Aleesha

I tell myself you will get over it. Most relationships aren't meant to last anyway.

He will find someone better and so will you. People get over relationships that have lasted years.

But what makes it even more difficult is that we don't have a reason to hate each other.

So how do I move on?

How do I move on from something that was taken away from me when I wanted it the most?

I cried my eyes out last night. Teardrops making pools of wet patches on my pillow. Eyes swollen and red, a lump in my throat and my chest aching like my heart was ripped outside...

How could you so casually ask me move on .. tell me this is over ..

I want to grab your shirt, shake some sense into you .. "How could you give up on us so easily?"

But I won't - I am tired of waiting for you to choose me. I am tired of the anxious knots in my stomach - wondering if you will ever be mine.

Because a relationship needs two people working together for it to last - not one acting like the hopeless victim and the other acting like a therapist keeping it all together.

I fell in love with you like I have loved no other..

I kept telling myself that the timing isn't right. All of the odds are against us.

I look up ways to get over someone - no contact method, training your subconscious, visualization, changing my routine and what not...

But every time the thought of you flashes in my head ... tears trickle down my eyes uncontrollably. My heart aches from missing you. The thought of you in someone else's embrace feels like a punch in my gut.

But I cannot express any of this to you.. I don't want you to be hung up on me.

I want you to move on. I love you. I want you to be happy. I hope you end up with someone that gives you all the love that you deserve.

Was it ever real if they could not choose you boldly?

Was it ever real if they were okay with the possibility of losing you?

When they told you they missed the intimacy but never you.

When they were willing to plan escapades, but never a future together.

When they tried to persuade you but failed to give reassurance.

Did their family ever know about you or was it all a made-up story, carefully woven to make you believe it was real-love?

Every time there was another contradiction, another excuse. Your gut was screaming yet you still chose to walk into their arms because they said "love". They wrote letters, built castles in the air and it all felt too good to be true.

And now it's all gone.

Was it simply not meant to be? Did their feelings for you change? Or was none of it ever real to begin with?

Yes, I have made my fair share of mistakes.

I trusted manipulative people. I hurt the good ones who were trying to protect me.

I searched for love in places where I was treated like an option. I was loved only as long as I could be used—for lust, for knowledge, for companionship. Then I was discarded like a worthless piece of paper when I was no longer needed.

I searched for what was wrong with me. How could they leave me?

My love, and my need to be loved, blinded me from seeing the truth.

But now I see that I deserve to be loved for who I am, not for what I can do for people.

I hate that I feel like I don't know where I stand in your life. I hate that I feel confused about whether you will ever be mine. I hate that I feel like you're not even sure if you truly want me.

But I cannot walk away yet, because you promised me.

You promised that you would fight for us. You said that no matter how long people have been together, if they don't fight to stay together despite the odds, then it was never love.

Now I hold on to those words, because how could someone fake something so real?

But you've given up on us. You've become a victim of the situation, as though you have no control over any of it.