Bite Me Alien Boy

For those of you still figuring it out: THIS ISN’T A SCREENSHOT, ITS A FUCKING PAINTING.

HOLY SHIT

My absolute gospel truth and I'm sorry this is so sappy but--where I'm living, Ilya fully changes his name to Hollander when they get married, like just fully legally changes it. And despite the fact that he continues to use Rozanov professionally ("Just like J. Lo," Ilya says.) everyone who knows them personally obviously knows what Ilya's legal name is and also assume it's a way to kind of stick it to his shitheel father. To this end, and kind of as a joke at first, people start referring to their two-person unit as The Hollanders ("Okay, the Hollanders are in room 508" etc.) but it becomes steadily less and less a joke when neither Shane or Ilya really seems to think of it as one. Ilya especially seems to genuinely love it. He'll say shit like "Oh yes the Hollanders will be there" when asked if they're coming to a barbecue like they live in a postcard. He LOVES to give his name as Ilya Hollander and he LOVES to book reservations under 'Misters Hollander' and he LOVES to say the words 'Shane and Ilya Hollander' out loud with his mouth. I also think that for their last game together in the league Ilya and Shane wear jerseys that say S. Hollander 24 and I. Hollander 81 and it's like. An end of an era type thing. And they frame the jerseys.

Steve functioning as Corroded Coffin's manajor a while after he starts dating Eddie. He doesn't really mean to start doing it, but after a certain point he just kinda begins to help. Smoothes over disputes. Supplies snacks because god knows they need it between yelling at each other and pouring their souls into their instruments. He figures out their schedules and begins supplying them with practice days that actually make sense. All his knowledge of caring for other people and organizing and being a "team leader" in sports. He puts it all right back into helping his boyfriend's band. At some point he actually puts together their gigs. A good word from someone with the Harringto name, a bit of funds associated with it, and a lot of charm to the owners of bars around town. Steve gladly opens the door for them to be proffessional, and even start getting big. It's a natural decision when he starts managing the band's funds as well. Sure, he never really was interested in putting what his father taught him to use, but being able to track and chart and organize is a great skill now that he's waist deep in managing the band. It shocks him when he overhears the conversation. ("Dude, I get that he's your boyfriend and he's helping out of the good of his heart, but we really should be paying him." "Yeah Ed, and maybe also try not to break his heart. Seriously. I don't think I can go back to a life without Harrington brand homemade brownies." "Do you always think with your stomach?" "Do you think at all?" "Guys- Guys calm down!" He hears Eddie laughing "Don't worry, I'm sorting it out. Kinda hard to figure out how to pay someone when they're the one tracking your budget." There's a pause. "And I'd never break his heart. I love him. I'm in for the long haul... it's really only a matter if he is." Steve feels his heart swell at the tone of pure honesty and affection. Yeah, maybe he want's to do this for the rest of his life.)

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

do NOT google "omega heat"

prayers for the people googling "omega heat" for the first time

absolutely DO google omega heat without any prior knowledge please

The comments reminded me that heterosexual people exist, I honestly forgot that was an option for a minute