If I keep practicing I might even be a person soon

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be someones lame ass boyfriend

sends an offersheet to my neighbours wife

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

"i just don't like masculine women" literally i'm so sorry for you loss. i hope you get well soon

The Clarifier would like to make just one more comment

offseason t-shirt that says "I MISS MY TERRIBLE SPORTS TEAM"

learning lots about the terrible NHL teams via this post but I need everyone to refocus on women's sports here

(no beers in) i could really go for a beer right now

(two beers in) mmmm (slaps my belly) i could use another beer right now

(five beers in) (attacking strangers) (frightened animal backed into a corner) (blood stains the cracks in the pavement) (mothers wait for sons who will never come home) (flags rest still at the bottom of their poles) (the birds are silent and the wind does not blow) (there are no clouds in the sky) (there is no more water in the well)

Welcome to the Dallas stars off season! Your favorite player is a free agent and we have no cap space. Good luck :)