Aspiring Cryptid

i saw the best necromancers of my generation destroyed by lesbian situationships

I remember right after the Superman movie come out everyone was making the “Clark saved Lex’s life by saving Krypto before Kara ever found out” jokes and its absolutely fantastic to me how supergirl 100% confirmed that to be true. Lex doesn’t even KNOW how lucky he is that he got the emotionally stable super

the thing that makes me the most crazy about night watch & young vetinari is that at the end of feet of clay vetinari has a conversation with drumknott where drumknott says umm let me find it. he says, “The thought occurs, sir, that if Commander Vimes did not exist you would have had to invent him.” & VETINARI fucking says, “You know, Drumknott, I rather think I did.” but in night watch. NIGHT WATCH. WE LEARN THAT VIMES MADE VETINARI TOO! the young man slinking on rooftops was still more an assassin than patrician, who knew how to disguise himself & how to kill but not how to work a crowd or how to read a person’s heart or how change comes & is brought to anhk-morpork… sgt. keel & the glorious 25th of may MADE vetinari. & then vetinari made vimes

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

this fic is so good i hope i write it

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.