AUTUMN BUNTION

ᴛʜᴇ ꜱ͟ᴜ͟ꜰ͟ꜰ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟ꜰ͟ᴜ͟ꜱ͟ɪ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴊ͟ᴏ͟ʏ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅ͟ɪ͟ꜱ͟ʙ͟ᴇ͟ʟ͟ɪ͟ᴇ͟ꜰ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴀ͟ɢ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟ʏ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛ͟ᴜ͟ʀ͟ᴍ͟ᴏ͟ɪ͟ʟ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴠ͟ᴜ͟ʟ͟ɴ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ᴀ͟ʙ͟ɪ͟ʟ͟ɪ͟ᴛ͟ʏ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄ͟ʜ͟ᴀ͟ᴏ͟ꜱ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴀ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ꜰ͟ʀ͟ᴜ͟ꜱ͟ᴛ͟ʀ͟ᴀ͟ᴛ͟ɪ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ʀ͟ᴇ͟ɢ͟ʀ͟ᴇ͟ᴛ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟ᴛ͟ʀ͟ᴜ͟ᴄ͟ᴛ͟ɪ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛ͟ʀ͟ᴀ͟ᴜ͟ᴍ͟ᴀ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛ͟ʀ͟ᴀ͟ɢ͟ᴇ͟ᴅ͟ʏ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘ͟ᴀ͟ɴ͟ɪ͟ᴄ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴇ͟x͟ʜ͟ᴀ͟ᴜ͟ꜱ͟ᴛ͟ɪ͟ᴏ͟ɴ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴀ͟ᴄ͟ʜ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄ͟ʜ͟ɪ͟ʟ͟ʟ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ʙ͟ᴇ͟ɢ͟ɢ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘ͟ʟ͟ᴇ͟ᴀ͟ᴅ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ʟ͟ᴀ͟ᴜ͟ɢ͟ʜ͟ᴛ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄ͟ʜ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ɪ͟ꜱ͟ʜ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ɢ͟ʀ͟ᴀ͟ᴛ͟ᴇ͟ꜰ͟ᴜ͟ʟ͟ɴ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟ꜱ͟, ᴛʜᴇ ɴ͟ᴜ͟ᴍ͟ʙ͟ɴ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ʀ͟ᴇ͟ᴍ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ᴅ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ʀ͟ᴇ͟ᴍ͟ᴇ͟ᴍ͟ʙ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡ͟ɪ͟ꜱ͟ʜ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍ͟ᴇ͟ᴍ͟ᴏ͟ʀ͟ɪ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ʜ͟ᴀ͟ᴘ͟ᴘ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱ͟ᴀ͟ᴅ͟ɴ͟ᴇ͟ꜱ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ʟ͟ᴏ͟ᴠ͟ᴇ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ʟ͟ᴏ͟ꜱ͟ꜱ͟,͟ ᴛʜᴇ ɢ͟ʀ͟ɪ͟ᴇ͟ꜰ͟,

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛ͟ʜ͟ᴀ͟ɴ͟ᴋ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟ ͟ᴛ͟ʜ͟ᴇ͟ᴍ͟ ͟ᴀ͟ɴ͟ᴅ͟ ͟ɢ͟ᴏ͟ᴅ͟ ͟ꜰ͟ᴏ͟ʀ͟ ͟ᴇ͟ᴠ͟ᴇ͟ʀ͟ʏ͟ᴛ͟ʜ͟ɪ͟ɴ͟ɢ͟ —

ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀꜱ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀɴɢᴇʟꜱ

ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ,

ᴛʜᴀɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ,

ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʟɪꜰᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ,

ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇᴍ,

ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅꜱ,

ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ “ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ” ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ.

𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁

that the pain you feel,

the tears that you shed

every time the loss you’ve face feels the most real,

when the memories come into focus,

and you remember once more

how it once did feel to hold them close,

and how it’s felt since you had to let them go —

these are all the reminders that your angels

have stayed close.

The fact that you can still reach out to them

spiritually in mind and heart,

and it still feels somewhere deep within your soul

the same as it had when they were in your arms,

proves that even though you had to let go

even they were the only ones who were ready

for them to move on,

they are still holding on.

The pain of letting go is never

a “goodbye” that lasts forever,

but rather,

it is a “hello” to you that they speak in your ears

every time they reach out and touch you

from the other side,

to let you know that they await you in the eternal life.

The soul-bonds that feel the farthest from your arms

are the heart’s closest ties to the Universe’s everlasting, endless,

and eternal life — so, remember,

that you may feel lost,

but your angels will carry you forever,

until eternally beyond

the day your souls first met,

the moment theirs left to see the next life

before you can join them,

proceeding you in death,

and will continue to do so eternally,

always and forever,

beyond the exact second that time for you ends,

the ending of your time here,

when you will walk into a life of timelessness.

You’ll meet them where they are now —

you will meet them there,

as they firmly stand,

remaining still in the Universe of chaos swirling the galaxies around them,

and worlds of constant motion swarming around you.

🌎 🌪 🌌

Somewhere, some place,

some day,

within the space between the same stars

you looked to all of the nights you spent

talking to the moon,

telling the skies of the years you’ve spent dying inside,

trying to find something to hold onto,

the exact ones you chose because they shined brightest through the darkness,

which spoke to you like the souls of your angels

always had before.

They will be the first to greet you as you walk through the door,

and you will find that they were there the whole time,

that they’d never moved from the starting line of their eternal life,

because they refused to go anywhere else,

to go anywhere that’s far from you.

You’ll find that they’ve been awaiting you,

watching over you,

seeing you through your life from the edges of the world,

from the base of the Universe,

and they will tell you for themselves

so you can finally know without any doubt,

with certainty,

that they stayed the closest to you that they could,

awaiting you on the other side,

to greet you at the starting point,

welcome you home,

and then you both could finally experience the Universe,

the journey of the eternal life,

together, just as you had the physical one.

Do not fret.

They will not begin the experience of the next life without you.

the suffering,

the confusion,

the joy,

the disbelief,

the agony,

the turmoil,

the pain,

the anger,

the frustration,

the memories,

the happiness,

the sadness,

the love,

the loss,

the grief —

these are all reminders from your angels

that there is more to life than this,

than here,

that there is another life you have yet to live,

another one you will experience with them,

one that never ends,

one where “goodbye” will never said again.

Just never forget that the pain you feel,

the tears that you shed

every time the loss you’ve face feels the most real,

when the memories come into focus,

and you remember once more

how it once did feel to hold them close,

and how it’s felt since you had to let them go —

these are all the reminders that your angels

have stayed close.

The fact that you can still reach out to them

spiritually in mind and heart,

and it still feels somewhere deep within your soul

the same as it had when they were in your arms,

proves that even though you had to let go

even they were the only ones who were ready

for them to move on,

they are still holding on.

The pain of letting go is never

a “goodbye” that lasts forever,

but rather,

it is a “hello” to you that they speak in your ears

every time they reach out and touch you

from the other side,

to let you know that they await you in the eternal life.

The soul-bonds that feel the farthest from your arms

are the heart’s closest ties to the Universe’s everlasting, endless,

and eternal life — so, remember,

that you may feel lost,

but your angels will carry you forever,

until eternally beyond

the day your souls first met,

the moment theirs left to see the next life

before you can join them,

proceeding you in death,

and will continue to do so eternally,

always and forever,

beyond the exact second that time for you ends,

the ending of your time here,

when you will walk into a life of timelessness.

You’ll meet them where they are now —

you will meet them there,

as they firmly stand,

remaining still in the Universe of chaos swirling the galaxies around them,

and worlds of constant motion swarming around you.

Somewhere, some place,

some day,

within the space between the same stars

you looked to all of the nights you spent

talking to the moon,

telling the skies of the years you’ve spent dying inside,

trying to find something to hold onto,

the exact ones you chose because they shined brightest through the darkness,

which spoke to you like the souls of your angels

always had before.

They will be the first to greet you as you walk through the door,

and you will find that they were there the whole time,

that they’d never moved from the starting line of their eternal life,

because they refused to go anywhere else,

to go anywhere that’s far from you.

You’ll find that they’ve been awaiting you,

watching over you,

seeing you through your life from the edges of the world,

from the base of the Universe,

and they will tell you for themselves

so you can finally know without any doubt,

with certainty,

that they stayed the closest to you that they could,

awaiting you on the other side,

to greet you at the starting point,

welcome you home,

and then you both could finally experience the Universe,

the journey of the eternal life,

together, just as you had the physical one.

Do not fret.

They will not begin the experience of the next life without you.

They will await you.

the suffering,

the confusion,

the joy,

the disbelief,

the agony,

the turmoil,

the pain,

the memories,

the happiness,

the sadness,

the love,

the loss,

Just never forget that the pain you feel,

the tears that you shed

every time the loss you’ve face feels the most real,

when the memories come into focus,

and you remember once more

how it once did feel to hold them close,

and how it’s felt since you had to let them go —

these are all the reminders that your angels

have stayed close.

The fact that you can still reach out to them

spiritually in mind and heart,

and it still feels somewhere deep within your soul

the same as it had when they were in your arms,

proves that even though you had to let go

even they were the only ones who were ready

for them to move on,

they are still holding on.

The pain of letting go is never

a “goodbye” that lasts forever,

but rather,

it is a “hello” to you that they speak in your ears

every time they reach out and touch you

from the other side,

to let you know that they await you in the eternal life.

Though it may feel to the physical heart,

the body that has only the senses of human emotion

that they can feel as they are bound to earthly existence —

the Universe’s experience of itself as a temporal being,

the vessel in which you will return to,

the endless, infinitely expanding form of

your true identity — The One & The Self —

will forever remain whole.

You may now be broken,

feel shattered, empty,

hopeless,

and certain to,

for the rest and the entirety of this temporary,

worldly life,

carry unhealing wounds

and bare unfading scars.

Just understand that the blessings you’ve lost,

the loved ones that are the weight of your loss,

will find resolution,

you will find understanding,

and the parts of your soul that will remain missing

for the years to come

until the day you and your fate meet face-to-face,

is going to hurt,

but your angels will keep you within the grasp

of their hands,

you will be in the embrace of their wings forever.

Until the time to come

that beholds the very moment

in which you are called home,

your angels will visit you in memories

that either make the pain resurface

or bring the laughter, joy,

adoration, admiration, and cherishment —

the gratefulness and honor of all your blessings,

no matter if they are present or have passed on —

to the light,

for you to remember while smiling and crying,

whether it rains and pours,

whether the sun shines and keeps you revived

by the warmth of the souls keeping the world surrounding you lit brightly

in both darkness of the night,

and the days that wear the bluest skies.

This is to remind you

that no matter if your head is hung in sorrow

or your chin is facing up to the clouds and the stars

as you see no familiar body that represents the ones

you’ve loved the most and let go of the bravest

though they held the hearts to ever beat

the closest to yours,

not even one spirit that resembles

the feeling of theirs in the crowd you’re drowning within that has ever rushed past you;

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

People will continue parting every direction and way,

leaving you standing alone in a void

where the world feels nothing close to being the same as it once was,

a state of panic and restlessness you are left in

with the passing of their lives

that were carried to greater pastures

along the treetops and left upon the seasides

to be greeted by a better life,

but if you look just beyond the surface of this cold,

dark, and empty world,

but you will find the faces that your soul knows the most

and hear the voices that have comforted your heart,

that have spoken direction,

guidance,

and purpose

in order to teach you the lessons

that you need to know how always move with reason,

and left the imprint of their words

engraved into the flesh of

your internal vessel of life.

It has no meaning to who you have been

or where you are now,

whether or not you sink or swim

without the company of your most beloved,

but it’s because of how you continue to love them

so purely, so raw,

how you continue to live for them;

it’s because because of how they had loved you

and lived so purely to see you through the storms,

your greatest downfalls,

how the both of you still to remain the main one,

the main reason —

the purpose — that you both carry on.

It is because you continue to refuse to ever leave your places

close and at each other’s side,

standing behind them, beside them,

and appearing before them,

standing for them,

through it all,

though you are on opposite sides of the Universe,

in two different worlds,

living two different lives,

seeing the meaning and presence of existence

through two different eyes,

and because they refuse to ever let you forget

that where they once had been,

they still are,

but they’re just waiting for the day that you awake

on the other side of the walls

to find that they’re still there,

so you can see that they’ve never left,

that you continue to hold on.

The way that they are still alive

within the consciousness of your mind,

in the imprints of their feet

that once set foot upon the sand

touching, connected to,

the waters you drown yourself in

every time you look to the surface

and can not see them standing there any longer.

It’s the way that you still find a way to hold onto them,

even when you can not feel them holding you anymore,

how you still speak to them as if

you have no doubts it will reach their ears,

and call out to them by name

like you are without any discernment that

there is any possible way in existence

for you to not be heard by them.

And, because you experience your for them

by living as if they never left,

and reaching out to them,

holding onto them,

by carrying them with you

every where you may go,

just so you can say that all the places

that they’ll never get to touch their feet upon,

that each moment they won’t get to take a breathe

of the air occupying it,

all of the years of life that they have

no chance to watch come and go,

the ones that they had lived,

but did not get the chance to live truly,

gloriously, and happily,

are all moments you spent with them.

How you so gracefully live the life

that they didn’t get to,

and see the evolution of the world,

of its humanity,

the lifetime of recovery and healing

that they never had the opportunity to experience,

all the while carrying them as both a burden

and a blessing as you walk through the hardships,

downfall, and excellence of everything,

of it all,

doing this so courageously,

though you fear everything dangerous,

The only way that I can do great things and live them, is to exist outside of fear, even when you’re in it.

Written by: AUTUMN BUNTION

You ripped my heart from my chest

and acted like it never happened.

I wish that my soul could rest,

but I'll be dead then.

Wherever there is peace,

I just hope that the light finds me.

Maybe the only time that I will be happy

is when my physical body is no longer living.

I've been searching

for anything to make me complete -

“Do not let your depression make you. Do not let your body define your soul; let your soul define your body. Your mind is limitless. You are worth more than you can believe. All you have to do is dream, and all you have to do is want to fulfill that dream and have the strength.” 💗

We must spend our lives giving pieces of our hearts

to those who are lost and in the dark,

and every single part of us that becomes one of another being in time,

is one that will be returned when we die,

because it is home that our spirit finds.

Every piece that we had given in life,

and every part that we handed over with a bloodied knife as we sat empty,

just to be sure someone else never lost,

will all be returned to us in the same cost,

so our soul can forever rest.

For us to eternally remain whole,

we must give pieces of our hearts

and parts of our soul,

so we are not burdened with the weight of it all,

then everyone you’ve touched in this life

will carry you to the next,

-AUTUMN BUNTION,

01.21.20

I hope they laid your hands upon each other,

across your still chest.

Only silence to be spoken now,

I pray that they gently closed your lips.

It is all that I dream of for you as you rest,

that you've been cared for by them

to forever be comfortable in your position.

I picture you lying there in slumber,

an expression of peace and freedom on your face,

and flowers upon your eternal bed,

eyes closed for your sleep to be.

Never will I be able to see their beautiful color,

or the life in your face as you breathe,

because your heart no longer beats.

Whenever I imagine where they left you,

how they readied you for your new awakening,

as we laid to rest, your body,

I hope that they folded your arms

and placed your hands intertwined upon your chest,

so you can hold yourself closely for eternity,

for me.

I pray that they looked at you and knew,

your eyes held the light that shined on me.

When I picture you laying there still,

so silently,

I see my world shattering

and feel my heart breaking,

but wish for you,

Though you feel it is, taking the weight others off of you and putting it down so you can carry your own when you start to break is NOT the same as letting them down. Don't be scared to do the best or you, so you don't lose all of your pieces.

You do not deserve to be lost, nor do you deserve to lose yourself because you want to help others not have to do experience those exact things.

Whatever they are going through, it is not your obligation to push them through. You are not responsible for their inability to carry themselves, only for your own strength. They will find theirs. It first takes them being left with no choice but to carry themselves. Don't worry about them.

If holding onto someone means you have to let go of yourself, it is important that you let go of them.

Please listen to me and learn to carry your own weight. It might be hard at first, but that’s because you have to build your strength. It’ll get easier, but, please, for the sake of your own heart and soul, DO NOT DEPEND ON OTHER PEOPLE FOR STRENGTH. It is vital that you make that decision, to not depend on others for strength and to gain your own. I want to see you make it, not see you sink because of a mistake. It’s a big one to make. Only you can make the choice to sink or swim.

AUTUMN BUNTION,

10.26.20

I told him that I have

no more sympathy,

though that’s not what he wants.

I told him that I have no more care,

but it feels good to him

whenever I give in.

I’m sorry, but I have

lost it all for you.

I carried life.

What reason do I have to hate my body?

My body can do the most beautiful — creation. There is no reason for me to not love it, to not care for it. I must learn to accept and honor it. 🍃