46 blupjeans obv
“Don’t have a one night stand with your coworker on the spaceship,” Barry says, in the gravest of tones, and everyone laughs. He continues reading, in a serious, steady voice, “And when you do,” everyone laughs again, “Don’t, under any circumstances, do it again.”
“And when you do do it again,” Barry sighs, “No matter what you do, you cannot fall in love with your coworker on the spaceship. You will see each other every day, because you both still have to do your jobs, and you will both have to pretend nothing is going on, and it will be harder than anything you’ve ever done before.”
Barry doesn’t glance up from his notes, his grip iron-tight.
“Because,” he says, a little softer, “You will want to tell the world about her. You will want to tell every world about her. You will want to run down the hallways screaming about even getting close to her, and you will try to cartwheel down the corridor, and you will break your wrist.”
Lup, who is already crying, gasps.
“You told me-!”
“I lied,” he says, still very seriously. Everyone gathered here today finds this very amusing. “When you fall in love with your coworker on the spaceship, you had better get over it quickly, because this ship’s doctor will ask you too many questions you won’t know how to answer, and it will be the worst conversation you ever did. But when you don’t get over it quickly, you should keep it to yourself, because she might not feel the same way, and that would be absolute torture.”
“Bear,” Lup says softly.
“But when you don’t keep it to yourself-” Barry’s hands are shaking. “You had better kiss her, and kiss her good, so she knows that it’s true. So she knows it’s okay to tell you she loves you too, and even though it seems too good to be true, you have to believe it, because it is the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Their wedding guests awww loud enough that the floor seems to vibrate.
“And when you realize it’s the best thing that’s ever going to happen to you, you had better propose, because you need to be with her forever, and if you’re too much of a coward to get it together and say the words, then she’ll find someone better to spend her life with.”
“Barry…”
“And when,” Barry clears his throat. “When you are too much of a coward to get it together and say the words, even though you’ve been holding onto that ring for seven months,”
“BARRY.”
Barry laughs. Everyone laughs.
“You had better accept her proposal, because she knows you better than you know yourself, and this is all you could ever hope for.”
“Barry, I swear-”
“And when you accept her proposal,” Barry continues, flipping to his final card, “You had better marry her exactly the way she wants to be married, and make it an absolute spectacle, and you had better celebrate every footstep she graces the dirt with. And when you marry her, you had better take it all in, because it’s going to be the best day of your life.”
Barry doesn’t bother to wipe the tears from his eyes.
“Lup,” he says, finally looking up from his cards. “I never could have counted myself this lucky. Can I be yours, forever and always?”
“Of course,” Lup chokes out, and hugs him tight enough he squeaks like a dog toy. “Fuck, Bear,” she manages. “I don’t have anything so, poetic. I worked on my vows for a month, and you know what I came up with?”
“What?” Barry smiles, so relieved the speech part is over that he could simply float out of the atmosphere.
Lup holds up her notecards, and drops the first one. They unfold to read, one letter on each card, HOT DAMN!
All of their wedding guests laugh.
“Merle,” Barry says, strained. “I want to have a wife.”
“Oh, right,” Merle says. “Do you, Sildar Hallwinter, wait, that can’t be right…”
“It is.”
“Take this incredible woman to be your wife forever and always?”
“I do. I do, I do.”
“And do you, Lup Taaco, take…Barry-”
“I do, do, do, do, do,” Lup sings, and she grabs Barry by the lapels and kisses him so hard everyone sees stars.
