The Moth

The only things that work without rest are machines; literally everything that lives requires rest.

The offensive part is when you start using this as an excuse to be disrespectful to people and frame your preferences as their responsibility.

For example:

"I'm sorry but you're just not my type" is completely fine. It's respectful and straight to the point, and you're not belittling their body or implying their body is wrong.

On the contrary, "I'd never date a woman with a penis" or "I'd never date a man with a vagina" is offensive, just like saying "I'd never date a fat chick", because you're pointing out a specific characteristic of their body that's out of their control and, at worst, framing it as something "gross" and "needs fixing".

Not to mention that those phrases are frequently transphobic dogwhistles anyway and, most of the time, you know exactly what you're doing when you say something like that.

My point is: Nobody needs to know what your preferences are. That's something you keep to yourself because you should understand that you still need to be respectful and kind to people you aren't sexually attracted to. You still should be considering people's feelings whether you have empathy or not because it's wrong to hurt innocent people.

Besides, the idea that you have to be romantically or sexually attracted to someone to respect them as a human being is so utterly ridiculous and it's the main issue I have with the body positivity movement.

I don't care if fat bodies are sexy to you or not, I just want you to treat me with basic respect as a human being, and I imagine everybody else feels the same way.

"No one needs to know your preferences" sounds like "don't ask, don't tell," or "I'm ok with the gays as long as they aren't loud about it." You actually said "keep it to yourself" during Pride month. What a choice. Exclusive homosexuality isn't something that "needs fixing" either.

Thr fucking queer community BEGAN with the idea and notion that you CANNOT CONTROL what or who you are attracted to and it's okay, once this started being a situation whithin the community itself suddenly everyone CAN control what they're attracted to, they just don't want to because they're all oppressors and they're all transphobic or homophobic or whatever you will call.

Men with vaginas and vulvas are still men, gay men who are attracted to men with vaginas and vulvas are not suddenly not gay. But gay men who are not attracted to men with vaginas and vulvas are not more gay than the ones that do. Because those aren't women in any way whatsoever. They just like penises and that's okay.

If someone weren't attracted to me because of my vagina, it's literally not my business to handle. It's not an information I am entitled to. It's their preference and it's their private sexual life, even though it would suck that I'm not inherently attractive to them it's not like they can do anything about it. What ARE they meant to do? Take viagra and force an erection they simply don't have naturally?

Same idea with every other scenario. No one is entitled to know why you aren't attracted to them, it's your business and you are free to say and free to conceal. It's not something you can change about yourself, we all know that.

If you're not attracted to a woman because you're gay, you don't HAVE TO tell her you're not attracted to her because you're gay. You just say "I'm not attracted to you" and move the fuck on, it's not her business to know your sexuality. It's not something you HAVE TO say to anyone.

No one said "Keep it to yourself" and nobody said "Excusive homosexuality" needs fixing, on the contrary.

Y'all just have your defenses so high up and so on the edge all the time that everything you see on the internet criticizing you is a scary hater that wants you quiet, wants you submissive or wants you dead.

Because I think we do need a feminist movement that focuses on trans people!

All trans people!

And creating a system like TMA and TME is such a bullshit and unhelpful way to do that

Like "yes we will put everyone into two boxes, "good oppressed real trans woman" and "evil malfunctioning women who we all hate and deserve to be murdered with guns". This system is very progressive and feminist and accounts for all trans people. If you have any issues with it then you are an evil transphobic misogynist who clearly hates all trans women."

#And please STOP trying to contain your trans siblings

#we should never be enforcing imaginary rules on each other

#part of community is helping each other stand tall

and now mourning is political, too.

i'm so sorry, murry foust. i keep thinking about how tired you must have been. how tired all of us are. how humiliating it is that even when we die alone, people still laugh and debate whether we deserved to live a happy, dignified life at all.

there are trans kids online right now learning your name – and the names of juniper blessing, lucas redbeard knapp, aleanna belcher, and davonta curtis – through grief. through fear. through that horrible, familiar ache of "that could've been me." and i hate that this is part of our inheritance from one another. not just chosen family and resilience and beauty – but memorials. vigils. apology letters to ghosts.

It also goes without saying that bioessentialism inherently can’t be trans inclusive no matter how hard you try. “All men including trans men—” probably not. “This is only a woman’s issue—” is it really? “Afabs only—” why? “All trans men are like—” what? what are they like? finish the sentence i dare you.