camaraderie

Not losing weight for appearance OR health but a secret third reason (I can’t find any more of the vintage riders shorts I like on eBay in my size).

had one of my once every year or two epically bad period mornings today. it was, to be sure, influenced by my drinking during the knicks game last night (inside of and outside of two crowded bars in harlem and finally on a bench under a tree with a very high man who made us laugh and tried to teach us how to open beer bottles with a lighter), and by my sunburn yesterday, and by all the acupuncture I got this month for all the injuries, but ultimately there is no throughline it simply sometimes happens that I find myself sobbing, sweating, naked on the bathroom floor, scared and disgusting, trying desperately to remember that the pain always passes almost as fast as it arrives. i am always reduced to whimpering "i don't know what to do i don't know what to do," when all that there is to do is wait.

Can’t believe I was right about AI (sucks, scam) and YET when the bottom falls out both my 401(k) will crater and NONE of the smug bitches (gender neutral; mostly men) will be like wow you were right and correct and additionally so brave and correct.

I have lately heard from multiple women I know who either are my age and got married recently or are older than me and got married around my age that “they had basically given up on this happening” and on the one hand I’m like yessss beautiful smart interesting women being like maybe I don’t get married whatever and on the other hand I’m like 34? 35??? That’s when we’re GIVING up? And on a third hand I’m like yeah I mean it’s not my end all be all but I would LIKE it

Perfect creature weekend? Woke up early to go to HIIT Pilates (hard, bad), got my iced coffee and tried a new pastry, went down to Lauren's community garden and hung out with her and the baby and then we all went and got lunch and I had a margarita, then citibiked home, took a three hour nap, and clean my shower while it rained outside. Tomorrow, an 8 mile run and acupuncture.

The thing about first dates is you only remember afterwards that the only thing worse than a disappointing one is a surprisingly good one. Suddenly a man I didn't know existed until last week holds some power over my happiness. Suddenly I think, "wait we didn't get to talk about ____" and want to text a person whose actual phone number I don't even know. It's so so important to remember that this sense of connection does not have to mean this person is the love of my life, but proof that I am still CAPABLE of finding someone romantically interesting and attractive and that means there's other possibilities too.

Was getting started on what promised to be a real doozy of an anxiety spiral than arrested it with the shockingly zen thought, “you can’t go back in time and change your behavior, all you can do is get up each morning and try each day to be less annoying” and it worked??

Many things to lament about our life and times but it's a real boon for me, Lil, to be a grownup and unembarrassed at just the time when media companies started realizing they should just adapt stupid romance novels.

Incredibly niche but the 8th episode of The Other Bennett Sister ruined my life.

The day before my period each month I take an afternoon nap so deep I’m essentially in a coma.

Need to write something I’m really not psyched about so I must once again turn to my break glass in case of emergency strategy: romanticizing capitalism. Light a candle, pour a glass of wine, run my hands through my hair dramatically before pulling it back. Our main character, a writer, is so busy. She went to the gym and now she’s got to open back up the ole laptop. She’s Carrie Bradshaw, Olivia Pope, CJ Cregg. So busy, so tired, so chic.