Dealer Of Charmed Wares

someone needs to invent reverse cornflakes. i want to eat a cereal that gives me a demonic erection and inflicts upon me an insatiable lust

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

@crabussy

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

oh i'm going to misusle and straight up fuckle this knowledge so badly

A girl in Ancient Egypt wakes up to the morning dawn and walks the city streets, the river is bright under the summer sun tonight, she pets a street cat on her walk, she notices construction in this distance. She does not understand that she will someday be the subject of conspiracies, that people will argue about her true skin color, that people will claim her city was built by aliens, that her civilization will be the subject of a thousand ghost stories and adventure stories. She does not know the British will turn her king’s body into paint… A young Neanderthal awakens, and chooses to eat a slab of meat caught last night, he sings a mournful song as he thinks about a lover he has in a tribe of humans he may never see again. He does not know that he will be turned into a monster, that they’ll claim he spoke in grunts, that he’ll be imagined as humanity’s waring rival, that it will be argued if he was capable of compassion or not. He does not know that his skull will be placed in a creation ‘museum’ next to a sign trying to explain why he didn’t exist… Someone wakes up in 21st century America, they…