#small talk

This is a problem that happens to many people with much on their mind. Here is a set of things you can tell people, no matter what the occasion:

I am not made solely of pine-wood or pine-derivative plastics.

I have between zero and four thousand limbs, inclusive.

I contain several liters of my people's water.

My name is comprised mostly of real letters (Musks may differ).

I am unaware of the contents of soil on most exoplanets.

My spleen is smaller than the Chicago metropolitan area.

I am not, have never been, and may never be you.

I have come to think of small talk as a service I provide for allistic people.

It took me a long time to realise that small talk is essentially just a noise. Someone says to you, 'Hello, how are you?', and technically you should be able to just reply, 'noise'. Or 'Noise, noise. Noise?'.

But every game has its parameters. So, you have to say something like, 'I'm fine, thank you, how are you?', or throw them a curveball like, 'I'm fine thanks, but isn't it cold?'. They seem to like a curveball, because it hints at meaning, where in fact there is none.

And this brings me onto the most important rule. If someone asks if you are alright, you can chortle and say, 'I will be when I've [insert something mundane like 'finished work'], thus hinting at dissatisafaction with life. But it can only be a hint. Don't just leave an ominous 'no' echoing between you.