I'm a Trash Panda

I SHOWED IT TO MY FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHEN HE GAVE ME MY COOKIES AND HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE TOOK MY PHONE TO SHOW IT TO THE OTHER FLIGHT ATTENDANT

I don’t know how you got a good grade in being a passenger on an airline but that’s a totally normal thing to achieve and I’m not seething with jealousy at all.

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

yeah, this is my pet knight, she's a rescue. i gave her a brief act of mercy and she followed me home and sat outside my door to guard me from intruders. she swore her undying allegiance to me in exchange for a gift of grace and now she sleeps at the foot of my bed and weeps when im late coming home. and yeah, she only eats wet food because she's a snob, also.

I hate how the advice for avoiding burnout is all "if you feel like everything is a chore you're making yourself do, you should rest and do things you want to do voluntarily :)" like the fuck you mean want to do. I don't want to cook a nice homemade meal, go outside to spend time in nature, make cutesy fun little crafts, read books, or do any of that shit. Those are also chores I make myself do. Self care is a chore. Either I am up and making myself do shit that I don't want to do because people are making me and I am supposed to, or it's phone in bed. There is no secret third thing.

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

The stereotype of the nerd girl taking her glasses off and suddenly she's beautiful, but in reverse. A cold tough mean office lady who glares at everyone until she gets glasses and suddenly becomes sweet, approachable and friendly since she no longer has a constant headache over not being able to fucking see, doesn't need to squint at everything, and actually remembers individual people by name now that she can tell them apart at all.

being made by vitro fertilisation (IVF) is so funny. my parent didn't have sex, my parents conducted an experiment with a scientist. my humble beginnings can be traced to a petri dish. some person i dont know clocked in to work and then just made me. i was made in a lab and i didn't even get any cool powers or anything. im just a girl that has to work 9 to 5

a tag mentioned how likely it is for ivf to produce twins and it reminded me of the fact that i ate my twin in the womb. so maybe my secret power is eating people

Tumblr gifmakers are better than $1mil worth of marketing. I’ll see endless ads for a show and be like meh but I’ll see one good gifset and suddenly I’m on s2 ep10 finding blorbo from my gifs

Where’s the YA protagonist teen girl and her two boyfriends that are supposed to save us from this mess anyways

The dystopia books lied. The teen throuples aren’t coming to save us.

Save me teen dystopia love triangle

Teen dystopia love triangle save me

A good game of string.. I see he's played before

all these clothing stores with their 'boyfriend shirts', 'boyfriend hoodies', 'boyfriend sweatpants', 'boyfriend shorts' - every two minutes someone's poor boyfriend is being divested of his clothes for resale and left cold and naked and confused somewhere