Lose yourself to find yourself

Are the thoughts and experiences that shaped us as children,

The trauma we endured an eternal mirroring throughout our lives,

Who could I of become, what future awaited the innocent,

When do we lose our innocence? When are we deemed to be a lost cause?

Are we grasping at grains of sand, only to watch them filter through our fingers,

How much time should I spend dwelling on the past? How many haunted dreams shall I encounter?

The future is unknown but our path is fluid,

We are but water that channels and conquers

A pearlescent heist from creation,

Watch our lives drain down into our pre-destined tragedies,

We are but a victim to our fates.

Innocence is but an illusion of a modern reality.

Your name 

Your friends

The shadow of your existence in my life

The phrases of your speech haunt my tongue

I can’t seem to shake the feeling that you rattle around in my thoughts

The long-gone possibilities tangle in my head,

An uncertain quality of if I should of done more

If that we were never meant to be

Maybe I am just hung up on the thought of another tomorrow with you

A future where I am happy 

I hold on the idea as a desperate plea

I never felt so estranged in your arms and yet they are all I think about,

Give me sweet retribution from myself

I am tearing my own future apart

Piece by piece I question what I want

Question who I want

And who I am going to be,

Don’t you smell the decaying stench of Democracy

The well placed facade of our society

Behind the figure head that smiles and gleams

The dirty deals of the team behind that person

A clockwork machine is produced and the person is no longer their own

All the effort and corrupt deceit

The different cogs and framework put in at just the right angle 

Which the mono toned media displays

To be put in control

Millions of people are watching

Millions of people are listening

Choosing a side in a war that doesn't get shown

We become the sheep that we insist 

can not exist 

I sit on this wooden bench next to you

We meet in this park just as the sun sets

The silence between us is welcome because we know all that needs to be said

Far different to the constant buzz of the city 

Where something always needs to be announced

We look out to the city landscape

The concrete geometric jungle

It’s lit my the orange hues of electricity

As the previous light fades to welcome other countries

I think we have been here for hours

But as the night comes the warmth slowly fades

I can’t believe you are gone now

The seat beside me empty

You said we had forever 

Sickened by all the dark times

I’ll readily jump into your angled arms

Swallow me whole into your blinding abyss

Take me so I don’t have to feel no more

Its so stupid that we put so much pressure on our exams

When we have to make the little decisions that will change our lives just as much

The things that we cant control, the things we cant study for 

Determine the outcome of the rest of our life

hi

                                                                   hi

How are you?

                                                             Good

                                                 How are you?

Bad

                                                             Why?

Because you aren’t

Its hard to admit that you are not ‘Good’ 

To others who always reply with ‘Good’

Chose those friends that will be there for you

And tell you its ok when it feels like the worlds ending

it scares me that we all start off the same

Only shaped by testosterone, estrogen, our bodies, social expectations, culture and experiences

We could of become monsters that you hear about on the news

Killed ourselves in the face of society

But we were saved the heart ache of their lives

So we are here today

With our own multitude of problems

That we can never fix

But that can all change with one step in the wrong direction

I can’t sleep

Hours tick past

With me lying down staring above

The shadows don’t haunt me anymore

I’m no longer afraid 

I listen to the dark

The creaks of the old house

Branches knocking on my window

They tell stories if you listen close enough

Stories that should never be told

Those of horror

Those that can never come to light

The only reason I’m scared tonight

Is because they mentioned something about you

Kiss me

While sitting on the grass

Such innocence in your eyes

I don’t understand why you feel so close

When you are an arm length away

We could stare up at the the blue sky with the transforming clouds

Or you could lean a little closer

Making our eyes so close together

That you are all I see

Shut them

Breathe in and move closer to me 

Kiss me

Under the knowing stars

Sit in that clearing on the fallen tree

Where you played as a child and a many happy memories perspired

Listen to the birds chatter ‘welcomes’ around you

Those tall, bright green trees filled with light, encompass 

And yet all you think about are the problems 

Years ago forged with a simple mistake

Yet they haunt you so, even til this day

The place that you run to when everything's wrong

Where you sit on that fallen tree and think about things

But you never hear the wails

To flicker open your eyes and see

There is no bountiful forest

Only stumps of what used to be

No longer a child, Do not dwell like a child

Don’t waste your life on that fallen tree

Day and Night

Such distinguishable things

Yet are only caused by the rotation of our planet 

We could be in the middle of space,

In eternal darkness 

And still expect that warm sensation to come up over the horizon,

In eternal light 

And expect that gaseous orb to move down behind those hills,

Make use of the Daylight

Make use of the Darkness

Enjoy the equality of day and night

Because there will be days like it seems there is only one

9:00   am :     Go to work 

10:00 am :     Work

7:00   pm :     Go home

10:00 pm :     Go to sleep

Next day  :    Copy and paste for 4 days  +two days staring at a screen

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

The schedule we follow for years on end

In the hopes to get more money for that next trip 

Pay off that debt

Saving up for when your old 

When you have the opportunity to travel the world

It’s been 80 years of the system 

You are finally Free!

But the trip never comes

Your friends are in hospital

You are in Hospital

All that money sits snugly in a bank

Your life’s legacy stored there

You wither away with stories to say

All beginning with “I wish”

Black and Grey

Colours of the streets

The familiar artificial colours 

Flared up with distracting neons

The signs show us colour now

Not the colour of the sunset

That is gone now too

Up in the smoke our lives have created

We are scared to leave our homes

To the far corners where the grass might be greener

Stay in the light

Dance in the light of those dimly lit lanterns

On the floating platforms that hover above the void

Walk in-between those gaps but don’t look down 

Don’t look out

They wouldn’t like that 

Just follow the other sheep in the light 

Who needs to know the shadows secrets

When the shadows are all screaming jump

Can you hear the voice

Singing in your head

The drumming killing everything hit after hit

Repeat, repeat its something inside my head

But you can hear it too

The relentless band playing symphonies in my head

You just have to lean close enough

For me to give it to you