Hello

m,y tuube:)

wish $20 was $20 again.... it's literally $5. if ur fucking lucky

adventure time one-off character

I don't think pots and pans should get dirty when you use them

there are two punchlines here, the first is predictable, the second really surprises you

this is your captain speaking. do you guys remember 9/11 [escalating clamor of passengers freaking out] woah woah hey hey i was just curious. christ. am i not allowed to make conversation

i was seeing all these little blue flowers everywhere and kept thinking "dang what are these bitches, i can't remember..." well guess what. they were fuckin forget-me-nots. can't believe i failed step fucking 1, the hot girls on iNaturalist are going to laugh at me and i'm gonna flunk out of hobby botany school.

ID: same image with the text "I forgor." End ID

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

i should be able to curl up and fall asleep without it giving me back or neck problems

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made