in case of glass, break fire

do people even call their children squirt anymore

take away the teeth and the eyes children don't have that anymore

Stop calling me taylor swift

That keyboard is a sin against humanity

MANY of you would have unquestioningly went along with the Salem witch trials.

Make sure to boycott all local shows and bands btw

You can't be punk if you listen to music

You can't be punk

It's just not possible

White boy CONFUSES Mexican restaurant staff by ordering in perfect Mandarin.

they keep trying to take me root vegetables

I'll be honest I don't remember writing this

Cave divers are our bravest, most useless soldiers

But without cave divers, who would rescue all the stuck cave divers?

Every cave dive rescue operation involves a second, even more stuck cave diver.

Why is this back omfg