Overcast Astronaut

on dragonback, breathing fire. 

There was no mistaking it. 

I was drafted into war. 

Then, it came softly. 

I didn’t recognize it at first: 

A cup of tea in its hands, 

+1 for her laugh,

How my name sounds

Warm— 

From her smiling lips. 

+2 for her hand on my knee,

On my arms or hips, 

“Sorry.”

Please don’t be. 

+3 for late night texts,

+4 for heart-reacts

Is it delusion or just the facts? 

The ink ran dry

Too tired to cry

Too sad to sleep

Someone save me

I’m full of “maybe”

On my way to “no”

Not anymore

Not ever

Never

Again. 

“I’ll give you space”

Not that kind though

Not the kind I’d give you:

The kind with galaxies, stars

Far– to the moon and back 

Lightyears of love and all that.

Your space is distance 

Shroedinger’s friendship:

Both alive and dead

Liminal memories

There’s that spot that always smells like pee

And that other one– this one dryer

And another– this one wetter

Gay people deserve better

But still 

This is where I learned 

Here on Cap Hill

Gay people like Halloween

And iced coffee 

French bulldogs

And the conservatory 

There’s no rainbow flag tattoo 

Big enough to deter straight men

Girls can break your heart too 

the warmth seeps in

Like honey in tea

Or perfume on skin

You dissolve me and win

Prized words, feelings, thoughts

Bound up with pink ribbon

Bleeding hearts and forget-me-nots

Curious hearts inquire within

Speaking everything except 

“I love you,” in the empty spots

Between, we must accept 

Fault lines in reality 

Can you see what I see?

Will you be what I want you to be?

Or is this the casual brutality 

Of hope— alone at the end of my rope

Waiting for the water to rise, high tides 

Held me under, 

Drowning in

Everything about you

The more I learned

I loved, 

Something about you

Caught me, humbled

First steps stumbled

Last words fumbled, 

And still, I love

Everything about you

In the silence,

In the dark blanks,

My ears, my lungs fill--

Flying through the air, 

Not a care,

In a dark park

Feet dangling,

Chains in hand, unplanned,

Wind through hair,

“Why not?” I thought,

Just felt right tonight 

After sundown

After golden hour, now or 

Never or tomorrow, 

Or the next day,

I’m burning again

But what for?

Heavy fade

Extinguished

By her fingers

Touched,

At last

Finally,

High hopes

Underpaid and tired

Of the same 180 square feet

Dull, flat faces in the alley

Hoping time heals 

What money can’t fix

...

Sometimes you cry

For a few rainy weeks

At once, 

The pain of love 

And the disappointment

Of knowing better

In the closet

Sorting bones

...

Windows darken

Down the street

On the homes

...

In the houses

They’re alone

In your lungs,

My dear,

Whisper in my ear

How you care,

Wouldn’t dare,

Leave me here.

It’s sincere— 

What the soul holds,

Between the folds,

Of the sheets, 

Trapped heartbeats,

Vestigial body heat,

To frown 

Than to smile”

His warm hand

Squeezes my shoulder

My lips droop 

The less we say,

Staves off 

that terminal, lovesick affliction 

Dries tears from

eyes for lustful conniption 

Set sights on

seductive dream of perfection 

Gracefully descends

into that familiar, eventual friction

Gravity-bound—

Cold, wet, gravity-bound ooze