This was meant to be a mainly art blog but my diluc and kaeya brainrot is too strong and I somehow ended up writing a whole ass essay on how deeply I feel for these 2 boys and their story.
Thinking about diluc and kaeya again, about how kaeya was shy as a child always in dilucs shadow, about how diluc was the cheerful one, about how he must have been such a good and kind older brother. Maybe that's why kaeya is such a good older brother to all of mondstadt's kids. Thinking of little kaeya recently adopted into the Ragnvindr family, he must have felt so grateful but still so homesick, he wouldn't have belonged immediately no matter how much diluc and crepus tried. Thinking about how he tried to go home by sneaking on a ship to sumeru and being brought back by the ear by crepus. Crepus must have been worried sick, he must have grounded kaeya for a month after that but he must have held him so tight, "don't ever do that again" he would have said. and diluc must have been so worried and so ecstatic when they finally returned home.He must have hugged him and held him so tightly and for the first time since being abandoned kaeya felt loved, he had a family again and for the first time didn't want to go home anymore, because he was already there.
Thinking about the brothers growing up the character stories tell you diluc was swordsman, kaeya is still one, they must have trained together learned the skills together, do you think diluc switched to claymore after their fight, because he couldn't pick up a sword anymore without thinking of his brother, without thinking of all the times they trained together and how the last time he used the sword he had hurt his brother so much, his little brother he always wanted to protect. But kaeya wasn't his brother anymore was he, he was a traitor, an enemy spy, he said so himself, but in his heart diluc wouldn't believe it, if he did why can't he tell the knights why won't he expose it, why would he keep it a secret. He can't do that, he can't let his brother get locked up as a criminal, he might be angry but in his heart he will always protect his brother, in his heart he believes his brother won't betray him no matter what he told him that day.
Do you ever think of how kaeya must have felt that night after his father died all full of complicated thoughts the ancient plots he doesn't fully understand but knows he will have to make a choice that he may end up betraying his family he doesn't want to. if he could he would choose mondstadt and his happiness but it wasn't that simple was it. A battle between his truth and his happiness. His duty to khaenriah as its last hope and his loyalty to mondstadt and the family that raised him. Do you think when he went to confess to diluc a part of him was hoping diluc would end him so he would not have to make that choice. So he would no longer have to feel all this pain and guilt thats not even letting him grieve his fathers death as a good son should, because its all he can think of. He knows his brother enough to know how he would react after all, and he would deserve it, he told himself, if he had to die better this way than another.
Thinking about how diluc must have been in so much pain that day after losing his father all he would have wanted was some support from his brother all he must have wanted would have been for kaeya to be there for him. After all no one else could understand this except him, but instead his brother had come to him and told him this horrible truth, this horrible secret that he's kept from them the whole time, diluc must have felt so betrayed, so broken in that moment. He could have killed kaeya in that moment, he almost might have if it wasn't for kaeya getting a vision. He would never have wanted to hurt him, but how could he help it when the one person who was supposed to be there for him has lied to him for so long.
Do you think when kaeya got his vision he must have been shocked and bitter, diluc got his vision at ten years old, kaeya who looked up to his brother so much would have wanted to be just like him, being a swordsman, joining the knights, all his life he followed his brother's footsteps and now he gets a vision in this moment when he's facing his brother in a fight, and its a cryo vision, the opposite of diluc's pyro. so incompatible as he says later on.
Thinking about how diluc left his vision when he left the knights and went on the fatui killing spree for three years. Thinking about how kaeya kept the vision the whole time and returned it in a vase when diluc got back. The same vase that diluc keeps on display where everyone who visits the mansion can see it even though he thinks it's tacky and complained that he didn't need it. Do you think the whole time diluc was gone kaeya would look at the vision everyday to see if its still glowing, to make sure his brother is still alive. He must have been so happy when diluc returned though diluc was no longer the cheerful older brother he knew. Atleast he was alive.
Do you think kaeya blamed himself for not being by dilucs side the last three years he was gone, he was always by his side, he was dilucs supporter and sounding board they were almost like twins, and now they were not even friends.
Do you think diluc spent his time those three years feeling so alone for the first time in his life, do you think he wished and wished his brother was by his side as he always was for so long. Do you think he blamed himself for so long thinking he blinded kaeya in one eye in that fight. The relief he must have felt when he returned home and realised he hadn't. Do you think diluc would have wanted to hug him so much when he first got home after those three years, he must have wanted to hug him just like he did all those years ago when kaeya tried to go to sumeru on the ship. but he couldn't, not anymore, not after what happened. Kaeya didn't even live at home anymore, but of course he didn't, how could he after what happened, do you think that's why diluc sold the mansion, because he couldn't live there anymore all alone with the memories of his father who is dead and his brother who may never call him his brother again.
Thinking about how kaeya was only seventeen when diluc left after the fight. Not yet an adult still so young and all alone again. Do you think diluc must have been shocked to see his brother when he returned, he was so grown up now, so different, cavalry captain now, dilucs old position, of course even after diluc was gone he would follow his footsteps, he wasn't shy anymore but rather confident, charming, dramatic, and Lord, he was taller than diluc now, when had that happened. How had he changed so much.
Thinking about how kaeya wrote eight letters to diluc and though diluc only replied to two of them, he kept them all. Thinking about how diluc must have still been angry, he must not have wanted to reply at all but he couldn't help himself. kaeya keeps hinting at his blind eye, of course he does, little brothers can be annoying like that, "don't think I don't know that your right eye wasn't blinded" he writes back. "I didn't mean to hide it from you on purpose, but I suppose you found out all the same" kaeya writes, "not everyone who wears an eyepatch is blind you know, some people also wear it if they have a scar". diluc doesnt know what to say to that, it is true that he has scarred his brother probably for life, he blames himself for this everyday. kaeya writes to him more, he knows about diluc being the dark Knight hero, of course he does, he knows diluc more than anyone, he hints at teaming up with the knights, he worries about diluc's safety. "don't worry about me, take better care of yourself " diluc writes back, he can't help it he may be angry but he worries about his little brother too.
Thinking about how kaeya kept dilucs replies along with seashells they collected together as children. He must have wanted to reconcile so bad, do you think he was hesitant to write to diluc at first, of course he was, he ends the first letter saying its alright if you don't reply. He doesn't expect diluc to reply at all but he can't help writing to him. He doesn't blame diluc for the fight or his scar he says so himself, and yet he alludes to his eye in the letter, he just can't help himself, annoying your older brother is a younger sibling privilege after all. No surprise diluc knows he wasn't blinded of course he knows, he knows him better than anyone. Do you think he felt hopeful when he got diluc's second reply, "take better care of yourself ". Maybe his brother did care for him still, maybe there was still hope for them.
Thinking about how diluc says you can trust half of what kaeya says at best, but he still trusts him with his dark Knight hero secret. yes the story quest made it seem like this was the first kaeya knew of it but the letters which are way older and collei's backstory in the webtoon tell us that not only has kaeya known the whole time but they have even worked together. In fact it seems more likely that kaeya was helping with the alibi by sending a Knight to check on him so there's official records of diluc not being the dark Knight hero. After all since everyone in the place was dilucs staff, how did kaeya get there with no one knowing. Of course the way they acted at the end is at odds with this but as in the webtoon kaeya knowing about it is a secret even from everyone else, if the rest of it was dilucs alibi then this was kaeya's alibi in a way. Even after all that's happened they can depend on each other even now.
Thinking about how kaeya said diluc is gloomy and boring but he still spends most of his time in the tavern annoying diluc in true younger brother fashion. Kaeya is obviously still guilty about everything but he still annoys diluc and teases him at every occasion he gets. He cant help it after all, its what little brothers do.
Thinking about how diluc gives him grape juice to stop him from coming because he knows kaeya doesn't like it in the webtoon and yet kaeya keeps coming, but in the end he finally serves him wine. Thinking about how they worked together for the first time in years at the time and they still did so well. Thinking about how diluc's anger and hostility slowly decreased as the chapters progressed. thinking about how obvious it was that kaeya was desperately trying to fix things pretending everything is fine and acting all happy and cheerful and teasing.
Thinking about how obvious it was from the way he described diluc that he looked up to him so much. Thinking of how kaeya must have been hurt when diluc said he's not his bro but of course he expected as much. Thinking of the way they call each other master diluc and Sir kaeya but on the inside they probably both just want to go back to being brothers.
Thinking of them arguing on the beach and kaeya bringing up seabird hunting and seashell collecting. diluc is surprised kaeya remembered or that he even cares, but of course he does he even kept the seashells.
Thinking of the windblume event and despite acting cold to kaeya as usual, it's obvious diluc wants him to stay. After all everyone goes home for windblume and this was still kaeya's home, even though it didn't feel like it after what happened. Thinking about how for a moment when kaeya got flustered and shy, diluc must have remembered how he used to be as a child, and for a moment kaeya was once again the little brother he knew so well. Thinking about how kaeya must have wanted to go home for windblume but didn't think he could, he must have been so caught off guard when he was invited. Of course he couldn't refuse adelinde and diluc may act like that was the only reason he was being asked to stay, but kaeya knows his brother well enough to know he wants him to stay as well. He didn't expect it but maybe there was hope for them after all.
Thinking about kaeya in the last event saying he has no ties to khaenriah except his last name, a half truth, he has his duty to make a decision, one he doesn't quite know the details of since he was a child, a duty he doesn't want to fulfil, one he wishes and wishes he was mistaken about, maybe there was no such thing, maybe his father left him in mondstadt to give him a happy life and he was wrong about whatever is coming next. when he tells the traveller this I think he did so out of hope. And when dain tells him about his parentage he is not shocked, but he sounded rather like it was what he had thought all along despite his wishful thinking. And that for all his hoping he can't escape this fate after all. He is almost defeated at this, he wished it wasn't true and yet it was. Thinking of him acting like its fine as usual but you know it's probably eating him up inside. what will he do when he has to make this choice. He doesn't know. and that's the tragedy that's followed him his whole life.
Thinking about kaeyas teapot line about making wine and about his lines in the new quest. Crepus probably taught both his sons the same things about winemaking, but considering the fact that kaeya is actually interested in it while diluc was always more interested in being a Knight it seems plausible that kaeya was the one who was supposed to get the angels share. The dawn winery to both brothers, diluc mansion to diluc and angels share to kaeya. After all kaeya seems to only have joined the knights to stay by dilucs side, he doesn't particularly enjoy his work, atleast not the way he enjoys wine making and diluc doesnt care for alcohol at all and seemed to love being a Knight for as long as he was one. It would be rather a twist if fate if things were intended that way but they ended up doing each others jobs. They both still ended up doing a good job.
Thinking about how kaeya said he was glad diluc has someone to depend on during the story quest, he sounded truly glad but also a bit sad, of course he was a bit sad, it had always been him in that place before, but if he can't be there for diluc anymore, he's atleast glad the traveller is. Do you think he sees how diluc is kind and gentle with the traveller unlike how he is with him and he's reminded of his older brother who always stood by him and protected him when he was an outsider in this town just like the traveller is now, and he thinks maybe he isn't that different after all.
Do you think diluc sees kaeya drinking and drinking and drinking at the tavern and he tries to make him stop, he takes his wine away, he gives him grape juice, he even tells him to drink responsibly that one time only for kaeya to get all dramatic and berate him for "throwing away father's legacy" and selling the mansion. diluc must have been angry at that, but he didn't pick a fight, of course he didn't, kaeya was obviously drunk. but diluc still sits with him and keeps him company.
Do you think kaeya sometimes falls asleep at the tavern after a night of drinking and diluc would think of how different he looks while asleep. so peaceful and innocent, like he used to be as a child. Do you think it would remind diluc of when they were little and fall asleep on the sofa after playing and their dad would carry them to bed and tuck them in. Do you think diluc would put kaeya's coat around his shoulders so he doesn't get cold, but neither of them would address it when he woke up and kaeya would assume it was someone else.
Do you think about how kaeya had a tcg card of diluc made do you think they played card games together as children they must have surely, strategy games like tcg seem to fit both of their strong points, do you think maybe he wanted to play together, do you think they ever get to.
Do you think of how kaeya was in sumeru to get spices for wine making and while he joked that whether diluc gets it or not is up to him diluc clearly got them since he tells us so in the birthday letter.
Thinking about they both probably just want so bad for things to be alright again but they don't know how they both have so much guilt and so much hurt and they've both hurt each other so much and they are both so different from how they used to be how can things ever be the same, but maybe they can try, slowly and even if it's not quite the same as before, maybe someday they can be brothers again.
