✨ an aspiring agent of chaos and bisexuality ✨

Shane Hollander really is the guy of all time. he's gay. he's autistic. he's wasian. he's the best hockey player in the world. he married his 8 year situationship. he's a millionaire but only because his mom said so. he has beautiful freckles. he had sex with a man for 8 years but the possibility that he might be gay only crossed his mind when he called him by his first name for the first time. to convince himself he was straight he started dating a movie star. he came out as a bottom. he does yoga. his situationship offhandedly suggested getting married for citizenship and he immediately stayed up until 4 am scheming so that wouldn't happen. he's an olympic medalist. he has a dog. his wedding song was diamonds by rihanna. he likes ginger ale.

Literally amazing that there’s a predator that goes “mrrp” and you’re allowed to have one in your house

getting older is all about getting weirder and sexier and more perverted and gluttonous and intelligent and blunt and eloquent and spontaneous and skilled. i love that for us.

Love that Shane and Ilya are so insane for each other that it basically invokes the Forced Proximity trope from 500 miles away. Being in the same conference is too close for these fools. Being the same LEAGUE. What do you mean I have to see that guy once every six weeks and somehow keep my cool. What do you MEAN there's only a single international border separating us. How am I supposed to keep my emotional walls up when that guy sometimes occasionally comes within the general metropolitan area of my person. How can I fall asleep at night knowing that we're under the same constellations. This continent isn't big enough for the two of us. We're gonna have to kiss about it.

I hope today is good to you and if not I hope tomorrow treats you better

i have cracked the code. ilya is so convinced that he is toxic poisonous shipwreck of a person and so he’s an asshole to people as a form of intimacy testing. what this means is that he goes sorryforpartyrocking mode and does body shots and then 30 minutes later he’s crying in an alley because he is #disregulated and someone is like “uh hey man are you okay” and ilya is like (scary face) “i am FINE” and obviously they can tell he’s not fine but also nobody wants to call him on it because there’s a large man acting unpredictably in an alley. and then shane’s deal is just that he is autistic and completely misses the social cue that he’s supposed to leave. so instead he’s like “ilya i don’t think it’s true that you are fine because i can see that you are snot crying in an alley. it’s really rude to lie to people ilya.” and ilya is like “oh my god for the first time in my life someone prevails through my masterful facade… he sees me….”