i'm a sucker for him

licked your fingers

leaving resin for saliva

i wondered

what that texture feels like

on the lips

and tongue

and you didn't even know my name

— am i gay or are these just intrusive thoughts

(i mean. no one knows but i actually. don’t enjoy picrews very much. DON’T KILL ME PPL XDD)

it is really awesome and captures that quite chaotic vibe i think i have

yes. yes i don’t care about the colour theory i will just dump all hues i love. but obviously red belongs to the children hospital

my gender is

Agh, man… I know I don’t have a whole lot of tumblr followers, but to those of you who do see this, it would mean the absolute world to me if you could reblog this and get it circulating. It won’t get seen otherwise, I don’t have a whole lot of people in my life… So I have to rely on the internet to get the help that I need and I’m so scared right now. I’m in a really really bad spot. It’s all explained in detail in the GoFundMe description but to sum it up as quickly as I can: I recently was put on a medication called Abilify for my mental health and it has caused either an underlying heart condition to massively flare up, or caused my heart to do what it’s currently doing. We’re still waiting for definite answers and I’m still in and out of doctor and cardiologist appointments to figure out if this will be a life-long issue or maybe it will resolve itself in time. I truly don’t know what’s happening right now. I was just put on a heart monitor and need to turn it back in next week to get a little bit more answers. Unfortunately, due to my condition I’m not only out of work, but cannot drive myself anywhere. It’s too dangerous. The meds they have me on currently to help my heart is causing low blood pressure so I’m almost always lightheaded and weak and faint feeling if I stand up or walk for too long. I’ve just now been able to make it out to our kitchen to make myself food, but I have to make extremely quick meals. Which is further hindering my recovery because I’m also now on a strict cardiac diet and have to limit my salt, sugar, total fat, cholesterol and now my potassium intake because of my beta-blocker. They at first diagnosed me with SVT, supraventricular tachycardia, and when I have an attack it literally feels like I’m dying. My heart palpitates, races and pounds so hard that I feel short of breath, get lightheaded and dizzy, feel extremely nauseous and it makes me almost faint. My anxiety also kicks in making it all that much worse. I have almost passed out quite a few times from this. My heart rate when I have an attack gets up to 140+BPM and for me that’s extremely fast considering my resting rate is usually between 60-89. And as I said before, now I’m on a beta-blocker that does help keep my heart in check, but it’s lowering my blood pressure and causing more issues. I’m also, obviously, now out of work and before all of this hit I wasn’t just working full-time but was also the sole caretaker for my 72-year-old mother who has Stage D COPD and Emphysema. As well as taking care of our four cats, which come tomorrow (Sat. the 16th of Oct.), will only be three cats because I’m being forced to re-home out little baby Xena. My heart is not only fucked up but its breaking more and more each day. I didn’t want to lose my babycat, but in my condition I’m not fit to be her cat daddy anymore. She’s far too playful for me to keep up with, and she’s been stuck in our back bedrooms since we took her in because she’s aggressive to other cats and we didn’t know it would be so impossible to acclimate her to the other cats in the house. She will thankfully, and hopefully, be going to a home with a young couple who will have the time and energy she needs as well as a big ol house to run around in. It still hurts so badly that I couldn’t be the dad she needed. My job and my insurance company at my job has given me short-term disability paperwork to fill out but neither my cardiologist nor my primary care doctor will fill it out. They both said that the other person would need to do it. So right now they’re at a stalemate, and I’m sitting here wondering if I’m going to get fired in the meantime because no one is doing anything with the paperwork. If I lose my job, I lose my health insurance. If they don’t sign these papers, I only have two options. Lose my job, or force myself to go into work. I have a half hour commute to get to work. Another half an hour to get back home. I work full-time in an electrical supply warehouse with no heat in the winter and no air in the summer. It’s still much too hot in North Carolina for me to safely go to work. I’m terrified that if I try to drive something might trigger an attack while I’m driving. And I’m also scared to go to work and sit in the elements and have the heat or something set off an attack while I’m working. I also don’t even know if my job would allow me to even work considering I usually dive a forklift and am the head warehouse shipping and receiving person aside from our warehouse manager. I truly don’t know if they would even allow me to come to work and just sit at the desk and receive all day long.  Guys. I’m. I don’t even know what to do right now. I have so much debt, and soon to be even more debt from all these medical bills that will start showing up soon from me being in and out of the hospital and all these appointments. The walker I had to get from the hospital. Seeing specialists. The link to my GoFundMe is here: 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-levi-pay-off-medical-bills-and-survive?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1

Thank you💜✨

Agh, man… I know I don’t have a whole lot of tumblr followers, but to those of you who do see this, it would mean the absolute world to me if you could reblog this and get it circulating. It won’t get seen otherwise, I don’t have a whole lot of people in my life… So I have to rely on the internet to get the help that I need and I’m so scared right now. I’m in a really really bad spot. It’s all explained in detail in the GoFundMe description but to sum it up as quickly as I can: I recently was put on a medication called Abilify for my mental health and it has caused either an underlying heart condition to massively flare up, or caused my heart to do what it’s currently doing. We’re still waiting for definite answers and I’m still in and out of doctor and cardiologist appointments to figure out if this will be a life-long issue or maybe it will resolve itself in time. I truly don’t know what’s happening right now. I was just put on a heart monitor and need to turn it back in next week to get a little bit more answers. Unfortunately, due to my condition I’m not only out of work, but cannot drive myself anywhere. It’s too dangerous. The meds they have me on currently to help my heart is causing low blood pressure so I’m almost always lightheaded and weak and faint feeling if I stand up or walk for too long. I’ve just now been able to make it out to our kitchen to make myself food, but I have to make extremely quick meals. Which is further hindering my recovery because I’m also now on a strict cardiac diet and have to limit my salt, sugar, total fat, cholesterol and now my potassium intake because of my beta-blocker. They at first diagnosed me with SVT, supraventricular tachycardia, and when I have an attack it literally feels like I’m dying. My heart palpitates, races and pounds so hard that I feel short of breath, get lightheaded and dizzy, feel extremely nauseous and it makes me almost faint. My anxiety also kicks in making it all that much worse. I have almost passed out quite a few times from this. My heart rate when I have an attack gets up to 140+BPM and for me that’s extremely fast considering my resting rate is usually between 60-89. And as I said before, now I’m on a beta-blocker that does help keep my heart in check, but it’s lowering my blood pressure and causing more issues. I’m also, obviously, now out of work and before all of this hit I wasn’t just working full-time but was also the sole caretaker for my 72-year-old mother who has Stage D COPD and Emphysema. As well as taking care of our four cats, which come tomorrow (Sat. the 16th of Oct.), will only be three cats because I’m being forced to re-home out little baby Xena. My heart is not only fucked up but its breaking more and more each day. I didn’t want to lose my babycat, but in my condition I’m not fit to be her cat daddy anymore. She’s far too playful for me to keep up with, and she’s been stuck in our back bedrooms since we took her in because she’s aggressive to other cats and we didn’t know it would be so impossible to acclimate her to the other cats in the house. She will thankfully, and hopefully, be going to a home with a young couple who will have the time and energy she needs as well as a big ol house to run around in. It still hurts so badly that I couldn’t be the dad she needed. My job and my insurance company at my job has given me short-term disability paperwork to fill out but neither my cardiologist nor my primary care doctor will fill it out. They both said that the other person would need to do it. So right now they’re at a stalemate, and I’m sitting here wondering if I’m going to get fired in the meantime because no one is doing anything with the paperwork. If I lose my job, I lose my health insurance. If they don’t sign these papers, I only have two options. Lose my job, or force myself to go into work. I have a half hour commute to get to work. Another half an hour to get back home. I work full-time in an electrical supply warehouse with no heat in the winter and no air in the summer. It’s still much too hot in North Carolina for me to safely go to work. I’m terrified that if I try to drive something might trigger an attack while I’m driving. And I’m also scared to go to work and sit in the elements and have the heat or something set off an attack while I’m working. I also don’t even know if my job would allow me to even work considering I usually dive a forklift and am the head warehouse shipping and receiving person aside from our warehouse manager. I truly don’t know if they would even allow me to come to work and just sit at the desk and receive all day long.  Guys. I’m. I don’t even know what to do right now. I have so much debt, and soon to be even more debt from all these medical bills that will start showing up soon from me being in and out of the hospital and all these appointments. The walker I had to get from the hospital. Seeing specialists. The link to my GoFundMe is here: 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-levi-pay-off-medical-bills-and-survive?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1

the best friend

you had a best friend, and not many other friends. so, you did everything together. it’s hard to tell who fell first, but one day you realized that you would blush every time their hand brushed yours, or when they laughed at your jokes. one night, you two went out to the courtyard to stargaze. you don’t know what it was about that night, maybe it was the comfortable silence or the flowers surrounding you, but you took their hand. you could hear them take a sharp breath, but they didn’t pull away. you two laid like that for a while, holding hands in silence. after a while, they turned their head to look at you, and just like that, you kissed. you don’t know who initiated it, really, you two were just drawn to each other. and in that moment, you were happier than you had been in a long time.

If an author put pen to paper, and scribbled down your name to use as their antagonist’s, how would you carry out the conflict?

The Murderous Mrs

(or mr or spouse ect) Your song: Money, Money, Money by ABBA // You’re clever aren’t you? As an antagonist, you would manifest as the sort of person you see at the top of an old staircase, clad in black velvet, champagne in hand. Perhaps you also wear a pearl necklace, a gold watch, a pair of opera gloves. It doesn’t matter, at the end of the story you will hold the knife, pour the poison, and win your spouse over, in the most final of terms. Is it for the money? The hate? The satisfaction of it all? Only you can know. Have fun pretending to mourn them, before you move on to your next catch…

this song is actually one of my favourites…

tagging (no pressure tho):

Tired

Your Song: Saint Bernard, By Lincoln // Your antagonistic character has fought for a long, long time. If asked you probably couldn't recall how it all started, what on earth happened. Not to mention that your moral compass, your reasoning for it all has become something of a grey area for you, over the years. All you know is that your fighting days are coming to an end, and you have chosen this. However, you do not intend to fall down dead without company. If it's over for you, it's over for the protagonist. Your character would orchestrate the sort of story where there are no winners, only corpses. What was your rivalry for if not for this?