Ale♡

“You can’t help who you fall for.” Isn’t that the saying? The one every friend of mine says with such conviction. The one I refuse to accept.

“I just want you to be happy. He’s no good for you.” Everyone said a variation of those two cursed sentences. It’s like they prayed for our downfall.

“Don’t. I’m dancing in the rain in my sundress, he’s cruising through the night on the six lane, I’m overjoyed. Yes, he’s chaos and revelry. He’s my boy, my whole world, the only thing I want. I’ll scream it from the rooftops if I have to. I know you think it’s madness but only he makes me feel as alive. I’m not coming to my senses. I’ll tell you again. It’s my life to destroy but it won’t happen. He changed my brain chemistry and now I see happiness. My wild boy, as you call it, is my choice. Fuck what everyone thinks! I love him! You don’t have to pray for me, everything’s perfect. My choice, my love.”

he keeps it four on the floor going 300 on the highway fasther than a coventry climax, dashboard going into overdrive, he’s got good rubber. hands on the wheel and on me never losing control, seat belts off. fun, fast, hot, riding till dawn. he loves high maintenance, loud and exclusive. eyes hazy, windows foggy he’s speeding like it’s a race, 69 over the limit. he’s driving like a man possessed and looks like he’s blown a seal so smug, cocky, confident, he’s steady on the front seat. sexy blue eyes now bubbly red like his drink, i’m too far gone. his lips taste like bend me over mixed with pornstar martini. he’s addicting, voice husky whispering ‘love’ and ‘doll’ over the console. he likes that necklace on my neck and the pink silk dress, i’m smirking in the passenger seat. fuel it baby, the night’s just starting. he’s maintaining pace, lights blurring by we’re too high, the sky’s too dark. his touch is electric, hasn’t been out for a month, he’s powering my mind. he won’t pull over, i know him too well, he’ll keep going, bending the corner.

Your back against the wall. Quiet hallways with dimmed lightning. My red lipstick leaving marks on your collar. Crisp white shirt unbuttoned. Your hands on my waist or in my hair, wherever you’d like. Breathless, but smiling at me, jacket abandoned somewhere.You’re my addiction, this is our secret mission. So silent, so full of emotion. I can see you clearly, only you are in my mind. There is just you and I. We are not really behaving, are we? Watching you is torture when I can’t touch you. I imagine hundreds of scenarios, yet we barely get minutes away from them. It’s clear in my mind how this one goes. I know this game, I know our ways. You know it too. Passing secret notes, whispering “now?”, making excuses, laughing as we go somewhere hidden. One look, one second, it’s all it takes. Now, I got you where I wanted: pinned against the wall, your eyes on me only. I’m drawing a masterpiece, in red lipstick. You are inspiring even more adventures.

foot on the gas, hit that 300 one hand on the wheel, the other on my thigh eyes locked ahead you get me higher and higher i can feel the world slipping away, images blurry. i can get him to stay in for the night but i’d rather see him lose control. i love glares and hands on my waist and fiery kisses under the moonlight. high maintenance, he loves it, all that gold and sparkle and cash on the table. he’s vibing but checking the clock, i’m on the dancefloor twirling, first chance and we’ll go. i know he’s waiting for the ride, smooth and fast, heading to 69 avenue. you open my door, turn the car on engine’s come alive, you’re gripping my thigh i try to hide my smile as you turn on the headlights. we’re in for a long night, it’s just the start.

He’s bad news, the kind people warn you about but his lips taste like heaven, so soft and gentle bring you to a whole other dimension. There’s something in his eyes, that follow my every move in his hands that are always on me. I wasn’t prepared for his whispered affections or his automatic answers to my questions. I know good boys go to heaven, but,oh Lord, he brings heaven down on earth. He’s magical in his moves, words dipped in angel powder with connotations they shall never know about. He’s so good at what he does, favourite of the gods, no matter how they whisper that he’s ‘bad’. I can’t imagine life without him now that he’s shown me paradise with his wicked lips, darling words, burning touches.

“It’s been some time.” He spoke kindly, eyes slightly teary. He looked exhausted, weighted down by expectations placed upon him long before he knew what the word meant. 

I hugged him without a second thought. He was here.

He has achieved so many things, his parents bragged about it endlessly. He got everything he could ever want. I was  proud of him. I always had the feeling he would conquer the world one day. 

His lips twitched upwards, a faint smile appearing. Oh, how I missed that sight.

The shy boy next door was now an accomplished man. He was in a buzzing coffee shop, in my arms. Most importantly, he was no longer mad at me.

his smile, brightness overload

his words, sweet and soothing

he walks up to my door, pink flowers in hand

he keeps his hands to himself, doesn’t question why

he respects every single request and mad rule i have

he’s so calm and patient, always gives me time to calm down

he drives like the movie guy, hand on my thigh

he reads my favourite books and watches my rom-coms

he’s so perfect, out of this world

“We’ve been going at it for weeks. Maybe it’s time to give up. Enough is enough, schatz.” He spoke with utter calmness, like he already accepted this fate. His eyes seemed tired. I concluded he was. Otherwise he wouldn’t give up, he never quit. 

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes softened slightly when they met mine. “I’m sorry for dragging this out longer than necessary. We should have done this weeks ago, selfishly I held on too long. I apologize for that.”

all that beauty, all that charisma

where did they go to?

the man i see is a shell of what he once was

he’s made of stone and heartbreak,

talks in metaphors and classics,

he’s melancholic 

he stares out the window, 

watching crows pass by.

where did my ex lover go?

the one sculpted by Michelangelo

with his angelic laugh.

the one who charmed all the ladies

and swore it was second nature.

my lover who danced in the rain

and spoke french at night.

my beloved lover with his heart of gold

i drink my poison all alone, replaying your words you were right, all the time i mess it up, i vow not to cry i don’t trust like i should and now i lost this battle. i try to justify it, it’s not worth trying. we won’t survive this i pulled the trigger when you told me not to i think i really lost you this time no amount of apologies could make it up to you, not this time, not after all the others.