I started mooncourse…

“If that’s rape, then I would be a rapist,” whisper the men to themselves.

he yelled when i was playing outside and he wanted me in for dinner, but that was only so id hear him. he yelled the day i told him and my mom about the abuse going on at school, but that was when i was up in my room and he was downstairs yelling over my special ed teacher abusing me and my classmates and the school letting it happen and how messed up it was. he yelled the night he went to kill my uncle cuz he was upset that my uncle had raped my cousin

but he never yelled at me. i wasnt afraid of him screaming at me or worried that he might hit me when i got in trouble

and i grew up just fine. i grew up feeling loved. i grew up able to talk to him about my hobbies and interests. i grew up comfortable around my own dad

im really disorganized, and god i was much worse when i was younger. i didnt finish my homework a lot then either

so when wed get a note home about my incomplete homework and disorganization, my dad….didnt yell at me. wed go about our day and when we were alone, hed bring it up. he was always gentle about it and he took ‘i dont know’ as an answer when he asked me why i had trouble finishing homework or organizing 

according to my mom, enough ‘i dont know’s led to me getting my adhd diagnosis 

and like…..i got better with organizing and finishing work. why? cuz my dad helped me. he sat down and helped me with my homework. we made a system that helped me finish assignments. he helped me organize my backpack and folders. i still use these systems even though im older and hes not here 

when we moved, i didnt like my new special ed teacher at first, mostly cuz i was afraid shed be like my old one. i skipped going to her room a lot. i did whatever i could to avoid her

and so my dad asked me why i didnt go to her class. he asked me while we were doing something we liked, he was gentle about it too, and he had never been even vaguely threatening to me before……so i felt comfortable telling him i was scared

he helped me with this too. he told me to write down everything that happened in special ed and keep the page, so id see after a period of time that she wasnt going to abuse me. he worked with my special ed teacher for us to interact outside of a classroom environment for a little so i wouldnt feel pressured or that she had power over me

Some quick mouse form/anatomy practice- gave ‘em BEES.

Definitely more to come. 8)