This world is all that matters
âRemus? Do you think there is a world where we are happy?â Sirius voice was soft. Almost a wishper. Were they not the only people in the dorm, and if the door and the windows were not closed Remus wouldnât have heard him.
He was taken aback by the question. Sirius was not usually the one to start conversations of that kind. Remus knew that he had a soft side but he also knew that most of the time he would rather die than showing it.
He didnât know neither how to react nor how to respond. After the âPrankâ the atmosphere was tense between them. Remus had forgiven Sirius but he had certainly not forgotten. The dynamic of the marauders was not the same anymore. Remus was more closed to himself that ever, his once genuine smile was now replaced by a small nod. He seemed liked he didnât have the energy to keep up, he had lost his hope again. Sirius rarely talked. He suffered the most out of all of them. His eyes were missing the mischievous spark they once had. He kept walking behind James, quiet, pretending he was listening and that he was interested.
They both knew very well that ignoring the problem would do very little in solving it, but they kept doing exactly that anyway.
Deciding that this was not the proper time for these kind of thoughts, Remus started walking toward Siriusâ bed.
He sat quietly in his feet and he pressed one palm softly against his leg.
âWhat do you mean Pads?â
The nickname slipped from his mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world. He hadnât used that since the incident but now it echoed in the silent room making both boys forget for a moment how the things between them truly were, and even for a few seconds, pretend that everything was back to normal.
Sirius was under his covers. His eyes were puffy and red and he seemed like he had been crying.
âDo you belive in pharel universes?â he asked holding his breath, not knowing if Remus would actually take him seriously or if he would laugh at his face and go to his own bed.
âI.. I havenât really thought about it.â Remus said honestly.
Sirius seemed like he was debating something in his head. After a moment, he sighed and said:
âDo you think that there is a world where everything is good? Where you are not a werewolf, were my parents donât exist, where the prank..â he flinched slightly but he continued
âwhere the prank never happened and where there is not a war going on?
Do you think that there is a world where everything is OK?â
His voice was trembling. Remus didnât know which one was the right answer. He wanted to make Sirius feel better even for a brief second but he couldnât figure out how.
â I donât know if there is a world like that Padfoot.â
Sirius now flinched visibly. He was shaking.
â⌠right. You are are right I donât know what I was thinking. Iâm sor-â
But Remus tightend his grip on Sirius leg and he spoke in a steady but soft tone.
âI donât know if there is a perfect world. I donât know if there is a world where we are happy. But you know what I know? I know that weâre gonna be happy in this one.
We are goona make it, Padfoot. I promise.â
A tear fell from Siriusâ face and for one second Remus thought that he had said something wrong. However, before he was able to speak Sirius was sitting up in his bed.
âCan.. Can I m-maybe hug you?â
The sweat request melted every piece of anger that remained inside of Remus. He thought about all of the times that Sirius had been there for him, about all their late night conversations, about all the times that Sirius had listened him rambling without a single interruption letting him know that he was there for him.
He deserved the same thing from him and he wouldnât be that egoistic as to not give it to him.
â..Y-yes Sirius of course.â
Sirius arms immediately wrapped around his shoulders, holding him tight like he was the most priced possession in the whole world, keeping him warm and safe. Only now he realized how much he missed Sirius. Sirius, the boy he once used to know, the boy with the sparkling eyes and the warm heart, the boy who he loved with all of his being.
âIâve missed you so much Moony. So much it bloody hurts. Iâm s-sorry. Iâm so fucking sorry. I want you back..â
Remus didnât want to listen anymore. That was enough for him. He could read Sirius like an open book after all this time. He could understand when he was telling the truth, when he was joking, when he was hurt and he was trying to cover it. And he could also understand when he was genuine and when he was really sorry.
He pulled back, only for a second and he pressed his lips to Siriusâ soft ones.
Kissing Sirius was so familiar and so new at the same time. Because kissing Sirius was like kissing the sea: the power the softness of his lips, the feeling of completeness.
Kissing Sirius felt like he belonged, kissing Sirius felt like everything he ever wanted and everything he never thought he would have.
He sifted his head just slightly and he pressed his tongue against Sirius lips. Sirius opened them with a small moan and he brought his hands around Remus neck.
After a moment, they broke apart, their foreheads pressed together, looking in each otherâs eyes, trying to suck everything, every detail that they might have forgotten.
Watching Sirius smile after so long was everything Remus needed. He had missed him so much.
Remus was not sure if pharel universes were real. He was not sure if there was a world were everything was OK. But he decided that he didnât really care. He knew that he would fight with everything he had, to make this one, the world in which he now existed, a happy one.
Because in the end, this world was all that mattered.