What Am I Doing?

Hello there! Long time, no post. Quarantine has been a weird thing. Sometimes you drink Moutain Dew at 9 pm and start tiling your bathroom by 11 🤷‍♀️ this is as far as I got because I don’t have a tile saw and I didn’t feel like doing anymore (albeit minimal) math. Enjoy!

Step 7: Say “Wow” and pat yourself on the back.

I got tired of my patio furniture cushions sitting on the floor. Even though it’s for outside furniture I still don’t want it to be ***dirty*** Step 1) get a rope Step 2) screw that rope into the wall. Step 3) hang your shit on it.

Sometimes you have a loft bed that goes on top of you desk & you put it back on top your desk & turn it into a secret hangout lounge/reading nook but mostly you’re trying to do something with all these effing throw pillows that don’t match shit.

How to fix gauges in your floor so you can stop getting splinters indoors: Step 1: pick up some Elmer’s Glue wood repair system Step 2: Acknowledge that the directions are both is English, picture, and Spanish Step 3: (not pictured) hope that anyone who speaks any other language is able to repair their floors too Step 4: Realize that this shit looks like ice cream Step 5: Make sure it’s not ice cream Step 6: it’s not. Step 7: Find a victim Step 8: Tape off victim like a crime scene Step 9: Make a snake. B*tches love snakes. Step 10: Squish the snake...into the gauge on the floor Step 11: Smoot with putty knife Step 12: Post blog while waiting for it to dry.

Let’s enjoy this series of bathroom transformations, modeled by the prettiest boys out there (Jake and BOOFEY)

***Is it art, a drinking problem or both? How to make boozey shelves! *** Who’s ready for some snow day crafts that make possible alcoholism look like a Pinterest board?! I know I am! *Step 1* Drink a lot then spray paint some of those bottles white for ~class~ *Step 2* Find some reclaimed wood. If you don’t have any for steal...I mean, “reclaim” from someone else. Rinse it off in your shower that has no water pressure because it is TOO DANG COLD OUT. *Step 3* Prepare to drill 2 holes, one on each end of the board. This is where your wine bottles, which will work as anchors & balances (but mostly decorative nonsense) will go. *Step 4* Place wine bottles through the holes you drilled. It doesn’t really matter if they’re straight. Anyone who is going to notice is probably an ass anyways. *Step 5* use old know & tube wiring that you pulled from your attic and for whatever reason did not throw away as your hanging mechanism for your shelf. *Step 6* Put your classiest decorations on the shelf. Mine happen to be regret and more empty bottles of booze. *Step 7* Do everyone a favor and stick some dried flowers at the end.

***How to not freeze to death this winter*** In addition to doing some obvious things (sealing windows with plastic, and closing off rooms to trap heat) JUST CAULK IT! Big ole gap by the front door? Just caulk it! Old wood window frames shootin’ out cold air? Just caulk it! Holes in the floor from old wires or something? Go ahead and caulk it. Cold air seeping up through the baseboards? Effin’ right. Caulk it. But what about gaps so big caulk won’t work? Cram some insulation up in that shiz and then caulk it! Or drywall it...dry wall is a good idea too. Tomorrow I embark on adding some sweet insulation to the crawl space. So that all this caulk doesn’t go in vain. Until then! DIY it up, y’all.

Side note: the pink tool set, I’d probz actually use that because I lose my tools all the time and you can see that pink from space. 

Anyways, long story short. I hired a contractor who has been nothing short of amazing! I had met Paul Keller http://www.paulkellerdesigns.com/ when I first moved into my house and after multiple contractors failed to call me back or gave me outrageous quotes, Paul and his team pulled through. It was only a matter of 2.5 days and they tore down and completely rebuilt the porch and my GOD is it beautiful. Like, my house looks way less embarrassing...at least from the outside. 

ALAS! The crown moulding is done! Nothing like being too scared to sleep to get some actual work done :)

Should I rip out these door jambs or naw?

How to trick people into thinking you’re classy and cultured. 1) Get some damn throw pillows. Don’t even worry if they match. The more useless they are, the better. 2) Leave your Roomba running at all times-when people trip over it just comment “Haha oh! Don’t mind my vacuum cleaning robot-she’s just making my life easier” even though you know damn well it isn’t picking up any dirt because you have cleaned out the trap in ages. 3) Put a table cloth and cushions on the patio furniture you won’t be using because it’s November and everything has iced over. 4) Leave an air filter out-make it look like it’s something you actually think about changing and cleaning even though you don’t. 5) Evidence you recycle-so environmental conscious! 6) A coffee pot-not a Keurig you uncultured swine! (I actually love keurigs) 7) A fridge calendar with all the events you will not be attending. 8) House plants that you brought in last night so they didn’t freeze last night 9) A coat rack-doesn’t matter that it’s actually in the shape of a ram skull. 10) Dried flowers in an empty liquor bottle that you didn’t bother rinsing. It distracts from to diet.

Most women need more room for their clothes or shoes...I need more room for my tools. Organizing my toolbox & "work bench" today was really satisfying. Harbor Freight will be the death of me though. I'd also like to point out that the flowery little candle tin is actually full of random screws and nails. Just saying.

<p>I get my sense of humor from my dad in case y'all are wondering.

Cool Finds and Janky Joists-A day in the life of 'Anna Renovates the Bathroom'-a project gone on a year too long-A Memoir Anyways, found some old broken jars (that are green glass so that's exciting!), a 1934 Windsor Straight Whisky Bourbon bottle and and old jar that most likely contained olives. They were all stuffed under the floor of the bathroom. Today's mission was removing the plywood to get to the underneath the floor so that I could reroute in the bathroom. And it's totally a mess and totally not structurally sound and will 100% not hold a cast iron bathtub. 🤷‍♀️

It has not fallen down This is a surprise to many Myself included