowed to speak a certain language. A great way to practice, and a great place to meet new friends!

6. Hiking

Great views, great atmosphere, and great people wandering the trail. You can start talking to somebody when taking a break and in a few minutes join a new friend on the hike, enjoying a conversation.

7. Meditation retreat

For the most part of the day you won’t be allowed to say much, as you’ll spend the time in meditation, but when there are breaks, or the daily sessions are over you can go around and talk to anybody. This sort of retreat, especially if it’s your first one can be really eye-opening and life-changing, so chances are most eople will be eager to share their experience with you.

8. Hobby class

Just as there are sports classes there are plenty for hobbies such as cooking, acting, or even knitting. That’s right! If you’re not one for sports, hobby classes are just as useful for meeting new people and working on your skills.

9. Go to a bookstore

The alleys in a book store are like hobbyist’s forums on the Internet. In each you’ll find people genuinely interested in the subject, and a title of a book is like the perfect starter for conversation!

10. Museum exhibition

If you’re an art fan, then you must know what I’m talking about. Lots of people visit exhibitions alone, just because they’re so interested in it. And it’s very simple to bond over such interest. You see a peculiar painting or sculpture, and there’s somebody standing beside it? Go and ask what they think about the piece.

11. A reading at your local library

Maybe a writer whose work you admire is coming to town to give a reading? You can attend the event and engage in conversations with the people you meet. Shared opinions can urn into shared positive experiences, and it’s a straight road to friendship from there.

12. At a vinyl record store

Any music geeks out there? Go and visit your record store, and just like the cover of the book and alleys in the bookstore, the cover of an album and alleys in the record store can serve as an interest research tool when you’re meeting new people.

13. Go to a bar or a pub

For some this might be a little overwhelming. But you can find lots of interesting and interested people in there. Most of them went out to get a taste of social life, and they’ll be happy to have a conversation with you.

14. Parties

Whether it’s a casual gathering, somebody’s birthday or even a house Warming party – when a friend invites you to come along, come along! Everybody will be friendly, open for conversation, and with just a little interest you’ll surely find yourself engaged in a stimulating conversation with a friend of a friend, whom you’ve never seen before.

15. Concerts

Everybody loves music, but not that many of us realize how much fun it is to see it played live. The atmosphere at concerts is great, whatever genre you favor, and everybody’s sharing the same vibe. Though it might be hard to get a conversation going while the band is playing, you can easily approach others when leaving the venue.

16. Comedy Club

Either a planned event, or an open mic – comedy clubs are great places for finding new friends and sharing a few laughs.

17. Contests

Especially in tourist towns, there are all sorts of silly contests being organized, like a bench press contest at the beach, or something close. Just take a part in one and bond with others over this little competition going on.

18. The movie theater

Nobody likes movie-talkers, but right after the screening is finished you can ask others about their opinions on the film. The more controversial the topic of the film, the more opportuinity for conversation you have!

19. Local sports match

Just go to your local soccer, softball, or basketball league and enjoy the game. It’s a pretty casual event, and most people watching realize it very well. But once in a while you’ll come across a true fan painted in his teams colors, wearing their t-shirt and screaming at the referee to shove his decisions – that’s interesting!

20. A festival

Music, film, theatre… whichever you prefer, there’s surely a festival being organized for it not that far from home. And if none of the themes is that important for you, gather up the courage, and go visit Burning Man – an endless stream of opportunities for meeting new friends right there!

21. On a rave

Not that popular nowadays, but still present. And raves are an entirely different breed than concerts. Tony Hsieh from Zappos, spent lines and lines of his book discussing the experience of flow raves provided him with. If you’re not one for the regular concert, club or dance party, then maybe the rave is just something that’ll do the thing for you.

22. Meetup.com

Plenty of groups, get-toghethers – all sorts of meetups! You can join a local club based on your interest, or whatever else comes into mind. There’s now more than 20 million people using meetup.com.

23. Online Forums

You might think of these as a little outdated by now, but trust me – there are lots and lots of active forums around. This medium for getting together isn’t dead yet. What’s more, you can find a forum on any subject, either globally or locally.

24. Couchsurfing.org

This is a community of people willing to share their living space with fellow members all over the globe. And the best part is, that even if you’re not surfing somebody’s couch at the moment, you can bond with others over couchsurfing.org. I once met a guy 1000 miles from where I live, he approached me after overhearing me talking about CS. Then he gathered his friends, I gathered mine and we enjoyed the whole night together.

25. Facebook groups

There are plenty of groups based around hobbies, interests and passions, but also there are lots and lots of great support groups for any problem you might struggle with on a regular basis. These places are terrific for starting interaction, and eventually getting to know new people.

26. Reddit

You can find plenty of local and interest-based subreddits, and through this medium get to know lots of interesting new people willing to meet up. And I mean there are plenty. You wouldn’t believe the interests that sparked the creation of some.

27. Volunteering

Join a non-profit or go to a charitable event, and I assure you, that you’ll find a lot of potential friends right there. Plus you’ll have the cause in common to bond over.

28. Networking events

These events are great and the people are open and interested in making new friends. Also, if you’re a little shy, there’s nothing to worry about, because these one of the easiest people to talk to.

29. Get in touch with your neighbors

Just think about how many sitcoms got built around this, and now we rarely even know our neighbor’s first name. It doesn’t have to be like this. Go on, introduce yourself, do something nice for your neighbor, and maybe you’ll find a friendship for life. And even if not, you can view this as an exercise of kindness.

30. The Dog Park

Are you a dog owner? If so, you surely wouldn’t mind hanging out with a few fellows and providing your pupil with fun time!

31. Sports Team Fan Clubs

Football, soccer, baseball… Whichever you prefer, you can find a fan club of your favorite team. And you don’t have to be mad about it too. You can approach the club’s meeting like you would any other social event, just that this one will be based around this one shared theme.

32. Speed Dating

If you’re single, and looking for friends and fun – here’s an opportunity for you. In a short amount of time you’ll have an opportunity to meet a lot of new people. Also, it doesn’t have to end as a relationship. I got a friend who met a woman on a speed dating event, and even though they didn’t work that well as a couple, they stayed close friends for 3 years now.

33. The street food stand

When waiting in the line, or enjoying your meal – there are usually plenty of other people gathered around your favorite food stand. You can get a conversation going with any of them through something as simple as a remark on the food you ordered, or the stand itself.

34. Coffee shop

If you’re a coffee drinker, than the idea of meeting new friends over a cup of coffee must seem obvious to you. But even if not, you can still go and visit your local coffee shop, or the speciality coffee shop nearby, and enjoy the remaining positions on the menu. Especially in the latter people are usually very friendly, genuinely interested in coffee and truly happy when they can share some of their knowledge and opinions with others.

And if you’re not a coffee drinker, because you don’t like the taste, then I highly encourage you to try some of the alternative methods – that’s what has done it for me, and now I’ll drink my coffee black straght from the drip, when before I couldn’t stand coffee’s taste even with milk.

35. The flea market

Whether you’re looking for the special deal, or just planning to spend your free time, you can go and visit the flea market. Opportunities for meeting new people in there are endless, as even the bargaining procedure might prove to be your conversation starter. And hey, you already know you like at least one same thing!

36. At a park

Plain and simple, look for new friends when roamming or joggind through the park. Chances are you’ll come across a few of the regulars, but if you haven’t already spoke to them – here’s your opportunity. And everybody visits the park to relax, keep their mind off of things, so it’s really a great place to start a conversation.

37. Public transportation

For one reason, or another many of us aren’t that prone to speaking to others when riding a bus, for example. But through conversation, you can brighten both your and the other person’s journey. Also it’s pretty easy to find a common topic, just ask:”Where are you commuting to?”.

38. Work Happy Hour

If there are people you haven’t met, or barely know in your workplace, then this is a great opportunity for you to get to know them in an entirely different area. Sometimes you’ll get surprised how different people seem at work and in their free time.

39. On campus

Before or after classes, there’s always a time to get a conversation going with someone you haven’t met yet. You’ll have the subject of your studies to talk about, but usually there’s a lot more going on than just classes. So approach others, find out what their interests are, and maybe you’ll end up going to an event together.

That’s it, the 39 Great Ways To Meet New People.

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