The one who most traumatized us is going to study in the same school as us... yayy.../sarc
I'm scared af. I get nervous to the point of getting actually sick just by remembering the events, I get paranoia of finding them randomly on the streets, I am scared of what will happen next year, I'm actually fucking terrified. Everyone undervalues when trauma is caused by a minor the same age as you, as "that couldn't be possible", but it is, and the trauma we have from it follow us every day, blocking people who are not even related to the happenings, because, paranoia. Losing bit by bit notion of what you truly are, who you truly are. Maladaptive daydreaming until is hard to snap out of it and face that that can never happen. And still, we are put down, asked to forgive them, like is some petty children's fight, and not something that fucking traumatized us, that fragmented us even further, made us trigger ourselves over and over again to feel something other then disgust and anxiety, made our compulsions stronger. It sounds so small when we tell them what they did, but it doesn't fucking feel like it. Just so you have an idea, it got so strong, that we blurred ourselves to the point of basically no distinction, because the brain felt like being a system was not working/being enough.
People get terrified/disgusted whenever we tell them we wish this person disappeared, we wish them to go what they made us go through, because thats "not kind", but they don't fucking deserve this, they don't get to play the fucking victim card, while we dissociate, spiral, and feel numb
Yes this is stalker anon BTW, claiming the -π anon
I wish I could give you any advice, but I can't, so a hug it is.
most people struggle to understand that our younger brother caused us trauma when we were both minors, so I can relate to that at least. For whatever it's worth, I believe you.
Glad to see you back (in the sense that I'm glad you're feeling more comfortable with sharing here) bud.