The amphibian parlor

Humanity has peaked

LAST OUT OF TOUCH THURSDAY OF 2020 HOW WE FEELING

congress truly does not hold enough fear in their hearts :)))))

mcconnell truly does not hold enough fear in his heart :)))))))

Dr. Seuss quotes are sure to get him.

Those Congressmen/women are quaking in their boots now.

LMAO wow you sure got me

I have no idea who you are and I don't care.

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

delete this

This is one of the few posts that lives in my likes because every once in a while I think, “I should listen to that video again, it can’t possibly be as funny as I thought it was the first time I heard it” and then I hit play and I laugh. Every time. 

3 years ago I got off work late & was in line at the grocery store and I accidentally made eye contact with a white boy in a SnapBack, he looked me up and down then in the sleaziest voice said “Salaaaa malaikum” to this day it echoes as I see him vividly during sleep paralysis

he was just greeting you lmao

When someone breaks into your home and whispers “h-hewwo…? uWu ” In your ear as you lie still in fear, I will be in the corner, grinning. You look at me, your eyes pleading, begging for help. But what do I say? “He was just greeting you lmao” it echoes in the suddenly cold room. You hear it again, somehow getting closer. “H-h-hewwo? Is anyone thewe? OwO” who will save you now?

hey op you ok?

no

@beggars-opera