taylor price
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
DEAR READER

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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

Origami Around

JVL
will byers stan first human second
occasionally subtle

if i look back, i am lost

Andulka

★
Cosmic Funnies
Xuebing Du



❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

Love Begins

Kiana Khansmith

seen from Spain

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seen from Netherlands
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@huachengeye

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*dons clown hat* Oh, look at me posting something that might get me arrested. *removes hat* Alright, here we go.
Hot take (from a media nerd): Boys' Love is violently popular (and prosecuted) in the PRC because it is being used as a vehicle for anti-government protest
Top left: Wu So Wei from Chai Jidan's Counter Attack (a.k.a. Revenged Love)
Top right: Wei Wuxian from MXTX's Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (a.k.a. The Untamed)
Bottom Left: Zhou Zishu from Priest's Faraway Wanderer's (a.k.a. Word of Honor)
Bottom Right: Bai Luo Yin from Chai Jidan's Addicted: Heroin
This post was inspired by the insightful and informative conversation between @theside-b and @one-2nd about the meteoric popularity of Revenged Love, how its predecessor Addicted triggered Chinese censors, and why the Chinese audience continues to patronize queer media despite the government's ban (click here to read it, I highly suggest you do). Also, some additional published readings that further illustrate this point, if you want to look into it [ 1 ], [ 2 ], [ 3 ]
If you've ever had the pleasure of reading any of the webnovels of Chinese author Chai Jidan, you'll notice that many of her main characters are defined by a single trait. Take Wu So Wei, the spunky, firecracker lead of her novel Counter Attack, or Bai Luo Yin, the level-headed genius of Addicted: Heroin. These characters are not defined by the men who pursued them or the love stories that shaped their lives.
Instead they are defined by CRIPPLING, ABJECT POVERTY.
Chai Jidan takes great pains (and many chapters) in explaining to her readers how, despite both So Wei and Luo Yin's brilliance and talent, they are hampered by the circumstances of their environment. So Wei is looked down upon in social circles because of his low education, perceived stupidity, and provincial upbringing, even though in the book he is revealed to be especially cunning, technically-skilled and business-savvy. In fact, during his pursuit of Chi Cheng, So Wei was able to discuss politics and philosophy with his more educated lover just by reading borrowed books. Meanwhile, Bai Luo Yin, valedictorian of his class and a bona fide genius, is studying at a school for low income families, lives paycheck-to-paycheck with his blue-collar father, queus up in the early morning to get government medical aid for his grandmother, and does odd jobs around the community to earn extra money for school.
Because of their upbringings, and the bullying they've experienced, both characters have developed an extreme rejection of the luxurious, socialite lifestyle touted by those around them. Luo Yin hates his mother because she left his father to marry a rich man. And So Wei goes to extreme lengths to take revenge on his former girlfriend, who ridiculed him because he is poor. Even when they entered into relationships with their (disgustingly rich) partners, both So Wei and Luo Yin continued to show aversion towards lavish possessions, often only accepting gifts from their lovers if their families will directly benefit from it in some way.
Gu Hai gifts Luo Yin's family with medical equipment and other necessities
So Wei, out of guilt, even attempts to break off his relationship with Chi Cheng multiple times after fulfilling the plot to separate him from his then girlfriend (and So Wei's ex) Yue Yue. This is done in spite of So Wei potentially losing access to the luxurious lifestyle Chi Cheng provides for him, and his growing love for his partner.
The ambition to earn just enough to provide comfortably for loved ones is actually an Asian-defiant concept.
In a country that values economic dominance, industrial competition, and capitalist sensibilities, and one that urges their workforce to do the same, brilliant people who dream of being "comfortably average" are practically committing a taboo. These are Western, liberal ideologies-- opposing bottomless "need" with "satisfaction", and prioritizing personal feelings over long-term gain. Defiant thoughts.
Speaking of defiance, let's turn to the more outright rebels of modern Chinese fiction, starting with gay martial hero Wei Wuxian--an amalgamation of the Xianxia and Danmei genres:
Wei Wuxian surrenders to Lan Wangji after freeing Wen Clan refugees from the Jin encampment
Chinese novelist Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (MXTX) often writes main characters who are pushed into oppression not by birth, but by circumstance. Wei Wuxian, the son of two highly-respected rogue cultivators (magic wielders) who died in an accident, was brought up as the third heir to the mighty Jiang clan by their leader, Jiang Fengmian. The most talented (and unruly) cultivator of his generation, Wei Wuxian develops a technique that harnesses the spirit of the dead instead of inner spiritual energy to generate combat magic-- a method perceived as heresy by the upper clans, but a boon for people born with weak or absent inner spiritual cores. Wei Wuxian's exceptional skill secured victory for the cultivators against tyrant Wen clan leader Wen Ruohan, but he becomes the collective clans' next target after he fights for the freedom of innocent Wen refugees tortured and imprisoned by the Jin clan. Killed and subsequently resurrected sixteen years later by unknown forces, he works with his lover, brother, and best friend to expose the Jin clan's corruption.
In the past, MXTX has openly discussed her story's Wen clan arc as a direct parallel to the real-life atrocities China experienced at the hands of Japanese forces during World War II. She even named the movement against Wen Ruohan as the "Sunshot Campaign", a direct allusion to the sun that features prominently in Japan's national symbols (as the Land of the Rising Sun), and the Wen colors (white and red) a direct reference to the Japanese flag.
However, her actual parallel for the Jin clan, the second oppressor, is more dangerous to discuss by comparison.
In her novels, the Jin clan serves as the cultivator world's economic superpower-- the clan with the largest population, industries, and merchants. Characterized by their golden dragon and peacock motiffs, and with a reverence for the peony flower, the Jin clan is also governed by some of the cultivator world's most ruthless police, who impose their cruel punishments beyond their clan and onto others. Though MXTX has NEVER paralleled the Jins to any government or entity in our current world, she has been constantly persecuted by the Chinese censors (and now the actual police), for allegedly mirroring her second oppressor to... someone closer to home. And by writing a character like Wei Wuxian, who openly defies extreme opulence and corruption, and works to shift power towards the more simplistic and monastic Lan clan, MXTX along with many danmei authors are now being perceived as spurring movements against modern Chinese sensibilities:
China’s censorship campaign turns to danmei, an online genre of same-sex love stories between men
And this is not just under the lens of homosexuality and China's aversion to queer existence. Most danmei stories feature main characters actively rebelling against oppressive governmental forces-- ones that impose harsh rules to maintain power, while continuing to subjugate indigents, minorities and marginalized sectors.
Though not explicitly rebellious, these authors often incorporate wordplay, symbols and allusions that point towards a critical commentary of their own government system.
It doesn't help that PRC is plagued by issues like these, which identify top government officials as part of the country's systemic corruption:
Purge is latest sign president Xi Jinping’s anti corruption drive has reached highest echelons of armed forces
Zhou Zishu is tortured after he refuses to rejoin Tian Chuang.
Chinese author Priest is perhaps one of the most explicitly rebellious writers of the genre (her pen name is derived from the idea of a church leader-- someone who stands for righteousness). Priest writes not just for danmei, but for het xianxia and wuxia genres as well, and she LOVES creating outright anti-government characters. Zhou Zishu, her lead in the danmei wuxia novel Faraway Wanderers, is a high-ranking government official and a member of the nobility-- nephew of the ruling emperor and cousin to the prince regent. He is leader of Tian Chuang-- a secret intelligence faction of the royal police who spies on and kills the empire's dissidents. After growing disillusioned with the Prince's corruption, he commits fatal self-flagellation and resigns to a vagrant, nomadic life. Now given mere months to live, he gets a second chance at redemption when he and the nation's most wanted criminal leader--Wen Kexing-- team up to prevent a civil war between martial sects. These leaders are committing the mass genocide of smaller sects (and each other) in search of a secret weapon-- the famed Glazed Armor that would allegedly provide them with the power to subjugate the whole martial world.
For years, and despite the growing commotion both within and outside of China, the PRC has dispelled rumors of a government-controlled spy ring that's apparently monitoring the military operations of countries in territorial dispute with China. With rumors seemingly debunked, and media censorship so brutal even chats are monitored between individuals, talks of these secret factions only persist in literature, but they are ESPECIALLY POPULAR in Danmei. I know of about two other authors besides Priest who write about these organizations: Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou (Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat), and Shui Qian Cheng. This all came to a head last year, when Indonesia and the Philippines arrested alleged Chinese spies occupying sham government posts in their countries, and a former spy himself came forward to expose the country's operations:
A spy for one of the most feared and powerful arms of China’s intelligence apparatus is revealing his identity and operations overseas, incl
The loudest outcry came from within the danmei fandoms, who've been allegedly sounding the alarm on this unconstitutional operation for years. As the rest of the world uncovers more information, and look towards the one media from China that's capable of transcending the censors and going international, it's no wonder PRC has laid down the law against Boys' Love.
Now I am NOT saying that the Danmei genre and its authors are anti-government. THEY ARE NOT ANTI-GOVERNMENT. The genre aims to promote equal rights for a marginalized community, and is serving as a safe space for LGBTQIA+ members who've been deprived of proper representation because of China's crackdown on what is perceived as "morally wrong" behaviors.
The Beijing LGBT Center is the latest to shut down amid a crackdown on advocacy groups by Chinese President Xi Jinping.
I am also not saying that all danmei are considered anti-government propagada. But the content itself IS inherently rebellious. Whether the rebellion stems from the propagation of liberal sensibilities, like in Chai Jidan's work, or the takedown of actual systemic corruption, like for MXTX and Priest, participation in this discourse constitutes freedom of expression for some, and the safest form of protest for many.
This is why PRC media often frames Danmei fandoms as depraved underaged fans fueled by lust -- a method they use to further justify the banning of the genre. They run continuous stories of fans chasing their favorite stars in airports or selling their discarded cups as merch in online stores, and release it onto fandom echo chambers as a "trend", or even as "common fandom behavior".
The Oxford Dictionary defines "echo chambers" as an environment in which a person encounters only beliefs or opinions that coincide with their own, so that their existing views are reinforced and alternative ideas are not considered.
These echo chambers also often construe false information about BL celebrities and danmei authors, and like the worst airborne virus known to mankind, fuel fandom delusion enough to warrant a mass stalking at the nearest mall. Out come the police, who blame a whole community of oppressed individuals for the unruly behavior of some fetishists.
Chinese internet giants will get about three months to adhere to Beijing’s new directive against “information cocoons.”
So yes, so long as the censors continue to choke communication channels, and people are in need of a safe space to protest injustice and discrimination, Boys' Love (danmei) shall remain violently popular in the PRC. And its government will not change its mind on the ban, regardless of the money it brings in. This is more than just entertainment-- THIS is political.
*dons clown hat once more* time to go into hiding now. Stay kooky folks.
Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus
I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of @bengiyo's queer cinema syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004),Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).
Today i will be talking about
Philadelphia (1993) dir. Jonathan Demme
[Run Time: 2:05, Available on: YouTube for rent, Google Play, Amazon, Lang: English]
Summary: When a man with HIV is fired by his law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit.
Cast: * Tom Hanks as Andrew Beckett * Denzel Washington as Joe Miller * Antonio Banderas as Miguel
___
To steal a comment from @lurkingshan, it has been awhile since I’ve watched a good legal thriller. Philadelphia is brilliant, and I don’t just mean in the general sense, I mean it is smart. It is smart in how it sets itself up. We start with Andy and Joe on opposites sides of a court room, we can see the rapport between them, but we set them up on opposite sides from the beginning. We move from there to Andy at the hospital, receiving his transfusions, looking across the way to a man whose karposi’s sarcoma has advanced to the end stages a look to where Andy himself will end in this film. And then to Andy’s law office where there is physical touch, after physical touch, after physical touch. Some that happen so quickly, others that linger, that the camera focuses in on, and I only wish that we’d seen Andy the day after that meeting, because I would be curious to see if and how the physical touches changed with people in the office.
But that’s not what we get, and we don’t really need it because what is truly important is that Andy is sicker than he originally let on. The point is that the law firm set Andy up while he was away. The point is that at so many stages in this film I was mad. And that was how I was supposed to be. I was mad at all the homophobic pieces of shit that were sitting there making excuses, that based a significant portion of their legal argument about not discriminating against Andy because he was gay with HIV, by trying to discredit Andy’s character because he was gay. [and of course the law office used a woman as their representation and had a Black man at their table as well…you know they were really trying to look good]
gif by @rancidtofu
You might know by now that I love a complicated relationship, so I was really thrilled that Joe eventually decided to represent Andy. Because Joe was homophobic as fuck, and he very much did not want to take the case. But again this film is smart, we never have to hear from Joe’s mouth or anyone’s for that matter that Joe decided to work with Andy after seeing how he was being treated by the librarian, but we know there’s no way it isn’t informed by experiences of racism in Black communities. The way Joe was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table, the way Andy was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table. The way Andy was being suggestively ushered away to somewhere out of view to other library patrons.
I loved that Joe was viciously homophobic because it demonstrates so well the boundary between work and personal life. Joe is able to do his job and do it well, and eventually after months of working with Andy, is able to come around, even touching Andy’s face which we know even has a lesion on it, by the end of the film. That is huge from someone that started the film literally running immediately to the doctor to make sure he didn’t have AIDS from shaking Andy’s hand. From a modern lens I can totally see how that would probably feel stereotypical or derivative or something like that but I think it is important to keep in mind that this film was one of the first Hollywood movies to feature HIV/AIDS and also portray gay people in a positive light. I haven’t actually been adding the for/by/about designations to the Heartbreak Alley films because something about doing that didn’t really sit right to me when we’re discussing the violence to and death of queer people. But this film definitely was not made for queer people, and Tom Hanks acknowledges that he was cast in the role for his “non-intimidating screen persona” and that “one of the reasons people weren’t afraid of this movie was because I was playing a gay man.”
The casting here was strategic to further assist audiences in sympathizing with a gay, HIV positive character.
gif by @rancidtofu
I really love all the little moments of solidarity, the smiles between the Black secretary at the law office and Joe because They Know™ about experiences of discrimination in the workplace. The solidarity between the secretary with AIDS and Andy. I loved that a Black woman was teaching Andy how to apply make up to cover his lesions. I loved that Andy’s entire family knew that he was gay, knew he had AIDS, knew he had a partner and that they all loved and accepted him, and that he had so many people in his life that truly, well, and deeply cared for him.
And I love how that is used to deliver maximum emotional impact, at least to me, in one single stupid opera line.
I genuinely enjoyed essentially sitting in a court room for two hours watching Joe strategize, and execute his traps for the jury to win them over. I love how you know that they have won the second that a juror repeats verbatim a line Joe had said repeatedly throughout the trial. I am grateful the film was kind enough to let Andy be awake and alert enough to know that they had won. That his one of his last acts on earth was getting to engage with the part of law he loved most: “that every once in awhile, not often, but occasionally, you get to play a part in justice being done” Justice was done here, Joe and Andy both played a role in what could potentially become another precedented case in the roster to build towards a stronger future for gay people in the workplace. I think that (though likely coupled with how much his body was beginning to fail) is what finally made him ready to go. Because for so much of this film he would hesitate when it came to death.
gif by @rancidtofu
He froze over the line “the actual physical [death]” when quoting the line about AIDS causing a social death. He talked about planning his memorial to try to get a reaction out of Miguel, and when Miguel gave him a response he very much did not want to hear “maybe you should” he took Miguel to a party, he talked about opera instead of practicing his Q&A.
I am grateful the film ends at his memorial, not just for the memories, though I am especially glad it ends on a video of Andy as a child (to appeal to the ‘he was somebody’s kid type of crowd) but that the memorial was not entirely gloomy. There was life, there was conversation, there were smiles, it made things feel more real. Just like all “see you tomorrow” lies everyone knew they were telling themselves felt real.
Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington are such powerhouses of actors and I am so so grateful that they did this project together.
Favorite Scene
(I am acknowledging that these gifs by @antoniosbanderas have nothing to do with my listed favorite scene, but I just need you all to know that the scene of these two laying in bed was cut from the final edit of the film, so I didn't actually get to watch it, so now you know it exists if you didn't already)
My favorite scene is when the law firm is questioning Melissa Benedict, a secretary that used to work with one of the lawyers in his previous firm. Melissa was diagnosed with AIDS after a blood transfusion, and she was put on the stand to prove one of the lawyers knew what AIDS lesions looked like and therefore was able to identify that Andy had HIV a week before he was fired.
I was ready to reach through my screen to smack a bitch when the law firm’s representation started trying to make a moral argument, that Melissa’s AIDS was acceptable AIDS to have in an office because she involuntarily contracted the disease through a medical procedure, whereas Andy had had gay sex and therefore voluntarily risked acquiring HIV. And you can just see Melissa looking over at Andy so often when the law firm is trying to make this argument, and trying to get Melissa to answer questions in a way that would make her seem like she is actually of the law firm’s opinion.
And she doesn’t let them do that to Andy. Instead she looks right at him and she qualifies her response saying: “But I don’t consider myself any different from anyone else with this disease. I’m not guilty, I’m not innocent, I’m just trying to survive” and it is just a beautiful moment for me. Especially because this film is trying to portray queer people in a positive light, having a straight, white woman with a disease she had no way of preventing say that she was just like anyone else with AIDS is hugely important to driving that message home.
Favorite Quote
gif by @fran-kubelik
I am so sorry in advance for how long this quote is, and that 90% of it is technically just Andy translating an opera but:
“‘Look the place that cradled me is burning.’ Do you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it Joe? Now in come the strings and it changes everything. It’s like the music, it fills with a hope. And that’ll change again. Listen. Listen. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” oh oh that single cello. “It was during this sorrow that love came to me.” (sobbing) “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. I am divine! I am oblivion. I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven. I am love. I am love.”
The level of emotion, the implication behind each and every line that he translates, the way that those lines spoke to me as a queer person. “Look the place that cradled me is burning” this body, his body is failing; this life, his life is coming to an end. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” we see that with Andy’s mom, with his entire family for that matter, we see how loved he was and know that his death is going to be a devastating blow for a lot of people. “It was during sorrow love came to me” Miguel is there for all of it, through all of it. When he collapses in court, his family is the first to get to him, to try to help him. When he’s in the hospital the entire hallway is flooded with people that love him. Andy breaks at this point in his monologue, choking out the line “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud.” I do not think Andy was ready to go until the very end when he finally said he was. Live still. Andy wants to live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. He will see Heaven soon, he is looking at the world through the lens of a dying man. “I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven” We have one life to live, we should use it well, Andy has so much love in his life, that’s truly such a heavenly thing to have. He is seeking justice, in such a way that others might be protected the way he wasn’t. “I am love. I am love.”
I just.
I don’t know y’all I just really liked this film.
Score
9.5/10
I’m salty that Denzel wasn’t nominated for an Oscar, though I am wholly unsurprised, and I am glad Tom Hanks won and that his speech included praise of Denzel.
““And an actor who put his film image at risk and shown because of his integrity, Mr. Denzel Washington who I very much share this with”
Lovely film, highly recommend. Now on to The Living End
Hi P'ABL, how are you?
I love to see your analysis and thoughts on different BLs, and you always come off very well educated when it comes to cultural aspects, especially Thailand's culture.
Having this in mind, I think maybe you'll have some answer for my questions. Well, I want to know why Buddism is so heavily portrayed in BLs (like, for example, I Will Knock You). I know Buddism is the biggest religion in Thailand (please correct me if I'm wrong), but it still surprises me how prevalent it is in BLs. Also, I've seen a couple of BLs where the main character gets ordained, and from what I read on the subject, it is a pretty common thing to do, and is a sign of respect both to the religion but also to the family's believes.
Buddism in Thailand
December 2021:
Department of Religious Affairs reported that the population of Thailand identifies as:
92.5% Buddhist
5.% Muslim
1.2% Christian
In other words, a higher percentage of the population of Thailand identifies as Buddhist than the USA identifies as Christian (65% in 2019) or Catholic in Italy (79.2% in 2021).
So Buddism is in Thai BLs because it's in Thailand. It's just very prevalent. One might as well ask why there is so much Christianity in Hollywood's romantic product (oh it's there, language, swearing, modes of address, courting rituals, gendered attire, weddings, etc...).
It's probably unusual and interesting to you, so you noticed it. Also Americans (in particular) - I don't know how you identify but...) tend to be hyperaware of religious/spiritual representation in pop culture because it's so taboo, hyper-politicized, and divisive in the States.
(Appropriate dinner table conversation in different countries is one of the things that fascinates me the most. Like, what's taboo in different countries when you're visiting someone's home for a meal. In larges parts of the US, religion is generally a pretty taboo topic.)
I think it's also prevalent in BL because there's a lot of dead parents, and the death rituals of a culture come into play under those circumstances.
Anything dealing with the spiritual or paranormal, and now weddings and children and blessings and so forth we gonna see religious/spiritual belief rep. As we get more BL delving into different aspects of culture in search of story we will simply see more and more of those aspects of religion that intersect with that aspect of culture, for purely statistical reasons.
Monkhood
I would hazard a guess that the proportion of those in Thailand who chose to be ordained as a Monk is probably the same percent as any other Buddist nation.
Tharn Type 2 takes you through the entire process, if you wanna dive into that franchise.
Also I would highly recommend He's Coming to Me it's got some nifty death stuff going on. Also it's a great BL.
I have kinda talked about this before - old post:
So I watched the 12th episode of UWMA last night, the one with the Buddhist ceremony at the beginning, and it made me wonder how religion te
ooh, this definitely helped me a lot!!
I'm not from the States, but from South America and here in my country with the younger generation, we are taking certain european-born religions as a joke, due to how much it harmed our native people and continues to harm people who are from religions from the African diaspora. So I think that's mostly why I found it so interesting to see how Buddhism is portrayed mostly in a good sense.
(Just to tell you a bit about appropriate dinner conversation in Brazil, since you find it interesting to know) It is somewhat similar to the States, as South America is a very religious continent. You will definitely hurt some tias (unties) if you talk badly about their faith, so that is a sensitive topic to have during dinner (unless you want to stir up some fights, then it is the perfect subject). But I think the younger generation is more open to have tough conversations, and as I said before, they started to even mock some of the more conservative believers, especially (as I've observed) queer folks, due to religious trauma.
Back to my initial question about Buddhism in Thailand, I got interested after watching I Will Knock You, since a big part of Noey's character is how comfortable and welcomed he feels in the temple – not only him, but all his gang and Thi too. To have these queer characters find comfort in religion, it is truly interesting, since so far my experience was with religions the white colonizers shoved down our throats, which, as you most definitely know, are filled with homofobia.
The official poster for The Last Case
The Last Case is coming!!!! Our first mystery/detective/thriller GL is finally here after all this time. To say I’m excited would be an understatement. 🤩
Several actresses within this cast are openly sapphic. Prang is even engaged to her partner! It is also directed by Apple Lapisara, who is sapphic. You may know her acting from ‘Friend Zone 2’ where she played ‘Cris’ (with onscreen partner ‘Amm’). Cool stuff 😎🌈
I’m really excited for this show. I hope it happens. GL’s Manner of Death but queerer.

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Apparently, Tay's whole strategy is to get out of Mark's way 😂😂😂 Well, it worked. Their team won lol
Sidenote: Tay Tawan is partnered with Mark Pakin - a former National badminton player. Opponents are Sky Wongravee (Hormones, Project S, My Ambulance) and Sea Tawinan (also a badminton player).
As seen on Reddit.
One of the many things that attracts me about The Sign: a pair of adults who are equal, different, but similar in the things that matter. There have been couples like this before: Tan and Bun in Manner of Death, Charn and Tinn in Laws of Attraction, and now there are Phaya and Tharn. Personally, I love it. Adult people, aware of their feelings and sexuality, who are hindered by external factors, not their immaturity, on their way to having a relationship. Who are good at what they do, at their jobs. When both MLs are smart, brave, talented and independent. They're not like, a knight on a white horse who does everything and a damsel in distress who either does nothing or acts stupidly and needs to be saved. They talk, they are open about their feelings, not necessarily verbally, and yet everything is clear, because no one is dumb and clueless. Not only that, Tan and Bun, Charn and Tinn, and Phaya and Tharn are aware of their mutual attraction from the moment they MEET. And what's important for me, what I always pay attention to: there is no situation, where one person is sexually aggressive and the other is shy and skittish and acts like sex is something bad and dirty and oh my, maybe we will do it someday but not so fast! That's why I love these couples, because from the very beginning it's clear that they're all. equally. horny. 😍 And they're not weird about sex. They don't make it a big deal and attach morality to sex. Their feelings and desire are very visible and very simple: "gods, you're so hot, I want you so bad, we would have been in bed a long time ago if only it weren't for all these life-threatening situations, if only you weren't a potential criminal / a corrupt lawyer / in danger, if only I didn't have to sacrifice myself to keep you safe🥺🥵". IT'S ACTUALLY VERY SIMPLE, THEY'RE SIMPLE, I LOVE SIMPLE lol
I'm so happy that Phaya and Tharn have roles written like this. They are both smart, brave, independent, both have undergone hard training and passed the exam, both have a work ethic, are inquisitive, want to be professionals, and have ambitions. They proved that they can cooperate with each other, putting aside their own feelings. I really like that both of them are also presented as dudes, that they have their own stupid behavior, that they banter, tease each other, that they are not perfect and act silly, that they can behave like normal people. I liked how Phaya is fully aware that Tharn will allow him to do many things, but not everything, that he can kiss him, but leave it at that, not press him for more. And that Tharn, although stunned by the kiss, doesn't make a big deal of it. They are so normal, they are both freaks and clowns crazy about each other, but still very, very normal. And it drives ME crazy 🥳
All this is extremely attractive to me. Adults, self-aware people, equal, struggling with the outside world (usually it's a murder investigation 😩 ), but when it comes to romance, they're thriving and having the time of their lives (while fighting for these lives).
I like pretty much all types of BL series, but I really wish there were more series about adults, especially romances in which both lovers are equal in everything. There are so few of them and that's probably why The Sign makes such a huge impression.
(shout out to @the-wayside for inspiring me with this post to put my chaotic thoughts into probably even more chaotic words!)
Not me coming back as if I wasnt gone for a good couple of weeks 👀👀 Anyways, it is time for me to update myself by reading my favorite tumblr bl users' analysis of the latest shows. I'm also thinking about working on a little something to post here. I didnt finish my OF analysis, but I don't know if I should right now since my gas has run off after the show's end. Maybe I'll do it when I rewatch sometime next year.
Another thing I'm considering exploring is my manhwa/manga/manhua reads, because I've been reading a lot lately and I've picked up some gems that deserves their spotlight.
Saint Suppapong revealed that he intended to present stories that reflect Thai beliefs rather than just being a Y series.
Continuing the why you should support Idol Factory and Saint
[ID text–
After airing 3 episodes already with the great investigative Y series "The Sign" produced by Idol Factory Co., Ltd. (IDOLFACTORY) that has invested and labored full power both in terms of production work, filming, various preparations for the actors, including CG Images that viewers admire for their realism and pay attention to details. It can be said that the work is quite perfect. To the point that every episode that aired in the series was trending on X in the Top 3 and was talked about in a positive light all the time.
At this event, "Saint-Suppapong Udomkaewkanchana" as the organizer opened up saying: "First of all, I want to thank all the fans who have followed and watched this series They like this work and always send encouragement to us. Since we intended to take the novel "Premonition" and turn it into a series, me, P'Chein, Kru A (director), and the team had a lot of discussions before the actual filming, including the most appropriate casting of actors in each role. The story itself is related to the beliefs of most Thai people. Whether It's about Garuda or not, it's good. The story of the Naga is good. Including information about traditions and culture in the Northeast, such as the Naga Rocket Festival in Nong Khai Province, which has been a tradition and belief of Thai people in the Northeast for a long time.
We were a bit overwhelmed at first with so many details, but once we were determined to do it, we came to the conclusion that we would make this series as good as IDOLFACTORY could. We spent a year preparing and working together. Both researching information in addition, the actors had to take several classes in acting, action scenes, kicking and punching lessons, shooting lessons, and diving lessons. Some of the main. actors were new actors and had never acted before.
It took time to prepare. Prepare everyone reasonably.
As for this Y series, I think it is a new type of Y series on the market because it combines the stories of investigations, mysterious cases, love of different races, different worlds and hidden in cultural beliefs about the Sacred things of the northeastem region together in one story. Before filming, we intended to travel to real places where these stories, beliefs, and cultural traditions actually existed as much as possible, such as temples, caves, rivers in the Isaan region that are considered the origins of the main stories in Series, like in the past EP3, the team moved the production to film during the 15th day of the waxing moon of the 11th lunar month, where there was a real Naga Rocket Festival so that viewers could see the most realistic atmosphere. My team and I hope that when everyone watches this series, they will see the beauty of Thailand's tourist attractions. Some of which some people may never imagine and getting to know know them. Let's go together with the long-standing bellefs of the Northeastern region. Anyone who wants to travel in the footsteps of the locations in the series can go.
The Big Nine Nine Reunion Day 4: Favorite Holt/Kevin Moments

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Top's exes are unionizing and it's not going well for him. Love this for him.
ONLY FRIENDS (2023)
ah, the way things get back to bite u in the ass
ONLY FRIENDS | Ep 9
P'ABL, I have recently started using GagaooLala and the first person that came to my mind in terms of recommendations was you. Could you please recommend me some BLs you like in the plataform. It can be from any country, I just want it to be on the less popular side, but still good nonetheless. Also if you have any other recs that isn't BL, I'll gladly take those too :)
Hi hi :D back again after asking for the free recs (thank you again!), to ask about you're recs on gagaoolala, or did you already do a break
I'll have a blast going through this list, thank you :))
Only Friends: Is accountability a reality for them?
So, here we are, episode 9. We are reaching for the finish line, but the road is still rough and long. Some will get there earlier, and some will need to be dragged there, but in the end, it's about the mistakes we make along the way lmao
Sorry, I had to start this as dramatically as this episode felt for me. Only Friends it's the gift that keeps on giving, and every damn time they GIVE. It's wild how every episode is as strong, sometimes stronger, than the previous one. The characters are great, they evolve little by little (baby steps) and those characters from the first episode are nowhere to be found, which, by the way, I love it.
But I still have a problem with this episode, a problem that I hope will be developed in the next ones, but that, as of now, is lowkey pissing me off. Fortunately enough, I'm not the only that is bothered by this. So let's break down my rumble into parts. First, let's start with the easy, comfortable part: SandNick's friendship.
If you never looked at your friend and thought "What if we kissed?" are you really friends?
This was groundbreaking for me. It's so realistic and so fun!! I was literally giggling and kicking my feet, which was a first in this series lmao. I love the kiss, the thought process before it, the laughing after it, the clear understanding that there weren't any romantic sparks from it, and the choice to go to cuddle after. Everything about this scene is really special and heartwarming for me. This is the friendship that I'm here for, my second-option boys.
I love how P'Jojo really pays attention to every detail of a queer relationship. I saw my own friendships in this moment of Sand and Nick, and I never saw my friendships as being queer. I come from a culture where hooking up is really normal, even if it is between (best) friends. I lost count of how many times I've gone to parties where my friends would just hook up, and sometimes that got messy, but most of it was just simple. Two people (sometimes, maybe, three) kissing and sharing a moment of happiness with each other. We have a saying in my country (maybe not a saying but anyways) "(hooking up) strengthens a friendship", and that might be from the fact that we, like the characters from OF, are a bit horny, but also because touching is a very big part of how we show affection and love.
I've never, at least as far as I knew, had a queer relationship with someone else. Not like the ones I'm seeing in this show. Heck, I only fully understood my own queerness a couple years ago, although liking people from different genders was always a part of myself, I just never really cared or gave much thought about it. But the friendships I had were all very hetero in my point of view, most of the time it was about girls hooking up with guys and only hooking up with other girls when there was drinking involved - never boys with boys. Funny enough, now that I'm not friends with those people anymore, I think what we had was queer in a way. The way our love-giving culture works is queer in some way.
(I promise I'm making a connection here, and I'll circle back to Sand and Nick in a second)
I've only started to study queerness and to feel my own queerness a couple years ago, as I said. I still don't have quite the knowledge to explain what queerness is, but for me, it's about everything that falls outside of the so-called normal. In today's society, normality is for there to be romantic touches only between people from different genders, and only with the intent of having a romantic relationship with that person. Friends being close to each other, in a way that romantic partners would be, is weird. And it's weirder when they are from the same gender, especially if they are two boys.
My experience with my girl friends was always simple, we liked to be close to each other, to give hands, to share small touches, to be connected in some sense. I feel that this is more accepted by society as a whole, maybe this is even mocked a bit because girls are a joke all around in this pathetic patriarchal society. But when it's two guys (or two perceived guys) being touchy touchy with each other, that's a no-no. And that's where my guy friends (and men in my country, as far as the ones I was around) differ. They are still very led by machismo, but it was always so common for me to see my friends joking around about wanting to date each other, sharing hugs, and sometimes kisses (no more than a peck, and honestly I gave them a curious side eye at those times), but even they had a very strong camaraderie that really was a mirror of my own relationships with my girl friends. The same goes for my friendships with my guy friends, we were queer in the sense that we engaged with each other, not with a romantic mindset (there were times when that got messy) but just as two friends that care for each other, and that strengthen their friendship through kisses sometimes.
That's Nick and Sand for me. Their decision to kiss was not just because they wanted love, wanted to give love, but it was a hopeful shot at maybe sparking romantic feelings between them. It was a hopeful shot at finding someone that they knew would love and care for them back, romantically. It didn't work, and it wasn't sad or awkward, it was fun and happy. It was two people sharing love with each other and building community, building trust, and honest love. And the cuddling afterward was the cherry on top, it brought it all together and tied in a pretty bow. The first time I heard about queerplatonic relationships was in 2020, I think, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me, as it gave me the answers about what connections I craved. For me, Sand and Nick is the first representation of a queerplatonic friendship I have seen since then, and it's making me emotional lol.
I'm not even going to mention them calling each other "team second option", that was pure gold. Have a friend who jokes about your love life (and theirs) with you. Get you a friend that you can be both delusional and realistic with.
(if you want another interpretation of the queerplatonic relationship between Sand and Nick I suggest @wen-kexing-apologist post. I took the photo of SandNick's kiss from this post btw, so thanks :)
Did I just ramble about my past friendships as if this is about my life and not about Only Friends? Yes, I did. Thank you Only Friends for making me dive into my own emotional mess, always a pleasure.
I'm still not ready to bring my rage and disappointment to the table, so let's talk a bit more about the parts I really enjoyed in this episode - aka, Top's development, Mew's mothers, Nick's goodbye to Boston, and Mew finally getting out of his little cave and going to touch some grass.
Let's start with Top. Where is that character from the first episode that was SURE he would get whatever he wanted? I was waiting for this moment, and it's finally here.
I was not surprised by Top's choices in this episode, actually, I was elated about his development. If he was the old Top he would've shown Mew the video of SandRay's kiss right after it happened. I knew he wouldn't, he was definitely thinking about it, but for once he thought about how his actions would affect Mew. And this episode showed us a bit more about Top's own problems.
I don't know if I talked here about the scene where Top was thinking back about his moments with Mew, and about how those moments were REALLY different from the ones we saw from Mew's POV. Top's point of view was really sad for me, at that moment, through Mew's eyes, we saw them having fun at the silent club, dancing together, but through Top's eyes, it was as if he was already grieving Mew's absence. It made me think about his choice to bring Mew to that particular place. At first, I thought it was a fucked up thing to bring his current boyfriend to a place he went with his previous boyfriends/hookups, but after the flashback, I got a different perspective of it.
Top actively chose a place where they would be together but at the same time alone. They were listening to music as if they were alone, there was a sense of disconnection between them at the moment. I mean, why would you take someone, that you want to be close with, to a place where you will be enjoying the moment in a separate way? Now, it feels as if Top was trying to be in Mew's life but not necessarily opening himself up for Mew. I mean, there were only two times we saw Top's raw self, when Mew revealed that he knew about him and Boston, and when Mew saw Top with his pills. The second time, Top told us a very personal thing about himself, he opened up about a big trauma of his and then brushed it off.
In this episode, we see him reaching for his pills again, head too full because he know holds in his hand something that could've ruin Mew's relationship with Ray, something that would've been his revenge against Ray for exposing him and Boston, when he is no better than them. He reaches for his pills, places a few in his hands, and puts them back because he doesn't want to do it. Top then calls for someone, probably Boeing, asking for the person to come see him because he can't sleep and doesn't want to use the pills anymore. We can view this in a few ways, it can be that he doesn't want to turn back to his old methods, or it can be that he doesn't want to run away from his traumas and problems anymore. I believe in both those things. Top is the first one of the hurricane trio (Top, Boston, Ray) to actually take action and start to change.
The end of the episode makes us think that Top didn't change, because who the hell invites his ex to his place whilst trying to get back with his other ex? But I really think Top did change, and that whatever Boeing went to do in his place wasn't sexual at all. My theory right now is that Boeing knows about Top's insomnia and trauma, he might be the only one that knows other than Mew. And I think they are just friends (maybe Boeing wants to get back with him, maybe not, but I think Top doesn't want that), because if they had broken things off in a bad way, why would Top keep the little plane Boeing gave him? If Top was like Boston made him out to be, a player that doesn't do long-term relationships, wouldn't he have disposed of the things his ex gave him? If my theory is right, this will be the first time we see Top with someone he considers a friend, and I believe we will be seeing a whole other side of him because of it.
Top chose to keep the video to himself, he chose to not be the one at the top, to not have the last word in this situation. For me, that shows that he really cares for Mew, and cares enough not to make Mew go through the shame of having proof that his boyfriend is cheating on him. Yet, he still gave Mew pieces of advice and asked Mew to think if Ray really only loves him. He planted doubt in Mew's mind, but it was for Mew to keep his eyes open, that way he wouldn't have to actually show Mew proof and make Mew see with his own eyes.
I saw some people bringing up the possibility that he is doing the "long game" (yes, this is a Girl Meets World reference) and that's why he chose not to show Mew, but honestly what in all of his actions shows that he wants to do the long game? He doesn't let Mew go a day without him showing up like a ghost (which btw is really bothering me, like, now your place, give him space), even when it was Mew's day with his mothers, the one day it was clear he wanted just for him and his mothers. This is the one big thing right now that I want to be acknowledged by the series, the amount of boundaries that are crossed, not only with Top, makes me SO mad.
But I have to admit, Top is growing on me right now, but it all depends on how he will deal with the whole "Mew-Boeing" situation and if he will actually respect Mew's boundaries from now on.
Goodbye, Ton.
First off, before this, I need y'all to read this post by @lurkingshan, she makes a great analysis of this Nick and Boston moment.
But this was such a powerful scene for this couple, the most powerful in my opinion. We finally see a side of Nick that we had never seen. From the get-go, Nick was just after Boston. From the moment Boston went to get his phone fixed, Nick was interested in Boston, almost in a stalker way (I'm sorry but I'll never get over the fact Nick went through Boston's phone to masturbate to one of his photos, that won't ever sit with me). Until this moment, Nick was nothing more than in love with Boston for me. I didn't feel like he had a strong personality outside of his relationship with Boston, but woah, this episode really showed me otherwise. I'm now on the same side of the people who think Nick is a cutie who deserves happiness.
In this episode, Nick truly acknowledges that Boston is not the amazing person he keeps on trying to convince himself he is. He does it on his trip with Sand when he asks himself why he falls for "bad guys". At the same moment, he makes peace with the fact that he was Boston's second option, a huge change from his last conversation with Sand when he says that maybe one day Boston would love him. I was so happy with this development, and not even when Nick, in his goodbye to Boston, said to Boston that Boston should stay the way he is because he is loved for who he is (let's not lie now, dear Nick), made me less happy. And our boy is moving on!!! And with a Daddy too, look at you go Nick omg.
Another thing I want to point out about Nick in this episode is how aware he is of people being interested in him. Throughout the series, I only saw Nick as being insecure about himself, and he really was, we even saw him trying to act more like Top, going to the gym and dressing up (a behavior that he shares with Mew). And throughout the whole series, I saw a bunch of people treating him as if he is completely incapable of taking care of himself as if he was the lamb being manipulated by the big bad wolf Boston. When he said that he knows Boston is not the best guy around (not exactly with this wording lmao), it made it very clear that his not innocent (I mean, he masturbated to a photo of a guy he didn't know, a client, did y'all really think he was innocent????). But this episode made it extra clear, he immediately clocked Dan's intentions, and he wasn't taken back or shy about it, he was flirting back (the same way he did flirted back with Boston at the beginning). These people are in college, they are not innocent in any way anymore, innocence is not in sight in this BL, at least not when it comes to relationships.
So, go Nick!! Hook up with your Daddy (you kink bunch), and have lots of kisses with him before hurricane Boston comes back to your life because he will and I'll be sat for it.
THE MOTHERS HAVE ARRIVED!!!
I was so excited for these two to be introduced, and this was the perfect timing. The way they immediately saw that something was off with Mew like they barely walked in and alarms were sounding in their heads. Finally, a parent figure that is parenting, missed those.
I think this was a really important moment for Mew to have right now. After this encounter with him and his mothers, Mew started to get back to himself. I remember that Mew's mothers were his inspiration, they are his ideal view on relationships, so I'm sure their presence made him remember that what he is doing right now is not what he wants for himself. Also, I think he just needed to have a good influence close to him.
The mothers didn't realize the uncomfortable vibe between Mew and Top, but I forgive them for it because they don't really know. I need more of them. I need more of the older lesbian couple, I need more of older queer couples to advise these youngsters (if I told y'all that I'm probably younger than them, would y'all believe it?)
BRING THIS MAN HIS GLASSES, HE IS BACK!
No one in this episode was as honest as Mew. I loved Nick's emotional speech. I loved Sand being open about his feelings about Ray. But Mew takes the cake for me, and it's not because he is my favorite.
Mew literally went after everyone he wronged here. He is apologizing, and taking responsibility for his actions, and he is the one who is reaching out. The first one he went to make peace with was Ray, loved that. I love that he said out loud that the reason he was with Ray was to hurt Top. Mew didn't try to bullshit, he was honest and clear with Ray. And I love that they said "I love you" to each other, for the first time (for Ray) in a non-romantic sense, just pure friendship love. I also love that they joked around afterward. I didn't love the way Ray didn't take accountability for his behavior, but I will talk about it later.
Then Mew went to Cheum, which, by the way, he was the only one to go and talk to Cheum after that mess of a party. He opens the conversation by saying that he went to apologize, then he looks at the faces of everyone who was saying he was being manipulated and said
I wasn't possessed by a ghost. I was just lost. I want you to understand that what happened to me affected my self-confidence so much. I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.
Yes, he behaved like a lot of people behave when they have their first heartbreak. Thank you P'Jojo for always getting it right.
This also confirms the theories around Mew trying to be someone else, mimicking someone else (in this case I really think he was a mix of Ray, Top, and Boston) because he was lost and hurt. I really hope he starts to work on his self-love and own his confidence. My baby deserves happiness :(
Are you happy? Well, that's over! Brace yourself because I'm coming back to write about him, my nemesis as of right now: Ray. I'll probably make a post only for him, so when that's done I'll link it here :)

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I love my children Sand and Mew, but I admit they're bigger clowns than Ray The Joker to believe this shit. Sand sweetheart, Boston IS better than Ray or perhaps they're both cut from the same cloth. However, Boston is honest to boot with his partners and never actively cheated on anyone (except his friends YIKES). Mew baby, Ray not only actively cheated on you again and again, but also tried to coerce you to have sex.. both things that Top NEVER did.
Sand and Mew need to start a 'Delulu over Ray Pakon' club 😫
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! That scene from Ray talking about how Mew gave Top something he isn't giving him gave me the ick.
Only Friends
We finally got episode 9 and I'm gathering my thoughts because a lot happened in this episode, a lot that I got a bit mad about and a lot that felt really good. Also, we saw some character development, which is always nice. But I have to say, Ray is still at the bottom when it comes to the characters I like. And the teaser for episode 10 didn't make things better for Ray, so let's see