#hardwood

Note!! This is a VERY LONG POST!! So keep that in mind pls 😭 Solo Headcanons, SFW. These are all my personal thoughts and feelings towards the two, and I’m sorry if I get smth wrong!! I may make nsfw Headcanons in the future about them, so look out for that lolol. I love these two, and thanks for reading <33

|| Okay, before we even pop OFF:

Dorian — He/Him, Bisexual, Demiromantic, Polyam

Tony — He/Him, queer or “who the fuck cares??”, female lean but he loves all, Polyam

So yeah, we got that out the way, let’s start!!

Solo Headcanons!

Tony !!

So, off rip, from that lil tid bit we get from Rainey about Tony’s “soprano” in the game, I think Tony sings! He ain’t AMAZING at it, but he can hold a tune. He def sings higher than his range tho— not as a joke but he genuinely wishes he had a higher range.

Rainey and him actually sing together all the time!! I think they’re besties ( Or besties with benefits. I also think he had or has a lil crush on her ! )

Okay, but speaking of love, I think he means well in his teachings, he’s just a man set on making himself look cool.

I sense a bit of insecurity, a little bit of fear of commitment, and a longing for someone to allow him to be himself. That “looks matter” isn’t from him being hateful and stuck up— it’s personal insecurity.

Under all that terrible love advice is a man who loves hard. He doesn’t get it right all the time, but when he loves someone, he’s loyal to a fault. Much like Dorian, but he’s more fun with it.

Isn’t nonchalant in the SLIGHTEST. He pretends to be, definitely ( according to his love workshop ), but that man feels deeply. He’s eccentric and loud, teaching a form of love that pertains to his ego, not to him. He doesn’t understand when the player denounces the teachings until he actually feels it.

With that being said, the man is a real big flirt. He will flirt EVERYWHERE!! No matter the time or place. He loves flustering his S/O.

Expect LOTS of cuddles and physical touch! The man is touchy. He’ll act like he ain’t, but he is.

Physical touch and words of affirmation is his love languages I think!!

okay, onto less love stuff. He’s a big family / Community man. Cares about his family, friends, loved ones to an INSANE degree.

A very stubborn man. You played the game ( or… watched someone else play the game ). That man is STUBBORN. If he believes it, he’s dead set on it. He’ll be like “I’m not wrong, so…” He won’t understand where ur coming from until he REALLY thinks about it. Then, AND ONLY THEN, will he apologize in his own special way. Probably a well thought out gift and a “You’re… not wrong.. 😒😓”

He gives EVERYONE nicknames! You get a nickname! You get a nickname! He loves nicknames, it’s efficient to him. Especially since he forgets names.

He talks to the TV / whatever he’s watching. He’ll be like “NOOO DONT FUCKIN DO THAT!! CMAHHH WHATS WRONG WITH YOUUUU 😭😭” It’s cute how invested he gets. Reality TV is a guilty pleasure.

As we know in the game, he loves Rock music!! All types probably, but I think he realllyyy likes dad rock. I also think he likes 2000s boy bands too. Just because they’re so stupidly hype.

|| SPOILERS !! ||

Pertaining his realized ending, he’s either decent at cooking and just goes “yeah, whipped smth up”, or he’s fucking terrible at it and his ego makes him think he’s Gordon fucking Ramsey. Both are funny in their own right.

Dorian !!

He’s SO deadpan. That’s his humor. Deadpan and sarcastic. It’s absolutely hilarious.

He’s very emotional. Not in an outside way, but he feels things very deeply. More internal with the things he feels.

With that being said, he has no problem expressing his feelings at all. He knows his boundaries, he knows his limits, he knows his feelings. He will not sugar coat nor hide how he feels, even if it’s hard to talk about. He takes his time, and he opens up when he’s ready.

With his boundaries, you can see that the man is very headstrong. Years of experience, and a lover gone wrong ( Keith.. 😒 ) shapes a man into a splintering wood.

Through his tough demeanor, he’s a very sweet man. He’s big and strong and very protective of all his friends and family around the house.

Not talkative, but he will listen to you or anything else in the house yap like crazy. He kinda has to, being the bouncer of every single room, but he has no problem with it. He likes knowing what goes on in the house.

Secret guilty pleasure tho? Likes to hear about the drama in the house. Hates tomfoolery, but will softly go “oooo.. 🫢” or “hm 😟” under his breath if he hears something INSANE.

The man hears all, sees all, knows all. He knows EVERYTHING that goes on in that house. He’s not one for gossip, but… once in a while he’ll give you a little heads up. Maybe a “before you go in there, those two have been.. on edge lately. Proceed with caution.” He won’t *say* what it is, but it’s always implied.

With that, I think it’s safe to say he knows everything in the house. Relationship wise, he only has a few close friends, but he knows everyone. He’s very passionate about protecting the house and everything in it, even if he doesn’t like some of the things in there.

Has always been demiromantic, his distrust of others just started with Keith. After Keith used him, in his emotional state he personally vowed to never fall in love again. Then, in a more calm and leveled state, he told himself he’d wait a long time until it happened again. He has always wanted people to get to know him before any romance blossomed at all, and it never changed. He just got more strict with himself because of Keith and his bullshit.

Gets so annoyed if you make fun of him being British. The thing about it is, it’s a specific thing. If you two are close, friends or lovers, he’ll let it slide ( give a little “alright..” ) because he knows you’re joking, and you two have a relationship. If you make fun of him without even knowing the guy? Oh, he doesn’t like you. Boundaries.

Another boundary he has is playing into jealousy. He doesn’t like it. The man doesn’t get jealous much actually, so if you try to make him jealous, it really makes him uncomfortable and upset more than angry. He won’t be possessive or let it turn into some kink thing, he’ll straight up just tell you that it hurt him and not to do it again. Simple.

Resting bitch face. We been knew. He is a smirker though. Getting him to really SMILE is a tough feat. And laugh? Oh, your work is cut out for you. Not to say he never laughs, he’s wood not stone, but is a hard thing to do.

|| SPOILERS!! ||

Okay, related to his personal realized ending? I think he can FIGHT. He probably boxes, definitely works out, and can throw a punch or break up a fight if he needs to. Helps a lot in the job he does, being a bouncer sometimes causes for someone strong to handle rowdy situations. Or people. Either or.

Now, for the ship!!

Hardwood Headcanons !!

Platonic and romantic mixed in!!

First off, I think they are very opposites attract, Sunshine x grumpy coded. But in a different way than ur typical sunshine x grumpy. More like.. upbeat x stoic. Eh, I’ll work on it.

But to the ship!! I personally think that Dorian, at first, tolerates Tony. The toolbox is DEFINITELY someone Dorian has to really warm up to. Especially when he won’t shut up about his stupid love workshop. But the more Tony runs his mouth, the more Dorian finds himself… not mad about it. Sure, Tony has terrible ideas about love, but listening to his thought process has helped Dorian come to his own conclusions.

Tony, ofc, liked Dorian from day one. He’s everywhere in the house, so Tony definitely yaps to Dorian about making improvements to the house when there’s no one else to talk to— and being in the upstairs closet? Sometimes there isn’t anyone to talk to. He appreciates Dorian’s warm presence.

I’d like to say that Dorian would gossip with Tony.. but that would be a lie. Because Tony CANNOT close his mouth nor keep a juicy secret!! Dorian wouldn’t tell that man shit no matter how much he begged to know, because he knows Tony ain’t gonna keep his mouth shut. He’ll subtly hint at certain things, but he definitely won’t outright say anything. He lets Tony come to conclusions on his own.

Tony’s silly nature rubs off on Dorian ALOT. Tony genuinely makes him chuckle with how all over the place he is ( his structured chaos, Tony’s brand. ) and he finds himself sometimes saying to others “You know what I’m talking about, right?” Only Rainey is like “…did you get that saying from Tony?” Then after that, Dorian flusters and denies it.

Dorian also finds himself really laughing at the man’s antics. There’s not many things in the house that makes him laugh.. and Tony is one of them!! First time Tony makes Dorian laugh— seeing the stoic man all happy— was probably the day Tony figured out his feelings.

From then on, Tony and Dorian kept a really good friendship— but Tony’s feelings for Dorian grew and grew. The man found himself being a bit sad that he was being “friend zoned”. Rainey and Bev comfort him on routine LMAO ( being in love wasn’t on his construction worker bingo card. )

Even with that, him and Dorian are good friends. Canonly, Tony the toolbox had probably only been there for a couple of years, so using that knowledge, he ain’t a veteran. But he’s not completely new either. It took awhile for Dorian to warm up to him, and Dorian considers him a good friend. Who he goes to for a little laugh. Who brightens up his day. Tony’s just happy that they’re friends at this point.

Until.. the line blurs.

One of the doors in the house get a little stuck, and it’s Tony’s job to fix it. Now, I have no idea what it implies.. if Tony.. “fixes” Dorian, since in the real world, you’re just using tools to fix a door. But an intimate thing probably happened between them, and now things are changing.

Dorian isn’t one to have issues with intimacy. He doesn’t. He’s completely fine with friends with benefits (which we will get more into later) so it doesn’t bother him. But Tony??? Oh he’s bothered. Whatever happened between them got him good. And he’s insanely infatuated now.

Tony isn’t one for good advice, especially not when it comes to love. He’s terrible at it, his advice sucks. So he really finds himself at a dilemma when it comes to Dorian. Dorian has been really showing him a different type of love. Pleasure in connection. Comfort in venerability. Like I said, Dorian knows himself enough to communicate, so it throws Tony for a little loop.

Tony, with his stubborn ass, doesn’t know HOW to be venerable. So it’s a little hard for him. Honestly, the man probably makes a buncha innuendoes and teases Dorian on the regular now that they’re.. something… and Dorian simply smirks. He either replies ( making Tony INSANELY FLUSTERED ) or he just says “I’m working, Tony.” And Tony respects it. He’s a workin man too.

So, that’s their thing. Tony makes sex jokes, deepens his voice, makes it all smooth and giggles when Dorian smirks back at him. That’s what they do for a hot minute. Dorian makes it clear that they’re still friends, but they have a lil thing going on.

Honestly? I think Dorian is the one to bring up romance and all of that. He doesn’t accept Tony right away, but he really does tell the guy that he’s been hurt before, and he really likes Tony, but he needs some time. So that’s what they take. Time.

And when Dorian brings it up again, they finally grow into something more ( and the people are happy about it LMAO. I know Rainey and Bev drink to that. )

Now, them as a couple is a bit hard at first, Tony with his stubbornness and trying to look cool to make sure Dorian doesn’t get bored of him, and Dorian constantly telling him he doesn’t care about all that and loves Tony for who he is. Just alot of stubbornness on Tony’s side. They get through it though, Tony really leans into being more himself, just as he was when he and Dorian were friends.

Tony is Dorian’s light. The toolbox really knows how to make Dorian at least smirk when he’s in a bad mood, and laugh when he’s in a good one. Tony being his goofy himbo self— even when he doesn’t mean to be— makes Dorian happy.

That doesn’t mean Dorian doesn’t take Tony seriously though. Because of Tony being a bit off on things ( “whose philip? What’s wrong with his head?” Come on.. ) people tend to not take him seriously when he needs to be heard. Dorian makes sure that need is met. Dorian is a great listener, so he listens whenever Tony needs it.

Tony doesn’t pry about Keith. Doesn’t even want to speak that man’s name into existence.. he really hates the guy for what he did to Dorian, even though he doesn’t even know him. He knows what happened with Dorian, and what happened with you ( the player ), so he hates the mother fucker.

People think Dorian is more protective, but they’re both protective over eachother in their own right. Dorian is quite protective— a look or a slight squint of the eye will tell you to fuck off and leave Tony alone. Tony, on the other hand, is loud with his protective nature. He WILL yell at whoever’s being an asshole to Dorian or his loved ones.

They’re not a really “you belong to me” type of couple. They’re both not for that. They’re more of a “I’m happy I’m yours.” Type of couple. Which is better for them.

Argument wise, I think Dorian doesn’t have arguments with people. I think he’s a “sit down and talk about it” type of guy, no matter how angry he gets. Tony gets VERY heated, but is easily talked down by Dorian ( I would be too with that deep British accent HELLO?? ) and Dorian always gives Tony space after a discussion. They both come back better. Tony’s adapting to Dorian’s methods.. but he likes it better than yelling. It makes him think twice before he says something stupid.

I think Tony is definitely the flirt as I’ve mentioned— but Dorian’s the one that gets him in check. Tony will say something UNHINGED, and Dorian will reply with something even worse, and Tony will curl up in a flustered ball while he tries to process.

They are FREAKY. Bitch, Tony probably had to fix trap Dorian once… we all know how that went..

Speaking of fixing doors, I really think those two are kinda the two helpers of the house! Tony can fix almost everything, Dorian keeps the house safe. They ARE the dream team!!

Dorian is AGGRESSIVELY British. Tony is AGGRESSIVELY New York. One of them says something pertaining to it, and the other is like “what the fuck, no, that’s not how you say that.” They probably go hours laughing at the certain words and slang they use for different things. It’s actually pretty fun as an activity.

Dorian, at some point, started calling Tony sunshine. Tony almost sobbed because “HE GAVE ME A NICKNAME AAAAA”. Dorian regrets it…. not that much.

They are THE Masc4Masc couple lmao. I love them. I live I live <33

Tony rants and talks most of his shit to Dorian. Dorian isn’t one for gossip… but… he may creak in interest. Like I said, he’s gonna let out a lil “ooo..🫢” every once in a while!!

I honestly don’t know if the Objects can move by themselves— it’s implied they have souls— I’m not sure. But going off the idea that they can move by themselves? Tony’s toolbox definitely opens and closes multiple times just to annoy Dorian. Dorian stands there, probably opens and shuts a door to get Tony to shut up. Tony does, in fact, shut up LMAO

Overall? They’re cute asf. Tony brings light into Dorian’s door life by being himself. Dorian brings peace into Tony’s life by being a secure constant. They balance eachother out well.

This was my LONGEST post ever lmao— insane. Talkin about a door and a toolbox.. that’s really smth..

Lmao anyway