I Know Im Not Funny

waiter: do u want soup or salad ? me: whichever is easier for u

i just walked past 2 construction dudes and one of em just said “i don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed. they’re just dogs.”

Important.

oh my god

delete the rest of the internet and leave only this video

whats the meaning of life? son, its those little tiny pumpkins. the ones that are mad small.  you know the ones i mean. 

i know dwayne ‘the rock’ johnson doesn’t know me but i consider him a friend

i havent shaved my legs in a really long time and while i was babysitting my skirt edged up a bit and the seven year old i was watching said “ew you should shave that hairs not supposed to be there” and i said “well if its not supposed to be there then why does it grow there?” and he was really silent for a long time and then finally said “lets watch sonic the hedgehog”

Local Man Compares Leg Hair To Cancer, Genuinely Thought It Was A Smart Argument. More At Six.