Here is a collection of brilliant out of context quotes from my psychology professor throughout the spring semester.
- You can go home and wig out with an egg TODAY!
- It’s important to remember this, because this may not be true for your life, I love my wife.
- There’s a DOOR, you’re damn right!
- How much meth did you take?
- I was up til 3 AM on Saturday!
- My point here is not that you should go to the club.
- So, you can stop looking in the toilet sadly.
- Even if it doesn’t seem that deep to you, you are looking down a hole and convincing yourself it is not that deep.
- 3 minutes? For the optic nerve? What a gift!
- You see this keyboard? …are any of you familiar with kinetic energy?
- I do think there should be some sort of consequence for this abomination of a chair, but I don’t make the laws.
- The X chromosome says “we’re going to be color blind.” And the Y chromosome says “okay.”
- Because it’s time to talk about drugs, dude.
- Don’t get old, die young as a beautiful corpse.
- I’m tenured, they can’t hurt me. They can try.
- Has anyone ever seen someone snort a spaghetti noodle and pull it out of their nose.
- I have tenure, they can only fire me if I draw blood.
- You learned not to pee your pants at some point in time.
- And that’s why I don’t play clarinet anymore, y’all.
- There’s nothing scary about the doctor’s office. They don’t hang the needles up, like a rifle over a mantle or whatever.
- I was on my NINTENDO 64, or my PS1-
- (While doing a jig.) I found the libertarian!
- If someone’s gonna kill you, it’s gonna be your partner.
- Now, I’m going back to the front of the room. Where it’s safe.
- I’m not trying to collect souls, I have no interest in them.
- I don’t know, I’m not a priest.
- Fine, I’ll put some pants on, IF YOU INSIST.
- The first friend I had that got pregnant intentionally-
- If I came up to you and put a finger in front of you, you’d call HR!
- My point here: wedding photographers are expensive.
- The vast majority of you in this room are straight, and there is nothing I can do about that. It’s terminal. (Professor is a cishet man)
- Have I talked about genitals? NO.
- The other day I changed a tire, and I had a spring in my step!
- This is not me saying you’re looking at a guy on a bus bench and going: YEAHH, YOU DESERVE IT! ONWARD TO SCHOOL!
- You’ll notice something missing from this list is THE EVIL THAT DWELLS IN THE HEARTS OF MAN.
- You’re wearing a Gorillaz T-shirt? No.
- Let’s talk about love! Okay? Please? For a little bit? (Professor greatly enjoys social psychology)
- Nonchalant does not for good relationships make.
- I don’t understand color theory, it’s fine.
- And then I just- yoink! That’s war.
- Italy has committed a numbee of atrocities and I refuse to consume their food.
- My role as professor lends me some status. Have I let it go to my head? Maybe a little.
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