An ESFJ Diary

instead of "Alexei eating poptarts" or "Yelena in the vents", we must come up with new headcanons and make history

Bob always does normal domestic chores, often getting in the way of important missions and spy business. "All I'm saying is Bucky is our best sniper" "It would be a much quieter assassination if I just slipped into the condo and cut his—" "Hey sorry guys, anyone have laundry? I'm doing a load"

Yelena and her guinea pig always eat meals together at the dining table. Everyone has their Chinese food or barbeque, meanwhile the rodent is loudly munching on a salad right beside them

Bucky is the mom and always keeps them on track. "Ava you have a dentist appointment in the morning, and bring Bob so they can add him to the insurance. Lena how was therapy? Alexei, I said no vodka until dinner"

Alexei is always coming up with new promotional ideas for the team. Cartoon tv show, cereal, toothpaste flavour...every day he thinks he's come up with the next big thing. Whenever they actually get put into production (Wheaties) he collects and saves it, and won't let anyone use a different product. (He threw out Yelena's frosted flakes and it took both Bucky and John to get her to stop attacking him)

Ava likes to phase and sneak attack her teammates at random. She claims it's for training but really she just thinks it's funny hearing them scream

the alarm goes off at 7 a.m. You turn the alarm off, only for another to go off a minute later, and then the next minute after that, and then the next after that, until you’re fully awake and realize what your xxxJ roommate has done to you

buckets of caffeine

did you eat?

or did you just think about eating?

you have so so much you want to tell people

but you know they don’t really want to know so you keep quiet

until someone does want to know and you word vomit all over everything

useless factoids from The Internet you think you’ll never use

that glorious moment when you do use one

it isn’t that you intend to abandon all your projects/hobbies, they just don’t hold the same excitement they used to, so it’s hard to find the motivation to do them

you see the world as mysterious and beautiful, but that sounds really stupid and Feeler-y to say, so you don’t

but you think it

because you’re always thinking

and it can be a bad thing when you zone out and people feel like you’re staring at them

people though.

people are interesting and complicated and confusing and pretty nice in small doses

it’s when you’re given too large a dose that the world seems to be disintegrating to madness before your eyes

but really you’re just a normal person, and not a robot or a cold witch or a leprechaun like people make you out to be

you’re just you

Extroverted Intuition: this is how it is.

Introverted Intuition: and they wonder why we’re narcissistic?

Extroverted Sensing: literally this whole movie.

Introverted Sensing: Si existential crises are totally underrated.

Alone time. Don’t like it? Well, we need it, or chances are we’ll fall into a loop/grip. You’re sort of taking care of us by allowing us to be alone, because if we really esteem you, and you ask us not to leave, we probably won’t

Odd displays of affection. We don’t show it like normal people. We’ll squirm out of hand-holding and then demand a piggy-back ride. We’ll have you proof-read our essay because we actually value your opinion, even if sometimes we don’t necessarily need it

Odd little bursts of information. This is another way we show affection, because we feel you value our opinion as well. “Did you know that stomach acid is often as strong as battery acid?” If you brush us aside, chances are our feelings (yes, we have those) will be hurt

Cheesy romance. Maybe there’s a Romeo or Don Juan out there among us, but I doubt it. We’re genuine, but we’re also a bit hopeless

I’m sorry, but there is a good chance you’ll feel as though you’re taking care of your INTP. (This is why ENFJs are often considered an ideal match for us.) Sometimes we forget to eat; often we’ll walk out in front of a car without realizing it. Don’t patronize us for it though: it will Tick Us Off

We are literally some of the worst people in the world at picking up on emotions. Maybe we can tell you’re angry, but most likely we’ll have no idea what caused it and how to fix it. We’re also often highly unaware of our own emotions, so please treat them gently

If we love you, there’s very few things in the world we wouldn’t do for you. Until they’ve actually been in love, INTPs might even be surprised by this, but when we experience emotions, it’s in a very pure, childlike way. Whether we think love is chemicals, a feeling, or a choice, if we’re brave enough to love you, it’s with our whole hearts

Memes

Fe:

you didn’t say please

you’re being a jerk to the waiter

just rudeness in general

Fi:

you stepped on their cat’s tail

you insinuated they weren’t being logical

you insulted their favorite book

Te:

you’re crying and they don’t know why

you refused to debate with them

you didn’t put your gosh-darned shoes where they belong

Ti:

you refuse to look at all sides of the situation

you used a logical fallacy to make Fe cry

you said, “well, actually,” and proceeded to try to correct them

Se:

you won’t shut up about that one time in Budapest

you’re daydreaming instead of just walking like a normal person

the answer as to why they’re mad at you is probably right in front of you

Si:

you forgot the reason why they’re mad at you

you won’t acknowledge that it’s always been done that way for a good reason

you completely disregarded the way they remembered it

Ne:

you refuse to look at all sides of the situation (Ne and Ti will fight you together on this)

you stole their last piece for the jigsaw puzzle

you made fun of their ideas

Ni:

you told them their hunch was silly (you’ll be sorry)

you asked them for “real evidence” before all the dots were connected

make the first move

if we’re brave enough to approach you first and you don’t respond super well, we’re really stupid, so we’ll think you hate us

get us talking about whatever it is we love

then talk about what you love, because that’s fascinating

you do actually have to talk to us, we’re not talented enough to run a monologue

make us feel valued. I mean, don’t worship the ground we walk on, but just let us know you thought of us

don’t belittle us, even jokingly. We might laugh, but we’re actually taking it to heart

demonstrate your intellect in some way. I don’t mean your books smarts–your intellect. Are you people smart? Music smart? Street smart? Got a unique view of life? We’ll love it, absolutely eat it up

if we like you, we don’t mind being taken care of in small ways, like if you bring us a muffin from the batch you made. We might even like it. But…

don’t smother us (literally or metaphorically, please). Don’t ask us 57 times if we’ve eaten, or drank water, or if we slept. We’re not your child

you don’t always have to understand what we’re talking about; just appreciate our unique view, like we will yours

look past whatever mask we’re putting up, and let us know, through gentle words or sincere action, that it’s okay for us to just be us

jokes? puns? yes please

so long as you aren’t making them for attention–we haven’t got that much attention to give

appreciate our obscure references. You don’t have to actually understand, just smile like you do

feed us

be able to hold a conversation, and also sit with us in silence

periodically supply us with books referrals, useless facts, and random trivia

yes, we are often self-destructive, but don’t smother us with your protection. Let us walk into walls sometimes, it brings us back to reality

did I mention we like food

don’t call our ideas stupid or impractical, even if they are. Gently supply advice

if we finally fall asleep, do not awaken us. Do Not.

small doses of affection at first. We are affection-starved and have learned how to operate without it. INTP will rebel if showered with affection too soon

if we come to you, don’t shut us down. We’re Fe stupid, and will take it to heart and never approach you again

really we’re cats. Just treat us like you would a cat

we’ll probably even chase the red dot

- seem popular when you first look at them, probably attractive (it’s that pouty lip lifestyle)

- then you realize that they don’t talk to people

- then you realize that when they do talk, they talk really loudly

- then you realize, when they talk to their close friends, they won’t shut up

- except for when they’re silent for three months at a time

- then you get slapped w/ the fact that they’re A NERD (and proud of it)

- OR you never find out they’re a nerd and think everyone else is delusional for treating them like they’re the most intelligent person on the planet when clearly, this person is a big dumbass

- probably waiting for someone to do or say something interesting

- might be surrounded by people but always on the outside of the circle or latched onto one person 

- EYE CONTACT. Hands down, the easiest way to know assuming they have already acknowledged your existence. I personally don’t know what to do with my eyes during a conversation so I don’t really look away. Only look at you if they’re interested. 

- “No, oh wait, maybe…” is their go-to response (a conversation btwn INTPs is like so: “no, for this reason-” “no, you’re wrong because-” “no, because-” “no, I’m correct”)

- often really bored by whatever is happening outside of their head so they either won’t engage or will try to start a game or something

- always known as the funny friend

- easily annoyed, famous for glares, sometimes it’s meant as a joke

- in class, they wait for someone else to answer the teacher’s questions first before deciding they’ll take initiative when no one else does  — > applies to most things

- cuddly but in a particular way, likely want to be the one to initiate all forms of bodily contact once they’re close to you

- might not even like cats but 100% of people will read them as a cat-person

- intelligent but forgets a lot of shit because they just don’t care enough or haven’t had to remember that piece of knowledge in 3 yrs. 

- when they’re passionate, they’re all in, the edge of the multiverse is the limit / when they’re not, they’re gonna sleep for the next 100 yrs. and will growl at you if you wake them

- may wake up early but won’t do anything until 7:00PM-4:00 AM because it’s peak performance hour

- great at finding other people’s stuff, great at losing their own

- respond to your questions like a CIA agent, you’re on a need to know basis 

- but also will randomly spill all their secrets at 3 AM

- when someone says they’re friends w/ them they respond either like 1) “we’re friends?” *confusion* or 2) “we’ve been in love since we met” 

- their good friends know who their crush is before they know

- text you immediately but often forget you exist if you don’t constantly remind them (it’s okay, they forget they exist)

- love you lots but are also trying not to be too attached

- kinda nice but also analyzing your every move and storing it in their mental bank 

- they will remember really specific things about you and will either use this to tell when you’re lying or to get you great birthday presents

- don’t trust you but supposedly they should give people the benefit of the doubt

- if you insult them, they will look at you blankly because they’re trying to figure out if you meant that as an insult, if they care about you, and if they care at all

- competitive but unmotivated at the same time

ISTJs:  I think it’s great that there are so many of you, because ISTJs drive the world, get stuff done, and always seem to know what’s going on. You’re so incredibly reliable and trustworthy and we need people like that. Without your devotion and logical thinking, the world would be nowhere.

ISFJs: You guys are the glue that holds society together. I love how much you care about everyone and how much effort you put in to make sure everyone is okay. Seriously, you deserve more credit for being such great people, and you have both the drive and natural kindness to help a lot of people.

INFJs: Not only do you have other peoples’ best interests in mind, you guys dream big and have bold ideals. You may not think they’ll happen, but because you’re all so gutsy and organized (unlike me) I feel like you can and will accomplish your goals. I wish there were more of you, because you’re brilliant.

INTJs: You nerds are going to change the world. Seriously, you’re all intelligent, knowledgeable, determined and generally great at stuff, and you’re unbound by expectations. You are creators, challengers, improvers, and while you are few, you can have massive effects on the world on your own.

ISTPs: I know none of you are that dependent on the approval of others, but for what it’s worth: you are great. Your cleverness, pragmatism and bravery mean that you can accomplish awesome things that others could only dream of, and your calmness under pressure is something I strive for.

ISFPs: I feel like the world would be so much more peaceful if people adopted your mindset. It’s incredible how well you guys can see the beauty in others and the world around you. Flexible, talented people like you have so much potential, and since you’re all so kind and charming it’s great to be around you.

INFPs: You guys are most interested in deep thoughts and long-term goals and don’t care about shallow things. And that’s a wonderful way to be. I’m so glad that there are people like you: deep thinkers who don’t forget to look after others, altruists who still seek to define themselves. You fit so many great qualities into one incredible personality.