Open system vents

A system-run vent blog for systems. Vent about whatever, we don't care. We know that being a system tends to bleed into everything, making it hard to vent in some cases, so this is a space for just that. These don't need to be specifically system-related, just from a system.

Posts 8 times a day when queue is full, or whenever I get up to front to answer ✌️

This blog is open to all kinds of systems, but if you're being a dick you're getting blocked. (You can be anti-whatever the hell you want here, we don't care, just don't drag others into it or you'll be blocked.)

We're not going to manage custom tags or sign offs: if you choose to use one, you've got to manage that yourselves.

We'll try to trigger warn as much as we can, but we refuse to promise perfection. If there's something we missed, just let us know politely. If you have an issue with how we're running this blog, I'm more than willing to discuss your concerns politely, but like I keep saying, if you're going to be rude, you're also going to be blocked.

Unfortunately, our personal circumstances are such that it is still incredibly difficult for us to find the time and mental energy to keep up this blog. That being said, we're still accepting vents, and we hope to get to them as soon as possible. Hopefully, that's in another month or so, but I'm also aware we said that... (checks blog) yeah we said "hopefully April" in early March, and "in the next week or so" in January, so unfortunately who the fuck actually knows anymore.

I'm going to try to work with our chosen candidate for co-admin to see if i can get them able to lend a hand on this blog shortly, but I make no promises. Because obviously, that's a process that's liable to take multiple hours, and I'm already fighting burnout so i'm not sure if we'll be stable enough to do so.

i told my closest friend. i know he will never judge me, and vice versa. i just... kinda wish he approached my plurality less like a disease to soon be fixed, but a part of me. like the fact that i'm autistic. is it a disorder? yeah. and it impacts my life negatively and i wish i didn't have it. but i can take pride in being autistic, in some ways. same with my plurality.

i talked to him about us (me n sysmates), and he mentioned it being curable. that i could seek help to hopefully integrate. but what if i don't want to? what if we, as a collective, don't want to be one person again. we are used to living our whole life as different alters, same as we are used to living with autism. its hard, but its ours.

i wish i could tell him that, but i'm still quite ashamed of our plurality (cuz the am-i-just-faking-it thoughts r still there + misunderstandings about plurality by. well. half of the world at least).

he compared our plurality to his psychosis, and it kinda made me sad. yeah, we may hurt the body and by extension each other, but we make up one flawed person. its not "im gonna fuck them up" kinda thing, it's an alter intending to harm themselves at most. which i don't blame them for doing. i did my fair share of stuff they're not happy about too. meanwhile his was very negatively impactful and he wanted to get rid of it by himself, recognized the harm.

i dont know if our plurality is harmful to us. i dont want it to be, i dont feel like it is. yeah, the memory losses and dissociation episodes suck, but we are trying to establish better communication and understaning with eachother, along with kind of a "you may not want to do it for yourself, but the next fronter will be in trouble if you don't, so try to it for them" attitude. we are working on us.

and to be honest? i kinda like when someone else hangs out with me in the back of my head. it may cause headaches sometimes, but they're not very severe. sunlight is worse for my headaches, yet no one tells me to stop going outside, lmao.

idk what im trying to say. i just wish he didn't pathologize this as much. we know it's a disorder. but we can find some joy in the positives, right? its not bad to, paraphrasing: "get used to it too much". we are already used to living as a system, only recently we realized we do so we are working on. cooperation. and being kinder to each other and ourselves.

🫂

Now I'm trying to fix things and continue life day to day. But it's just so empty now. I remember the quiet bickering and chatting that went on around headspace. Everyone just co existing for the most part. It was nice, chaotic and overwhelming at times, but nice.

Now it's all dead silence. I wasn't even one of the main fronters, so I have no clue what happened, or why I'm here still. Going from 60+ headmates and a massive headspace to MAYBE 2-4 and rubble was so fucking jarring. We're struggling badly with communication in headspace now on top of it.

I miss my friends. I miss everyone, even if I didn't know many of them personally. We had our issues, but that was how we functioned. Just holding onto hope that they're not gone for good and might pop back up.

-💀

🫂

I hate when I front and everyone hates it too.

I’m an apathy holder and I don’t care about much beyond everyone internal. I make us less upset and then I’ll hold the front until we’re done feeling sad, or pass it to someone who can boost the mood.

I do this even to the collective’s detriment.

I wish I wasn’t here sometimes because I make it difficult to process certain emotions and cause recklessness because usually our mood boosters are divine fictives who can’t let go of the idea that they’re untouchable or powerful.

Some are more guilty than others.

We do appreciate your support for our anger holder.

- Apathy holder of 🗝️. Star/starself, she/herself

apathy is... definitely difficult. I'd suggest that, if it's an option (ik not everyone has this option) ask someone with more control over the front to start taking you out sooner or in fewer situations with positive emotional charges? if that makes any sense at all?