You rang?

“I’m tired of hiding us, Bertha. I'm exhausted from running around and pretending here in Newport. I want to be seen holding arms with you. At lunch or by the ocean. I want-“

“It’s too dangerous, Aurora. You know that. We can only be seen at events. It is the safest option. Maybe one day we will be able to walk down the street together. I hope so. I am working on it.”

The two stood in Bertha’s drawing room. Aurora’s gloves were twisted in her fists as she stood in a stance wide enough to be tackled and still stay standing. Bertha was backed up against the piano. And she felt trapped.

“When will you decide society can take it, Bertha? You know you are ahead of Lena Astor. You know you are the one that chooses what is good and bad for society these days. You are the one that can make it normal.”

“Have you forgotten how this world works? Have you been so far out of it that you have forgotten how brutal it is? You can’t do anything here without money or status in society which can be taken away in an instant. It is the only thing that can protect you. I can protect you. Otherwise you are nothing.”

Aurora glared. Of course she knew how fast society turned on someone. She had had it happen to her already and it was not even her fault.

“So I’m nothing?”

Bertha’s breath caught in her chest. No, Aurora was quite the opposite of that.

“What was I to you? What was this?” Aurora asked through gritted teeth.

“My love. My-“

“Another bobble? Was I just another bobble for your shelf that hides in your room?”

“My jewel!”

“A jewel?!” Aurora’s eyes were close to popping out of their sockets at how enraged she was. Bertha had never spoken to her like this. She had never acted this way towards anyone. “Something you buy to show the world? Do you take me around to show your pity? Like a charity case? Am I a charity case to you?”

Bertha’s lips closed tightly. They were both trying hard to keep their tempers from going any further than they were but it was getting harder and harder by the second.

“Your eyes are so cold, I don’t even recognize you. You are a stranger to me in my own home and I don’t know what to do, Aurora.” Tears flooded Bertha’s eyes. Aurora watched as the woman’s chin dimpled and she took a breath quickly through her nose like she always did to keep from crying.

“I am used by the men here,” Aurora admitted. Bertha felt her heart sink to her stomach hearing that for the first time. “They think they can buy me because I am easy. I am already someone's used goods.”

“I will buy you anything. I will love you for all that you are. I will-“

“They tell me I am wasted. I am second hand.”

“They don’t touch…they don’t-“ Bertha needed to know that one detail. They needed to know which men preyed on the woman she felt protective of.

“No. But I can see it in their eyes. I can see how they look at me. They offer me dinners and fancy parties in return for something unsavory. I fight alone when you are not here.”

Bertha’s eyes became too full as tears began to fall down her cheeks. How disgusted she was hearing about the men of Newport. How they treated this woman she felt deeply for. She almost felt sick to her stomach. And she found she needed to count her breathing or she might fall ill.

Aurora stood firm. Her eyes were dry. She had thought about this for a while now. How she was treated by this woman who claimed she loved her. This woman who said she would do anything for her. She almost felt more used by Bertha than the men she spoke of.

“I know what society says about me. I said it about Mrs. Chamberlin. And I regret my words wholeheartedly. I never thought I would be in this position. But you-“

“Aurora, stay with me please,” Bertha’s hands clasped together as she begged.

“You stole my soul.”

Bertha felt her back hit the piano harshly as Aurora took a step towards her. She felt as though she’d been pierced through the heart.

“I can’t let go. Give back my life, give back my heart…” Aurora took a deep breath. She could feel the tears burn her eyes as she said “give back the time I didn’t know you.”

The time before Bertha. Charles was who forced her to get to know Bertha. Charles was the one who pushed her into Bertha’s arms. He ruined her life in multiple ways without even knowing it. That bastard.

“You think I don’t love you? Aurora I love you-“

“But not more than George.”

Bertha swallowed.

“You know I can’t. It is absolute hell to love you, Aurora. It is torture.”

“I apologize for being the ball and chain around your ankle. I apologize that you think I will sink you with how heavy a burden I am if we were to jump into such a vast and confusing ocean of sharks.”

Aurora’s body shook with adrenaline. She couldn’t step forward, she couldn’t step back. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Bertha. She hated the woman right then. But deep down she wanted to run into her arms for comfort. She wanted her and only her.

“Give back my life. I want my life back before you. I want my mind back, my body. I want it back.”

“I can’t let you go, Aurora. I won’t.”

“I am not asking for permission. I am telling you.”

Aurora didn’t mean to steal Charles’ words. She didn’t mean to make Bertha feel the way she felt that dreadful night. She wanted Bertha to fight the same way she did. She wanted Bertha to be confident in her choice of love and staying. But she knew Bertha wouldn’t. Aurora could hear it in her voice.

If Bertha could she would run out the doors into the streets as far as she could to the water. Bertha never ran from her fears. But this was more than she could handle.

“Leave him!” Aurora yelled, breaking Bertha’s train of thought. “Be with me in the light. No more lies. Leave him, love me.”

“Aurora,” Bertha huffed. What a stupid thing to say Bertha thought. “He is my name. My family. He is who I am.”

There it was. Aurora knew it wasn’t just because of society. Aurora knew that he was still in the picture. The betrayal somehow felt so normal. She had gotten used to it. How devastating.

“He’s left you Bertha. He’s been back for big balls and to collect checks. He’s gone-“

“STOP IT. I STILL LOVE HIM. I still love you. I’ve loved two people at the wrong time. Aurora- I-,”

“Give back my life,” Aurora pleaded. Tears streamed down her face now. Her voice was quieter. It was softer. It was being pulled from the depths of her throat. “I want my life back. I want my heart that you stole. I want my time back. I want back all that I gave you. I want it back, please. Please give it back.”

“Fight for this now. I will make it work. I will make it worth all of this. You are all I have ever wanted. But you know that we won’t…” Bertha’s sentence faded away as she thought about what she was saying. She had so much optimism when they first fell in love. Now it was a lie she told herself as an excuse.

“Coward.” Aurora screamed. It rang in Bertha’s ears and she sank to the floor underneath the piano. Her knees hit harshly on the marble and they stung in pain. But nothing would hurt more than her heart breaking this way.

“Go back to your husband,” Aurora hissed. It took everything in her to turn and leave Bertha on the floor like that. That would possibly be the last time she ever saw the woman. Gutted and laying on the floor alone.

As Aurora rushed to the doors of the drawing room one of them flew open. It was George who had heard the commotion as he walked into the house.

“Aurora? What is happening, is everything alright?”

His anxiety jumped seeing both women in the state they were in. The tears, the blotchy red eyes, the dark cloud of energy that covered the room.

“Ask your wife.” Aurora said bluntly before she ran past George, her hand flying over her mouth as she exited the room. She didn’t wait for Church. She didn’t wait for a footman. She didn’t wait for her scarf or even her purse. She just ran. Past the cab that brought her there. Through the grass and into the street where she wasn’t thinking about the oncoming carts and carriages. Luckily, the carriage that came from her house bounded into the street to collect her. She took it graciously, seeing her belongings sitting on the seat.

“Bertha? What happened?” George ran to kneel next to her on the floor. She couldn’t speak. She just sobbed. Her gasps for air were so strained she almost couldn’t breathe. Her heart felt as though it was being crushed by the grand piano that sat behind her and she couldn’t find the energy to get up off of the floor and run after Aurora.

“Oh, my dear,” George held Bertha on the floor. She cried into his suit jacket and wrinkled the fabric in her fist. He had come from a work lunch. He was only in to grab a few things before heading back to meet with Larry.

“I’ve lost the only friend I have,” Bertha tried to say. “Oh, god. Oh my god.”

George hadn’t heard the woman cry like this in decades. He hadn’t seen her this heartbroken either. He heard bits and pieces of what had been said through the door. And he came to a muddy conclusion. But he wouldn’t judge his wife on a misheard conversation. And she didn’t need to be judged for whatever this was. Not now.

Bertha’s head was foggy. She couldn’t stop crying. Her body wouldn’t let her breathe. She felt she needed a sedative. Or for someone to end her misery perhaps. She looked up at the man who Aurora and her had argued about and without a thought about it she said three words she never imagined she’d confess to him.

“I loved her.”

———

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index

“Mother?”

Gladys stood at the door unable to see what Bertha was doing on the balcony. Bertha’s heart raced seeing the carriages grow smaller by the second. She hadn’t the voice to yell for them. Her son and her husband, gone. Her daughter to be a mother. And Bertha? Heartbroken.

“We must celebrate. Please get Hector, we will toast downstairs,” Bertha smiled, turning to Gladys. She had gotten good at hiding her tears and the sound of sadness in her voice when talking to her children. It was a special skill of hers it seemed. They knew anger, they knew annoyance. They did not know their mother’s sadness. George did. He always knew the difference even when she hid it.

“I wanted to see about having a small celebration. With Carrie and-“

“Yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea. We’ll have it here. Invite who you like. Let Church know so we can tell the kitchen how much to prepare. Mrs. Bruce might need to go to the market. But we’ll have it tonight.”

Gladys was surprised her mother was allowing such a last minute affair.

“Is everything alright? This seems wildly out of character for you.”

“I am going to be a grandmother, Gladys. It is something I have dreamt about since you debuted. I am happy for you, my dear.”

Bertha wasn’t lying. Where her emotions and thoughts were at present maybe. But she was delighted that Gladys was with child. Overjoyed even. It did not cover the gut wrenching feeling of seeing George leave without a look back. The questions of him leaving her or if he would ever be back were what plagued her mind. She needed a distraction. This was the perfect excuse for one.

“I will tell Hector. He wanted to tell father before he left but we were in search of you first.”

“George doesn’t know?”

“Not yet. Perhaps Larry will tell him.”

Gladys turned and left with a smile on her face. And Bertha faltered to a chair and collapsed. She never thought about the fact that George was her best friend. George was who she went to with problems. George was who she went to with celebrations. And now he was gone. She had no one close enough in this society she built herself to tell anything to. Bertha had never felt so alone while being at the top of the world.

Still life moved on. Invitations were sent out immediately by hand. They would have about one hundred in attendance. Some of Gladys’s friends. Some of Hector’s that he had made. Others were friends of George or Bertha. Mostly Bertha.

Gladys wore a dress she brought from London. It was one of the few she had that she chose. Her mother did not have a single part of the making of the dress. It was lilac with beautiful lace and pearls. Matching silk gloves and a diamond necklace and tiara to match.

“Goodness, my daughter has grown up,” Bertha smiled, walking down the stairs to greet Gladys and Hector before the guests arrived. She wore a new dress she had made for a different occasion. But this seemed fitting enough. It was blue, a color she enjoyed wearing. It went well with her daughter’s dress though, not planned. She too wore a diamond necklace with a matching tiara. And she couldn’t help but think Gladys looked the spitting image of her when she and George were celebrating their pregnancy with Larry.

“You look gorgeous,” Hector smiled, leaning in to offer a kiss on the cheek to Bertha.

“I’m happy for you two. I hope this doesn’t feel too rushed. I want you to celebrate in your time.”

“This is wonderful. Thank you.”

“I have Borden preparing dinner for seven thirty. So drinks and light bites will be served until then. We will have to have something more prepared for when George…,” his name caught in her throat. “When they come back. Though, I hope that is before you both travel back to London.”

“That’s just it mother, we have decided to stay here until the baby is born. We will find a house when we return to the city. Hector has been looking at places here in Newport. We would like to- I would like to be close to you and father during my first pregnancy. Not around strangers.”

Tears pricked Bertha’s eyes as she tried to respond to Gladys. But all she could do was nod and smile before laughing at herself. Maybe she would get to see George see his grandchild. Maybe he would come back for Gladys. Though, she hoped it would be for her too.

“Ma’am, the carriages are starting to arrive."

The three of them lined up and stood ready to greet their guests. The emotions came in waves for Bertha. People walked in congratulating her and Gladys. And then they would ask about George.

“Off for business. But he thanks you for being here,” she replied every time.

She wanted the last guest to arrive so she could hide away for a moment alone. She would say she needed to use the restroom or that she needed to check on dinner. But it felt as though the line of guests was never ending. The emptiness in her stomach grew more. The doubt crept in and she needed a new distraction. Anything.

“Mrs. Aurora Fane,” Church said from below.

Aurora, Bertha thought. She had forgotten in her frenzy of invites she mentioned Aurora. She didn’t feel it was her duty to invite the woman. But she wanted to allow women like her back into society. And she must have had that in mind when giving Mrs. Bruce her list. Either that or she had in the back of her mind that she too could suddenly be under the same label as Aurora.

“Bertha,” Aurora smiled, “how exciting.”

Bertha smiled back with empty eyes. Gladys watched hoping her mother would respond.

“Thank you for coming, Aurora. My mother and I are happy you are here,” Gladys finally said. “Aren’t we, mother?”

“Sorry? Oh- yes. Thank you, Aurora.”

Aurora’s eyes followed Bertha’s. She could sense something was wrong. As did Gladys. But neither said anything as another guest was arriving.

Something about Aurora being there changed Bertha’s energy. Aurora would be the one who understood Bertha’s fears. She wouldn’t judge Bertha. Bertha hoped that at least.

“I’m sorry, Gladys, I will be back. If the rest come before I am down please let Church know to begin serving the wine.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine. I will be back.”

Bertha left, her hips swaying as they did when she needed to be in charge. When she needed to seem confident.

She peaked her head into the ballroom and spotted Aurora talking with Marian Brooke. She clenched her jaw into a smile before walking over to them.

“I’m sorry, Aurora, may I steal you for a second?”

“Of course,” Aurora handed Marian her glass before turning with Bertha.

The two climbed the stairs together before dipping into one of Bertha’s women’s lounges. It was new to the house. Bertha wanted somewhere that she could fall back during balls with a few women to either talk business or to just rest if she needed to without going all the way to her bedroom. As they walked in, Aurora began to admire the room, stepping in further than Bertha to view the details.

“Aurora, I…” Bertha said as she shut the door. “May I ask you a personal question?”

“You may.”

Bertha hesitated. She felt the pain in her throat as her tears threatened to spill over.

“Bertha? Is everything alright?” Aurora waited for an answer but nothing came. She stepped forward, her body wanting to comfort the woman in front of her who tried so hard to hide her emotions.

“No,” Bertha finally squeaked out. “George says he has left.”

“Oh,” Aurora gasped. She was fast on her feet as she walked quickly to Bertha from the middle of the room. She felt it in her heart. The pain that Bertha was feeling. She knew that feeling. Unfortunately.

Bertha wanted to continue. To say that he hadn’t threatened the word of divorce but she didn’t know if that was completely true. He hadn’t said he was coming back. He hadn’t necessarily said everything he needed to think about. He just left. Bertha thought she would be able to hold herself together but the look that Aurora gave her made her burst into tears. That was the look Bertha gave Aurora the day she heard about Charles. How terrible that look was.

“I don’t know what to do,” Bertha admitted. “How did you do it?”

Aurora’s face dropped. There was nothing to do. Aurora knew well that her efforts to change Charles’ mind were a waste of her energy and emotions. And no matter how many times she asked for help she was met with avoidance and threats from Charles.

“I…I wish I knew what to tell you. I- I’m sorry you have put your trust in me. I do not have any advice to give you.” Aurora didn’t realize how blurry Bertha had gotten. Or how she twisted her lips to the side to keep them from trembling.

“I hate what happened to you,” Bertha whispered. “I have watched how you have been treated in this society and I despise it. And I pray that I do not have to follow in your footsteps as strong as you have been. I know I seem to be made of stone. At least my children seem to think I am. But I am not that strong. Not without George.” Her voice caught and cracked as she said his name. Bertha tried to laugh it off. It seemed a completely inappropriate time to laugh. But she didn’t know what else to do as she looked down at the ring that strangled her finger as she twisted it. Bertha faltered with her balance as her legs buckled beneath her. She’d not had the time to process what had happened in the last hours of the day. And it was all crumbling around her as a celebration for her daughter and son-in-law happened only a few steps away.

“Oh, dear,” Aurora sighed, stepping in to hold Bertha. She did so tightly. Her arms wrapped around the woman with no hesitation. And she let Bertha cry loudly. She found it difficult to hold onto Bertha as the woman’s knees finally gave out. It was such a full body reaction to such news. Aurora knew that feeling. How strong she had felt in her body when she was telling Charles no while looking as though she was standing her ground with confidence. But as she made it into her room that evening she sunk to the floor in her dress and sobbed.

“I’m so sorry,” Aurora whispered. “I hope he will be back. I do.”

Bertha sobbed. She had not been able to do so until now. And she did not realize how much she was holding within her.

“I’m sorry, you came for a celebration,” Bertha said, stepping back, catching her breath. She turned around to wipe her tears in hopes her makeup was still intact. She may have cried in Aurora’s arms, but she didn't want the woman to see her after such a release.

“Bertha, I am glad you are comfortable telling me. And I will stand with you every step of the way until George returns. You have been so kind to me since…Charles.”

Bertha looked up at the door in front of her, took a deep breath, and thought about Aurora’s words.

“Aurora,” their eyes met as Bertha turned around. “I feel I have to apologize to you.”

“For what?”

“For dropping such…You’re the only one who…I feel so…,” Bertha couldn’t think of what to say. “I thank you for your friendship. You may have doubted me when we first met, but you never left me behind.”

“I appreciate yours as well.”

“I think-,” Bertha thought about her words carefully. “You are the only one I trusted in this whole house to tell. And I thank you in advance for your discretion.”

Aurora took a step forward towards Bertha. She hesitated before wiping a tear that fell onto Bertha’s cheek with her thumb. Bertha almost found herself laying her head into the woman’s hand. The way she did with George. Her head began to tilt as her eyes drifted closed but she caught herself quickly. She was emotionally confused. She was exhausted from her tears. In truth, she could have used another tight embrace from the woman in front of her.

“You won’t lose me, Bertha. Not because of this.”

Bertha pulled the woman into another embrace.

“Thank you.”

“Come, let’s celebrate. You deserve it.”

The two began to leave together. Their dresses barely skimmed past each other.

“Bertha?” Aurora said before Bertha could turn the door handle.

“I hope you know I mean everything I’ve said tonight. I trust you greatly. Sometimes more than my own cousins.”

“Yes, I do. Thank you Aurora. Truly.” Bertha grasped Aurora’s hands and they held silence for a second before turning and leaving for the party. They made it just in time for Bertha to join Gladys and Hector as they were giving a short speech.

“George, Larry, and I are so very happy for Gladys and Hector. We thank you all for joining us in the celebration. It means more than you could possibly know.” Bertha found Aurora in the crowd. Her blue eyes almost shimmering as the two found each other.

“To Gladys and Hector,” Bertha raised her glass.

“Thank you, mother.”

Gladys hugged Bertha with a smile and whispered in her ear.

“It will all be okay. I believe it.”

Gladys thought Bertha’s absence was out of worry for her daughter. Worry for her health. Just worry. Something Bertha never showed her children but they knew she cared a lot for them. Bertha found warmth in her daughter’s words, even if they were misplaced.

“I do too, dear. It will all be just fine.”

———

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index

Bertha could feel Aurora’s anxiety from across the table. They’d been there for twenty minutes or so. It had taken Bertha longer than she thought to get to the coffee shop from work. Her train being delayed and her getting out of the building late didn’t help.

“Aurora, are you all right?”

“Y-yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

She picked up her mug and sipped her now room-temperature coffee.

“You seem distracted.”

“I apologize, I- I’m just tired from work.”

Bertha smiled, raising her mug to her lips.

“Tell me about it.”

Usually, Aurora would. She would talk about her day or share some slight gossip. But she didn’t. Her eyes looked at Bertha’s as her lips tried to form a word.

“Aurora?”

“I’m- so sorry, I am not good company right now,” Aurora laughed at herself. She shook her head in attempts to quell her thoughts.

Aurora had been thinking. A bad decision in the first place for her. She knew she overthought. She made problems in her head before they were ever close to being problems. Her assistant knew she was distant. Her boss even knew she was acting differently. She’d be zoned out during meetings and have to ask for questions to be repeated. Reports were turned in at the end of the wire and she was tired every morning last week.

“Can I help you with anything?”

Aurora took a deep breath. She thought for a second. Why would she ask Bertha about this? Or perhaps she should. It had to do with her anyway. What a terrible idea that would be.

“I um…” she began.

Bertha listened intently. Her eyes were locked on Aurora’s and she was ready to help in any way she could. Be a good friend.

She’d been close with Aurora for a while. Aurora helped her during a sticky situation when she first moved to the city. Why would she not return the favor as a friend? But seeing Aurora’s face, she wasn't sure this was something she was equipped to help with. She didn’t know what it was about, but it was rare for Aurora to withhold things. Especially when they were out for their monthly brunch.

“I’ve got an unfortunate- well not unfortunate…um…I mean- I’ve been chatting…I…”

Bertha didn’t interrupt. She didn’t try to change the subject either. Aurora couldn’t find the right words.

“I think I have started to…fall for someone that I shouldn’t.”

Bertha’s eyes grew as she set her mug down. Ever since Aurora divorced Charles she’d spoken only of being single for the rest of her life. How she’d never find anyone she would trust again. After all Charles was cheating on her with a coworker that Aurora introduced him to at a holiday staff party.

“Oh? Well, why not?” Bertha didn’t mean it in a negative way. She more so wanted to know why Aurora allowed herself to neglect this feeling of connection. It was the first for over a year. She’d sat and listened to the woman go on and on about her hatred of love and marriage. This was surprising.

“She’s-”

“She! Since when did that happen?”

Bertha made a slight giggle out of surprise. She quickly straightened her face seeing Aurora was not finding it as amusing as she was.

“To be honest, she’s the first. I didn’t know until…I met…her.”

“I don’t see the problem yet.”

Aurora looked down and stared at her coffee as though she could see her reflection in it.

“She’s married.”

Bertha felt her eyes respond before she could tell herself to keep it together. To not scare Aurora.

“Oh.”

“I mean- I can’t…”

Bertha thought she might go along with it. She wanted her friend to be happy. She wanted her to know that she could fall in love again. It was possible for someone their age. Why shouldn't it be?

“How long have you known each other?”

“A few years. I suppose. I- this was stupid of me to bring up I- you can’t help me with this I just-”

“Kids?”

Aurora didn’t respond right away. Her heart was racing. The cafe suddenly felt crowded and too loud. The sound of plates and mugs clanking from the wait staff and the conversations being held around the floor started to overpower Aurora’s senses.

“Y-yes. Two. I don’t see why that matters, I still- I mean she’s married. And I- I shouldn’t have allowed myself to-…I found someone who brings me comfort and I- and trust…I just- I allowed that to be enough reasoning…for this…kind of connection. And I know it’s not a good enough reason.”

“You lost that with Charles. The first person you felt safe with was who your heart fell for. Safety.”

Aurora tried to keep her face in check. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest. She was going to figure it out soon. The questions were getting too specific. She wouldn’t be able to be vague anymore.

“Is she in our circles? Would I know her?”

Aurora didn’t answer. She thought about it. Stole a sip of coffee from her mug. She started listing details of the mug in her brain. It got her mind off of how tragic this conversation could become.

“Is she even…you know, into women?”

Bertha took a bite of her salad and waited for an answer. Aurora could feel the lump in her throat. She didn’t understand why Bertha was interrogating her. How did she think she’d be able to help? Her curiosity got the best of her as always. They were innocent questions in Bertha’s mind.

Aurora didn’t know what to say. She hoped Bertha would have dropped it by then. Especially after Aurora had tried to end it. But she was stuck now. Bertha just wanted to be a good friend. Maybe she would be able to help. Afterall…

“I don’t know…,” Aurora hesitated. “Are you?” Her voice cracked. She looked down at the napkin in her lap and scraped at her nails.

“I-” Bertha looked at Aurora dumbfounded. “I’m sorry?”

Aurora didn’t respond. She didn’t look up and she could feel the tears pushing against her as the heat rose in her face. It was burning. And she couldn’t breathe.

“I-…no. I’m sorry I-“

“I’m sorry I should have lied or-“

“I should have stopped asking questions. That was rude of me. I’m sorry I have to- um…”

Bertha began to pack her purse. She didn't quite realize what she was doing. Her mind started to tell her how awful it would be for her to leave Aurora like this. But she didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t entertain this. Her and George were already having problems at home. This wouldn’t help.

“N-no it was stupid of me to bring it up. I- please stay. I-“

“No, I pushed for it- I should go.”

“Don’t. Please don’t. It will pass, I’m sure. I know it- please, stay.”

Aurora tried to keep her voice down as Bertha began to stand. She watched the woman wipe away a tear. Aurora was sure that Bertha had hoped it would have been discrete enough that Aurora wouldn’t have seen.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Bertha, I can’t lose you. Not like this. I can- we can know this information and still be friends. People do it all the time but we won’t act upon it, you just said so yourself.”

Bertha couldn’t bear to see Aurora’s face like this. She’d rarely seen it. Actually, the last time she’d seen Aurora in this state was when she told Bertha about Charles’ request for divorce. The sadness in her eyes. The way her brow furrowed and the tremor in her lip.

“I- I’m sorry, Aurora.” Bertha took a step towards the table they sat at but couldn’t move any closer. Not at the moment. Her feet stopped her before she was ready. And Bertha couldn’t keep her eyes from burning and her breath to hitch.

“You- you just kept asking and I didn’t know how to- Bertha, I didn’t mean to offend you. I-”

Aurora turned away to hide her embarrassment. And Bertha just stared. She watched this woman through blurred eyes as she tried to understand what was happening. How to find the words. The cafe felt empty even though it was almost full. The sounds of the plates and silverware went mute and all Bertha could hear were Aurora’s short gasps for air as she began to cry. She could see the woman’s reflection in the decorative glass that wrapped around the wall. Bertha wasn’t a stranger to the feeling of her heart breaking. The feeling of something squeezing it while the lump in her throat never ceased its horrid pushing. Tensing her lips to keep them from quivering and looking up at the ceiling to keep her tears from falling. She was confused. She was worried. She for some reason felt betrayed. She wasn’t sure by whom.

After a second, Bertha was reminded of the day that she ran to Aurora for comfort. The day George left for the club and Larry followed. The day she was alone for the first time in decades. She didn’t know who else to talk to. Marian and Larry had been in a scuffle. She didn’t trust Mamie enough to tell her anything about her and George. Lena wouldn’t give a second to her. She had her group but none of them were friends. Aurora was the closest thing she had to one. But Aurora answered Bertha’s call. And she sat with her for over an hour comforting the woman. No one had seen her cry before. Bertha Russell doesn’t cry. They sat in her living room with coffee and sweets that Aurora brought over. And Bertha let go for the first time. She was scared then too. Confused. Worried. Betrayed. Her body was reliving this moment of shock. And the only person she’d trusted before was Aurora.

“I’m sorry,” Bertha whispered as she sat next to Aurora on her side of the table. “I don’t know how to help you. I want to.”

“Please, just give me time. It might- it will pass.”

What a devastating thing to say.

“I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”

———

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aurora fane

She tossed and turned in the bed that rocked with the ship. She always thought the trip to England would feel shorter the more she went. But it never was. If anything it felt as though it was getting longer. Over a month without George. A month without being touched or kissed. Or looked upon with eyes that were so in love with her. A month with so much stress. She loved seeing her grandchild who was almost walking and talking now. How she almost wanted another of her own.

She huffed, turning over again. She continued to fluff her pillow and move them about on the bed. The sound of the waves outside used to be calming. Now they felt as empty as she did. No land to be seen across the horizon from any direction. The need for George grew by the second. She’d rarely felt sexually angered. Something about tonight forced her hand under her night gown to feel the warm skin of her stomach. How even just the gentlest touch of her own hand forced goosebumps against her pale skin.

She shook about again trying to get comfortable for sleep. She had so much pent up within her that she almost needed a release. As though a doctor had prescribed it. She shoved a pillow between her knees as she turned to her side squeezing her knees tightly around the denseness of the feathers. It wasn’t something she did often but it was something she found to be comfortable since sleeping with a pillow between her knees during her pregnancy with Gladys. Especially during that time of the month. Her back always thanked her if she needed to turn to her side. And though that was the initial plan, she found her hand slipping below as well.

Her eyes closed softly as she felt the pressure against her. Her hips moved ever so slightly. The feeling shouldn’t have been so electrifying considering how minute her movement was. But oh, how nice it felt. Her brows knitted within each other as she barely pulled a finger to her center allowing the sensation to build for the first time in months. She felt her chest expand to its fullest. The slightest sound released from her lips. She couldn’t even feel embarrassed for her actions. Her body ached for it. She had to do something.

She hummed gently as her chest began to feel the heat. Her hips began to rock more against her hand and the pillow. She blamed the movement of the boat in her head but that lie was thrown out quickly.

His name began to float against her lips as she began to rub circles against herself. She was sure her neck was red and her veins were protruding for how long she held her breath. A slightly annoying habit of hers. George would start kissing her neck and beg for her to be loud in her ear at this point.

“Oh- god,” she let out as she dipped her finger within her folds. She needed more. She needed George. She could hear his gravely voice in her ear and his grunts between gasps of air as he thrusted within her. Her hand gripped the sheets as she lay flat on her back, kicking the pillow away from her. She wished it was George’s shirt or his hair that she gripped between her knuckles.

Her moans grew louder and her breathing harsher than before. She was happy for the ship being as loud and sound proof as it was. She squirmed as her back arched and her toes curled. This feeling within her was needed. She needed to be breathless and feel carefree for a little bit.

“George!” she yelled as she pressed a finger within her. And another quickly after. She could feel the sweat begin to bead against her forehead. She almost couldn’t take it anymore but she needed to follow through. Her fingers curled within her and she bit the back of her hand to keep from screaming.

“Oh- oh god- oh George,” she yelled with every round of her fingers against her tight walls. “Please- please- GOD.”

She was so very close. If George were here, a kiss would send her over the edge. But she was stuck at the apex and she was growing annoyed. She tried to turn over and rock against a pillow. She tried to whisper sweet words like George would for her ears to hear. She tried to squeeze and pinch at her breasts and nipples as she fell onto her back again. But nothing worked.

“Mmm…please,” she begged herself. Two fingers pressed deep within her. She tried her best to emulate the feeling she got when George was between her legs. Rolling her hips and harshly pressing into herself. Her body trembled, needing her cord to snap. She had given up on being quiet. She screamed and thrashed about under her sheets.

With her fingers rolling against her she shoved her other hand beneath the sheets to circle against her clit. And oh…

“YES,” she yelled, her body growing even closer. “George, yes.” She was almost crying by the time she felt herself release. She continued to roll her fingers within her pulsing cunt causing her to squirt against her hand. She’d never done that before. She felt as though she had just run a marathon. Her entire body shook and trembled and she refused to stop her hands yearning for another.

“Oh- Christ- Bertha,” she laughed at herself. The sound of her juices and the feel from her fingers pulled her close to another release. She couldn’t stop laughing. How badly she needed this. She didn’t realize she was this hungry for touch. For George. She didn’t know she could make herself do such things while alone. Though, of course now that she knew, she wouldn’t neglect herself for so long anymore.

She grunted and groaned as her body began to pulse again. Her legs clamped her hands and she was unable to release them from within her. She could see why George loved such a feeling. How tightly she pulsed around her fingers and how slick they were to continue pushing in and out.

She only had two more weeks before she could kiss her husband again. Push him against the door while he pushes her skirts up. The feel of him through his pants as she rushed to unbutton them. And how harshly he would thrust into her with no need to prep her, that would be how wet she already was to see him. She would have to wait two more weeks before hearing his grunts and groans. To see his eyes roll back as she rolled against him and the feel of him releasing within her.

Only two more weeks.

She wouldn’t wait two more weeks for another release. But for now at least she was able to drift to sleep with the idea of him. And the things she’d tell him she found out about herself. What she could do to herself. Maybe she’d show him and let him watch. Maybe that would be something he would love. After all, he loved seeing her happy, and he loved the sounds she made when she was happy.

She was happy.

———

What a cruel thing to do. How dare you tell me to be happy for you.

I’m sorry, you’re right, you didn’t say that. I only said I was happy. I thought you were happy too. With us.

I am not overreacting, Charles. You have already told me what I must do for your happiness. Do not tell me how I am to feel about it as well.

You walk into our house, our…our home…our home and tell me that you wish to marry another woman? Not only have you been unfaithful. That you wish for a divorce? Like- like almost thirty years of marriage is the chair we sent to be reupholstered. As though it is just something we have, not the reason we are. However, the chair comes back with different fabric and finishings and I don’t recognize it anymore.

Life does go on. No one has died from this scandal of yours. But my life, my status, all I have ever known has died. Do you understand what you are asking me to do?

Of course you don’t. Why would you ever need to fear me coming home to tell you such news.

You have found another. Someone you love and are willing to shove me to the curb for. Your loyal wife of- I know you are not saying that you were loyal. I know you know of the abhorrent thing you have done. And that almost frightens me more. You are aware of it. And you were aware what would happen to me before I did. You- you are the judge giving me a sentence of something I am not guilty of.

Do you remember our third anniversary? You took me to the opera. I hadn’t been in so long since my father died. And you watched me laugh, and cry, and feel during the three act performance. And you turned to me during intermission with a necklace and a promise that you would always make me laugh and smile. That our house would never be empty of it. That you loved me and that you were the lucky one.

And even when- even when we lost…

I can’t say it. Oh, god I will never be able to…

How glad I am that we never had children so I do not have to give such horrible news to them. I can imagine my father’s face. My mother would blame me as you do.

No, I know you do. You blame me knowing you are the traitor.

You told me you loved me once. I thought it was true.

No. Do not tell me you still do. You would not be making this decision if that were true.

Liar.

I’m sorry, I did not mean to so harshly hit you. I did not mean to yell like that. And even now, I still want you to wrap your arms around me for comfort. I can’t stand it. Please don’t let go. I can’t see you go with her.

Do you remember when we went to your father’s funeral? Do you remember how you told me how much he cared for your mother? How he never wanted her to ever have to lift a finger after they married and he meant that. She didn’t. And you wanted to give me that promise too until the day you died.

No, don’t give me that face Charles. Please. I do not beg you. I do not ask for much. I never have. You are who went to Mr. Russell and forced that relationship. I- I did not want to meet her. I did not want her in society. And you made me for your business and I did because I love you. I wanted you to succeed. And here you are taking away my status still. Not George Russell who you said was the tyrant. Not Bertha Russell who has helped your business plans more than you could possibly know.

I can’t watch the bridges that are burning. I can’t cross them into the fire. I will be the one who gets burned, not you.

You shed not a tear. How?

Please don’t do this to me.

Yes, I do need your embrace. I need your arms tighter around me . You- you are my husband. My loyal husband. A man vowed before God, and parents, and my parents to love me until the day he died.

Please, lay your head atop mine like you do after you’ve kissed me. Hold your warm and tender body close to mine. Hear the whisper of the raindrops blowing soft against the window. I love the rain. Let me just believe you love me one more time. One more night.

For the good times.

“I’m going up.”

———

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“I am off to Aurora Fane’s.”

“Again? You were there the other night. Is everything alright?”

George tightened his bowtie before turning to look at his wife, who stood in a stunning red dress. It only briefly crossed his mind as to why his wife was dressed so nicely to go over to a friend's. He had not heard of an event. And Aurora would not be hosting due to her divorce. It seemed Bertha was the only one who would go to see her. The only one who spoke of her. But, George knew better than to ask too many questions.

“I am only going over to help her. She has been down since the divorce and I want to be a good friend.”

“I’m sure.”

“George, I do not ask you where you are every waking hour of the day. You are welcome to come with me, however, I don’t know if she will have made enough food for luncheon if we both show up.”

“You are right. I apologize,” he gave her a kiss on the cheek, “Tell her hello for me.”

Bertha left quickly without a look back at her husband. She was good at leaving him out of things he shouldn’t be in. But something about his asking made her think he knew. It was only her being paranoid about it. That is at least what she told herself.

She walked to Aurora’s. She was only down the street, and she knew she was waiting for her.

“Mrs. Bertha Russell is here to see you, ma’am.”

“Ah, thank you. Please tell the kitchen to prepare a light luncheon. I will call for it in an hour or so. I think we may go out for a walk. No need to worry. I will call if I need you.”

Bertha walked in as regal as always. But the moment the door closed the two rushed into each other’s arms and embraced with a kiss.

“What took you so long?” Aurora asked.

“I had to get away from George. I’m sorry, but I’m here now.” Bertha pushed a golden curl behind Aurora’s ear before kissing her again. “How much time do we have?”

“About an hour.” Aurora pulled Bertha through a hidden door and up the stairs. She knew that house inside and out now because of that woman. Bertha knew it well too with all of their sneaking around.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you,” Aurora huffed, shutting the door to her bedroom. Dresses and corsets were pulled off and thrown to the floor. Pins were pulled out and placed in piles on the dresser. It was not long before both were naked and tangled in each other’s limbs on the bed.

Bertha loved that she got to be in charge while with Aurora. And Aurora didn’t mind not needing to do anything for a change. She could lay back and look up at a woman she worshiped above her while being pampered herself. Bertha never minded being pampered herself. But she got that with George whenever he gave her the time of day, which was rare these days. Bertha knew she wanted power and she wasn't afraid to admit that. But being able to have that power in bed? She yearned for it.

“Ready?” Bertha asked between a kiss and a gasp. Aurora nodded, unable to voice her enthusiasm as Bertha’s fingers began to swirl around her. Bertha loved to hear Aurora’s gentle coos and how her moans sounded through a tight throat.

“Oh- Bertha,” Aurora moaned, gritting her teeth as a finger ran through her slick. There was a shared jolt between the two of them. Bertha moaned with Aurora as her finger pushed into the woman’s center. How tight it felt after such a hard, long day.

Aurora’s hums and moans were gentle. They always were. Between the two of them, Bertha was always the loudest. Even when she tried to be quieter. The feel of Bertha’s lips and tongue sucking on Aurora’s nipple made her gasp, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as another finger pressed into her.

It had been news to Bertha that Aurora never knew this feeling with Charles. Their first time together was bumpy. It was a drunken mistake to begin with. But Aurora didn’t know what to tell Bertha in terms of what she liked and disliked. She was so used to allowing Charles to fuck her for his pleasure and she pretended. They didn’t have kids. They didn’t really want them to begin with. But they were concerned when after many evenings and months together that nothing had come of their marital duties.

Of course, Aurora blamed herself. She never felt her ecstacy and never appreciated what she was being given by Charles. Because of that, God was punishing her by refusing her fruitfulness. It wasn’t until Bertha did she realize what pure bliss felt like. What it meant to feel loved and touched. What it meant to go days without it and beg for it. She wondered if this was what it was supposed to be like with Charles. If she had, would they have had children?

Bertha held Aurora tightly in her arms the first few times after their long nights in bed. How embarrassed Aurora felt feeling this way with a woman and not her husband. She blamed herself more than anything about not giving Charles a Fane heir. Let alone giving him a real peak as a reward for his work.

Now Aurora felt no guilt. She was rarely embarrassed by it and she almost wished she and Bertha could walk arm in arm instead of hiding away from their workers and husbands.

Bertha had done just enough to get Aurora where she wanted her. The woman’s neck was red from her gasping and she was so close. She’d gotten a slow build. Bertha knew she needed the time. But her sweet sounds built Bertha just enough that she was able to match Aurora’s state without even being touched herself.

“Oh-, come here,” Aurora gasped through a strained neck. Bertha fell atop Aurora as their lips crashed against each other. As Bertha reclaimed her balance atop Aurora their centers met and they both groaned. Bertha began to rock her hips harshly against Aurora, their eyes holding contact as though any millisecond of a break would ruin it all. Bertha’s gasps were different to Aurora’s. She sounded with a wheeze of every breath as her throat could barely allow enough air through for her next grunt and moan. Aurora never liked when Bertha cursed. But she didn’t have the sense to correct the woman when they were like this.

“Jesus CHRIST,” Bertha yelled. Aurora’s nails dragged through Bertha’s skin leaving scratch marks down her thighs and hips. They moaned harmoniously as the two came together, Bertha crashing against Aurora’s front before shoving her tongue into the woman’s mouth.

“Please-,” Aurora groaned. Her body pulsed harshly against the bed as Bertha slithered down and attached her lips to the woman’s center. She was always gentle knowing how sensitive Aurora would be just after one round. They would go again, but Bertha would be soft and gentle before doing so. Sometimes once was all she got. Sometimes Aurora would start thinking. A dangerous thing to do because of Bertha in her bed.

“More- please, Bertha,” Aurora grunted.

Bertha didn’t think about it too hard. She gave Aurora her overstimulation. She sucked and licked and pushed in with her tongue even as the blonde continued to pulse. But Aurora wanting more immediately after was sometimes a rise for alarm bells. She was trying to prove herself. Not to Bertha, but to Charles who was not there anymore. To herself that she could handle it. And she always could have.

“Are you okay?” Bertha asked, slowing.

Aurora nodded. She truly was okay. The tears that filled her eyes were only due to Bertha’s inquiry. Because Charles never asked her that after their time in bed. Ever. But Bertha didn’t believe it. She never did. She was over protective of Aurora and if anything seemed out of the ordinary or gave her a cause for concern she would stop.

“Oh, my dear, what’s wrong?” Bertha asked, moving herself atop Aurora while wiping a rogue tear away from her rosy cheeks.

“Nothing,” Aurora let out a sigh. “Not one thing.”

“You sure?” Bertha smiled down at the woman before gently kissing her. Aurora couldn’t help but release the softest of moans from her lips as her hands gripped at the root of Bertha’s hair.

“I worry about you. As much as I worry about George.” Bertha pressed her forehead against Aurora’s, their noses ghosting against each other before Aurora slightly pulled back into the pillow.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bring him up. I just- mean to say I’m always thinking about you.”

“I apologize for plaguing you with more to worry about.”

Aurora didn’t mean to sound defensive. But there was a twinge in her voice. She had the right to with the woman atop her mentioning her husband of all people. She knew Bertha didn’t mean anything by it. Not in a way to make Aurora feel this way. But that didn’t keep those feelings of guilt and jealousy rising within her.

“Oh, no. Aurora, you know that is not what I meant.” Bertha’s brows knitted together in frustration.

“Shall we call for luncheon?”

“Aurora.”

“I’m okay,” she kissed the woman who searched for where she had been hurt. “Come, let’s dress.”

Bertha allowed Aurora to leave as she felt the feeling of emptiness in her core. She didn’t mean to remind Aurora she had two. To remind Aurora she wasn’t fully hers. But she couldn’t pretend she wasn’t Mrs. George Russell. And she couldn’t pretend she didn’t love him too.

———