💀

Can’t risk it

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

It’s a soothingpasta. Let’s make more of them

I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

Demön

Fuck you goat man

i love this, video

*music intro plays, beat of silence* Audience Member: WHO IS IT??? *people laugh* Britney: It’s Britney bitch.

WHO IS IIIIIIT

reblog if youd say yes

a person from 150 years ago would be terrified by modern stuff . however , a duck from 150 years ago would just be all like ,still got lakes? yes ? okay cool

Reblogging again because I thought they changed the quote so I decided to look up the actual quote and it’s not fake that is very much the actual quote

plot twist: you are everyone's first choice.

Johnny got cat fished before it was cool.

Ashley Tisdale the real gay icon

How can I say no to such a great photo and such a polite request?

i will always support this post

@mooserattler back on my dash!

Why isn’t this at a million notes, yet, Dante???

I’m not sure. Hey lovely people who have taken me over half way to a cool million! If you’d like to reblog again, I’d love that, if not, I still love you, and hope you’re having a great day. I’m gonna go do some stand up tonight.

I love the sims because I love architecture, interior design, and playing god

don’t even remember making this post but mood