Summary/A/n: angsty af. idk how we got here. all i did was watch an ep of SVU and somehow that storyline turned into a melissa x reader storyline into this. So....idk...sorry??? lol.
“You’re addicted. You can’t stand not to be there, you go back and go back and go back, and you act like you get fixed, but you don’t, so you leave. You go back for some high because you couldn’t before, so you think if you show up like this, you’ll cure your conscience, but she CAN’T.”
You glare at Melissa. You thought last year was her last year. You thought she was done at Abbott, she was finally going to have some time for you. There are tears in your eyes, and you are so close to leaving the house. You are so close to giving it all up. But you are just as bad as she is.
“That’s what you think? That’s why you think I won’t leave?”
“I don’t think. I know. Melissa, I moved in to see you more, and I feel like I see you even less. You are with Barbara and then at the school. You’re with Barbara again- if you love her so damn much, why don’t you marry her?”
“IF YOU’RE SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT IT THEN WHY DON’T YOU LEAVE ME?!” Her voice grows throughout the sentence and you can feel the arrow hit your chest with those words etched in the wood.
“BECAUSE I’M JUST AS ADDICTED TO YOU AS YOU ARE TO HER.”
You feel your voice move to the scream that hits the roof of your mouth. And suddenly she’s still. She’s silent. You’re breathing harder than you ever have before and you almost feel lightheaded with the amount of adrenaline that is pumping through your body. Your brain is buzzing, and you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. The air has changed, and you need her to say something. To say something right now or you would…you would…
Your feet felt as though they’d grown roots, and the roots had dug into the hardwood, into the tile, into the foundation of the house.
“Jesus Christ, Melissa. Do you not- are you so- you don’t even know. You don’t know, do you? You’ve never known.”
“What?!” She’s chopped you down at the root. Someone yell timber.
“I have to go.”
Your feet begin to move faster than your words. You don’t even know where you’re going or how you’re getting there. You just know you have to leave. She was the drug that you tried to quit so many times. But instead, you moved in. Instead, you fell in love and you couldn’t leave. You thought maybe if you moved in, things would be different. She’d stay. She’d come back. She wouldn’t go every hour of the day to do anything else but spend time with you. Selfish sure but the relationship was 90/10. You deserved it. You fought for it for so long. And she never even noticed your wounds.
“NO-no, no, please-” Melissa stops you with her entire body like a wall. “Please don’t leave. I’m sorry- I’m so-”
“Let me go, I can’t BREATHE.”
You break out of her arms. You think your feet are taking you towards the front door, but they run halfway up the stairs and come to a halt. Your energy pushes you over. You have to catch yourself on one of the stairs.
“Hon, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just- I-” She begins to cry as she tries to ascend the stairs.
“I can’t- I can’t- do this- right now,” you hyperventilate.
She looks at you, her eyes changing. They are suddenly dark.
“You- YOU said it. YOU brought it up.”
Why did you bring it up? Was it because she got home at 9pm with booze on her breath and Barbara’s perfume? Was it because she texted that she was leaving the bar two hours ago? Was it because you thought you would make dinner for the two of you, and instead her portion ended up in the trash? Was it the broken glass that shattered because of your anger as you cooked that night? Was it anger at yourself for staying? For wanting to stay? For needing to stay? Was it anger at her for wanting to leave? Needing to leave?
“I wanted to love you.”
She stops at the second step. Did she just say that? She’s as shocked as you are that those words just flew out of her mouth. However, no one detects a lie.
“I wanted to Love. You. And you are making that impossible.”
She isn’t ready. She hasn’t been, even though she said she was. She said it was a schoolgirl crush. She said it was temporary. To herself at first. Then to you because she thought if she said it out loud it made it true.
“I will always…feel something for her.”
“I will al-always feel something for you. But I can’t do this if you are going to secretly date her in your mind or something. She’s married, Melissa. She’s-”
“I know.”
“-got kids and she’s not going to love you now-”
“I KNOW I JUST-“
“I LOVE YOU NOW. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME? WHY DON’T YOU CHOOSE ME?”
She doesn’t know. She stands there in front of you with nothing to say. She couldn’t even fight for you in her own mind. She did want you. But she didn’t have her reasons listed. She didn’t know why, she just knew she couldn’t lose you. Not like this anyway.
“I don’t- I never meant-”
“Of course, you never. You’ve never stopped to see any of it. You know what? Fuck you.”
“Y/n, please, I can’t- explain it right now, I’m confused, I just need-”
You turn around to run up the rest of the stairs. Her use of “confused” stops you close to last step. Confused. A year and a half, and she was still confused? You know one thing at that moment, and that was that everything was so clear now. You are anything but confused.
“No. I’ll be gone by the morning. No need to be confused anymore. One less variable.”
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Summary: Elsbeth slips up with Kaya and reveals her true feelings.
Warnings: angsty but ends with a smooch.
A/n: And here off we go. I have wips with kaya and elsbeth i have wips with elsbeth and agent donnelly. i have wips with elsbeth and angus. she’s rotted my brain you guys. It’s a little cheesy but it’s our first fic so. give me a sec to find her voice. I know it but I’m trying to figure out how to write it.
The lilt of Angus’ voice played through Elsbeth’s TV speakers as she and Kaya bit off bites of an assortment of chocolates.
“Voicemail again?” Kaya asked, the crack of hard chocolate popping in her mouth as dark chocolate melted between her fingers
“Yeah. It’s so weird, he just…left.”
“Musicians. I told you, you can’t trust them. Trust me, I know.”
The soft sound of Angus’ voicemail sounded as Elsbeth set her phone on her desk. The music was turned off and silence filled the room.
“Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe I just…I don’t know.”
Kaya hated seeing Elsbeth heartbroken. She wished she could do something to cheer her up. It was Elsbeth’s favorite time of the year. Well, one of them. Elsbeth loved love. She loved romance and she wanted it so badly.
Kaya had been searching for someone for Elsbeth ever since they talked about her starting to look for love again. She knew what Elsbeth liked, what she hated, how to get her back on track, her favorite quirks about the woman. How headstrong she was and how empathetic she was. She wanted Elsbeth to find love. To find love with someone who truly loved her back. Someone who wouldn’t hold divorce over her. Someone who understood her and who would listen to her when she needed to list off her thoughts to make room in her brain. Someone who loved her for her and never wanted to change her. She felt that she would be a good wingwoman. But she also wanted to find someone perfect for Elsbeth. No one was good enough for her. No one she’d met anyway.
Elsbeth knew what she wanted. In truth, Elsbeth knew who she wanted. She’d found them out of nowhere. It happened like how everyone said it would. She found her when she wasn’t expecting it. She fell in love after nights of froyo and Chinese takeout. She fell in love after watching her with Gonzo. Working case after case. She found Kaya without knowing she wanted anyone to begin with.
“I’m sorry, Elsbeth. I know you really liked him.”
The redhead gave a dreary smile, repositioning herself in her chair.
“It’s okay. He lives all the way in Scotland anyway, I mean how would we make that work? It’s…silly.”
Elsbeth’s outward emotions competed against her words as she promised she was okay. Her eyes tearing up and her lip quivering. She wanted someone for herself. She wanted to choose herself for once. She wasn’t a selfish person but on a day like Valentine's day she didn’t like being alone. She wasn’t alone, she was with Kaya. But she wasn’t with Kaya.
“Oh, Elsbeth,” Kaya pushed her chair over to Elsbeth’s side of the table and hugged her.
“I’m sorry, this isn’t a fun way to spend Valentine's Day,” Elsbeth cried.
“Elsbeth, you deserve someone who loves you and understands you. Not that Angus didn’t. But you’ll find someone here. There are millions of people in New York.”
“I know. I just thought... I don’t know.”
Kaya’s head leaned onto Elsbeth’s arm in response. Elsbeth’s head leaned atop hers.
“Anyone would be lucky to have you,” Kaya smiled. She could feel Elsbeth release a small giggle as she smiled.
“You too.”
Elsbeth didn’t notice Kaya’s response to that. Suddenly she felt her heart jump and she needed to change the subject. She knew what the next question would be.
“Hey, how is it going with your…tenant?” Elsbeth gave a big smile, knowing Kaya had given some thought about the man.
“Oh- oh no. He’s just my tenant, we're not…we’re not together.”
“Oh. I thought you really liked him.”
“I- I do. You know, as a friend. We’re not that close.”
Part of Elsbeth wanted Kaya to like him. It would give her an excuse to get over Kaya.
“You two would be cute together.”
“Just not for me. But he’s sweet.”
Elsbeth didn’t know what else to say. She’d started to open a can of worms that she didn’t mean to.
“What’s wrong?”
Elsbeth didn’t realize that Kaya was studying her face. A big tell of hers. She had to think fast now.
“Nothing. I’m just…tired. I think.” Elsbeth could feel tears in her eyes and hoped that because she still had most of her vision that maybe it wasn’t noticeable.
“Elsbeth?”
Suddenly Elsbeth’s mind couldn’t decide what it wanted to do. Tell her, change the subject, tell a little white lie, just…cry.
“Wait, Elsbeth? W- what’s going on? Tell me-“
“I like you…Kaya,” Elsbeth blurted.
“Shit” she thought. “You’d done so well, what changed?”
Kaya locked eyes with Elsbeth’s. She’d looked into these gemstone colored eyes hundreds of times but she’d never seen them like this. She was scared shittless right now. She was embarrassed, she was vulnerable.
“What?” was all Kaya could get out. It croaked through her vocal chords and she could feel a lump in her throat. Now she didn’t know what to do.
“I’m, sorry, I didn’t mean to say that I…I mean I did I just-“ Elsbeth flailed her hands as she tried to distract herself. She began to pick up the trash on her desk. Papers that heart shaped chocolates were wrapped in. Of all the days in the year and this was the day she decided to blurt that out? How dumb could she be?
“Oh- n-no don’t cry. I don’t understand, what do you mean?”
Elsbeth’s breath hitched and out it poured. She’d already said it and there was no taking it back.
“Kaya I like you in a way I don’t think you like me. And that’s okay, I’ve kept it to myself for a long time. Every time you nudge me towards another person it reminds me that I won’t have what I want and I want…I want you.”
“E-Elsbeth I-“
“I have to go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said any of that. I- I really have to go.”
Elsbeth stood, tears in her eyes as she tried to flee. She feverishly began to grab tote bags, jackets, hats, whatever she could to leave. Nothing was working for her, the coat rack almost falling on top of her. Her totes got wrapped up and her scarf wrapped around her wrist is what pulled the coat rack down.
“Elsbeth, wait.” Kaya quickly tried to help Elsbeth with the large pole that fell towards the woman.
Elsbeth gave up. Her white flag was waving high and she just had to stand there and let Kaya help her.
“I…I didn’t know you…I-.”
“I didn’t either. I don’t- I um. And…” Elsbeth took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “And then I met you.”
Elsbeth released an exhale. Kaya pushed the coat rack back and placed her hands on Elsbeth’s arms.
“I love you, Kaya,” she finally choked out. “And I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable about that. I’m sorry I let it get this far I just- I thought I was over you when I met Angus and that- and It…”
“Over me?”
“It’s not. It’s- I’m sorry. I pushed those guys towards you because I thought that was what you wanted and you saying that you were ready for something new- and I was just trying to cover myself and I didn’t- and-“
“Elsbeth.”
Kaya tried to calm the woman so she could say her piece but Elsbeth rambled with apology after apology. She gave more and more reasons and wanted to hide. She wanted to become invisible. Hard to do wearing pink from top to bottom.
Kaya’s thumb brushed away tears that fell down Elsbeth’s cheek as her head gently fell into the palm of Kaya’s hand. She didn’t have the energy anymore to lie. She didn’t want to pretend anymore. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted the woman she’d fallen in love with out of the blue. Someone she never thought she’d fall in love with but she did.
“I’m sorry,” Elsbeth whispered. “I think I should go.”
“Stay.”
Elsbeth watched in slow motion as Kaya leaned in. Her eyes widened and suddenly buttery lips hit hers. She was so overstimulated that she just cried. She felt so bad for making Kaya feel uncomfortable. That she made Kaya feel like she had to lie to keep her on the ground. This isn’t how she wanted this to go. She didn’t want to be crying while she clung to lips she’d dreamt about.
“I’m s-“
“Stop apologizing. Please. Hey, look at me.”
Elsbeth’s makeup was smeared and her body was shaking from adrenaline. She struggled to get breath into her lungs and she was still in fight or flight mode. She wanted to be held. She wanted to lay down, she wanted Gonzo. She wanted a hug.
Kaya’s eyes jetted back and forth between Elsbeth’s trying to read everything in them. She wanted to kiss her again, she wanted to hold her so tightly and never let her go.
“Come here,” Kaya said instead. Into Kaya’s arms Elsbeth fell. Kaya wrapped her arms around the woman and rocked her as she felt Elsbeth cry of relief.
“I love you, Elsbeth Tascioni.”
Elsbeth let out a laugh. She couldn’t believe this was happening.
“I love you, too.”
Kaya smiled down at the redhead who looked at her. Finally a smile on her face.
There was hustle and bustle throughout the house as everyone suited up for their departure to one of the nicest restaurants in New York City. Thanksgiving was a time to show off and show out without having to invite anyone over for a ball or a cup of tea.
The Russell's knew Thanksgiving in New York needed to be a big one with everyone who would be in attendance, including the Astors. They pulled out all of their finest every year. They may have won over most of the elite in New York, but there were still a few they needed to accept them. Well, at least Bertha needed it.
Bertha had invited Aurora to join them this year. With her divorce in the papers and Charles walking around with the soon to be Mrs. Fane, Bertha felt it was powerful for Aurora to show face in such a public event. To show that she was doing well living up north, where most go to vacation.
“I don’t know Bertha, I’m not sure I could stand the stares.”
“Aurora, the stares you may get are only because you will be dining with us. Mind you, we’re now at the top of the food chain. You were accepted on the guest list because it was under our party.”
Aurora had come in from Newport hesitantly at the request of Bertha. She’d felt bad that Bertha would travel hours to see her to continue their friendship. She knew Bertha’s kind. She wanted nothing but the best, whatever the cost. And if she had something she wanted, everything else was pushed aside. But Bertha took the time to visit occasionally. For tea sometimes. She’d stay the night in the winter so as not to trudge back in the dark with her carriage.
In the summer, when they were both in Newport, Aurora often went back and forth to their house. For a while, in secret, entering through the back door and staying away from other guests. Bertha had worked so hard at her image. Aurora couldn’t fathom ruining that for her as a divorced woman. She’d been sent to a life of solitude. She’d met a few people in Newport. But none like her friends in the city.
Bertha never understood why she had to be the outcast. Charles was the one who committed adultery. But Aurora had no other choice. He would be leaving her regardless. His head held high in society with his arm around his new woman.
Aurora had other causes for hesitation. But she dared not say them out loud. What would people think? She was already outcast for her husband’s decisions. Why add more to the now dwindling fire?
She wrote about it in her journals. She had no one else to talk to. She thought perhaps Marian would understand; she seemed to be a very forward-thinking person. But even that scared her.
“What do you do when you love someone you shouldn’t?” Marian had asked her once before. Aurora didn’t know how to respond to that. She didn’t know the answer herself.
“Why are they someone you shouldn’t love?”
“I-,” Marian looked into the eyes of her cousin and suddenly decided this was the wrong topic of conversation. “Never mind.”
Aurora’s brows furrowed in concern about Marian. But she wouldn’t push or pry, especially about a topic that even she didn’t know the answer to. She did when she was married. She thought she did. Now she had her own predicament with it, and it was no better than her husband’s downfall.
“Aurora, you are to come with us. With George…out of town, I will need someone to talk to.” Aurora noted the pause between “George” and “out of town” but she wouldn’t ask. Not until later. Gladys and the Duke were in town for the festivities, and Larry was there. She wouldn’t be out of conversation. But Aurora supposed that maybe she wanted a conversation with someone her age. She didn’t know. She wouldn’t ask.
“Okay,” Aurora finally said, grabbing her gloves and walking down the stairs with Bertha. The rest of the family waited downstairs. Aurora’s cheeks blushed with embarrassment, realizing she was the one holding everyone up.
“I apologize, I thought I wasn‘t feeling well,” Aurora lied. It was maybe half a lie in truth. She did feel slightly nauseous. But not for the reason she argued with Bertha.
“It is quite alright, we are happy you can join us,” Gladys smiled, her arm wrapped in the Duke’s. What a woman she was becoming, Aurora thought. She hadn’t seen her in almost a year.
“My dear, you look wonderful,” Aurora smiled, hugging Gladys. She could feel the swell of her stomach of only a few months.
“Oh?”
“We’re all very excited,” Gladys said, looking up at the Duke.
“What fantastic news.”
“Let us all go before we are too late,” Bertha began to move the group.
Two carriages waited for them. Bertha, Aurora, and Larry in one, the Duke and the Duchess in another.
The ride was silent mostly due to Aurora’s eyes being locked on the window. She’d not seen these streets in so long. What once was her home felt like a new world. New mansions were being built, new stores opening. New faces of travelers and home owners down every street.
“Aurora,” Bertha sounded. “You are always welcome back, you know.”
“I’m not. But thank you for your generosity.” Tears brimmed in her eyes as she responded. She wanted it to be true. She wanted to be able to come home and be with the community she had built with Charles.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Aurora’s eyes grew glassy with tears as her lip began to quiver. She looked out the window as they pulled up to the restaurant, her hands pulling and ringing out her gloves.
She’d not seen Marian notice her in the window and excuse herself from her Aunts at the stairs.
“Aurora!” Marian exclaimed as the cab door opened. “It’s so nice to see you.”
The two smiled and hugged as Aurora was helped out of her seat. She turned to see Bertha exiting the cab and thought about jumping right back in.
“Aurora, it will be all right,” Bertha said, her hands brushing against the woman’s arm. Aurora found comfort in Bertha’s voice. She hadn’t when they first met, she would admit. She found it emotionless most of the time. But that changed when she began to learn Bertha. Bertha continued to invite her to events that Bertha knew would be lost on Aurora. But she was right about the opera house. And Aurora did attend.
“What is the matter?” Marian asked, looking between the two women.
“Um,” Aurora looked back at Bertha. “Nothing. Let’s find our seats.”
She didn’t expect both women to link their arms within hers as they walked up the steps. Her emotions were high and right at the surface. She knew she needed to find a way to calm her nerves. Usually, that would be by talking with Bertha over a cup of tea, just the two of them. She could just listen to her talk, and the soothing lilt of her voice would wash everything away. But instead, her throat closed up as she spoke, and her hands felt shaky. She was two breaths away from breaking down at any moment.
All she had wanted was to be back in society. But she didn’t want the stares or the whispers.
They all sat, partners with each other, meaning Bertha and Aurora were seated next to each other. Bertha could see the fear in Aurora’s eyes as she sat. All eyes were on her, and the chatter in the room began to rise. As they sat, Bertha gently placed her hand on Aurora’s leg under the table to acknowledge her unease. It helped only a little. Aurora smiled, though her eyes were full of embarrassment and fear as she picked up her napkin to fold it into her lap.
Light drinks were served and bites before the main meal arrived, a quarter to the hour. Aurora had forgotten about the others around her as some came to greet her. She’d not spoken to many of them since she’d left for Newport.
The conversation flowed easily, and no one seemed to notice Aurora becoming emotional as she looked around the table. How she wanted to be a part of something like this. A family like this. She never had kids; it was never in the stars for her and Charles. But to see these young adults with Bertha at the helm made Aurora long for it even more. Long for Bertha to be exact.
She’d never felt this way for a woman. She’d never felt this way for anyone until Charles. And now he’s shattered that reality for her. What was she to do now? She was only middle-aged and didn’t know what life would be like for the rest of her life. No children to greet her. No partner to kiss as they come home from work. No one. She had no one.
And then one day, something sparked. She found the feeling she thought she’d never see again after Charles. But she still cried night after night. Because she was falling in love with a woman. A married woman at that.
Falling in love? She wasn’t sure. Falling into something. Bertha was one of the few who continued to show up for her. Suddenly, she had someone else in her life who showed her friendship and love that only a female friend could give.
She had tagged it as a close friendship in her mind. Everyone had those. Someone they confided in that wasn’t their partner. Someone they felt comfortable with in any circumstance.
But then she started finding more to Bertha. Since she’d moved to Newport, she discovered that something had opened for her. Something that had long been buried and closed within her ever since she met the woman. She wanted to be with Bertha always. She wanted to be the one to say "good morning" and "good night." She wanted to hold her when she cried, and she wanted to…
“Aurora? Is everything alright?”
“What? Oh- y-“
Aurora’s throat closed, cutting off her sound as she looked up at the table. Behind Larry, a few tables over stood Charles and his woman. They spoke with another family, laughing. His eyes found hers, and his smile dropped only for a moment before he went back, hugging this woman tighter against his side.
“Excuse me,” Aurora said quickly, running out to find the powder room. Bertha looked at the others before seeing what Aurora saw.
“Oh no.” Bertha stood quickly to follow Aurora out. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back.”
Bertha knew he would be there, but she had asked them to place him in another room far from them. She didn’t think he would parade the woman around with a ring on her finger.
“Aurora?”
“Go away, please.”
The door shut behind Bertha, and she locked it, ensuring no one else would enter.
“Aurora,” Bertha found the woman dramatically sitting on the floor, her arms draped over a couch, hiding her face. Aurora had only come in to splash some water on her face. But the silence of the room and the shock of seeing Charles took over as she stumbled in and collapsed on the floor. She had no energy to lock the door, and she had no energy to sit on the couch. Her knees just gave out beneath her, and that was where she landed.
“I’m not like you, Bertha,” Aurora cried. Her voice was muffled as her face was still hidden in her arms.
“What do you mean?” Bertha kneeled and sat on the ground next to Aurora. Bertha didn’t second-guess getting on the floor. It wasn’t until after she’d hit the ground that she thought about the price of her gown for that night. But it didn’t matter.
“I can’t just walk into a room with my head held high after being humiliated by a man who stands only five yards from me.” Aurora looked up at Bertha, her eyes almost knowing exactly where she would be without knowing beforehand.
Bertha’s heart broke a little at the sight of Aurora this way. Her makeup smeared, her eyes red and puffy. She couldn’t breathe, and she wanted assurance of something. Anything.
And for Aurora to think that she was doing any better than she was with George leaving abruptly. No one knew about her and George, though. Bertha had been humiliated before and came back ten times stronger. But this, this would be the end of her if it went public. She knew that. George left her. Not for a divorce, not yet. She was just looking out for the family. Instead, she broke his heart.
“George-,” Bertha began. She’d not said it out loud yet. Not to anyone. Suddenly, she felt the tightness in her chest. That wasn’t the plan, she thought she’d be able to show Aurora that she was doing just as poorly. She might have chosen the wrong tactic. Now she had to admit it, out loud. “George left me a few months ago.” She finally got out. She tried to clear her throat, her finger resting on her top lip to hide its quivering. She stole a deep breath. “It’s not public, not like your situation. But I understand the heartbreak. It wasn’t my choice. It would have never been my choice.”
“Oh, Bertha.” Aurora sat up, embarrassed that she’d assumed all was fine in the Russell family. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come, I-“
“No. I asked you to. I needed a friend more than anything for tonight.”
Aurora looked away, her head shaking as she laughed at herself. A friend. Of course, she was a friend. Just a friend. What else would she be? What else could she be?
“What?” Bertha asked, studying Aurora’s face. “I only mean to say that I do understand…your pain.” She stuttered, trying to rectify her comment.
“It’s- I’m just…I’m tired.” Aurora began to cry again, staring at the back of the couch. She couldn’t look at Bertha. Not right now. Because she had a voice in the back of her head telling her to tell Bertha, she should tell her the truth. The whole truth.
“I’m tired of wanting so much that I can’t have.”
Bertha sat up straight. She had forgotten the feeling of wanting something impossible for her to reach. She’d done so well at getting what she wanted. No matter how much damage it caused. They were different in that way.
“What is it you want?” Bertha asked. She meant other than Charles not asking for a divorce and not being cast out of society. She knew that. Everyone knew she didn’t ask for this.
“You-,” Aurora began. Her anxiety set in like a ton of bricks. “You wouldn’t understand,” she said. An attempt of a save.
Aurora fumbled trying to stand up to walk to the sink. She looked at her state in the mirror, knowing there was no fixing it.
Bertha stood and walked to the door to find an attendant.
“Grab my purse, would you?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
The two stood in silence as they waited. Aurora wanted to be alone, but she knew Bertha wouldn’t leave until she knew that everything was fine.
“Thank you,” Bertha shut the door and locked it again, pulling out a small compact of makeup.
“Now,” Bertha began as she fixed Aurora’s hair and started touching up her face. “Please tell me what is on your mind. I can’t stand seeing you like this. I hoped tonight would get your mind off things. See people you haven’t seen in a while.”
Aurora’s tears continued to fall as Bertha tried to clean her up. They were so close and yet, Aurora felt like she was a million miles away.
“See,” her voice cracked. It was almost a whisper. “That’s just the thing.”
“What is? What is it that you want? Try me, I bet I’ll understand. We’re not that different, you and me. We just…handle things differently. But we’ve been through the same heartbreaks.”
“No. No, we haven’t,” Aurora cried. “Do you know what I want? I want you.” She stepped away, her back hitting the wall. Her mouth worked faster than her mind as she slapped her hand over her face.
Bertha froze. She was right, they hadn’t.
“I- um…”
Aurora stood with her back pressed against the wall, her body shaking from silent tears and adrenaline.
“I want you, and I can’t have you, Bertha. And I didn’t know I wanted someone like you until after Charles left me. And suddenly I was alone. And I needed someone who would keep me company and who would listen and look at me like- like I had a piece of sense to me.”
“Aurora I-,”
“And then you invited me to this, and I didn’t know what to say, but you insisted. You insisted I come and I came.”
“And I don’t regret that you did.”
Aurora stopped. She wanted to get out of the dress that felt like a straitjacket across her skin. She felt like she couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t feel her body. She was watching from the outside as she burned the last bridge she had to society.
“Are you telling me all this time-“
“No. No, not the whole time.”
“When.”
Aurora threw her hands in the air out of frustration as she began to pace. She wanted the feeling to come back to her feet and for her head to stop buzzing.
“Aurora,” Bertha’s voice was soft. She’d stepped into the middle of the room where Aurora had turned around to pace again.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t- I have to go.”
“When?” Bertha stopped Aurora in her tracks before the door. Aurora was trying hard to take a breath. She couldn’t feel her lungs expand, and she couldn’t get her voice to work anymore. Bertha’s eyes jotted back and forth between Aurora’s. She didn’t know how she felt about it. About any of it. It was shocking news. She had utterly no idea. She saw no signs. She couldn’t even think back to a time when she might have misread a sign.
“June.”
Bertha’s memories jumped to an evening in Newport. The two had gone shopping and sat by the water sipping tea. Another time that same month, Bertha arrived with cake and sweets for Aurora’s birthday. She was the only one who came that day. Marian would have joined, but she felt ill and came the next.
“June,” Bertha whispered. Her eyes were distant as she remembered the days with Aurora.
“I feel so embarrassed," Aurora sobbed, turning her back to Bertha.
“Aurora, I’m- I’m sorry-“
Aurora sobbed harder. She knew what came next. She’d heard it before.
“I didn’t know. But I-“
Bertha wanted to say she was okay with it. She wanted to say that Aurora was the only person she had found true friendship with. Trust. And maybe it didn’t click until now, but perhaps it was still true. Because Bertha’s heart swelled hearing Aurora’s name, it stopped beating every time she was announced, and she was always willing to get lost in the ocean of her eyes.
She turned Aurora around to face her. She hesitantly wiped away tears, not realizing her own tears were growing towards the precipice.
“Oh no, don’t you cry too,” Aurora said in worry. “I’m sorry to ruin the night like this.”
Bertha shook her head in denial. She didn’t have a word to say. She just wanted to look into Aurora’s eyes and read them.
“I’m trying not to run from something I’m scared of,” Bertha finally said. “I don’t do that. I usually run into the flames.”
Aurora took a deep breath. She didn’t think she had any more tears in her. Just the constriction of her heart and her throat. Her brows furrowed in discontent, and she wanted to be home in Newport.
“But this- this is different." Bertha brushed away her own tears before stepping close to Aurora. “It scares me almost to death.”
Without another word, Bertha’s hand pulled Aurora’s face towards hers. Her other hand pulled Aurora close from the small of her back.
“May I kiss you, Aurora?”
Their eyes were so close to each other that they almost couldn’t focus. Bertha’s thumb brushed against Aurora’s jaw, and suddenly, Aurora felt all of the weight on her melt away.
Bertha leaned in, her eyes locked on Aurora’s. And the moment their lips touched, Aurora’s eyes closed as her brow furrowed. Bertha caught a tear that escaped with her thumb before pulling the woman in closer. She’d felt this with George before. This spark, this flame. The way her lips tingled against Aurora’s and how her body pushed into the other’s. How her tongue slipped in between Aurora’s lips, and the feel of her teeth against it.
“I have fallen in love with you, Bertha Russell,” Aurora said, her forehead pressing against the brunette’s.
Bertha’s breath felt short and heavy as she tried to fill her lungs with air. She looked into Aurora’s tear-filled eyes and smiled, her own body abandoning her mind as she began to cry.
“You should know that I want this too.” She began. “But I am still married to George. I will not be able to dance with you in public. I will not be able to kiss you and hold you at the theater. I will not be able to tell my kids.”
“I know.” Aurora began. “I didn’t want to. But now that I have, I…I don’t regret it for a second.” There was sadness laced in her voice, knowing the next thing would be to forget it ever happened. All of the months of pining and yearning over her, and a kiss of life that was to be rendered to nothing for their own sakes.
Aurora’s head lay in Bertha’s hand as they stood together. Bertha looked over at the mirror. Seeing the two of them embracing in each other’s arms almost startled her. She’d been taught that this was a sin. This was never to happen. She never thought she had it in her to fall for a woman. But she had. She did.
“We’d make a handsome couple, don’t you think?” Bertha joked, turning towards the mirror.
“Yes,” Aurora said, taking a deep breath. There was no smile on her face. They would leave the room pretending nothing had happened. They would drift apart because they would feel it was too hard, too much to keep it a secret.
“Will you stay the night?” Bertha asked.
“I hadn’t planned on it after all of this.”
“You will. You must.”
“Bertha I-“
“With me. There are servants' doors that connect our rooms.”
Aurora nodded. Finally, a smile.
“Okay.”
“Let’s get you cleaned up and head back to the table. We’ve been gone far too long.”
Bertha began to walk to the sink, but was pulled back into a kiss by Aurora.
“Thank you,” Aurora whispered onto Bertha’s lips.
“For what?”
“Being there. Not cutting me off.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
Bertha kissed Aurora one last time to seal the deal before pulling her over to the mirror. She fixed Aurora’s makeup enough to be presentable, and the two walked out together. As friends. They passed Charles, Aurora giving him a look of pain and disgust. She pushed past him, leaving Bertha to give him dagger eyes as he and his fiancée moved back to their table.
“Is everything alright?” Marian looked up at the women as they sat back down.
“Yes, I apologize for leaving so abruptly.”
“All is fine. Thank you for waiting.” Bertha smiled with a nod to the rest of the table.
“Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for letting me join your family for the night,” Aurora smiled.
“fool me once, fool me twice. are you death or paradise? now you’ll never see me cry. there’s just no time to die.”
There was this…smell of sulfur in the air. Or of ash. And try as I might, it was hard to breathe. It was almost impossible.
A boy coming into his own power stood behind me with my lover hovering over him. To be completely honest I didn’t know who to save. Before this wretched road I would have immediately chosen myself. But this kid made me hesitate for only a second.
She was my love. She was my lifeline. For centuries we were together even when we were apart. She was always lurking. Waiting for my mistake. I know I could have stopped. I should have stopped. For my Nicky. He never liked our line of work.
Is that even what it was? Or was it out of greed, even with him here? What am I supposed to say to him the day we meet again? The reality is that I’ll never have to see him if I never perish.
He never understood what I did for him. It was all for him.
That day I saw her in the woods, the day he was born, she knew. He was my new life. But the weight of my heart, the pain in my soul that mixed with utter joy that day almost killed me. And I begged her- I pleaded. I pleaded for safety. For myself, for my son. For life. For love.
I should have known I’d go down with a fight. I should have known that-…no. She should have known that she’d leave alone. She would be the one to walk away. I’d live a million times over before she walked me over that damn bridge. I’d live and never die. The same life over and over again, I would. I-…I’d try.
She was my life. My love, my life. It was her fault she chose me. It was her fault she helped me. She could have taken me whenever she wanted. I’ve killed loved ones before. You do what it takes to survive. She never has to just survive though. She is life, she is death.
Was I stupid enough to think she would care about me at this moment? All she wanted was a body. All she wanted was her lost cause. Billy.
The rainbow bridge can burn. I’ll burn it myself. I’ll watch her from the other end and laugh. She is no longer my concern. I don’t need to supply her with anything.
I’d fallen for a lie. I’d fallen for someone who wasn’t even a being on this Earth. She was never on my side. She had her own motives and those motives were not the same as mine. I did it because I love-…because I loved her.
Fool me once, fool me twice. Are you death or paradise? Now you’ll never know what’s mine. What I chose to keep from you. What I chose to love about you. What I chose of you.
The fire and the ruin in the air. What a way to die. To kiss you one last time in my final earthly form and never have to see you again. To feel your lips on mine and the burn of your tongue. The pain and the electricity of death’s final kiss. And she can do nothing about it. Because I may have my addictions. But I’m hers. And she knows it.
The sun could be out. It could be raining. It could be cold and miserable. She could have whatever she wanted and it would still be the worst day of her life. Why? Because she’s being forced to take me. To her, there is no good time for me to die.
She has to bury me. She has to speak my eulogy she-
I still have work to do, she knows it. And I’ll watch her in my new form to see what she does. A spirit in the world of the living. How terribly wonderful.
Fool me once, fool me twice. Are you death or paradise? Now you’ll never see me cry. There’s just no time to die.
Summary: Elsbeth takes a moment for herself after they toast to Kaya.
a/n: I just thought of this after watching the season finale. It was such a sweet finale. I'm sad about Kaya leaving but I hope Carra has something really great in store for her. I know we'll see her every now and then, it just won't be the same. It really hasn't been the same since she made detective, if I'm being honest. Anyway, I can only think of sappy and angsty things for Elsbeth so far. That's just where my character study has taken me. Feel free to send me some requests for any of the characters in my inbox
“Kaya, I’m happy for you. Really! This is your time.”
“Thanks, Elsbeth.”
The two stood, Shirley Temple glasses in hand. Teary eyes stared at another pair of teary eyes. Elsbeth’s toast was genuine from her heart. But her mouth spoke before her brain could fully capture what she was saying. It all became so real as she said it. She’d just pushed it off and pushed it off. Her feelings about Kaya leaving. She was meant to be where she was. Kaya was meant to be where she was going. Life would continue to move forward whether Elsbeth liked it or not. But Kaya wouldn’t be there to celebrate the wins, the froyo nights, the hard days, and the good ones. And that was what got Elsbeth the most. She felt like she was losing her best friend. She’d see Kaya again. She knew she would. In the back of her mind, she also knew there was a small chance she wouldn’t. Not for a long time anyway. Undercover operations could last weeks, months, to years. Worse, there was always the small chance that something bad could happen. And that was stuck in the back of Elsbeth’s mind, too. This really could be their last goodbye.
“I’ll be right back,” Elsbeth smiled. She nodded, her lashes fluttering as she walked past Captain Wagner and into the hallway by the restrooms.
She was happy for Kaya. Genuinely. This would be a huge step for her and a fantastic opportunity.
Breathe. Steady.
That’s all she needed. She needed to swallow the lump in her throat that grew more and more persistent the longer she kept it down. She needed her eyes to stop burning and her lungs to fully expand. She needed the lights to stop buzzing and the rumbling sound of Captain Wagner’s voice to cease just for a moment. She wanted Teddy to assure her that she would be fine. She knew she would be fine without Kaya. There was still work to do; she was still needed there. She made that clear.
Elsbeth stepped into the restroom to give herself a little pep talk. Her makeup still looked fine, but her eyes were red, and she could see the tears that brimmed her waterline.
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Kaya will be fine, you’ll get to hang out with her again. It’s not a long mission, hopefully, and-”
“Elsbeth? Is that you?”
The sound of a toilet flushing filled the room as a stall door opened.
“Oh, Detective Donnelly, I- didn’t know anyone else was in here.”
The silence was thick. It lingered. Neither of them had been alone like this before. And what was worse, Elsbeth felt like she was going to break right then and there.
“You can call me Jackie.” Donnelly cocked her head to the side, her body stiff. She didn’t quite know what to do. The woman who was always so happy was standing before her, crumbling. “You okay?”
No, Elsbeth was not okay. And it was apparent as she began to cry, quickly turning away from the detective.
“I um…do you want me to get Teddy? Or-”
“N-no. Please don’t.”
Her body shook as her breath hitched. She still couldn’t get that full breath. She was embarrassed, yet she wanted to tell this woman behind her everything that swirled in her mind.
“I think I need something stronger than this Shirley Temple,” Elsbeth tried to laugh out. Her eyes met Jackie’s in the mirror. They were long and felt judgmental. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I don’t….”
Elsbeth looked away, expecting the other to turn on her heel and leave. But she didn’t do anything. Instead, she stepped forward and placed a hand on Elsbeth’s shoulder. Might be the closest thing to a hug that Elsbeth would get.
“I know what it’s like to lose a partner. One that you worked day in and day out with on cases and in life.”
Elsbeth looked at the woman in the mirror.
“How do you do it? I mean, I’ve done this before. I know what- I just…” Elsbeth’s voice cracked. The ice in her cup was melting, and the cold condensation was the only thing keeping her on the ground.
“It gets worse before it gets better. New routine. New people. You know what divorce is like. Even if you hate him, you loved him at one point. And that’s hard to let go of, all of those years.”
Jackie continued, not realizing that Elsbeth’s tears had begun.
“Oh, Elsbeth.”
Elsbeth set her cup on the counter, turned with her head down, and suddenly found herself in the detective's arms. She didn’t even second-guess it. She didn’t flinch, she didn’t step away. She sank into the hug that was tight and comforting. She finally got her deep breath.
“It’s okay. Kaya will be back, it’s just for a little while. Right? Captain Kershaw is good. She’s going to keep her safe. I know, you two were close, and I liked working with you, too.”
“I’m sorry-”
“It’s okay.”
They stood there, Jackie’s arms wrapped tightly around Elsbeth, who hid her face in the blonde’s shoulder. Elsbeth didn’t want this. She didn’t want to show how hard this hit her. She didn’t want to admit that she’d become reliant on Kaya. She was acclimated to this. People came and went, and most didn’t even say goodbye. They stood there for what felt like minutes. Elsbeth didn’t notice the bathroom door open. She didn’t notice who had walked in, and she didn’t notice that she was gently pushed into the arms of someone else. And then a sweet floral smell of perfume filled her nose. The smell of her friend’s setting mist and her coconut shampoo.
When she finally connected the scent to the person, she looked up to see Kaya with a soft smile. Detective Donnelly had snuck out for the two of them.
“I’ll be back to see you. I promise.”
“You be safe on this mission,” Elsbeth pointed a finger at the woman before quickly wiping away a tear. She swallowed hard and tried to show a tough side of herself. Not the easiest when you’ve been crying and still want to cry. “I want you back in one piece.”
“I will.”
“Because I can’t lose you. I’ve lost a lot of people in my past, but you, you I can’t lose. I won’t.”
“You won’t.” Kaya had tears in her eyes.
“I won’t.”
Kaya pulled her best friend in for another hug.
“I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Who am I supposed to have froyo nights with now?”
Kaya giggled, wiping away a tear of her own.
“Cameron will need someone to keep him company. And Donnelly seems like she’d be down for some froyo.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“This isn’t goodbye.”
“Okay.”
“Do you want another Shirley?”
Elsbeth turned around and grabbed her cup.
“Maybe something a little stronger.”
Kaya looked at Elsbeth, knowing she didn’t drink often if she could help it.
“I’m okay. I’ll be okay. For the festivities, is all.”
Kaya smiled and leaned in, giving Elsbeth a soft kiss on her cheek.
“Thank you. For everything.”
Elsbeth smiled and nodded her head. That was all she could do unless she wanted to break down again. She was truly excited for Kaya. Change was difficult for her, though. Especially a change that she’d not prepared for. But how do you prepare for this? A best friend, your partner in crime leaving for an extended period, and you aren’t even allowed to know who or where she will be. How do you prepare for that?
“Come on. I think Captain Wagner might have something a little stronger.”
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Summary: "I'll just sit here on the phone...until you want to hang up."
Warnings: Sad, talk of cheating, profanities
A/n: Blame Greys. That's all I have to say. Sorry. But it's long, so. at least you get something substantial. This is indeed based on an ep of greys/a storyline.
"She still hasn't left her room?" you asked.
"No, I don't know what to do. I've made the girls breakfast and sent them to the birthday party, so it's just me...," Elizabeth said on the other line. You heard knocking. "Chessy? Chessy, darling, are you okay? I have Y/n on the phone. She's been trying to reach you I-,"
You waited.
"Wh- what's happening?"
"Um...well, it seems she locked the door," Elizabeth said, her voice almost confused.
"That's it. I'm coming over."
"Listen, Nick will be back soon and he said he spoke with the girls about what happened-,"
"That's fine. I'll see you soon," you yelled into the phone before hanging it up in the kitchen, the cord swinging back and forth.
Elizabeth looked at the phone before setting it back down on the table in the hallway. She could hear Chessy walking around in the room, her energy hot like fire.
"Chessy, darling. Listen I'm- sorry that you found out this way...I really am. She- the twins didn't know. They just- they-"
Elizabeth was trying in any way to get Chessy to open the door. The girls were starting middle school. But there were things they didn't know about Chessy. One of them was who this Mark was that showed up occasionally. Her late-night calls, her weekends off. Now that Elizabeth had moved in with Nick, they didn't need her as much. But with her and Nick's busy schedules, they still used Chessy often.
She still lived with them. A live in nanny was something Nick would never get rid of. And Chessy of all people, she was staying for as long as she wanted. She was family now.
But recently, most nights, she was at Mark’s. Her boyfriend. A boyfriend of almost two years now. They met at the twin’s new school. Also, a live-in nanny. The girls were good friends with Stewart, who Mark looked after. So they would all get together with the kids and go ice skating, swimming, and even to the coast on spring break and weekends.
-
“Hallie likes him, I just know it,” Annie said at the dinner table one night.
“Not true! If anyone is in love it’s you.”
The girls would often bicker about it when in reality, neither of them was falling for the boy. It was just what the tweens talked about. And Chessy found it cute. But they didn't know that when the three of them went off, Chessy and Mark would go off and grab drinks or dinner. Or would enjoy time together while watching the kids.
“Chessy, do you know Sarah?” One of the girls asked one night.
“Um…Sarah…,” Chessy said, trying to remember. “Is she the girl that did the magic tricks at the talent show last year?”
“What? No, she’s Nicki’s mum.”
The twins looked at each other.
“Oh, well what about her?” Chessy asked, a little embarrassed.
“Mark was at Nicki’s birthday party the other day. But Nicki doesn’t like Stewart so Stewart wasn’t invited. And we saw-,”
“We saw the two of them go upstairs together. They didn’t come back down until the movie ended.”
The twins knew more than they were letting on. But Hallie did not have the best poker face. Annie was better at keeping her face in check. Especially when talking about things like this.
“Wait what?” Chessy asked that night.
“Well, we just…they went upstairs. Together. And um…,” Hallie began.
“They were awfully loud,” Annie cut in. Hallie elbowed her, knowing that would give too much information away. They knew what was happening. They may not have know the details, but they knew it was an adult thing.
“They-,” Chessy began. “He-,”
“Oh no, you liked him didn’t you,” Annie asked, setting her fork down.
“Go to your rooms it’s time for bed,” Chessy said immediately.
“But it’s Friday we get to stay up until-”
“Rooms. Now.”
The twins had never seen Chessy like this. Her brow furrowed, her voice deep and demanding. They were almost afraid of this Chessy.
“Chess?” Nick asked, walking in and seeing the girls running to their rooms.
“I-,” Chessy began, throwing her hand up and storming out of the house.
“Chessy- Chessy wait what’s going on?”
“Nick I have to go.” Her skin burned, the vein in her forehead felt as if it was about to pop, the fire in her veins pumped throughout her body.
“What did they s-,”
“I’ll be at Y/n’s tonight, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She got into her car, Nick trying to stop her. He didn't reach her in time as she drove off. She didn't go to your house.
She drove to his. There was a car outside that was unfamiliar. Through the window she could see him, laughing, with a glass of wine in hand. Whoever was on the other side of the table was laughing too, only the person’s hand in view.
Chessy gripped the steering wheel, trying to decide what she would do next. She could go in and tell him she knew. She could go back, grab all his stuff, and throw it across his lawn. She could drive to the coast and sit in the sand until the sun rose the following day.
Whatever she did, she had to leave.
So she drove through the night in silence. Tears streaming down her face as she ran through memories in her mind of the last two years. The bracelets, the hot nights in his bed, the dinners, the fun with the kids. All of it wasted on a man who had the nerve to sneak around her. To cheat.
She drove for almost two hours before finally getting to the beach. A serene place for her. The sound of the waves, the ocean breeze, and the lighthouse that flashed in the night.
Her jeans rolled up, her hair thrown into a clip, her sleeves pushed past her elbows. She took her shoes off to walk to the water. The sand molding beneath her feet. God, how she loved the coolness of it on her skin.
She got to a spot that was just before the sand began to harden from the water and sat. She’d never been humiliated like this before. Deceived. Taken advantage of.
She could feel her tears that stung her eyes roll down her cheeks. She blamed it on the salty air. But with no one to talk to she was left to her own thoughts. All of them piling up and swirling around her.
Did he ever love me? I said I love you first. He said it back. He lied. He cheated. What was his plan? Did he think I would never find out? Was it all in my head? That bastard. That son of a bitch. That-
“…motherFUCKER.”
Her voice seemed to echo even in the vastness of the ocean. Her cries and screams felt good. She liked the burn on her throat. She liked the gasps of ocean air and the wind that threw her every which way.
Something about the emptiness and loneliness of the beach made her feel free.
It was 2am when she decided it was time to head back. The tide had taken her anger into the abyss, and now she was tired. She was exhausted. The drive home was harder than it was to get there.
Nick and Elizabeth heard her come in, tiptoeing upstairs to her bedroom. Looking at the clock seeing that it was almost 5am. They would check on her later. After the girls had left in the morning.
-
Chessy awoke at 9am. She felt as though she’d been hit by a bus. For a second she didn’t remember what happened. But her head started pounding, her throat hurt from the night and she was still in her clothes from the day before. She saw herself in the vanity that sat across from her bed. Disheveled. And then she remembered. The sadness running over her like the waves from the beach. Her anger building again.
“Chessy, dear?” Elizabeth said outside of her door. “Chessy, the girls told us a little bit about what happened, we just want to see how you’re doing.”
Chessy could tell Elizabeth was on the phone, her voice every now and then dropping to say something to the receiver
She got up, the words that Elizabeth said sounding muffled and far away. She locked her door and walked into the bathroom to shower. The smell of salt water still on her.
“Chessy, Y/n is coming over. She said you never went to her place last night.” Elizabeth waited. But there was nothing. Just the sound of water running in the shower.
The doorbell rang, and Elizabeth left to let you in. You’d calmed yourself down by now. All you wanted was to help her in any way. You sat outside her door and waited.
“Chess?” you whispered after hearing the water shut off. You still didn’t know anything, not allowing Elizabeth to tell you from hearsay.
She sat down at her vanity, her hair in a towel and a robe hugging her body. She stared at herself. Tears brimming in her eyes. She sat and stared, water still dripping down her back from the few strands of hair the towel missed.
“I’m just going to sit out here for a bit,” you finally said. “Just…I’m out here if you need me.”
She dressed, got into bed, and fell back asleep. A few hours went by before you decided you were going to head back home. You took off work to be there and you had to get back.
“Let me know if anything changes,” you said to Elizabeth as you left. She nodded, sending you off. Chessy heard you leaving and watched you out the window. You saw the movement of the curtains as you got into your car.
Chessy eyed the phone that sat on her bedside table. She could pick it up. Call him. Call you. But she didn’t. She sat and stared.
A few hours passed. Elizabeth brought dinner up to her room and set it outside.
“Chessy, I’ve brought some food up for you. It’s a grilled cheese and some tomato soup. I know you like that when you’re sick so, I thought maybe you would like it tonight.” She stood outside with the tray but no one answered the door.
“Okay, well I’ll just leave it here for you. The girls are staying with a friend tonight so it’s just us here. If you need…anything. I’ll be down stairs.”
There was still silence. Chessy stood at the door as if she were talking to Elizabeth. Perhaps she would open it and let her in. But Elizabeth wasn’t who she wanted to talk to. She didn’t know who she wanted to talk to. She didn't want to talk. She wanted it to be over.
Chessy waited for Elizabeth to leave before opening the door to grab the food. Tears in her eyes because of the kindness Elizabeth was showing her. She could have gone down and made herself some food in the concealment of the night when everyone was asleep. She just didn't want to speak to anyone. Because if she did, then she had to talk about it. And she didn't even want to think about it.
The phone rang. She thought about getting it, but she let it ring.
"Hello?" Elizabeth said, answering downstairs.
"Anything?" you asked.
"No, not yet. I made her some dinner. I think I heard her grab that."
"Will you just ask her to pick up?"
Elizabeth covered the phone and yelled upstairs.
"Chessy, Y/n is on the line. If you'd like to talk to her."
You both waited. Maybe she would pick up. The two of you sat silently, hoping to hear her pick up the phone on the other line.
She took a deep breath before deciding to get up and walk into the hallway to answer the phone. A table outside her door housed one of the phones and a chair for someone to sit on if they answered the hall phone next to it.
"Hi," Chessy said. Elizabeth hung up and went to the terrace, allowing Chessy the house's privacy.
"Hi," you responded, happy to hear her voice. "How are you feeling?"
"I um...," she began. You heard her trying not to cry. But it hit her again, and she couldn't hold it in.
"We don't have to talk about it. You don't have to speak at all. I just thought I would call if you wanted to talk."
You sat and waited. She said nothing. You could hear her muted sobs.
"I'll just sit here on the phone...," you said. "Until you want to hang up."
You thought maybe she would sit on the phone for a bit. But you heard her. She was hurt. She was still in shock. And you only knew what Elizabeth told you.
She wanted to tell you everything. She didn't know what else to do. She was at a loss for words, yet so many filled her head.
She didn't say anything. She listened to the static for a second before hanging up. Her body crumbled as she rested her head on her hands.
She looked up, wiping away her tears, and stood, taking her dishes downstairs. Elizabeth turned to look at her from the terrace, not saying anything. She watched Chessy place her dishes in the sink, trying to catch her breath.
She began to walk out of the kitchen to head back upstairs, noticing that Elizabeth was still watching. Her eyes showed concern.
Chessy stalled, stopping as if she was debating whether she would take a right up the stairs or a left out to the terrace. Her mind knowing what she really wanted, but her body stayed. Elizabeth waited.
It was as if Elizabeth knew before Chessy made a move. Elizabeth stood the exact moment that Chessy turned, beginning to walk swiftly to her. Elizabeth only took two steps, her arms wide open, before Chessy crashed into her. Elizabeth's arms wrapped around Chessy as tightly as she could.
Hii! Can you please do fem reader x Agatha, where y/n used to be a professional athlete and got seriously injured so she doesn't do it anymore, but her hip injury still hurts a lot and Agatha helps her with the pain?
december 27
Summary: You and Agatha have decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood to view the Christmas lights
Warnings: Fluff, emotional, past injury, sports injury
A/n: I’m hoping people are enjoying the December/winter/christmas theme that is happening rn in- january…
I- this could mean a lot of things? So I’m kinda making it like bad for reader but makes it cuter for Agatha helping them.
Christmas had come and gone. You were happy that Agatha allowed you to keep the decorations up as long as she did afterwords. It wasn’t really a holiday the two of you religiously celebrated, but the tree and the garland and the pretty outdoor lights you enjoyed. The trading of gifts and the taste of candy canes and gingerbread happened every year.
As the holiday moved closer and closer the two of you would walk around the block to see the neighborhood’s light displays. The Maximoffs would join you most nights.
“Ready?” she asked, all bundled up. You gave a fake smile, your body and bones aching from the cold and movement.
“Yeah!” you said. You lied.
“Hold,” she said stopping you. You could never fool Agatha. She knew all.
“I’m fine-,” you said quickly, trying to deflect your pain.
“Oh, hon we both know that that is a lie. You’re a terrible liar.”
You rolled your eyes as you walked out as normally as you could, shutting the door behind you joining her.
“I’m fine,” you said beginning to walk down the steps.
“We’re taking the short route,” she said, giving in to your stubbornness.
“Agatha. I’m fine.”
Wanda and the boys joined you two, your mind, unfortunately, concentrating on your pain. Agatha could see it in your eyes and offered her arm. She felt as your grip got stronger and stronger the farther you walked. By the time you got back home, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had all been standing outside in front of the house chatting.
“Ags,” you winced in a whisper, turning your head to hide your words from the rest of the group.
“Well, I think we have to turn in. Early morning tomorrow” Agatha said as soon as she could.
“We’ll see you two for New Years?“ Wanda smiled.
“Absolutely,” you smiled back. You watched them leave, you and Agatha standing in the driveway.
“Hon, why didn’t you say something?” Agatha asked. The standing made the pain worse and as you tried to walk your body failed you.
“Oh- ok…I got you,” she said as you grabbed her arm. You could tell she was mad at you. Why you never took a break or said anything in these instances she would never know.
“I’m sorry,” you sighed, tears threatening not because of the pain but because of disappointing her. She gave you a smile before picking you up bridal style. You hid your face in her neck as she walked you into the house.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” she whispered, kissing your forehead as she laid you on the couch. She left to grab a heating pad and some Advil. Her fingertips glowed as she touched your hip. At this point, you felt horrible. Mentally, physically, all around.
“I’m sorry Agatha,” you sighed, taking the Advil.
“Will you please take care of yourself? For me,” she asked.
“I just- didn’t want Wanda to feel bad and I didn’t want you to have to…take care of me,” you said looking at her. Your pain had begun to subside thanks to whatever Agatha had done with her magic.
“Y/n,” Agatha said, her voice low and sweet. “You know that I will take care of you always. Always.” She smiled, leaning up to kiss your forehead and then your lips “Please let me?”
“But Agatha-,”
“No…please. I want to.”
You finally gave in, nodding your head as she began healing touch and used her magic to dull the pain.
"Thank you," you said.
"Anything for you," she smiled before kissing you. You sat up to allow her to sit on the couch, turning on the TV and allowing your head to lay in her lap. Her fingers brushed through your hair as you relaxed into her arms. She looked down at you from above and smiled. You smiled back at her, wondering how you got so lucky to have someone like Agatha to love you. So...lucky.
