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Summary: Y/N in a toxic situationship with Colston Loveland. One night she goes out and meets a longtime friend not realizing that Colston is there watching and listening.
Warning: toxic relationship, arguing, angst
Sitting at a bar with my friends and a couple of our guy friends was something that usually happens every weekend
Except it hasn’t happened in a while. I didn’t have the energy these days to go out but tonight it was different
I want to go back to my old self again.
Every weekend for the last few months I’ve been with Colston. I met him in college when we both attended Michigan and a teammate of his, Tommy Doman, also a close friend of mine that I grew up with, told me about him. I had nobody else at Michigan so I hung out with Tommy a lot
He introduced me to Colston because they were roommates and one day I came over having a shitty day and every single thing was going wrong so I spent the night at their place
next morning Tommy was gone but Colston was still there. He made me breakfast after hearing about the day I had. He let me talk it out to him and he listened, laughed, and gave good advice which I wasn’t expecting coming from a star college football player that all the girls bend their knees for
Ever since then I came over often. me and colston started to get to know each other more and more everytime.
That brings us to now, 3 years later and I’ve been messing around with him. Who would’ve thought.
No titles, nothing we’re just friends with benefits.
We stopped messing around for about 5 months because I kept hearing around campus about him and some girl. I didn’t want to be a side piece. It was never relationship with me and Colston. No feelings so nobody gets hurt.
But lately he’s been up my ass for no reason and I can’t seem to figure out why.
He asked me last week if he could come spend the night with me but I declined because I was busy with school. I had to catch up on my work and I needed a severe clean of my apartment.
He didn’t like that response and replied with
are you fucking with someone else?
I took offense to that because deep down I want to be with Colston. He knows it too. I refuse to even try mentioning it to him again. So I just keep up with the nonchalant act like I don’t care about it
I didn’t respond back to him. I went about my day and we didn’t speak to each other for two days.
That, he didn’t like either
This weekend I was going out. I wanted nothing more but to have a drink in my hand, be around my friends and loud ass music. After the week I’ve had with work this weekend is well deserved. I’ve been distant with Colston lately. He will check on me a few times but besides that im not responding much
. I don’t want to keep doing this with him anymore. I want him for real not as a fuck buddy. If he doesn’t want that and only like what we have going on now then im out.
Trust me, there’s plenty if guys that wanna be with me.
—
I was late per usual but I wanted to make sure I looked my best and felt even better. You know….just incase I find someone.
After getting out of my Uber and thanking the driver, I walked inside and was guided over to my group.
To my surprise a not so distant friend of mine was here. Andrei Iosivas
We haven’t talked in over a year but Everytime I use to visit Cincinnati we always hang out. Unfortunately I haven’t been in so long. Andrei is the type of person my friends want me to be with. When I use to visit he would take care of me and made sure I had everything I needed. The hotel was paid for food, clothes, everything. He would make sure I wouldn’t spend anything. there would always be flowers in the hotel room when I got there with a note saying “enjoy your stay and call me if you need me”. What more could a woman want.
I just had to be difficult and want Colston
“ Hey, it’s nice to see you. you look beautiful y/n” he says to me pulling me in for a long hug.
A bunch of athletes are here tonight. There’s some major event going on in Chicago that brought them here. Win win for the girls
“Aww thank you andrei. You look great, I’ve missed you so much” I reply back
He grabs my hand kissing the top of it
Like he always does when he sees me
“It’s been a while. You haven’t came to Cincinnati in what seems like decades” he says dropping my hand but still clinging on loosely
“I’ve been busy, im sorry. I plan to come back in the next few months I just need to figure my life out. I have been all over the place” I laughed
He smiled down at me
“Let me know when you come. We have a lot to catch up on. Some new places opened up I wanna take you to”
he’s so charming
“Are you paying” I furrowed my eyebrows in a playful way
“You know im paying. I don’t ever let you swipe that card”
‘oh my gosh y/n just runaway with him’ i thought to myself
“Then I’ll be there next week” I said smiling
“I want you to meet some people, come on”. He wraps his arm on my lower waist guiding me with him
I could get down with this. Andrei is exactly someone I could be with. The only issue is he’s in Cincinnati. It’s 4 hours away which isn’t bad and I know he would come see me but when the season starts it would be so hard and draining for weeks on end that I can’t see him
then there’s the other issue
“Aye guys, I want you to meet someone.” They all turn towards us
“This is y/n”
I waved greeting them
“You must be the special y/n that he’s talked about before” Tee says.
“You hold all your female friends by the waist like that Andrei” Jamar asked
I looked up and him and smiled. He hasn’t let go of me yet.
He curled his fingers a little deeper into my waist.
He laughed, “She’s special”
A girl was standing with them. She doesn’t look very friendly. Not to me at least.
“Do I know you from somewhere” she asked
I look around for a second confused because I’ve never met this girl in my life
“ I don’t think so. I have no idea who you are”
“Wait a second…you’re the girl who’s always around that tight end Colston Loveland. “ she asked
“Colston Loveland…oh the rookie that plays for the bears” Tee asked taking a sip of his drink
That made Andrei let go. He slipped his hand off my waist in a soft but fast motion.
Shit.
“Yea but we’re just friends. We’ve known each other for a long time that’s all” I said fast.
I didn’t want Andrei to think I was some pass around whore because im not.
I’m a lover girl
But Colston is something
I have love for Colston but he would never want a relationship. His excuse is always “I tried a relationship with that girl and it didn’t work out at all” or “it’s too much when I have football, im basically the star of the team”
that girl isn’t me though.
“Oh so you just hang around athletes” she twirled her hair.
Is she deadass right now
“No I actually have a life. I’m not a football groupie as I see that’s what you are. I actually have real friendships with them. I don’t fuck them for a list or to show off honey. But thank you so much for asking and trying to embarrass me when your just embarrassing yourself”
She rolls her eyes in shock and turns walking away.
“I’m gonna go grab a drink” I turn around on my heal and leave them behind
The bartender wiping down the bar looks up at me with a question look asking me what I would like
“2 green tea shots please”
Should’ve made it three
“Make that three”
Andrei stands beside me still hovering over me as im sitting
“im sorry about that girl. What you have going on with him has nothing to do with anyone.”
He slides me two of the shots and one for himself, throwing his back as I do the same
“It’s fine I don’t mind correcting people”
I held up a finger at the bartender letting him know two more
“ is there something going on between you and him. I don’t want to intervene ya know. I like you y/n but I would keep our friendship over anything. You’re an amazing person to know and to have around and I wouldn’t want to risk that”
He stared at me for a second
softly
Damnit this was supposed to be my night to forget about everything going on
I don’t tell anyone about how I feel or what’s going on and I rather keep it that way
I bit my lip before making eye contact with him.
“ We’re close friends. Been like that for a few years. Haven’t thought about ever trying anything with him so you wouldn’t be intervening in nothing”
Lie.
The word sits heavy in my chest, but my face doesn’t show it. It never does.
Andrei seems to buy it though.
“Okay,” he says after a second, though his tone says he’s not fully convinced. His eyes stay on me a little longer, searching, like maybe I’ll change my answer if he just waits me out.
But I won’t don’t.
I hold his gaze, steady, unbothered.
“Ah that was cute.”
The words drops behind me —low, amused, and entirely too familiar.
My stomach tightens instantly.
I don’t have to turn around to know exactly who it is.
Why didn’t I think about him possibly coming
Fuck
I can feel him before I even see him.
Colston moves up beside me like he’s always belonged there, like this space was his the second he decided to step into it.
His shoulder brushes me slightly as he passes—too deliberate to be accidental, too subtle to call out.
“Didn’t know we were rewriting history now,” he adds, voice easy, but there’s something underneath it. Something sharper. His gaze flicks to Andrei for half a second before settling back on me
“What’s going on bro” Colston nudges to him
“Sup” Andrei says back
Colstons jaw tightens as he tilts his head slightly to look at me
“Don’t start,” i say, crossing your arms, forcing my tone to stay even.
He huffs out a quiet laugh at that, like I’ve just told a joke instead of a warning.
“Wasn’t planning on it,” he replies, tilting his head more as he looks at me deeper, eyes dragging over my face like he’s checking for something.
“But you make it really hard not to y/n”
That look—i hate that look.
Like he knows something i don’t.
Or worse
like he knows something i do.
The tension shifts, thick enough now that even Andrei notices.
“Uh just let me know about…you know. We can figure something out but I’m gonna head back over to the team” he starts, glancing between the two of us but smiling at me before he got up
“Yeah, good idea man” Colston cuts in smoothly, not even sparing him a full glance.
There’s no aggression in it. No raised voice.
Which somehow makes it worse.
Andrei hesitates for a second, like he might push back—but something in Colston’s expression changes his mind. With a small, awkward nod, he steps away, disappearing without another word
And just like that
it’s only me and him
Back to this we go
I let out a slow breath, turning fully toward him now, my annoyance finally slipping through. “Colston you’re fucking insane you know that?”
“Been told,” he shrugs, completely unfazed.
“Do you just—what—listen in on my conversations now?” I ask, brows pulling together. “Or do you only show up when you hear your name?”
His lips twitch, like he’s fighting a smile he doesn’t want to give me
“Only when you’re lying about me or should I say us”
I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “I wasn’t lying.”
“Yeah?” he steps closer—not enough to touch, but enough that it messes with my focus. “So you haven’t ‘thought about ever trying anything with me’?”
The way he repeats my words—slow, deliberate—makes my chest tighten.
“I haven’t,” I say quickly.
Too quickly.
His eyes narrow just slightly, picking up on it immediately.
“Right,” he murmurs, like he doesn’t believe me for a second.
I hate how easily he reads me
“I don’t know why you even care,” i add, trying to regain control of the conversation. “It’s not like it matters Colston”
Something shifts in his expression—not a lot, just enough. His jaw tightens, his gaze dropping for a split second before coming back to you, more focused now.
“It doesn’t?” he asks, quieter.
I hesitate.
And that’s my mistake.
Because he sees it.
A quiet breath leaves him, almost a laugh, but there’s no humor in it this time. “Yeah,” he says, nodding slightly to himself. “That’s what I thought.”
My heart is beating too fast now—annoyingly so—and I hate that he’s the reason for it.
“I don’t know what you think you know—”
“I think,” he cuts in, voice lower now, stepping just a little closer, “that you’re really good at pretending this isn’t a thing.”
fuck
“I think you say shit like that,” he continues, eyes locked onto yours, “so you don’t have to admit you keep coming back just as much as I do.”
There it is.
That truth you’ve both been dancing around.
“You’re so full of yourself,” I mutter, but it doesn’t land the way I want it to.
Because he doesn’t even flinch.
“Maybe,” he shrugs. Then, after a beat—quieter, more honest than anything he’s said so far—“or maybe I just know you.”
that’s worse.
“Colston I am not doing this back and forth with you.” I say getting up and tipping the bartender walking towards the door
His heavy footsteps behind me
Even though the music is loud I know he’s still following me
Because why wouldn’t he be
I wanted to call an uber so bad but he would kill me so I walked towards the parking lot looking for his car
“On the right” he mutters unlocking the truck
He goes to try and open the door but I swat his hand away
“I can do it myself”
I hop in the truck, immediately facing the window not wanting to converse with him anymore
He gets in the drivers seat
“So we’re playing that game now. Won’t even let me be nice to you”
Silence
I didn’t say anything until we got to my apartment.
Times like this I wouldn’t let him walk me up but I don’t even want to put up a fight with him
I open the door throwing my purse on the kitchen counter and taking my heels off
“You’re unbelievable,” he mutters, dragging a hand down his face like you’ve personally exhausted him
You let out a short laugh, shaking your head and turning to face him. “No, you just don’t like when you’re not in control Loveland. Should’ve known how this was gonna go.”
His eyes snap back to yours—sharp, annoyed, interested.
“See? That right there,” he says, stepping closer, voice lower now. “You always do that. Twist everything in such a fucking dumb way.”
“Or maybe,” you shrug, tilting your head, “you just don’t like the fact that I don’t give a shit right now. You did not have to do that back there”.
For a second, it’s quiet. Not calm—never calm—but charged. Like something is about to snap if one of you blinks.
Boy do I love this
“Nobody told you to be all over Andrei. The hell were you doing that for when you have me. Then you sat there and acted like this is nothing. Like WE are nothing y/n. “
the jealousy.
“Maybe because all these years you didn’t want to be anything. You just wanted to fuck me, cuddle me then leave in the morning. Every excuse was ‘oh football this and football that’ like I give a shit about a schedule and then you claimed you couldn’t handle a relationship then got into one with someone completely different who nagged you 24/7 and I had to hear about it and put my feelings for you to the side just to be a fucking friend ”
I breathed out turning around walking to my room to change out of my clothes.
If we’re gonna do this tonight I would rather be comfortable
Toxic
this is extremely toxic. I hate that i slightly love it. What does that even make.
“Yeah? And you keep coming back every single time y/n. Every call and text you answer. If you didn’t care or if this was nothing you would stop answering me”.
That lands.
You see it in the way his jaw tightens, the way he looks at you like he’s trying to decide if he should walk away this time and let you go….let what you two have vanish
He doesn’t
Of course he doesn’t
Typical colston right
“Oh please. You don’t give a shit about me. You’re just using me anyway. As a matter of fact I tried to leave. I tried to let what we have go. Why do you think I’ve been so distant and not the one starting the texts or calling you first. It’s you Colston. You always come back.”
there’s a long and quiet pause
“Yeah,” he admits, quieter now, like it slipped out before he could stop it. “I do.”
And that’s the problem.
It’s always been the problem.
Because every time it gets like this—too close, too heated, too much—it should end.
But it never does.
It just pulls you both right back in to each other
“Why do you stay. You call me crazy. Say you shouldn’t be with me but you stay every time. I don’t know even know why I take it honestly” I say shaking my head
He leans off the counter, hands by his side staring at me
He walks closer to me putting his hands on my lower waist
“Because if I leave you, I don’t know what I would do. I know we shouldn’t be together and you know it too but we can’t stay away from each other”
and this is how the arguments usually end.
I sigh, putting my hand on his chest
“It’s the fact that you can’t get enough of me Loveland. That’s why you stay.” I look into his eyes softly. Admiring him
“If I were to see you with someone else-
He turns and looks the other way. Not finishing his sentence. Instantly getting mad
“How do you think I felt when I had to hear on campus that you were in a relationship and I had to call you to get you to tell me. I sucked everything up. Every feeling all of it just so you could be happy”
“I’m sorry y/n. i should’ve never put you through any of that. I like what we have and I felt if we were to be in a relationship and everything went wrong I could lose you forever.” He said
“Then communicate that Col. Don’t brush me off. I don’t wanna do this and you can’t have a simple conversation with me and you would rather me suffer”
I step closer to him making sure he understand every word.
He places his hand on my cheek
“I promise you I will communicate everything to you from here on out. Whatever you want you get. It’s all yours and im yours.”
he leans in closer
His soft lips move against mine passionately
He pulls me closer to him by my waist sliding his hand down lower squeezing my butt
I wrap my arms around his neck letting go into him
Lifting me up on the counter so that I am leveled with him
He pulls away
“You’re all I need y/n. You don’t need anyone else and you won’t have anyone else but me. Neither will I. Whatever we go through we go through it together and we don’t leave each other” he says placing both of his steady on my lower back
“Are you hinting at something? Because if so you can’t keep buttering me up with all this just for me to realize that im still some fuck buddy for you and that I have no title. I wanna be with you but don’t think if we continue with how it is now after you just told me that, that we’re just gonna be okay.”
He takes my hand into his
Tilting his head at me
“I want you to be mine mama, nobody else’s, just for me. No matter what at the end of the day it’s gonna be us”
“Promise me Col” I whispered leaning in to him as he was standing in between my legs
He leans in again placing a gentle kiss on lips
“I promise, I promise you the world. I promise everything you want you will have” he mumbled through the kiss “Now lay back so I can show you much I appreciate you”
Walking into the facility on a Friday, even though there’s no practice, I wanted to decorate my office a little bit. I’d gone to Five Below and HomeGoods yesterday with Lani to grab some cute things, and since my only other plan today was making my apartment look nice, I figured I’d start with the office first. Lani was meeting me here in a few minutes so I waited in the lobby for her.
Lani👯♀️💗
I’m here babes
At the door, I opened it for her and gave her a quick hug as we headed up to my office.
“Okay, so what are we thinking? We got a lot of cute stuff yesterday,” she said.
“I don’t want it to be too comfy—it’s an athletic department after all,” I chuckled in response.
We started putting things together, arranging everything so it looked nice. A few of the football guys were around too, either working out or in quick meetings with coaches.
I walk out to grab the big ass printer but happen to see one of the guys.
“Hey Rome do you mind helping me with this please” I ask turning to look at him
“Hey, Y/n.” He paused for a second, looking at me.
“…um…” I said looking to the side confused for a second
“Oh, sorry. Yeah, of course, I’ll help you.” He walked over, grabbed the printer, and set it on the desk for me
Lani looked up at him. She definitely likes what she’s seeing
“Oh, Rome, this is Lani, my best friend who lives out here,” I introduced. He smiled and went to shake her hand.
“Nice to meet you! You guys known each other for a long time?” he asked.
Lani nodded her head “ we’ve been friends forever. She’s basically my sister at this point” shoving my arm and laughing.
I chuckled and then heard a knock at the door
“What’s up guys, looks like the party’s in here” Caleb Williams said.
We all turned toward the door. It was Caleb and Colston
“What are you guys doing here, there’s no practice today” I asked
“We could say the same for you, this could’ve waited until Monday” Caleb replied with sass
“She has a tendency of getting things done the second she thinks about it. I’m not really a fan of it sometimes but im here” Lani added
I shot her a quick look then turned back. Colston was already staring at me.
I dropped my head, smiling. The things this boy does to me… my goodness.
“You guys coming out tonight, right?” Rome asked.
‘Yea, where exactly are going though’ I asked
‘There’s this club downtown, we’re gonna pop out around 10” Colston said stepping closer into the office
Lani glanced over, sizing him up. “And you must be Mr. Colston Loveland?”
He nodded giving her a smile “I am and you must be Lani”
She turned to me with wide eyes and looked back at him
Leaning against the desk “ we’ll see you guys tonight at 10”
They said their goodbyes and left, with Colston being the last one out
“Please tell me your getting on that tonight” Lani muttered
“LANI MARIE” I shouted
“ oh please it’s Colston Loveland girl. You need to let loose a little bit. You’re always so uptight with your standards in men just relaxxxx” she sighed. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight and I cannot wait to see you in your outfit”
We finished up at the office and grabbed something quick to eat before heading back to my new apartment to start getting ready.
“Okay it’s 7:30pm that’s plenty of time for an everything shower, makeup, hair and outfit”
Lani snapped
We started getting dressed. Our outfits were both black, like always. Every time we go out together, we match in some way—but whenever it’s black, we’re basically out for blood. Lani went more for a two piece outfit me on the other hand I wanted to wear a dress but still look sexy
“ Oh, the boys at the club are gonna eat this up,” Lani said, finishing her lip combo and grabbing her purse.
“Shit, it’s already 10:17. We are so late,” I said, quickly slipping on my heels and grabbing my purse. “Uber’s outside—hurry up, Lani!”
We bolted out the door, heading toward the Uber.
———-
When we finally get to the club, the energy is already loud—music pulsing through the walls, bodies packed together, everything a blur of lights and movement.
It doesn’t take long before we spot them in the back of the club in their own section
One of the guys notices us walk in first, a quick glance turning into a smirk with them waving us over. We walk over to them trying not to bump into anyone but this club was entirely too packed that it was practically impossible
“Glad you guys made it” Caleb says going in for a quick side hug from me and Lani
Looking around the group I notice I don’t see one specific person
he’s not here
I keep scanning the group, then the room, then back again. Trying not to make it obvious, that im looking for him and he’s nowhere to be found.
I decided to just settle in the moment instead, falling into conversation, laughing at things I can barely hear, pretending im fully there and engaged. The only person who starts to notice how im acting is Lani of course
And then
A hand brushes lightly against my lower waist from behind
It startles me at first, enough to make me inhale sharply, but sending shivers down my spine when I turn and see him, the surprise melts into something softer
Of course it’s him
And somehow, the way he found me without saying a word… it’s kind of cute.
He bends down towards my ear “hey, you look good”
I turn slightly looking up at him. He’s so much bigger compared to me. I’m only 5’5 but him on the other hand he’s 6’6. He could be my bodyguard for goodness sake.
“Thanks, you don’t look bad yourself. How’s the night going, I didn’t see you when I came over” I said to him tilting my head a little and blinking slowly. This move usually works on guys. I haven’t used it in a long time because I’ve been more focused on securing this internship but there’s no other guy I’d rather have right now than the one in front of me
“sorry I was catching up with some people. It took you guys forever to get here I see” he stated
“Oh you know, we’re girls it’s gonna take us forever to get ready. We started at 7:30 but when your listening to music while getting dressed that’s automatically putting you back 30 minutes for each task” I said chuckling lowly and looking to the side at Lani talking to one of the guys
“I get it… I mean, I wouldn’t mind if it took me that long to look that damn good,” he said, eyes locked on me.
I choked on my drink
“Um…excuse me”
“Im not repeating it y/n you heard me” Colston said lowly , his tone deep, deliberate
What the hell is he doing. What the hell does he think he’s doing. Is he trying to get me flustered… because if so….it’s working
“You’re just saying that I don’t look that good” I muttered, trying to regain my composure
“Please I’ve watched these guys in the club take long glances and stares at you the whole time since I’ve walked over here” he shrugged taking a causal swig of his drink
I hummed, feeling flush creep up my body
“Is that why you put your hand on my waist like that. marking some kind of… territory”
“You could put it like that if it makes you feel better” he said, voice low, eyes never leaving mine.
I didn’t need this. I needed to stay professional. And yet… just being near him, feeling that heat, hearing the way he said my name—it made my knees weak, my thoughts a mess.
Stop thinking, Y/n. Stay professional. I try to remind myself, but the warmth radiating from him, the intensity in his eyes… it’s hard. So hard.
He shifts slightly, so close I can feel the brush of his arm against mine. I catch myself leaning just a fraction closer, though I don’t mean to.
“are you trying to make it impossible for me to resist?” I mutter, half to myself, half to him.
“And if I am, somehow… you like it,” he replies with a grin that makes my pulse spike.
I glance away, pretending to check my drink, but the tension in the air is almost unbearable. Every glance, every subtle movement, feels like a dare. We literally just met yesterday, and somehow I’m already… aware of him in a way that makes me feel like I could throw myself on him
He takes a casual sip of his drink, eyes still on me, and I swear I can feel his gaze burn across the room. I bite down on my lip, resisting the urge to tilt my chin up, to see if he leans closer.
Lani came up to me, tugging me by the wrist. “Come on, Y/n, you’ve got to dance at least a little. Don’t be so serious.”
I laughed, letting her pull me onto the dance floor. The music pulsed through the club, bass vibrating through the floor and straight into my chest. I tried to lose myself in it, letting it carry me away…but I couldn’t stop sneaking glances at him
Colston, leaning casually against the bar, watching me like I was the only person in the room. Like I was his. My chest tightened at the intensity in his gaze. Why does it feel like he’s reading me already? like he knows me or something
I caught him smiling, that little corner-of-the-lip grin that made my stomach turn a little. I tried to shake it off and focus on Lani, spinning around with her, laughing. She was having the time of her life, completely unaware of the effect he had on me at least that’s what I thought
But it didn’t matter how hard I tried. Every time I moved, every time I glanced toward him, he seemed to notice. His eyes lingered a second too long, following the curve of my movements across the floor. Stop thinking about this.
A part of me liked the way my chest fluttered every time his gaze met mine. Every time he shifted slightly closer to watch me, I could feel a small spark of heat crawl up my spine. I knew he could feel it too. The tension between us wasn’t subtle. It was electric. It was real.
Lani leaned over, shouting over the music.
“Y/n I know what your doing”
I stopped dancing for a second to look at her
“What are you talking about”
She crossed her arms at me
“You too are insane. I’ve noticed the looks and the slow conversation all night. Just fuck him already.”
My jaw dropped
“Lani I am not going to fuck him. We just met”
“You’re right. Wait another week see how it goes” she said
“It’s not about how long I want to wait to have sex with him. I don’t think that’s all he’s worth maybe he has more to him. I wanna actually get to know him ” I smiled just thinking about it
“I understand y/n. You’re a softy I get it but don’t let him break that part of you or I’ll break his ass in half” she pointed her finger at me like she was my mother laughing it off.
We spent the next hour dancing, laughing, watching the others, and pretending we weren’t aware of each other’s every move. Every time our paths crossed, the subtle brush of his shoulder or hand—intentional or not—made my heart stutter. The teasing looks, the small smirks…it was a game, and he was winning.
Eventually, I started to get tired and wanted to leave. Considering it was 2:17am. Lani tugged me again, “Okay, last song, then we leave.”
I glanced toward Colston, who lingered near the exit, watching me one last time before disappearing into the crowd. My chest tightened as I waved bye to him. Something about the way he looked at me made me feel exposed, but also alive in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
As me and Lani walked toward the car, a girl stepped up from behind. She was shorter, confident, the kind of person who could deliver warnings with a casual smile and no care in the world if it hurt your feelings or not
“Hey… just so you know,” she said, leaning in slightly, “don’t mess with him. Colston plays the same game with every girl he meets, the same way he did with you tonight.”
“What” I muttered
“That same gaze he kept giving you across the room is nothing special. He does that when he goes out to prey on who his next female will be. Don’t take it to the heart. Theres other guys in Chicago who can treat you way better” she smiled at me before turning around and walking away
don’t take it to the heart
My heart skipped. Lani didn’t hear her—she was already walking ahead, talking and laughing. I froze, feeling a mix of adrenaline, irritation, and curiosity swirl through me. Why does that make me feel so… wired?
I nodded slightly, thanking her before she left but my mind was spinning. Every word replayed in my head. So this isn’t just about me. He… he does this to everyone. Okay. Don’t get involved. Don’t let yourself fall into it
⸻
Monday morning came too fast. I walked into the athletic facility and straight to my office to grab my clipboard. I’m excited for my first real day here but my nerves have been killing me all weekend. Thinking about what that girl said Friday night.
Colston tried texting me a few times but I gave him nothing but dry responses. He asked me if I got home safe Friday and I thumbs up the message. Nothing cute, nope. Just simple and professional
I have better things to worry about. My first day and a point to prove to this team that I can and should be here
The field was alive with players stretching, warming up, coaches barking out instructions. I took a deep breath, focusing on my task: check on their bodies, note anything that might need attention, stay professional
I went down the line, clipboard ready, asking each player how their body felt on a scale from 1–10, if anything hurt, if they had soreness. I stayed polite, professional, careful
When I reached Colston, my stomach knotted. I tried to sound casual, disinterested. “Everything okay?” I asked, tilting my head slightly, trying to move on as quickly as possible.
“All good, nothing hurting just yet” he responded back trying to make eye contact with me
I kept my eyes on the clipboard
He frowned, clearly rubbing against my casual tone.
Why is she acting like that?
After moving away from him and down the line I looked up towards his direction
I could see him thinking about it, and the other guys noticed too, exchanging curious glances and asking each other questions
Practice continued, drills and sprints, stretching and plays. When the team paused for a water break, Colston approached, trying again. “Hey… everything okay”
I shrugged lightly, keeping my tone measured and my eyes on the clip board. “All good,” I said, stepping around him and returning to the drills.
His brow furrowed, confused and frustrated. He asked a couple of the other players quietly, trying to figure out what had shifted. I just kept walking, clipboard in hand, focused on notes, resisting the pull toward him.
At the end of practice, I went up to my office to gather my things together so I could leave. Replaying the whole day in my head. That actually went better than I thought-
Colston caught up at the door, stopping me before I could walk out of my office, “Wait y/n—what’s wrong? You’re ignoring me and you barely responded to my text this weekend. You’re saying everything good but it’s not. You won’t even look at me fully”
I turned to face him, arms crossed, “I don’t want to catch myself falling for someone who does the same thing to every girl like you did with me Friday night. I’m not some animal you pick out to have for yourself. Trust me—I’ve been informed about your little game you play with girls when you go out. I’m not one of those girls, and I never will be. So let’s just keep it professional from now on shall we.”
His jaw tightened, and confusion flickered across his face. “Wait, what are you talking about, Who… told you that?”
I shook my head, dismissive. “Doesn’t matter who said it Colston. Keep it professional, like I said,” I muttered, walking out.
Later, after collapsing at home, I scrolled through my phone. His latest Instagram story popped up—a picture of him, song playing: Luv by Tory Lanez.
The lyrics: “Oops, I done fell for your way, baby…I know girl, but everyone falls….and I know from the first time, the first time I seen your love you got me baby….. even though girl I know that I will fall for you”
I smiled faintly. Cute… definitely cute. But I wasn’t falling for it. Im way smarter than an Instagram story. Not after the weird warning
It had been two weeks since we’d really talked to each other and the tension between us hadn’t eased. If anything, it had grown worse. Every glance, every accidental brush, every small comment in the facility made my heart do things I didn’t want it to.
So when Colston showed up at my office after practice, closing the door behind him, I braced myself.
“I need to talk to you about something,” he said, his eyes fixed on mine.
“ if it’s not practice or injury related then I’m busy ” I said to him putting my book of notes down
“ hear me out y/n….I don’t like this between us. It’s been going on for weeks and we could’ve had a conversation. Look, I don’t want anyone else. I just… I want to be around you. I don’t care about who or what they told you but it’s not me. That’s not how I operate.”
“I’m listening”
I lean back on to my desk with my arms crossed
“I would never play with your feelings or you in general. I felt something between us the second I seen you on orientation day and since then I have wanted nothing but to get to know you more. You seen the way we couldn’t get away from each other that night. Who gives a fuck that it’s only been two weeks, I want you. I want to be around you y/n”
I blinked. My chest did that stupid flutter again. “You… want to be around me?” I asked, trying to sound casual but I couldn’t help but be in awe
“Yes,” he said, simple, direct. “tonight me and you….dinner. I’ll pick you up. Dress nice im taking you out”
My stomach twisted. A date? With him? Yes… but do I trust him? I shifted, trying to hide my nerves. “I… I’ll go. But I don’t trust you yet.”
He nodded slowly, understanding clear in his eyes. “I get it. I have a meeting for Nike in about an hour, so I gotta leave soon. But I’ll pick you up later. You don’t have to worry about anything. Just… trust me enough to show up.”
I gave a small nod, heart racing, as he left.
I finished up work, my mind running in circles. Then I called Lani.
“Lani,” I said breathlessly, “he asked me out tonight.”
She was shocked. “He did what…. Girl weren’t yall just beefing like yesterday…..
“Yea but he wants to take me out. Something nice and I guess im being too hard on him”
“ just be yourself and be honest with him” she said
I huffed. “I don’t know I just don’t want to be in that position with him like some whore for him but he made it very clearly that he wouldn’t do me like that. “
“Has he given you any type of reasoning to make you not trust him. Or has he came across like he was trying to play you?”
I thought about it for a second
no. he hasn’t. for anything he’s treated me great.
“No” I murmured low
“Then give him a chance y/n. I actually think he’s a great fit for you. Your energy just bonds. You know me, all the years in Chicago and whatever that girl told you that night just doesn’t sound fully right. Maybe she’s obsessed with him in a weird way. I go out a lot to that club and see those guys all the time but Colston is never there. I think she was trying to get in your head and you shouldn’t let her do that. Let him prove everyone wrong. She said
“You’re right but you should’ve told me this a while ago. Anyways, I’ll do it. I’ll put my best foot forward but I’ll still be guarded just incase. That’s actually the best advice you’ve ever given me. What got into you” I questioned
“Maybe if you would’ve let me I could’ve told you two weeks ago but you’ve been crazy the past two weeks”…Lani said laughing at my comment.
I smiled faintly, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement.
⸻
Later, a black car pulled up outside my apartment. I barely had time to breathe before Colston stepped out, opening the door for me with that damn charming grin on his face. I climbed in, letting the leather hug me as we drove through the city.
The restaurant was breathtaking. Floor-to-ceiling windows, sparkling city lights below, every detail polished to perfection. High above the noise, it felt almost unreal, like stepping into a different world.
We talked, really talked—about hobbies, childhood memories, his favorite spots in the city, even guilty pleasures. I found myself laughing more than I had in weeks, the kind of laugh that feels freeing.
He listened intently when I spoke about anything, his eyes never leaving mine, occasionally brushing a finger against mine under the table in subtle, electrifying ways. My stomach fluttered every time.
Our waitress stopped by to hand me my lemon drop.
“Literally the best drink ever, two of these and im feeling it right away” I said to him before taking a sip
“so you’re a light weight”
“you can say that but I go wherever the wind takes me when a lemon drop gets in me”
He chuckled.
After 2 hours and an amazing dinner, He walked me to the car with his arm around my waist. The city of Chicago lights casting a warm glow over everything.
When we got back to my apartment, he insisted on walking me up.
‘ I wanna make sure you’re safe’ he told me in the car.
I opened the door to my apartment and couldn’t resist showing him around—the living room, the little details I’d picked out, the view of the skyline stretching endlessly. I had a way of decorating and I think I did very well with this apartment
“Get comfy,” I said with a small smile. “Me and you are gonna watch a movie, unless you have something you need to get to”. I said tilting my head at him hoping he didn’t.
“I’m all yours mama”
mama
“Perfect, im gonna change really quick.” I turned away from him walking into my room changing my outfit into something more comfy
In the living room Colston took off his jacket and changed into some sweats and a t shirt he had in his trunk
I walked back out to see him waiting in the couch scrolling through social media
He looked up from his phone with a look.
Pure
“Damn y/n” he said still staring at me and running a hand down his face
“what, do I look bad, I’ll go change into something else” I said turning around walking back into my room
Colston stood up to follow me
I started looking through the drawers to find something else
“Aye, stop” he said from behind me, grabbing my wrist “you look perfect. don’t need to change anything. I was taken a back because of how sexy you looked that’s all” he put his hand on my cheek caressing it
“Okay,if you say so……come on”
I pulled his arm walking us back to the living room
I turned on the movie, the sound filling the space. My stomach churned with anticipation, and I could feel his presence close to me.
He had his arm rested on the back of the chair and the other in his lap. I had both of mine in my lap
I leaned into him slowly and laid my head on his chest
He moved the hand from the back of the couch around me to my thigh rubbing circles on with his thumb
And that’s when the tension—the electricity we’d been building for weeks—finally started to spark in ways I couldn’t ignore
The movie was just background noise now; the real story was the space between us, the heat we couldn’t yet get too
God, how did it get to this so fast? I thought, trying to steady my racing heart. But a part of me didn’t want it to stop—not tonight.
I leaned up from his chest turning towards him
I throw my legs across his lap
He switched from drawing circles on my thigh to doing it on my shin
“Colston” I whispered
He turned to look at me
“I had the best time tonight ”
I propped myself up on my elbows
“I’m glad you enjoyed it y/n. There’s many more of those to come”
I smiled
I sat all the way up putting my hand around his neck messing with his hair
The sexual tension is extreme
The way his arms look so huge. His relaxed posture.
“I know you feel it too, don’t pretend like you don’t”
He furrowed his brows confused “What do you mean”
“the tension between us Colst”.
“I’m Colst now, is that my new nickname, “ he smirked dragging his hand higher up my leg
Just do it y/n
I sat up more moving my legs on either side of him straddling him
He didn’t move. But boy did he watch
He watched the way I soft sat down in his lap. How the fabric on my outfit rolled up a little in my booty area
He watched as I made myself a bit more comfortable in his lap
“ this is a much better view” I said to him almost in a whisper
He put both hands on my lower waist holding me steady
“Come here mama”
I leaned in connecting our lips together. Slow but passionate and hungry
Taking in how soft his lips are. How firm his grip is on me.
I tilted my head to get more access to him. His hands moving lower to grip my ass
A soft moan left my mouth
“Fuck” he said
He slide his hand under the fabric of the pajama romper getting a better grip of my ass
Suddenly he stood up off the couch holding me underneath my ass
Legs around his torso as he carried me to my room
Slowly laying me down making sure to not break the kiss
His lips travel to my jawline, my neck, collarbone and stopped above my breast.
He looked up at me. like he was asking for permission to devour me
Nipples already hard
I nodded my head. He was quick. He pulled down both straps of the romper
feeling the cool air hit my chest
He takes them both in his hand massaging them
“hm” I moan softly
Colston leans down taking one is his mouth
“ oh my gosh” I sighed
He flicked his tongue on my nipples then sucking it. Making sure to show as much love to each one
“ So pretty baby, look at them. Perfect size.”
Taking his other hand pushing the outfit down until I was fully naked in front of him
He takes his shirt off and sweats leaving him in boxers
I immediately look down at him. Look at the size of that. The way he carries himself I’m not surprised if he’s big
He pulls one of my legs up, pressing into me before leaning down kissing me again
I can feel how hard he is. How big his dick is
Colston makes his way down on my body in the most perfect way. Kissing every part me
Looking up at me again
permission
He swipes his tongue over my slit
Then again
slower
Like he’s savoring it
Picking up the pace, while his other hand fidgets with my nipple
I breathe out
“Oh Colst” I throw my head back arching my back a little
“So sweet y/n” he says to me
I run my hands through his hair and he continues to lick my folds
“Colston please…fuck….uh I need you” I blurted out
He lifts his head up from my pussy
Sliding his last piece of clothing down
oh my goodness. how the hell am I gonna take all that. Almost the size of him. He’s gonna ruin me
He leans down kissing my forehead
“You gonna be a good for me”
“Yes, please”‘I begged him looking in his eyes waiting for him to give me all of him
He pushes into me slowly, making me feel every single inch of him. I arch my back and gasp
He starts moving slowly in and out
“Breathe y/n” he murmured to me in my ear
“Ughh fuck”
“There you go mama, feel that dick inside you”
He picks up the pace making sure I feel every stroke he gives me
“shit y/n. So fucking tight”
All you could hear is the sound of him fucking me through the apartment
“mhmm right there please, don’t stop col”
“Come on mama I can feel you. Doing so good for me”
He lifts me up off the bed with him still inside of me
Turning around so im sitting on him
I push him back so that his back falls on the bed
“Ride that shit ma”
He puts his hand back on ass slapping it
I jolt forward not expecting it
I move up and down getting my rhythm
Holding my breast with my head thrown back feeling everything inch of him inside of me
“just like that y/n”
He takes his hand rubbing my clit
“Ughh fuck yesss im gonna cum” I moan out loudly dragging my words
“Come on gimme that shit baby”
I feel his dick twitch inside of me knowing he’s about to cum
“Fuck I’m gonna-dont stop bouncing”
He slaps my ass again
My movements start getting slower so he takes control with me still on top
Pumping his whole dick into me with every stroke
Feeling him twitch again
“mmm y/nnn”
“I’m gonna cum Colst …shittt”
We both release at the same time
I laid on top of him
Him still inside of me I lean forward resting my forehead on his shoulder
“I never usually do sex on the first date” I mumble to him trying to catch my breathe still
“I wouldn’t do it either but like you said that tension between us.” He picks me up carrying me into the bathroom
“let me clean you up”
oh he is a man
Turning the shower on and stepping in
I let the hot water run down my body just taking it in
My back pressed against his chest as he puts the soap all over my body for me
Kissing the back of my neck every few minutes
Aftercare. This is what I like
After the shower we both lay down in the bed cuddled up.
“What am I gonna do about you” I say to him
“Make me your boyfriend” he says back
Laughing at him, “That’s how your gonna ask me”
“ of course not, I have something in mind but until then you’re still mine” he says kissing my forehead and pulling me closer
“All yours Loveland”
a/n: I’ve been gone for what feels like forever. Sorry guys so much happened in the last month it’s been tge worst month ever but it’s getting better. I forgot I had this saved in my drafts so I tweaked it a little and posted it for yall. Working and thinking on some other one parts or multiple part series. Hope yall enjoyed :)
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a/n: I think I’m gonna make this a 4 part series. I actually already have an idea of how I’m gonna write the next part. Enjoy!! :)
wc: 3.0k
Recap: y/n: I'm fine guys stop worrying. He didn't make it official so it's not like he cheated on me but if he wanted to see other people he could've just told me that instead of acting like an imbecile. I still like him of course but I just don't know what to do.
symone: let him come to you. Don't crawl to him. If he really cares he would do anything in his power to get to you after that.
Kennedy: that part.
And that's exactly what he did. When you got back to Chicago the girls were supposed to pick you up from the airport but it wasn't them.
It was him.
*At The Airport*
You watched as his car pulled up in front of you.
You have got to be kidding me. Your friends had to have sold you out. This man is crazy.
‘Fuck. Should I walk away. What do I do’ you thought to yourself.
Colston got out of the car walking up to you.
He looked so good. black t shirt that was tight around his arms and grey sweatpants.
He didn’t say a word to you. He didn’t even look at you. He grabbed your bag and set it in the truck.
You didn’t move. You just watched his every step as he walked back over to you.
"Get in the car y/n" he said very demanding.
you were shocked because who does he think he is right now.
" Colston no, I am not going anywhere with you. This isn’t just some toxic shit where you can tell me what to do and I’ll bend my ass over for you.” you said looking at him titling your head. No expression on your face.
Bold of you. I wanted to. I really did want to bend my ass over for him. The audacity of him to drive to the airport just to get me and then look the way he does right now. I could fall to my knees.
He wasn't putting up with it though. You could tell by the expression on his face and the look in his eyes.
Anger and possessiveness is all you saw.
"Car….Now" he said sharper.
You both sat in silence for a few seconds staring at each other waiting to see who would give in first
“Fine but only because I don’t have a ride and you’re already here.” She brushed past him as he stayed still rolling his eyes. Turning around to open the door for her.
“I can open the door for myself” she murmured. Sitting down in the passenger seat and him closing the door.
You fold your arms across your chest and look out the window not wanting to converse with him. You were still very pissed about what happened. But you knew he was pissed about how close Joe was with you. I mean I’d be mad too if the girl I was messing with looked like she was moving on to the next guy and the guy was a damn 3x pro bowl and 2X NFL comeback player of the year quarterback.
I smiled to myself. But quickly dropped it hoping he didn’t notice.
“What are you so happy about” he said.
He had to have been staring at you to notice you smile and drop it in 3 seconds. You didn’t say anything. You ignored him and watched the interstate through the windshield.
You noticed his grip on the steering wheel get tighter.
“Y/n I’m talking to you”. He said lowly
“Nothing, atleast nothing regarding you” she said back.
“ You got Joe burrow stuck in your head huh? You let him get that close to you. Put his arm around your waist exactly where I like to put mine. “
He shifted in his seat. He was more angry now than he was before.
It was sexy but I didn’t care.
You laughed. Astonished. “ very fucking hypocritical of you Loveland. The same way you had your arm around that girl smiling at her like you wanted to fuck her in front of everyone. You probably did. All I seen was a video. Who knows what happened after that”
He takes a longer than usual glance at you “ Did you have sex with him y/n”
This might be an opportunity to mess with his head.
“ and if I did, what would it matter to you. Who wouldn’t want a piece of Joe shiesty”.
He chuckled “ oh so you think I’m joking”
Rolling your eyes “no I didn’t fuck him Colston what type of women do you think I am.”
“Seemed like you had a great time in LA” the sarcasm lurking at his voice
“Why do you care if I had fun in LA. You were too busy acting like a whore at the club. Explains a lot” Your tone more clear now as you spoke up
“No, that doesn’t explain anything” he respond quick
“Oh really because coming from you, you said you didn’t want to be with anyone else. You told me to my face that you wanted to be with me but the reason you haven’t asked me yet is because you want to make it special or whatever your excuse is.” You sit up a little bit.
Raising the tone in your voice. “ You know I’m really starting to think it’s really because you wanted to talk to other girls. You didn’t want to commit to something because you must like having the freedom of being able to get any girl you want. I’m not just every other girl you talk to or meet at the club every time you used to go out. Im not gonna let you treat me like it neither.”
He sighed “Listen y/n, I’m sorry. nothing happened I swear. Yes I will take accountability because I did put my arm around her and I was acting friendly but I promise you nothing else happened. That was it and I apologize. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never wanted to upset you. And I still mean everything I said. I haven’t asked you to be my girlfriend yet so I could talk to other girls. That’s not it at all. I waited because I do want to make it special but also because I didn’t know if I was gonna be in Chicago anymore.” He said, saying the last part a little low
“ you didn’t know if you were gonna be in Chicago”, I questioned. Slowly lifting my head up to look up at him.
He cleared his throat “ I was in different meetings conversing about a trade. My agent thought it would be better for me”
“ why didn’t you tell me this Col” I slightly shook my head.
“ I didn’t want to tell you. Yea it was an idea but I don’t want to leave Chicago. Can’t imagine myself anywhere else. I wanted to make sure everything was straight before I commit to us. If I were to go to another team that’s far and we just started dating that would be extremely hard. So I didn’t say anything.” He threw his hand back a little realized that he told her
You don’t want to raise your voices at each other anymore so you lower your tone. “I get it. That’s valid but I’m still upset. I’m just not as positive about us as I was before this trip”
I know he’s sorry but I’m not just gonna let him off the hook like it’s nothing. We both have a name for ourselves. We can’t just do stuff like that because the internet would freak out.
“How am I supposed to know that when I travel for work you’re not doing anything. We aren’t official yet and it’s like I keep thinking if we were official and you did this…..I don-“ I breathed.
Putting a hand on my forehead.
“I know and I’m sorry. I hear how you feel. I’m sorry I made you feel like this and go through all of this. I would never do anything when we’re in a relationship.” He loosened his grip on the wheel.
You cannot resist this man. I’m not as mad about it because we aren’t together. But it just scares me now because what if he does do something and we’re together.
“ I need time Colston. I can’t make a decision at this very moment. Right now I don’t wanna do this with you anymore and I know that’s because I’m mad but I actually have such a strong connection to you and feelings that I know I can’t ignore. I just need some time to think and be alone for a while”. I turn my head and look back out the window.
Deep down of course you would just fully forgive him but you have to be smarter than that right now. If he really wanted to be with you he would make the effort to make up for this.
“I understand. I’ll give you some space but I will check in on you every once in a while just so I know you’re okay” he said parking the car in front of my apartment.
Unbuckling my seat belt and stepping out of the car. “ That’s fine Col. I’ll see you later, I’ll grab my stuff”.
You grabbed your bag and went inside your apartment. Dropping the bag on your bed and flopping face down.
I can’t believe that just happened
Your plan was not to face Colston today. All you wanted to do was come home and rot in the bed. No social media, nothing. You two got an understanding though so it was worth it in a way.
Remembering how all of this started in the first place you texted the group chat
the girls💋
y/n: you losers. I cannot trust yall. Why the hell did yall let Colston pick me up from the airport
Kennedy: huh
Symone: what are you talking about sis. He told us that you texted him and said you wanted him to pick you up so y’all could talk
Kennedy: yea. He talked to us over the phone while we were with Caleb and Austin at the zoo
Y/n: and yall didn’t think to ask me if I actually said that
Kennedy: now that I think about it, you’re right
Symone: we were too caught up to even question it honestly
Kennedy: but to be fair we both had a feeling you would forgive him y/n/n
Symone: did you forgive him
Y/n: no I told him I needed time to think. See, you both were wrong.
Symone: you’re still gonna forgive him.
Kennedy: I literally cannot see you with anyone else. Plus you’re always talking about how good he puts it down on you and how you think nobody could do it as good as he does and that you could have him for the rest of your life
Symone: KENNEDY, you know what. you’re right, she does say all that.
y/n: ok I totally hate both of you and I hope your pillows are hot as the sun and hard as a rock.
Symone: our pillows aren’t the only thing that will be hard as a rock in a few days when you go back to him
Y/n: oh fuck youuu
*Two weeks later*
Tonight is Caleb’s birthday party.
The Bears had a game on his actual birthday so you guys couldn’t go out then. Of course you were gonna go. You wouldn’t miss a night out with your girls because if you did they would be at your doorstep dragging you out in your pajamas.
You haven’t had a full conversation with Colston in two weeks. You miss him everyday. His lips, his smile, his big arms around you. The way he rubs and scratches your back. Every little thing you miss it about him. You still texted him ‘good luck’ before the game in which he replied ‘thanks, miss you’. He called you once in these last two weeks. Making sure you were okay and that you didn’t need anything. Even getting your favorite meal and desert delivered to your door after you told him you haven’t had the energy to cook. You told him how you broke your camera after accidentally knocking it over and within 30 minutes there was a brand new one at your front door with flowers and chocolate covered strawberries. He even booked you a nail appointment and paid for it before you got there. He knew your schedule so he knew you’d be available.
He was trying and I applaud him for that.
You were ready to see him tonight. You were gonna tell him that you don’t need space anymore and that you’re ready. You wanted to look your best.
Pulling out the outfit your gonna where tonight and slipping it on.
“It’s just something about lace that I love so much” you said to yourself.
Since you haven’t filmed in two weeks either you decided to do a grwm
Putting on your makeup and fixing your hair
The time was 8:42 when you finished everything
The party started at 9 but you were always late to parties.
Adding lipgloss
You grab your purse and head out to your uber.
Kennedy and Symone were waiting at the door for you.
“Look who made it out the house” Symone said hugging you
Kennedy laughed at her comment “Y/n you look so good. Colston is gonna collapse”
“He is not, plus my outfit isn’t that crazy” I said looking down at my outfit and then looking back between them
“Oh please, your ass looks fatter than it ever has before” Kennedy responded.
You three walked in hand in hand together. Whatever would you do without your girls.
You pushed through a few people saying hello and smiling.
Y’all finally got to where the boys were standing.
“Ayeee look who came out the house” Caleb said first.
“ y’all have to stop acting like I don’t go anywhere seriously.” You said
You’re looking for him but he isn’t anywhere to be found. It wouldn’t be hard to spot him he’s 6’6 for crying out loud.
“She’s looking for Colston” Austin said taking a sip of his drink.
You whipped your head around “ I am not”
“Here we’ll take you to him”
Austin tapped Caleb on the chest as all five of you walked to the elevator.
You had no clue where they were taking you.
Elevator doors open and you all step out. Looking straight ahead there’s a glass door. You look down and you see rose petals from the elevator to the glass door leading outside on to a patio.
Holy shit. Is this for me.
You start walking to the door noticing your friends and their boyfriends stopped walking and watching you. Kennedy and Symone both with their phones out recording. You open the door to the patio looking to your right you see him.
His cute outfit. I have never seen this boy dress up but his outfits like this look so good.
You immediately smile at him walking towards him slowly.
“Colston you’re gonna make me cry” you said fanning your face with your hand.
He reaches his hand out for you to grab.
“Come here mama”
He takes your hand walking you towards the rose petals in the form of a heart.
“ I told you I wanted this to be special. You don’t understand how many things I wanna tell you. You’re beautiful, your heart is pure, you know how to make me smile and relax, you know just what I need after a long day or what to do when I’m bored. everything about you makes me happy. Everything you do makes me want to be better. I’m sorry I made you wait and I’m sorry for what happened. I promise I’ll be good to you everyday. Y/n will you be my girlfriend”
You couldn’t stop smiling. The tears wanting to fall out of your eye. “Yes of course I will Col”.
He put his hand your cheek and leaned in.
Those lips that you’ve missed so much were so soft against yours.
You hear clapping behind you as you both pull away. His hand in your lower back.
Turning around you see Kennedy and Symone almost in tears.
“Oh my gosh you don’t even understand how hard it was to hide this from you”
Kennedy said covering her face with her hands.
“Colston Loveland I am watching you. “ Symone said pointing at him.
He chuckles “don’t worry I got her. She’ll be good with me”. He kisses your cheek before leading you to the door.
Summary: Y/N has been waiting for a response back from an NFL team about her application to be an intern. After she got the email. She immediately headed out to Chicago first chance they gave her. Meeting the staff and the players but eventually having a conversation with Colston.
warnings: none
April 28th, 2025
Atlanta 7:10pm
y/n has been waiting all day for an email back. She applied for an internship for a few NFL teams but the main two she wanted to hear back from were Chicago Bears and Cincinnati Bengals. She knew if it were solely between those two ,if they accepted her, she would choose Chicago in a heart beat.
Her friend childhood Lani lives in Chicago and has been for about 3 years. Y/n only gets to see her for family holidays unfortunately. They both are so busy with school that they barely can hang out with each other.
*phone buzz*
Speaking of
“Y/N have you heard anything back yet, any calls, emails SOMETHING, I am dying to know if you’re coming to Chicago or not” Lani said.
“ I haven’t checked my email all day. I’ve been at class and studying. Plus im nervous to check”She admitted.
Y/n is excited and hoping she gets a response but she hasn’t checked all day today. She told herself to stop checking every day because it won’t help.
“I know girly but maybe today is the day. Plus it would be insane if you got it and we’re on the phone” Lani said.
Y/n did it anyway. She refreshed her email. still nothing.
“Nothing here just the same old shein, fashion nova and doordash deals”.
She really wanted it to be there.
So bad.
“ Don’t give up on it girl, you will get it I promise. Don’t stress yourself out too much either. I’ll call you tomorrow I have a party to dressed for” Lani said with huge smile on her face.
“Have fun and be safe bestie” y/n replied and hung up.
she groaned.
‘It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t heard anything. you’ve got to be kidding me.’
She decided to not think about it anymore and sleep on it.
—
Next day
8:00am
*buzz* *buzz* * buzz*
Y/n rolled over and pressed snooze on her alarm. She signed up for Pilates this morning but is now regretting that decision.
Rolling over to check her phone, she immediately shot up seeing an email titled ‘Chicago Bears Internship’
“oh my gosh” she whispered to herself. She opened the email.
“Good morning Miss Y/N Y/L, we would love to extend the invitation for you to become our Clinical Athletic Training intern for the summer”.
She screamed. “ OH MY GOODNESS I GOT IT, I GOT FREAKING GOT IT”. She jumped out of the bed running around her room. She couldn’t believe it. She’s officially going to Chicago. She decided to read the rest of the email.
“Our apologies for the late notice, we would like for you to be here by Thursday, May 4th if possible. Please let us know if this may be an issue and we can extend to May 7th. We would like a response by the end of today in regards to you accepting this application so we can further discuss. Thank you”
“May 6th”, she said to herself.
holy shit that’s in 5 days.
how is she gonna pack all of her life together in just FIVE days. It didn’t matter. She didn’t care. All she cared about is how she’s gonna be in Chicago very very soon
She quickly sent a response email back saying she is available for a call after 10:30am.
Her Pilates class started at 9:30am
She wanted to cancel but she hasn’t been in almost two weeks so she decided to go.
She walked to the bathroom and started getting ready while texting Lani first to see if she was awake before she scream her ears out about how she’s coming to Chicago.
Lani👯♀️💗
you: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE AWAKE
her: Unfortunately 😔
you: don’t care. Calling you ASAP.
you pressed the FaceTime button
“ LANI, you will not believe what I woke up to” she yelled through the phone
“Wait don’t tell you me this is about what I think it is” Lani said after picking up on the first ring.
“I GOT ACCEPTED. I’m coming to Chicago”
Both girls were screaming of joy over the phone. Y/N couldn’t believe it actually happened.
“You’re officially coming to Chicago. When are coming ? It’s basically May already. Why did they respond so late?”
Lani had so many questions but just wanted to know when her best friend was coming.
“I don’t know why and I don’t care but I’m coming. I’ll be there literally this Thursday” y/n said.
“you need to start packing asap. Oh my goodness where are you gonna stay” Lani asked.
“That I don’t know but I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out. If not I could always crash with you of course but they may have a place for me” y/n replied.
Later that day she had her zoom call with the Bears. They apologized for the late notice and email but informed her that it was because they wanted to make sure they had everything set for her. They told her she would be picked up from the airport once her flight landed at 11:37am and taken to her new condo. They paid for it in full so she didn’t need to worry about anything except for grocery and utensils. Once she was settled she was going to be picked up again at 4pm to be brought to the facility to meet the staff and possibly the team.
Y/n looked at her room trying to figure out where she was gonna start first with packing. She didn’t know. She was too excited.
She decided to start with her kitchen supplies. Going through everything she thinks she will need and won’t need.
“I’m taking all my cooking pans, my baking stuff, cups bowls , plates, literally everything. “ she said to herself
Once she was done she moved to her room gathering her clothes from the drawers and closet.
Her bathroom supplies were the easiest to pack.
She left out her essential items so she could use them for the next couple of days but knew everything else had to be packed considering she was busy with finals for the next few days leading up to May 4th.
She spent all night listening to music and packing.
Excited for a new setting and a new storyline.
——
May 4th, 2025
6:04am
It was time.
She had everything packed and ready to go. She couldn’t sleep the whole night because of how ready she was. She rolled out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to get dressed. Her uber XL would be here in 20 minutes so she had no time to waste.
She put her outfit on, brushed her teeth, did her skincare and quickly brushed her hair.
*buzz*
Her uber is outside.
Thankfully she’s on the first floor of her apartment complex because taking all those bags down would be a pain in the ass. She was strong but she wasn’t that damn strong.
She loaded up the uber with the help of the driver and headed to the airport. Atlanta airport is the worst. She didn’t like it at all but she tolerated it. Check in was easy for it to be the end of the week. Airport busy as usual with people running to catch their flights. She grabbed her a bottle of water and walked to her gate to sit down. She had five minutes to spare.
Opening her phone she immediately went to instagram, scrolling to find something interesting and liking every post she went by.
Then she stopped.
Finger over the image. A picture of the Chicago Bears team training. She quickly hearted the photo but looked at it for a few seconds scanning the image stopping when she seen him.
He was smiling in the photo. They all were.
But his smile was special.
She found it very attractive, attentive, handsome.
She had seen him before online and heard of his name but never really paid any mind to it.
Until now.
She clicked to see if he was tagged in the post and followed him. Colston Loveland.
‘Imagine he’s a lover boy with that last name’ she thought to herself.
Lani has talked about him before. Hell, she’s seen him before.
Realizing she’s been staring at the photo too long she looked up at the screen to see they were starting to board. She grabbed her bag and made sure she had her boarding pass before getting up and joining the line.
—-
Chicago 11:45am
It was a quick flight. She finally got off the plane and grabbed her bags at baggage claim. The driver that was picking her up had her name on a tablet waiting patiently for her. He helped her with all 8 of her checked bags and they drove to her new place.
When they pulled up she couldn’t believe how beautiful it was. She’d never been to Chicago let alone seen a city besides Atlanta.
“This is where you’ll be staying Miss Y/L. I will be back at 3:20 to pick you up again for the meeting at 4pm” The driver, Carlos, said.
“Thank you, I’ll see you then” Y/N replied.
She stepped out of the car feeling a calm breeze from the Chicago air. The moving people they assigned to help me carried my things up to place. I scanned my key and opened the door. The most beautiful place with the best view. She couldn’t believe it. She’d never at a place this nice before. It was more than what she could ask for. It was already furnished. All she had to do was put her comforter on and add a few decorations of her own. She couch was a nice cream white color. Very soft. She plopped down on the couch and took it all in.
The movers set everything down carefully. She thanked and tipped them as they put down the last item and left. She looked out the window at all the cars moving, the city, the view. It was amazing. She could stand here for hours just looking out the window. But that she couldn’t do right now.
She had so much to unpack.
Starting with the kitchen supplies. She knew if she didn’t start now it wouldn’t get done. Only having a few hours to unpack everything before she had to go back out again. The condo had speakers installed so the first thing she did was play her favorite song at the moment.
It took her only an hour to finish putting up the things in the kitchen. She moved on to the room after that putting her comforter on the bed and putting her clothes in the drawers.
Her bathroom stuff was the quickest out of everything.
She had a bunch of clothes she needed to hang up.
She threw the clothes she needed to hang up on the ground in the closest knowing she wasn’t gonna have time to get to it right now.
Everything looked good so far and she felt great. She wanted nothing but to show Lani but forgot she promised her she wouldn’t show her until she came over later tonight.
She checked the time.
3:11pm.
crap.
She was not gonna wear her airport outfit to meet the staff and the team. Scrabbling through her drawers, she pulled out a pair of Nike leggings, black tank top and a black zip up. Quickly changing since she was on crunch time. Zipping the jacket half way, the zipper stopping a little bit below her upper breast.
She checked the mirror to make sure she looked good. Applying her lip combo, fluffing out her natural lash set look, and spraying on her favorite perfume, Burberry Blush.
*ding ding*
The driver was here. She grabbed her phone, purse and keys to the condo and headed out.
Pulling up to the facility she was nervous.
Not just slightly nervous but she almost felt like she could throw up nervous. She has insane butterflies.
She didn’t want to say anything wrong. she rambled to herself in her head the whole way there on an introduction and ways to respond when asked questions.
Before she knew it the driver had parked the car and opened her door. She took a deep breath in and stepped out. Thanking him quickly and walking towards the door. She pulled the door open walking in. She expected it to smell like men and sweat but it didn’t at all nor did it stink. She was met with a man at the front.
“ You must be y/n.” He said. Nodding her head and shaking his hand.
“I’m Andre Tucker. I’m head of the athletic training department here. We’re so glad you were able to make it today and we are thrilled to have you meet everyone. Follow me”.
She kindly smiled while he was talking and followed him. Looking around at how neat everything was placed and the plaques on the wall. He lead her through a door with a bunch of different doors labeled different names with their Titles.
Director of Skills
Director of Wellness
Offensive Analyst
Offensive Coordinator
Facilities Manager
Head Coach
then Andre’s office Athletic training Coordinator.
Beside his office was another door that read Athletic Training Intern and below it had your name, Y/N Y/L.
“This is my office and this right beside me will be your office.” He opens the door and it’s a big office space with so many different things on the desk.
“The staff set a few things in there for you like candy, welcome cards, and a few small gifts. Most importantly your badge to get into the building and your key to your office are in here as well. Your badge gets you into the building and up the elevator so try not to forget it but if you do, you can just call me or the front desk and we can let you in. Besides that we’re so grateful to have you here. I’m gonna see if coach is ready for you to meet everybody really quick but until then, take it in since. You won’t spend most of your day in here but mornings will consist of going over some records and being in here. After lunch is when we will be out in the field. Don’t worry you’ll love it here“ he said.
she is going to love it there.
You opened the bag with the bears logo on it and pulled out a quarter zip thinner long sleeve top. It was navy blue. It had your name on it and the words athletic trainer along with the bears logo.
A few other jackets, hoodies, shirts, leggings, and sweatpants were in other different bags. You look around at everything knowing you’re gonna need to decorate a little bit in here. Walking over to the window you can see the training field through it. Watching as the players are walking off the field as they just finished learning new playbooks and strength conditioning.
You spotted him.
He looked exactly how he did in the picture. Except more buff. You wanted a closer look at him.
*knock knock*
“Ready to meet the guys” Andre said peaking through the door. You turned around and nodded your head.
“Yea let’s do it” you smiled grabbing your badge and key and putting it in your purse and walking to the door. Andre opened the door wider so you could step and lead the way. You both stepped in the elevator going down to the first floor and walking to an auditorium room. A few other people were in here but they were employees.
“Hey everyone, this is Y/N our intern for the summer, she just landed in this morning” Andre said gathering their attention. Everyone saying hi and shaking my hand. The women giving hugs and saying how it’s so nice to meet her. Turning at the sound of the door. It’s the Head Coach. Ben Johnson.
“Their getting ready to come in and join us now, got a few things we need to cover and then we should be able to head out for the day” Ben said. “Ahh you must be Y/N it’s nice to meet you, im the head coach Ben Johnson” he leaned forward to shake your hand and you did.
“Thank you guys for having me. This is such an amazing opportunity to be able to come here and join you guys for the summer” you said and then let his hand go.
Right on cue the team started walking in. Loud. And laughing. Their men of course they would be loud.
“Alright alright boys come in and sit down we got a few things we gotta cover” Coach said a bit loud so they could hear him. They gathered in pretty quick.
You take a quick look at the crowd of football players in front of you searching for one.
You saw him.
Sitting up right but slightly leaning forward. Biting his bottom lip.
Colston Loveland everybody
I mean shit, could he look any better than this. He was focused on the screen but occasionally laughed at what his teammates beside him said to him.
After Ben went over the things he needed to, the rest of the staff said their hello’s to the team, it finally came down to you.
shit.
“ We have someone new here that I would like you guys to meet. She’s gonna be working with the athletic training staff so you will see her very often, practically every single day. I won’t say too much about her because I want her to introduce herself but everyone this is Y/N” Ben introduced. The staff clapped their hands as you walked to the middle of the auditorium.
You were nervous. You’ve talked in front of people all the time with no problem but this time is different.
Very different.
“Hey guys, I’m Y/N, I’ll be the intern for the summer. I’m from Atlanta and have never been to Chicago before but I’m excited to be here. I study exercise science and aspire to be an Athletic Trainer one day for an NFL team. maybe even this one” She smiled then went quiet for a few seconds thinking of anything else to say.
“Tell us some of your favorite things to do” Coach said
She shifted on her right leg. Taking a small breath in before speaking again.
“I like to read and go shopping, I haven’t went since I just got here but I can’t wait to go since I have so many things I need to get. I like going out and having fun with my friends. I do pilates a few days out of the week and I love finding new cafes to go to” y/n said.
She looked up meeting his eyes.
Warm.
He’s looking right at her. More like into her soul. It feels like he’s admiring her. He had a smirk on his face. She smiled at him shyly before looking away.
They had a moment.
“That pretty much it about me”. She lowly giggled.
“We’re happy to have you here Y/N. We’re all gonna treat you as our own here in Chicago. If you ever need anything please don’t be hesitant to ask or let us know. We got you.” Ben said then turning his attention back to the team giving them a run down of what next week is gonna look like. When he finished he dismissed them to leave.
“We’ll see you on Monday y/n at 9:30am. For the first couple of weeks we have Fridays off so go enjoy the city”Andre said to you as you all walked out of the auditorium
“Thanks again, see you next week”. You said
You pulled your phone out of your purse and texted Lani to come pick you up. She’d been freaking out all day ready to see you. You opened the door and waited outside the facility for her to pick you up.
You heard the sound of the door but paid no mind to it considering everyone was leaving.
“Y/n right” you heard a voice behind you. You turned slightly to see who it was.
Colston.
“Yea, Colston right” I said back to him. Hoping it wouldn’t be weird that she knew his name off the rip.
He nodded. “nice to meet you. Welcome to Chicago, You liking here so far” he asked.
“It’s nice,” she shrugged “way more than I expected it to be and way better than Atlanta.” She laughed turning towards him fully.
He stood in front of her. Not too close but not too far.
“I bet. I’ve been to ATL a few times but Chicago is where it’s at. You waiting on someone”. He looked over his shoulder like he was searching to see who was picking her up
“Yea my friend is coming to pick me up. She lives here. I haven’t seen her in so long and she’s gonna come over, hang out and help me with the new place”. She didn’t wanna say too much.
She definitely still think I did.
What ever happened to being subtle y/n.
“Well if you and your friend aren’t busy, me and a couple of the guys on the team are going out tomorrow night. Trying to enjoy these next couple Fridays that we don’t have practice.” he said. He looked at her up and down before looking you in the eyes.
“Of course I’m totally down, here I’ll give you my number” she pressed the contact app and handed him my phone as he typed his information in.
“Perfect I’ll see you tomorrow” he turned around and walked towards his car.
She watched him. Then he turned back around.
“And if you need anything let me know. I’ll be your guy” he shouted, walking backwards and throwing his hands to his chest as if he was pointing at himself.
You were counting on it. I mean who wouldn’t want to take Colston Loveland up on an offer.
*BEEP*
You turned your head around quickly seeing that Lani was here.
You ran to her car and opened the door.
“Oh my goodness Lani I’ve missed you” you said hopping in the car and hugging her.
“We have so much to do y/n you don’t understand” she replied back pulling away from the hug.
“Well I hope you’re not busy tomorrow night because we just got invited out.” Y/n said.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS, BY WHO” Lani stared at her waiting for an answer
“ Colston Loveland” y/n said. Leaning back in her seat and putting her seatbelt on
“Are you kidding me, we’re going out with the football team tomorrow night. I’m so down. We have to find you an outfit. It’s your first night out in Chicago- wait a second. You’ve only been here for a few hours and he’s already asked to a function” She said cutting herself off. She was already rambling
Y/n nodded. I mean she was that girl.
“I think he’s cute. He talked to me on his way to his car. He was sweet. But I could not stop staring at his arms. The man is buff. Literally huge and don’t get started on his voice. The things he could do-”
“Alright not too much you just met the man” Lani said cutting y/n off.
“Lani your last two relationships were quicker than my conversation with Colston.” She shot back at her.
Lani playfully rolled her eyes.
“We have to find you an outfit for tomorrow night. First stop. shopping” she said putting the car in drive and pulling out of the facility.
Y/n looked down at her phone as it buzzed with a notification.
Colston Loveland started following you.
a/n: I hope you guys enjoyed :). Im so excited for this series. Part of me just wants to jump into it next part which I might but UGH I don’t know.
- inspired by the song “Someone Else by Tory Lanez”
a/n: This may be kinda long but I was ready to get into this series. The flashback is a little long sorry guys but I wanted to include it. Little surprise for you guys as well.
warnings: some smut, cursing, little angst.
Summary: A Chicago-based influencer crosses paths with Colston Loveland during a night out, and what starts as something casual slowly turns complicated. Between growing feelings, busy schedules, and time spent apart, things are left undefined. While away on a work trip to LA, she sees something that makes her question everything she thought they were building. Set to late nights, unspoken expectations, and Someone Else playing in the background, this story explores distance, trust, and choosing yourself when the signs are loud but the answers aren’t.
Colston called you to let you know he was coming over in about an hour.
You’ve missed him.
You both have been so busy and every chance you get, you try and see each other. Between him and his games and you trying to keep up with your content and booking schedule, there just wasn’t enough time. You two met four months ago at a club in Chicago. You didn’t want to go out that night but your friends insisted you needed too. You were due for an outing considering you’ve been doing nothing but meetings and traveling for other meetings.
-Flashback-
A group of men walked in.
Tall. Loud. You didn’t care at first. Minded your business and kept dancing with your friends. Two of your friends start talking to each other
“ I think that’s the Chicago Bears football team” one says watching them walk in from across the room.
“Oh my gosh Colston Loveland has been all over my for you page. I liked one video and now he’s just everywhere” another one says.
Colston Loveland
You’ve seen videos of him before. You’ve never seen him in person which is odd the many times you’ve had to attend events and the players were there as well.
“ girl i could care less about Colston, Caleb Williams is where it’s at. “ the first one says.
“No me neither, he seems pretty chill but I’d go for Austin Booker”
You started to tune them out. Looking around the crowded space.
You saw him across the room in his own section. He didn’t notice you…yet. You would never be bold enough to walk up to him but something in you just wanted too. It’s like you had the confidence of a lifetime at that moment.
Colston POV
“yo y/n y/l is here” Caleb says.
Colston turned to him confused
“The influencer ?” He asks
“No shit dude. Yea the influencer” Caleb responds sarcastically
“I see her on my Instagram feed a lot. Only met her once. The girl is bad, she’s gotta insane body, she’s sweet, and smells like vanilla” Rome said.
Colston turned to where he could see her. Rome wasn’t lying. She was bad.
He watched the way your body moved while you danced with your friends. That outfit you had on. Something Colston couldn’t stop looking at.
He wanted to talk to you. Didn’t even care that he came here with the guys anymore
He was focused on you now.
“You gonna stare any harder Loveland. I mean damn” Caleb says laughing at him while the other guys join in.
“I’m not staring at her”….
he was though.
Because you started to notice.
“You guys would be banging together, I could see it dude. Plus you need somebody like her. She understands the busy schedule. Has a hustle and a name for herself all on her own”. Austin says
He’s not wrong.
But Colston wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment. He wanted to focus on football.
No distractions.
But he wouldn’t mind if he had a little distraction. Especially if she was that distraction. Plus, he hasn’t gotten to know a girl in a long time.
*end of his pov*
“Oh you’re so going to talk to him aren’t you” one of your friends says.
You look back at them.
“I was planning on it but-“
“No buts, we’re going over there.” She said cutting you off. They both linked their arms with yours and you walked over there together.
Heart beating the closer you got.
Austin noticed you guys walking over and tapped Caleb and Colston
Watching him slowly turn around. Admiring you.
“Hi im Kennedy, this is Symone and this is y/n” Kennedy said introducing you guys to them.
“No need to introduce yourselves we know who yall are” Symone said back. Little cocky but they liked it.
He couldn’t stop staring at you. It was like he wanted to tame you.
The girls started talking to Caleb and Austin. Having their own conversations. So you did as well.
“You gonna keep staring Loveland?” You asked
“I can’t help myself. You’re beautiful” he replied. Leaning off the wall and standing up straight
Oh he was tall. This man was huge. 6’6. You could crawl up that ladder anytime.
He took a few steps towards you to hear you better.
“oh really, your not too bad yourself” you said while looking him up and down.
The rest of the night you talked about anything and everything. The sexual tension was there but you both were intrigued to know more about each other.
That night. He gave you his number. And two weeks later you two started hanging out more.
Then two weeks turned into a month of learning more about each other.
One month turned into two.
You often went shopping a lot together. You told him to expand his color pallet since he only wears the same colors. You felt closer to him.
Almost like a girlfriend.
At the end of those two months he told you he wanted to be with you but he wanted to make it special. He wanted to ask you in a way that you would love. He didn’t want it to be rushed. He knew it would be better if it was the off season too. You understood. You wouldn’t rush him. You didn’t entertain anyone else. Neither did he.
On the beginning of the third month he started to come over after his games. You too would bake brownies together and then lay down in your bed, cuddling. Feeling the warmth of each other. You wanted nothing more than this.
One night after a game, you both were lying in his bed. He was shirtless. Warm. He didn’t want to do anything else after that game but shower and be with you.
Your head was on his chest and his arm was curled around your waist.
“Col” you said shifting off of his chest and propping yourself up on your elbow. Leg across his body.
he looked you. hunger but with passion.
“yes mamas” he replied.
fuck.
that nickname he had for you always made you weak.
“i enjoy this a lot. Your presence. Spending time with you.” You whispered.
You weren’t sure how your fan base or his hasn’t figured it out yet that you two were seeing each other.
He sat with his back fully against the headboard and pulled you on top of him. Both of your legs in either side of him. His hands sat at the top of your hips. Slowly falling down to your ass.
“Me too y/n.” He said back to you. Looking in your eyes. It was like he was staring into your soul.
He leaned in kissing you deeply.
You two have kissed before but nothing like this. Nothing this hard or passionate. Nothing with this much emotion.
He pulled you closer gripping your ass harder. Pulling away going straight to your neck with slow kisses down to your breast.
He loved the way they sat. Not perfectly up but hanging a little.
Nipples hard. It was cold in his apartment.
Kissing the top of your breast. He reached of his hands up to pull your tank top down. you felt the cool air hit your nipples.
Shivers ran down your body.
Colston immediately sucking on your nipple and kneading the other. You threw your head back.
He loved pleasuring you. It was his favorite thing to do. He couldn’t care less about himself but if you were satisfied he was satisfied more.
“Col…please” you moaned lowly
It was nights like this that you admired. The way he was slow and delicate with your body. The way you got shy against him but let him have you every which way he wanted.
*end of flashback*
Your friends asked so much about what’s going on between you too. Wanting to know the details but there were no details to give them. You wanted to be with him and he told you he wanted to be with you too, he just wanted the moment to be right. It was simple as that. Kennedy and Symone had went on a few dates with Austin and Caleb.
Kennedy and Caleb made it official after a month of talking to each other. Austin and Symone made it official two weeks ago.
You were sort of jealous of your friend’s positions with them. You wondered how Colston could listen to his teammates talk about Kennedy and Symone and making it official and not want to do the same with you.
But you just kept trying to understand.
All you know is if colston asked you to be his girlfriend right this second even through a text message you would do it.
*knock knock*
You push yourself out of your thoughts and walked over to open the door.
There he is. So handsome. So charming. So eatable
“Hi mama” he said walking in and wrapping his hands around your waist. Closing the door with his foot. He picked you up giving you the tightest hug.
“I’ve missed you” he said
You look at him and wrap your arms around his neck.
He’s genuine. He meant it. He meant every word he said to you.
“I’ve missed you too Col” you said back.
He put you down and guided you over to the your couch. Sitting down and pulling you on to his lap. He wrapped his arm around your lower back lightly tapping the side of your thigh.
You leaned in to him. Laying your head on his shoulder.
“I feel like I haven’t seen in decades” he whispered.
“I know, we both have been so busy we don’t even spend time together anymore” you said
You wanted to ask him about you two. What you were. He never gave a clear answer. But you were too nervous. You didn’t want to ruin the first moment you guys have had in the last three weeks.
He tilted his head down and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You looked up at him.
He brung his hand up to your cheek, leaning in.
Those lips. The ones you’ve missed so much.
He deepened the kiss leaning you back in the couch until he was hovered over you.
“Col” you muttered in between the kiss.
“Hm” he replied while his hand slowly rose from the side of your thigh up your shirt.
You pulled back
“Colston we need to talk” you said in a serious tone
He stopped and looked at you.
Confused. Concerned. Worried.
You both sit up and you quietly look at the ground.
“What are we doing. We’ve been doing this for months. I come over to your place. We cuddle, we cook together or you come to my place, we watch our favorite show, bake, order food, fuck. I just wanna know what this is Colston” you breathed out.
You pick your head up to look at him.
His expression.
“You know I want nothing but to be with you. I want it to be special though. I don’t want to just ask you like right now in this moment. I wanna do more. I wanna give you more. You deserve it” he says
Gosh. You just can’t resist him.
“But what if I don’t want all that. What if I just want you to ask me right now.”
“I’m not gonna do that y/n”. He said
cold. but not in a mean way. He had his mind made up and you weren’t changing it.
“Does it not bother you that Caleb and Austin are already with Kennedy and Symone. I mean come on I feel like we have more chemistry than them” you said with a little sass.
You loved your friends of course but even they said the same thing. You and Colston’s chemistry is deep.
Very deep
“ y/n I don’t care about what they have going on. I’m happy for them but they shouldn’t have anything to do with us. Why are you bringing them into this and comparing” he said leaning forward and standing up now.
Walking to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
“I’m not trying to I’m just saying I wish that could be us” you said lowly but loud enough for him to hear you.
He walked back over and kneeled down in front of you.
“It’s me and you. I got you. Don’t worry about what everyone else has going on sweetheart it’s just us.” He says with his hand in your knee.
His words make you crumble.
“Okay colston” I mumbled. Leaning back on the couch
“Don’t act like that mama, please”
he pulled off the couch in bridal style taking you to your bedroom. He sat down with you on top of him. He didn’t want you to be upset at him. He truly just wanted to be special.
“You’ll be mine don’t worry.“
He pecked your lips
“How about I order us some food and we watch our favorite show” he asks.
You nodded your head
“Chinese food okay” he asks
You rolled your eyes in a playful way.
“Of course, it’s perfect”. You replied
still thinking about the conversation. you barely even got to get off what you needed to say but you pushed it off.
You got off from on top of him and sat next to him opening your laptop and editing your weekly YouTube vlog.
“What’s been going on what’s new” he asks you
“I have to fly to LA tomorrow. I have an event to go to and then a photo shoot and possibly a stream” you said sighing after. It was a lot. You were gonna be gone for 3 days so you were glad to see him before you go.
“Look at you all booked and busy. My favorite influencer.” He said lightly pushing your arm.
You couldn’t help but laugh.
The Next Morning
You had your bags packed and ready to go. Colston left early this morning. Not before kissing you and giving you morning affirmations. Telling you you’ll do great at your photo shoot.
You headed out the door and to the airport for your flight to LA. Thinking about him the whole way there.
When you landed in LA your manager had a driver pick you up and bring you to the hotel.
*ding*
Cheryl (Manager)
- first meeting in an hour. Fix yourself up if you need too-
you thumbs up the message
You decided to wash your face and redo your light make up considering that airport and plane air is just horrible.
*ding*
Colston🧡
-hope you made it safely mama-
You smiled at his text and replied
- I did. Headed to first meeting I’ll call you later-
He hearted your message.
next day.
Those meetings yesterday were boring as usual but you have to be attentive. Going over your schedule. What events you needed to be at.
Award shows were coming up that you HAD to be at. Scoping out what dresses you were gonna wear. All of that.
You called Colston yesterday like you said you would but it was before the photo shoot. The conversation felt rushed. You were busy and so was he.
You talked about the things in the meeting but you felt like he was barely listening. You could tell him was getting ready for something.
He was going out with the guys.
You laid in bed all morning going through the photos from your shoot.
damn I’m sexy. You though to yourself
*ding*
*ding*
the girls💋
Kennedy: y/n please tell me you’ve seen that shit.
Symone: I will literally run him over with my car.
Kennedy: this has to be some sort of fucking joke. AI. I don’t know but if it’s not this is completely fucked up.
Symone: I’m gonna strangle him. Nothing else to be said
You read their message confused and replying back.
Y/n: what are you guys talking about. What the hell happened.
Kennedy: Gimme two seconds I’m gonna send it
She sends a link to Instagram. But before you could click on the link they called the group chat.
You picked up.
Kennedy: we know how you get so we’re here for you. Anything you need y/n
you clicked on the link to instagram
It was a video outside of a club in Chicago. A bunch of random people in but one person…..not so random.
You watched the 30 second video. You watched him closely.
He was talking to three girls. One of them brushing her arm against him. He didn’t tell her to move or stop.
He laughed and smiled at them. Caleb, Rome, and Austin were with him.
You looked at their expressions.
Confused and a little disgusted.
They were most definitely wondering why he was acting like this if he had been seeing me for the last couple of months.
You went silent. You didn’t care that he went out. You didn’t care that he was talking to girls. You weren’t his…yet.
It’s the sole fact that he let her touch him and he didn’t move away but instead smiled and laughed at her. Looking down at her like he was interested and intrigued.
Towards the end of the video she leaned in to him and he wrapped his arm around her.
That did it.
Your heart started pounding. You forgot you were on the phone with them.
what. the. actual. fuck.
You immediately hung up without saying a word. Opening your text with colston and just going for it not even thinking.
Colston🧡
- what happened to “ I wanna be with you, nobody else”. You are most certainly living up to that statement huh.
You sent the text and then sent him the link after along with another message
- I can’t believe you colston. You’re completely full of shit. Whatever we had is over.
Send.
She didn’t care that she was saying this out of emotions. What man says he wants to be with someone then when he goes out acts like that.
you laid your phone down and looked at the time.
2:27pm
You had to be at an event at 6:00pm.
You tried so hard to push your feelings to the side and start getting ready.
Los Angeles
6:00pm
You arrived at an event. A lot of athletes here. A few you knew but didn’t matter since you could only think about him.
He texted you back but you haven’t checked. To be fair you haven’t looked at your messages since then.
In your thoughts waiting for the event to start you feel a tap on your shoulder.
“Hey y/n right” someone says
You turn around.
Joe. Joe burrow
“Hi, yea I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you in person Joe” she says back.
She thought he was cute but she still couldn’t stop thinking about colston.
“Likewise, here come sit at my table” he said. You followed behind him walking to his table.
A few of his teammates at the table conversing.
“Aye guys this is y/n”
He said introducing me. He placed his hand on my lower back.
smooth shiesty
He pulled the chair out for you and you sat down.
Everyone got to know you as well as you getting to know them.
Photos were taken.
You knew they would be posted. You didn’t care.
Maybe Colston would see them.
Joe scooted his chair closer to you. You two talked about legos. He showed you pictures of his Lego sets that he’s completed and you showed him the Star Wars Lego set you wanted to get soooo bad.
—
After the event you went back to your hotel and packed everything up since you would be leaving in the morning.
Lying down in the bed. You decide to finally check social media and your messages. First thing that popped up was Colston’s story.
You clicked on it
A picture of him in the outfit he bought when you both went shopping together.
but the song though. You loved that song. He knew what he was doing. That exact part of the song he adjusted it to as well
we don’t talk no more
and it’s hard to not call you my lady
we don’t fuck no more
and it’s hard not to call you my baby
but you wanna say this shit is over
shawty I thought we were getting closer
not gonna love me now
Who the hell does he think he is.
He wants to play that game
okay
You wanted to post a few pictures of yourself from tonight anyway… so you did. Immediately adding a post to your story with the same song but adjusted the lyrics perfectly.
I ain’t tryna do this shit sober
looking for somebody that’ll show up
I really want you but
your fucking someone else
you’re fucking someone else.
A few photos going around of you sitting next to joe. Even the photo with his hand on your lower back. Smiling and laughing.
You had a great time and joe was fun to talk to and be around
But all you could think about is Colston.
swiping out of Instagram you click on your messages. First message was his.
Colston 🧡
- y/n no it’s not like that.
- I swear to you please. Everything I said was true I only wanna be with you. I meant that.
- mama please
- answer me
- we are not over y/n and don’t make it seem like what we have is nothing
- *sent link* are you tryna get back at me or something
- y/n seriously pick up the phone I’m not playing with you
feisty.
You found it attractive but you were still upset at him.
Then you checked the group chat
the girls💋
Symone: please don’t freak out
Kennedy: y/n please answer us we’re worried about you
Symone: ^
* few hours later*
Symone: *sent link* JOE BURROW. y/n you are a bad bitch fr. I underestimated your game.
Kennedy: I’m still worried about her. But girl tight end to quarterback is crazyyyyyyy
You finally texted back.
y/n: we just had a conversation it was nothing serious. Joe is sweet.
Kennedy: yea yea whatever let us have our moment. Are you okay though
Symone: yea sis are you good ?
y/n: I’m fine guys stop worrying. He didn’t make it official so it’s not like he cheated on me but if he wanted to see other people he could’ve just told me that instead of acting like an imbecile. I still like him of course but I just don’t know what to do.
symone: let him come to you. Don’t crawl to him. If he really cares he would do anything in his power to get to you after that.
Kennedy: that part.
And that’s exactly what he did.
When you got back to Chicago the girls were supposed to pick you up from the airport but it wasn’t them.
It was him.
a/n: I’m already fixing up the next part this. hope you guys liked it! I read through it twice so I really hope there aren’t any errors that I’m missing :(
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- inspired by the song “Someone Else by Tory Lanez”
a/n: This may be kinda long but I was ready to get into this series. The flashback is a little long sorry guys but I wanted to include it. Little surprise for you guys as well.
warnings: some smut, cursing, little angst.
Summary: A Chicago-based influencer crosses paths with Colston Loveland during a night out, and what starts as something casual slowly turns complicated. Between growing feelings, busy schedules, and time spent apart, things are left undefined. While away on a work trip to LA, she sees something that makes her question everything she thought they were building. Set to late nights, unspoken expectations, and Someone Else playing in the background, this story explores distance, trust, and choosing yourself when the signs are loud but the answers aren’t.
Colston called you to let you know he was coming over in about an hour.
You’ve missed him.
You both have been so busy and every chance you get, you try and see each other. Between him and his games and you trying to keep up with your content and booking schedule, there just wasn’t enough time. You two met four months ago at a club in Chicago. You didn’t want to go out that night but your friends insisted you needed too. You were due for an outing considering you’ve been doing nothing but meetings and traveling for other meetings.
-Flashback-
A group of men walked in.
Tall. Loud. You didn’t care at first. Minded your business and kept dancing with your friends. Two of your friends start talking to each other
“ I think that’s the Chicago Bears football team” one says watching them walk in from across the room.
“Oh my gosh Colston Loveland has been all over my for you page. I liked one video and now he’s just everywhere” another one says.
Colston Loveland
You’ve seen videos of him before. You’ve never seen him in person which is odd the many times you’ve had to attend events and the players were there as well.
“ girl i could care less about Colston, Caleb Williams is where it’s at. “ the first one says.
“No me neither, he seems pretty chill but I’d go for Austin Booker”
You started to tune them out. Looking around the crowded space.
You saw him across the room in his own section. He didn’t notice you…yet. You would never be bold enough to walk up to him but something in you just wanted too. It’s like you had the confidence of a lifetime at that moment.
Colston POV
“yo y/n y/l is here” Caleb says.
Colston turned to him confused
“The influencer ?” He asks
“No shit dude. Yea the influencer” Caleb responds sarcastically
“I see her on my Instagram feed a lot. Only met her once. The girl is bad, she’s gotta insane body, she’s sweet, and smells like vanilla” Rome said.
Colston turned to where he could see her. Rome wasn’t lying. She was bad.
He watched the way your body moved while you danced with your friends. That outfit you had on. Something Colston couldn’t stop looking at.
He wanted to talk to you. Didn’t even care that he came here with the guys anymore
He was focused on you now.
“You gonna stare any harder Loveland. I mean damn” Caleb says laughing at him while the other guys join in.
“I’m not staring at her”….
he was though.
Because you started to notice.
“You guys would be banging together, I could see it dude. Plus you need somebody like her. She understands the busy schedule. Has a hustle and a name for herself all on her own”. Austin says
He’s not wrong.
But Colston wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment. He wanted to focus on football.
No distractions.
But he wouldn’t mind if he had a little distraction. Especially if she was that distraction. Plus, he hasn’t gotten to know a girl in a long time.
*end of his pov*
“Oh you’re so going to talk to him aren’t you” one of your friends says.
You look back at them.
“I was planning on it but-“
“No buts, we’re going over there.” She said cutting you off. They both linked their arms with yours and you walked over there together.
Heart beating the closer you got.
Austin noticed you guys walking over and tapped Caleb and Colston
Watching him slowly turn around. Admiring you.
“Hi im Kennedy, this is Symone and this is y/n” Kennedy said introducing you guys to them.
“No need to introduce yourselves we know who yall are” Symone said back. Little cocky but they liked it.
He couldn’t stop staring at you. It was like he wanted to tame you.
The girls started talking to Caleb and Austin. Having their own conversations. So you did as well.
“You gonna keep staring Loveland?” You asked
“I can’t help myself. You’re beautiful” he replied. Leaning off the wall and standing up straight
Oh he was tall. This man was huge. 6’6. You could crawl up that ladder anytime.
He took a few steps towards you to hear you better.
“oh really, your not too bad yourself” you said while looking him up and down.
The rest of the night you talked about anything and everything. The sexual tension was there but you both were intrigued to know more about each other.
That night. He gave you his number. And two weeks later you two started hanging out more.
Then two weeks turned into a month of learning more about each other.
One month turned into two.
You often went shopping a lot together. You told him to expand his color pallet since he only wears the same colors. You felt closer to him.
Almost like a girlfriend.
At the end of those two months he told you he wanted to be with you but he wanted to make it special. He wanted to ask you in a way that you would love. He didn’t want it to be rushed. He knew it would be better if it was the off season too. You understood. You wouldn’t rush him. You didn’t entertain anyone else. Neither did he.
On the beginning of the third month he started to come over after his games. You too would bake brownies together and then lay down in your bed, cuddling. Feeling the warmth of each other. You wanted nothing more than this.
One night after a game, you both were lying in his bed. He was shirtless. Warm. He didn’t want to do anything else after that game but shower and be with you.
Your head was on his chest and his arm was curled around your waist.
“Col” you said shifting off of his chest and propping yourself up on your elbow. Leg across his body.
he looked you. hunger but with passion.
“yes mamas” he replied.
fuck.
that nickname he had for you always made you weak.
“i enjoy this a lot. Your presence. Spending time with you.” You whispered.
You weren’t sure how your fan base or his hasn’t figured it out yet that you two were seeing each other.
He sat with his back fully against the headboard and pulled you on top of him. Both of your legs in either side of him. His hands sat at the top of your hips. Slowly falling down to your ass.
“Me too y/n.” He said back to you. Looking in your eyes. It was like he was staring into your soul.
He leaned in kissing you deeply.
You two have kissed before but nothing like this. Nothing this hard or passionate. Nothing with this much emotion.
He pulled you closer gripping your ass harder. Pulling away going straight to your neck with slow kisses down to your breast.
He loved the way they sat. Not perfectly up but hanging a little.
Nipples hard. It was cold in his apartment.
Kissing the top of your breast. He reached of his hands up to pull your tank top down. you felt the cool air hit your nipples.
Shivers ran down your body.
Colston immediately sucking on your nipple and kneading the other. You threw your head back.
He loved pleasuring you. It was his favorite thing to do. He couldn’t care less about himself but if you were satisfied he was satisfied more.
“Col…please” you moaned lowly
It was nights like this that you admired. The way he was slow and delicate with your body. The way you got shy against him but let him have you every which way he wanted.
*end of flashback*
Your friends asked so much about what’s going on between you too. Wanting to know the details but there were no details to give them. You wanted to be with him and he told you he wanted to be with you too, he just wanted the moment to be right. It was simple as that. Kennedy and Symone had went on a few dates with Austin and Caleb.
Kennedy and Caleb made it official after a month of talking to each other. Austin and Symone made it official two weeks ago.
You were sort of jealous of your friend’s positions with them. You wondered how Colston could listen to his teammates talk about Kennedy and Symone and making it official and not want to do the same with you.
But you just kept trying to understand.
All you know is if colston asked you to be his girlfriend right this second even through a text message you would do it.
*knock knock*
You push yourself out of your thoughts and walked over to open the door.
There he is. So handsome. So charming. So eatable
“Hi mama” he said walking in and wrapping his hands around your waist. Closing the door with his foot. He picked you up giving you the tightest hug.
“I’ve missed you” he said
You look at him and wrap your arms around his neck.
He’s genuine. He meant it. He meant every word he said to you.
“I’ve missed you too Col” you said back.
He put you down and guided you over to the your couch. Sitting down and pulling you on to his lap. He wrapped his arm around your lower back lightly tapping the side of your thigh.
You leaned in to him. Laying your head on his shoulder.
“I feel like I haven’t seen in decades” he whispered.
“I know, we both have been so busy we don’t even spend time together anymore” you said
You wanted to ask him about you two. What you were. He never gave a clear answer. But you were too nervous. You didn’t want to ruin the first moment you guys have had in the last three weeks.
He tilted his head down and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You looked up at him.
He brung his hand up to your cheek, leaning in.
Those lips. The ones you’ve missed so much.
He deepened the kiss leaning you back in the couch until he was hovered over you.
“Col” you muttered in between the kiss.
“Hm” he replied while his hand slowly rose from the side of your thigh up your shirt.
You pulled back
“Colston we need to talk” you said in a serious tone
He stopped and looked at you.
Confused. Concerned. Worried.
You both sit up and you quietly look at the ground.
“What are we doing. We’ve been doing this for months. I come over to your place. We cuddle, we cook together or you come to my place, we watch our favorite show, bake, order food, fuck. I just wanna know what this is Colston” you breathed out.
You pick your head up to look at him.
His expression.
“You know I want nothing but to be with you. I want it to be special though. I don’t want to just ask you like right now in this moment. I wanna do more. I wanna give you more. You deserve it” he says
Gosh. You just can’t resist him.
“But what if I don’t want all that. What if I just want you to ask me right now.”
“I’m not gonna do that y/n”. He said
cold. but not in a mean way. He had his mind made up and you weren’t changing it.
“Does it not bother you that Caleb and Austin are already with Kennedy and Symone. I mean come on I feel like we have more chemistry than them” you said with a little sass.
You loved your friends of course but even they said the same thing. You and Colston’s chemistry is deep.
Very deep
“ y/n I don’t care about what they have going on. I’m happy for them but they shouldn’t have anything to do with us. Why are you bringing them into this and comparing” he said leaning forward and standing up now.
Walking to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
“I’m not trying to I’m just saying I wish that could be us” you said lowly but loud enough for him to hear you.
He walked back over and kneeled down in front of you.
“It’s me and you. I got you. Don’t worry about what everyone else has going on sweetheart it’s just us.” He says with his hand in your knee.
His words make you crumble.
“Okay colston” I mumbled. Leaning back on the couch
“Don’t act like that mama, please”
he pulled off the couch in bridal style taking you to your bedroom. He sat down with you on top of him. He didn’t want you to be upset at him. He truly just wanted to be special.
“You’ll be mine don’t worry.“
He pecked your lips
“How about I order us some food and we watch our favorite show” he asks.
You nodded your head
“Chinese food okay” he asks
You rolled your eyes in a playful way.
“Of course, it’s perfect”. You replied
still thinking about the conversation. you barely even got to get off what you needed to say but you pushed it off.
You got off from on top of him and sat next to him opening your laptop and editing your weekly YouTube vlog.
“What’s been going on what’s new” he asks you
“I have to fly to LA tomorrow. I have an event to go to and then a photo shoot and possibly a stream” you said sighing after. It was a lot. You were gonna be gone for 3 days so you were glad to see him before you go.
“Look at you all booked and busy. My favorite influencer.” He said lightly pushing your arm.
You couldn’t help but laugh.
The Next Morning
You had your bags packed and ready to go. Colston left early this morning. Not before kissing you and giving you morning affirmations. Telling you you’ll do great at your photo shoot.
You headed out the door and to the airport for your flight to LA. Thinking about him the whole way there.
When you landed in LA your manager had a driver pick you up and bring you to the hotel.
*ding*
Cheryl (Manager)
- first meeting in an hour. Fix yourself up if you need too-
you thumbs up the message
You decided to wash your face and redo your light make up considering that airport and plane air is just horrible.
*ding*
Colston🧡
-hope you made it safely mama-
You smiled at his text and replied
- I did. Headed to first meeting I’ll call you later-
He hearted your message.
next day.
Those meetings yesterday were boring as usual but you have to be attentive. Going over your schedule. What events you needed to be at.
Award shows were coming up that you HAD to be at. Scoping out what dresses you were gonna wear. All of that.
You called Colston yesterday like you said you would but it was before the photo shoot. The conversation felt rushed. You were busy and so was he.
You talked about the things in the meeting but you felt like he was barely listening. You could tell him was getting ready for something.
He was going out with the guys.
You laid in bed all morning going through the photos from your shoot.
damn I’m sexy. You though to yourself
*ding*
*ding*
the girls💋
Kennedy: y/n please tell me you’ve seen that shit.
Symone: I will literally run him over with my car.
Kennedy: this has to be some sort of fucking joke. AI. I don’t know but if it’s not this is completely fucked up.
Symone: I’m gonna strangle him. Nothing else to be said
You read their message confused and replying back.
Y/n: what are you guys talking about. What the hell happened.
Kennedy: Gimme two seconds I’m gonna send it
She sends a link to Instagram. But before you could click on the link they called the group chat.
You picked up.
Kennedy: we know how you get so we’re here for you. Anything you need y/n
you clicked on the link to instagram
It was a video outside of a club in Chicago. A bunch of random people in but one person…..not so random.
You watched the 30 second video. You watched him closely.
He was talking to three girls. One of them brushing her arm against him. He didn’t tell her to move or stop.
He laughed and smiled at them. Caleb, Rome, and Austin were with him.
You looked at their expressions.
Confused and a little disgusted.
They were most definitely wondering why he was acting like this if he had been seeing me for the last couple of months.
You went silent. You didn’t care that he went out. You didn’t care that he was talking to girls. You weren’t his…yet.
It’s the sole fact that he let her touch him and he didn’t move away but instead smiled and laughed at her. Looking down at her like he was interested and intrigued.
Towards the end of the video she leaned in to him and he wrapped his arm around her.
That did it.
Your heart started pounding. You forgot you were on the phone with them.
what. the. actual. fuck.
You immediately hung up without saying a word. Opening your text with colston and just going for it not even thinking.
Colston🧡
- what happened to “ I wanna be with you, nobody else”. You are most certainly living up to that statement huh.
You sent the text and then sent him the link after along with another message
- I can’t believe you colston. You’re completely full of shit. Whatever we had is over.
Send.
She didn’t care that she was saying this out of emotions. What man says he wants to be with someone then when he goes out acts like that.
you laid your phone down and looked at the time.
2:27pm
You had to be at an event at 6:00pm.
You tried so hard to push your feelings to the side and start getting ready.
Los Angeles
6:00pm
You arrived at an event. A lot of athletes here. A few you knew but didn’t matter since you could only think about him.
He texted you back but you haven’t checked. To be fair you haven’t looked at your messages since then.
In your thoughts waiting for the event to start you feel a tap on your shoulder.
“Hey y/n right” someone says
You turn around.
Joe. Joe burrow
“Hi, yea I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you in person Joe” she says back.
She thought he was cute but she still couldn’t stop thinking about colston.
“Likewise, here come sit at my table” he said. You followed behind him walking to his table.
A few of his teammates at the table conversing.
“Aye guys this is y/n”
He said introducing me. He placed his hand on my lower back.
smooth shiesty
He pulled the chair out for you and you sat down.
Everyone got to know you as well as you getting to know them.
Photos were taken.
You knew they would be posted. You didn’t care.
Maybe Colston would see them.
Joe scooted his chair closer to you. You two talked about legos. He showed you pictures of his Lego sets that he’s completed and you showed him the Star Wars Lego set you wanted to get soooo bad.
—
After the event you went back to your hotel and packed everything up since you would be leaving in the morning.
Lying down in the bed. You decide to finally check social media and your messages. First thing that popped up was Colston’s story.
You clicked on it
A picture of him in the outfit he bought when you both went shopping together.
but the song though. You loved that song. He knew what he was doing. That exact part of the song he adjusted it to as well
we don’t talk no more
and it’s hard to not call you my lady
we don’t fuck no more
and it’s hard not to call you my baby
but you wanna say this shit is over
shawty I thought we were getting closer
not gonna love me now
Who the hell does he think he is.
He wants to play that game
okay
You wanted to post a few pictures of yourself from tonight anyway… so you did. Immediately adding a post to your story with the same song but adjusted the lyrics perfectly.
I ain’t tryna do this shit sober
looking for somebody that’ll show up
I really want you but
your fucking someone else
you’re fucking someone else.
A few photos going around of you sitting next to joe. Even the photo with his hand on your lower back. Smiling and laughing.
You had a great time and joe was fun to talk to and be around
But all you could think about is Colston.
swiping out of Instagram you click on your messages. First message was his.
Colston 🧡
- y/n no it’s not like that.
- I swear to you please. Everything I said was true I only wanna be with you. I meant that.
- mama please
- answer me
- we are not over y/n and don’t make it seem like what we have is nothing
- *sent link* are you tryna get back at me or something
- y/n seriously pick up the phone I’m not playing with you
feisty.
You found it attractive but you were still upset at him.
Then you checked the group chat
the girls💋
Symone: please don’t freak out
Kennedy: y/n please answer us we’re worried about you
Symone: ^
* few hours later*
Symone: *sent link* JOE BURROW. y/n you are a bad bitch fr. I underestimated your game.
Kennedy: I’m still worried about her. But girl tight end to quarterback is crazyyyyyyy
You finally texted back.
y/n: we just had a conversation it was nothing serious. Joe is sweet.
Kennedy: yea yea whatever let us have our moment. Are you okay though
Symone: yea sis are you good ?
y/n: I’m fine guys stop worrying. He didn’t make it official so it’s not like he cheated on me but if he wanted to see other people he could’ve just told me that instead of acting like an imbecile. I still like him of course but I just don’t know what to do.
symone: let him come to you. Don’t crawl to him. If he really cares he would do anything in his power to get to you after that.
Kennedy: that part.
And that’s exactly what he did.
When you got back to Chicago the girls were supposed to pick you up from the airport but it wasn’t them.
It was him.
a/n: I’m already fixing up the next part this. hope you guys liked it! I read through it twice so I really hope there aren’t any errors that I’m missing :(
I got a little too excited to write so I started & finished both first parts of The Intern and Someone Else for Colston Loveland🙂. Then I have a somewhat spark of an idea for Joe burrow which will be posted at the end of this week. I’m gonna check everything, make edits and yall will HAVE IT.
Im gonna feed yall as much as I can while I have all this energy to write.
Majority of my stuff will be based off different songs I’m in love with.
Imo have never written anything in tumblr before but I’m VERY interested. I have a couple of ideas that I have in mind so far. I’ve been reading a lot of Joe Burrow and Colston Loveland so they may be the main people I write about until I think of anyone else !
I mainly want to thank @burreauxxss because their writing is AMAZING and they are the true reason I wanted to start writing again. 🫶🏽.
My two ideas for right now are:
Colston Loveland:
The Intern
Summary: A senior from Atlanta is counting down her final year studying exercise science, focused on one goal: landing an internship with an NFL team. After applying to multiple organizations across the country, she’s surprised when Chicago responds first—offering her a full-time summer position from May to August. What starts as a chance to gain hands-on experience, build her résumé, and prove herself in a competitive field slowly turns into something more. In a new city, surrounded by pressure, ambition, and unfamiliar faces, she meets someone unexpected. Between long workdays, self-discovery, and chasing her dream career, she wasn’t looking for love—but it might’ve found her anyway.
Someone else (inspired by the song “Someone Else by Tory Lanez)
Summary:
A Chicago-based influencer crosses paths with Colston Loveland during a night out, and what starts as something casual slowly turns complicated. Between growing feelings, busy schedules, and time spent apart, things are left undefined. While away on a work trip to LA, she sees something that makes her question everything she thought they were building. Set to late nights, unspoken expectations, and Someone Else playing in the background, this story explores distance, trust, and choosing yourself when the signs are loud but the answers aren’t.
Synopsis: Being new parents and making sure your marriage stays intact has proven to be difficult with the unexpected arrival of your first born. All the signs point to you crying out for help and Joe doesn't realize how much you're drowning.
Pairing: Husband!Joe Burrow x Wife!Reader
Read Part 1 and Part 2 first
Series Masterlist
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
The warmth from the sunlight hit your face as it awoke you from your slumber. This was only the beginning of you not going to be able to sleep for long periods of time and it was only going to get worse.
You considered your normal to now be two hours at a time.
The pain medication was helping take the edge off, but the soreness still persisted which didn't come as a surprise.
Kiran was now three days old and today would be the day that he finally got discharged and cleared to go home as was told to you yesterday.
They wanted to observe him for just another 24 hours and more than likely, you would be cleared to leave this evening.
Glancing towards the window, Joe was still resting comfortably and you watched him for a minute before you adjusted yourself in the hospital bed.
Kiran was still sleeping after you just fed him about two hours ago and you decided to try and get up to move around the room since you hadn't really been up since the pain had been so bad. All you did was move the side table ever so slightly and Joe's right eye slightly opened and caught you red handed.
“Baby, what are you doing?”
“I just need to stretch my legs. I'm still so sore, but I got it. Go back to sleep.”
“No, let me help you. Is he sleeping?” He asked as he got up and stretched before walking towards you.
“Yeah, I just fed him two hours ago.” You answered as Joe swung your legs over the side of the bed.
He let you rest for a second in a sitting position and stood in front of you as he leaned down to place a soft kiss on the top of your head and your arms went around his waist holding him tight.
“I love you, baby.” He softly whispered as you smiled.
“I love you too.”
“Let me know when you're ready.”
“Okay. I'll probably try and take a shower too since Deja brought me some things. She left it at the desk and they brought it in here late last night.”
“Just let me know and I'll help you. Is it okay if people visit you today? A few people asked. I said they'll get an answer when you're ready.”
“Yes, I think I'm okay with that. But rules are no one is allowed to kiss him except us. That can get him really sick and I have seen it too many times.”
“Yes ma'am. Nurse Y/N has spoken. And I hired a team to do the nursery and they started yesterday. I forgot to tell you and my parents were there making sure everything was good. They did get a few things, but I was on my phone last night when you were sleeping buying things too. I think we have enough to get us by for now. I got a bougie ass stroller that I knew you would like.” Joe said as he smiled at you, making you laugh.
He missed hearing a genuine laugh come out of you.
He hadn't heard it in awhile.
Because there had been more disagreements between the two of you.
“If it's bougie, then it's perfect. How much was it?”
“Hmm, 4,000 give or take.” He told you as he shrugged and you looked at him with wide eyes.
“Joey…”
“He's our first one and needs to have the best.”
“That's true. Who is coming first and when?”
“I guess my parents. They wake up early anyway…so I can call them.”
“Okay and then I need you to do something for me once they get here.”
“Anything sweet girl.”
“Go home and rest in our bed. Regroup and then you can come back and don't forget my nuggets.”
“I… no way in hell am I leaving you.”
“Babe, listen to me. I am not going anywhere and neither is your little twin. You can leave us for an hour or two. Besides, your mother is probably going to watch me like a hawk. If something is wrong, you'll know. You've been such an amazing husband and daddy these past two days and I'm thankful for you.”
With a deep sigh, Joe slowly nodded his head before he kissed your forehead.
“You know I hate being away from you.”
“It's only for a little bit. Take a shower, sleep, and then bring some clothes for me to leave in because I am not putting my scrubs back on. I didn't realize how comfy these hospital gowns are.”
“Anything in particular you want me to bring?”
“Hmm one of your Bengals sweatshirts and my leggings. If we leave later, it's supposed to be a little cold. Oh, and shoes.”
“Got it. You ready to stand up?”
“I think so.”
Joe gradually helped you up to your feet and guided you to the bathroom. He got your toiletries from the ledge in the corner of the window and brought them to you as you stood in front of the mirror.
“How you feeling?”
“Still sore, but not as bad as when he first came out. I just can't wait until I stop bleeding.”
“I looked it up and it says the first four days are the heaviest and then it gets lighter. Oh, and it can last from four to eight weeks.” Joe quietly said the last part and you immediately sighed.
“It'll probably be over before you know it. Just call me when you want me to help you get in the shower.”
“Okay.”
Joe kissed your cheek one more time before he walked out the bathroom and closed the door behind him.
Once Joe walked over to the bassinet and peeked inside, he saw that Kiran was awake and smiled at him before picking him up in his arms.
“Hey little man.” Joe quietly said before picking up his phone to send a text to his parents.
“I just can't get over how cute you are and how you look just like me.”
Joe- She's feeling okay to have visitors today so come whenever
Robin- We'll be there by 9! The nursery is almost done too. She's going to love it.
–
As promised, Joe helped you shower and get into a clean gown before he helped you back to bed. You made sure to place your breakfast order because Joe wouldn't stop bothering you about it before it was time to feed Kiran again.
“Oh my goodness. Didn't I just feed you? Greedy just like your father.” You told him as you admired his blue eyes.
“I….” Joe started to say as he gave you the side eye, but was cut off by there being a knock on the door which he figured were his parents.
“Come in!” Joe said and a swarm of balloons and gifts were seen first before you actually saw who was behind it.
“Hey, you two! Or should I say three?” Robin said as her and Jimmy placed all the gifts on the area of the couch that was not occupied by Joe.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” You greeted both of them before looking down at Kiran who was now falling asleep again.
Robin and Jimmy came over and stood on either side of you and admired their newest grandson.
“He literally looks like Joe said copy, paste.” Robin stated before she quickly went to wash her hands and held her arms out to hold him.
“And looks like I wasn't the one who baked him for 38 weeks.” You mumbled as you passed him to her and they both laughed.
“The nursery is finished and you should have enough to get you started.” Jimmy told the both of you and you gave him a small nod along with a smile.
“I can't wait to see it.” You told him before turning to your husband.
“Joey, go home.”
“But…”
“What did we talk about? They're here and I'm fine. Go rest because I know that pull-out couch is not comfortable and I will see you in a few hours.”
“Hours!? You said one or two!”
“I'm fine….go.” You replied as you pointed towards the door.
Joe got up and walked over to you before leaning down to kiss you.
“I won't be long, okay? I love you.” He told you as he slightly ran his hand up and down your cheek.
“I promise that I'll still be here and I love you too.” You replied as you smiled at him.
He then walked over to his mom who Kiran was currently admiring and kissed his forehead before grabbing his keys and heading out the door.
The drive home gave Joe time to think about everything that happened over the last two days or so.
The radio was on a low volume as he maneuvered through the streets of Cincinnati and he reflected on how thankful as well as grateful he was.
His wife was okay as well as his son.
Who would have thought that this would be his reality after the argument that was had last week about having children with you?
At first, he obviously wasn't quite sure what your reaction would be.
There he was.
A little nine pound human that looked exactly like him and has now interrupted their lives as they knew it.
Initially, he thought of your reaction as being scared and upset as you pushed Kiran into his arms once you all got settled onto the postpartum unit.
I guess you got your wish after all
Were the words that echoed in his mind.
Yes, he got what he wanted.
But he didn't want to get it like this.
Training camp was starting in less than a week and the last thing he wanted was to leave you by yourself with a newborn baby.
Despite you being a pediatric nurse, this was different.
He was yours and there were no take backs in this case.
But, what other choice did he have?
That was his job and he had to properly prepare for the upcoming season.
If Kiran had been planned, there was no way he would have been born within this timeframe. That way he could really focus on the both of you.
He hadn't even discussed that with you, but already knowing how hard training camp is on you despite it not being very long, all he could do was pray that all of you made it out the other side in one piece.
As he finally pulled into the garage and turned off his car, he took a deep breath before heading into the house.
As he climbed the steps and reached the top, he walked past your bedroom to the closest guest room which he assumed was the room that was turned into the nursery by his parents.
He was proven right and saw that it was jungle themed with his name on the wall above his crib. Walking towards the crib and picking up the stuffed giraffe, it really hit him.
Later today, the real work would begin and neither one of you had the slightest clue what you were doing.
Back at the hospital, Robin and Jimmy were keeping Kiran occupied as you ate some of your breakfast and put on the television for background noise when you suddenly had the realization that you had now missed two days worth of your anxiety medication.
You pressed the button for your nurse using the call bell system and Makayla who was your nurse for the day walked right in.
“Hey, everything okay?” She asked while she was still rubbing in the sanitizer on her hands.
“Um, I haven't taken my anxiety medication in two days and I'm starting to feel the difference. I've been on it since I was 16 and definitely need it.”
“Okay, which one do you take?”
“Diazepam.” You told her and she nodded her head.
“So….” She began to say and then leaned down to whisper in your ear so that your in-laws couldn't hear.
“It's not recommended that you take diazepam while you breastfeed.” She said and your eyes went wide.
“But, don't panic. We'll see if we can get you something else similar that's okay to have.” She explained as you slowly nodded.
“Be right back.”
You were already dealing with a whirlwind of emotions and trying to do your best to process them and this was the last thing you needed added to it.
Since you had been on the medication so long, switching to another one while a whole bunch of things were going on in your body was not ideal in the slightest. So, your biggest fear was that it wouldn't work or affect your milk production.
The last thing you would ever want to do is bring harm to Kiran so a solution was quickly needed.
While Makayla went to do some investigating and speak to a doctor, you opened up your phone that the nurses were kind enough to charge for you at the desk and open the group chat with you, Jazmyn, Deja, and Gracie.
You- Hi ladies! I miss you!
Jazmyn- Hey Big Mama! How you feeling?
You- Tired and sore lol but I'm okay
Gracie- How's Joe's twin? Does he have a name yet?
You- He's the cutest and his name is Kiran Asterix Burrow. Beam of light and little star king
Deja- I've been calling him touchdown lol he is absolutely adorable and I'm so happy for you the both of you
Gracie- That name is perfect for him! And Touchdown is perfect too lol
You- Joe came up with it, but if you guys are free today, you can come and see him
Jazmyn- Say less. Packing the car and my bag right now.
Deja- Well damn lol me and Ja'Marr will be up there soon
Gracie- Jazmyn come get me!
Jazmyn- I should be to you in twenty!
You- Can't wait until you all get here 😊
Once you put your phone down, Makayla came back into the room with a smile and you prayed that she had a solution.
“How do you feel about trying Ativan instead?”
“Okay, I'm willing to see if it will work.”
“Perfect. I'll let the doctor know and we can go from there.”
Nodding your head, she left the room once more as Robin made her way over to you. She pulled up a chair and sat down and grabbed your hand while Jimmy sat on the couch and held Kiran.
“How do you feel? What is going through your head? And do not bullshit me.”
“I'm okay, really. Took a few days to process, but looks like this is my reality now.”
“Listen to me, do not hesitate to ask us for help if you need it. It's hard enough when the baby is planned and you're anticipating being a parent. You and Joe got absolutely none of that. And you didn't have any symptoms?”
“No and I calculated it in my head. I had to have taken a pregnancy test when I was already three months along, but for some reason it came out negative. It just doesn't make sense.”
“That's weird but no use in dwelling on it now. He's here and you can't stick him back up there. I'm just so happy for the both of you. Motherhood is such a beautiful thing and I might be a little biased, but having a baby boy is truly something special. Being a boy mom looks good on you.”
“Thank you.”
“And if my son gets on your nerves, let me know and I can set him straight.”
–
Walking into your home later that day felt…. Weird.
The last time you walked out of those doors, you went to work at the hospital and never thought for a second that you would be coming back with a newborn.
You thanked Robin and Jimmy multiple times for how they designed the nursery and everything was absolutely perfect. Now your job was to figure out how to navigate caring for a little human.
Kiran was currently sleeping and you were watching his chest slowly rise and fall before Joe came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.
You still couldn't wrap your mind around it.
“He isn’t going anywhere, babe. I promise.” Joe told you as he kissed your cheek.
“But I have to make sure he’s breathing. I can’t leave.” You replied while not taking your eyes off of him.
One of your many assessment skills from being a nurse.
“They wouldn’t have let us take him home if anything was wrong with him. We can leave him for a few minutes. Besides we have the baby monitor and the cameras to check in on him.”
“But…”
“You’ve been on your feet long enough, come and sit down.”
Finally listening to directions, Joe led you out of the nursery and into your shared bedroom but not without you looking back at least twice. You made yourself comfortable once you sat on the couch that was in the corner next to the window and Joe sat next to you. You wasted no time in laying your head in his lap.
“So, training camp starts next week.”
“Mmm hmm, my least favorite time of the year, but go on.” You told him as you closed your eyes.
“Who are you going to get to stay with you?”
“Umm, actually can you just stay here and then go the week after? I want you here with me.”
“Babe, that isn’t really…”
“We just had a baby, I’m sure that everyone will understand if you want to stay home with your wife and child.”
“I’ve already been preparing for it, babe, so I might as well go. Didn’t you mention about calling your parents and your sister to come and stay while I’m gone?”
“Yes, but the more that I thought about it, I don’t want you to leave.”
“I already had planned to go…”
“That was until I pushed out a child that looks exactly like you and I expect that my husband is going to support me when I ask.”
“I am supporting you. I’m getting someone to stay with you while I’m not here.”
“What are you not getting through that big head of yours? You’re smart so you should understand where I’m coming from.” You explained, but now you were annoyed as you sat up and looked at him.
“Are you going to hang it over my head every time that we disagree on something about how he got here and the fact that he looks like me?”
“I told you that when we were in the hospital that I would.”
“Call Jaz and your parents because I’m going. I don’t know what else to tell you and it’s not like I’m going to have many more years left playing. I want to do this and I thought that you of all people would understand that. It’s only for two weeks.”
When you were quiet and didn’t respond to him, he placed a hand on your thigh which you promptly removed.
“Baby…”
“I hope you have fun.”
“Don’t be mad.” Joe said as you got up and he caught your hand before you could walk away from him.
“One thing that you are not going to do is tell me how I should feel over something that you have the ability to change.”
“Y/N….”
“Like I said, have fun.” Was the last thing you said before you walked out of your bedroom.
One thing that you were grateful for is that within his now three almost four days of life, Kiran didn’t really cry and was a pretty content newborn. That’s why it made you nervous and you ultimately felt as if you had to watch his every move. It was different in the hospital because there were multiple people around but now it’s just you and your husband, who you felt was being very dismissive of your feelings at the moment.
It was close to ten at night and you were sitting in a rocking chair in the nursery currently feeding him and decided to facetime your sister. She barely let the phone ring before she picked it up.
“I officially have a crotch goblin.” You told her as you blinked and she couldn’t help but to do anything but laugh.
“Crumb snatchers" is the term that I like to use, but welcome to the club. No take backs.”
“I just can’t believe everything that has happened within the past 72 hours.”
“You and me both. I can’t believe your body decided to just hide him for nine months.”
“My stomach was basically flat the entire time despite when I got bloated on my period, but other than that, nothing. And he's huge.”
“So, how are you processing?”
“I’m not so how soon can you get here? I need my sister like NOW.” You exclaimed and she looked at you with wide eyes.
“Nothing is actually wrong, it’s just that you have two and obviously know what you’re doing and I feel like a fish out of water.”
“Yes, I may have two but every child isn’t the same and kids don’t come with a manual. The biggest thing that you need to do is to be patient with yourself. You and Joe are going to get things wrong and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you learn from it and try to be the best parent as humanly possible.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I’m the big sister. I’m always right.” She replied as she winked at you and you rolled your eyes.
“Um, Joe starts training camp in like a week and some change. Can you, mom, and dad come then?”
“Oh, is he? He’s a vet in the league so I would think that he could skip training camp if he wanted to.”
“That conversation was had and I was told that he’s not staying here and that he’s going so I’m not going to dwell on it and no I don’t want to explain but I will say that him saying that pissed me off.”
“Uh… it would piss me off too. I’m not understanding. You literally just gave birth.”
“Me either, but it might be his way of processing. We all know how much that man loves fossils, space, and football.”
“Regardless, you just pushed out a nine pound human who keep in mind looks exactly like him,”
“Same thing I said, but I’m not arguing. It’s his job so I know how important it is. We literally haven’t talked since that conversation was had like 5 hours ago.”
“Y/N, you also have to stop being petty. No room for that when figuring out and navigating how to raise a baby.”
“It’ll be fine, I’m not worried about it. I’m stubborn as hell and do things on my own anyway so I’m used to it.”
“I feel like you’re brushing this off.”
“I’m not but I do know well enough that my son takes priority over all of that.”
“Who knows? Maybe he’ll change his mind. Too bad that they don’t have paternity leave in the NFL.”
“I’m not holding my breath and neither should you. Matter of fact, can you be here tomorrow?”
“If I can move some things around, I can be to you by 5 PM. Let me start looking at flights now.”
As soon as you hung up with Jaz, Joe appeared at the doorway.
You could feel someone staring at you and when you looked up, he sighed before walking in the nursery.
“Babe?”
“Yes? Did you need something?” You asked as you tightly wrapped Kiran back up in his jungle themed blanket that came along with the entire set for the nursery.
“You’re mad at me.”
“You want a cookie for stating the obvious?” You asked as you shifted Kiran in your arms.
“Babe, can you at least just try to see it from my perspective?”
“Didn’t I tell you to have fun?”
“You sarcastically said it. And anytime you do that I know I’m in dangerous territory.”
“Hmm, that was your interpretation.” You told him as you shrugged.
“Okay, pause. Because what are we doing? Why are we arguing over this?”
“Not arguing, I’m putting my son to sleep. If that’s the case, you’re arguing with yourself.”
“Y/N….”
“You made your decision and even though I don’t like it, I respect it. Now goodnight.”
“It is literally only eight PM.”
“And? I’m going to bed, so goodnight like I said.”
The next morning, Joe let you sleep as long as possible since he knew how tired you were and was on daddy duty with Kiran.
Enough milk was put in the freezer for him since you didn't do anything but pump yesterday when the three of you got back.
For the most part, Kiran slept throughout the night and only woke up twice. Both times Joe went to check on him since you were knocked out cold. Which he could understand and if it was a problem that he could solve, he wouldn't wake you up for it.
Now the two of them were downstairs in his office tying up any loose ends before the season started. Kiran was content on being held by Joe with one arm while the other hand scrolled on his laptop.
He soon heard your footsteps and soon enough you peeked into the doorway before walking all the way in. Once you did, Joe did a double take.
“Uh, baby girl?” Joe asked when he noticed that you had your scrubs on.
“Yes, husband?” You asked as you tickled Kiran's stomach and kissed his cheek.
“Where are you going? And why are you in your scrubs? And I didn't get a kiss from you.”
“I'm going to work and even though I'm still annoyed with you, here.” You replied as you leaned down to kiss him, which by Kiran's face he wasn’t too thrilled about.
Only four days old and already territorial over his mother.
“Uh? Excuse me? No, you aren’t.”
“How are you going to tell me what I can and cannot do? Aren’t you going to work in a matter of a week?” You asked while crossing your arms.
“You gave birth FOUR DAYS AGO. That’s the difference between me and you. He was huge, no offense Kiran, but you are a little on the thicker side.”
“I feel fine and I'm not bleeding as much.”
“No. Absolutely not. No. You are literally on maternity leave. Keyword LEAVE. As in not working as in staying home with me and your newborn baby.”
“I can work only part of the day.”
Joe just stared at you as he used his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“I don't know who's more stubborn, me or you?”
“I…”
“Can you please just sit down and relax? Like I'm almost done and we can do breakfast. What do you have a taste for?”
“I want to go to work, that's what I have a taste for.”
“Not an option. So I'll give you something to choose between. Pancakes, waffles, or French toast?”
“But…”
“This is one thing I'm not budging on. You need to rest and not leave this house until it is absolutely necessary. Now, which one?”
“Pancakes and I want a tall stack. And an egg white omelet. And orange juice. And strawberries. And a lot of bacon.”
“Fine, whatever you want, now go change out of your scrubs. You want to take him?”
“No not yet, I'll be back since I'm not allowed to go anywhere.”
“You'll thank me later.”
“Jaz will be here tonight since you're leaving me.”
“Baby, don't start… It's next week. I'm not leaving today.”
“All I know is that I better get an expensive ass push gift when you come back.” You yelled loud enough for him to hear as you ventured back up the stairs.
“Kiran, I think mommy needs a new car and maybe then she'll be less mad at me for not letting her go to work.”
–
As you and your sister were on the back patio sitting around the firepit, Joe was inside with Kiran for you to get some quality time with your sister.
You didn't get to see her as much as you would have liked and planned on taking advantage of it while she was here.
“When is it going to kick in? The reality of it all?” You asked as you slipped your apple juice.
“If it hasn't kicked in yet, it will soon. I promise.” She replied as you sighed.
“I want to do a good job but because I wasn't ready and was basically thrown into this, it's weighing heavily on me.”
“Literally no one is ever ready to be a parent and you have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Besides, you are only four days in and it takes time. I'd give anything for them to be that small again. Don't take it for granted because it'll be gone before you know it.’
“I just want to be proud of myself at the end of the day for being an amazing mother.”
“And I have no doubt in my mind that you can't make that a reality.”
“The argument me and Joe had last week replays over and over in my mind like a fucking broken record.”
“And it was about having kids?”
“Yeah and he got super defensive about it but being a nurse, I'm looking at it from a medical standpoint too, pregnancy is fucking scary and so many different things can go wrong within those nine months and at the birth. So, my reasoning for not being ready was valid. I mean it ended up being fine, but what if it wasn't?”
“Let me ask you this…”
“Hmm?”
“And be honest…”
“Okay, Jaz spit it out, damn!”
“I know you said that you always wanted children but when I saw you become a nurse, a pediatric one at that, I saw a shift. Would you agree?”
“Agree with what?”
“I can read you like a book. You didn't want them or not as much as you used to when you saw all the different things that could happen to them up close. I feel like that played a part in you holding out so long.”
“Maybe….. I'm not disagreeing with you because that is always in the back of my mind. Even now when I would make myself upset about Joe's injuries and what he would have to go through rehab wise. I'm always thinking about the worst that could happen and I know that's one of my downfalls on top of being stubborn. I don't regret having him at all. At least I don't think I do.”
“Well apparently from what I heard you AND your husband are stubborn.”
“Definitely not going to argue with you on that one because it's the truth.”
“I can already tell that this is going to turn into you being a helicopter parent if you aren't careful in how you navigate it.”
“I don't want that for them. I want to be able to trust them.”
“Then stop thinking about what is the worst thing that could possibly happen day in and day out.”
“It's going to be hard to break out of doing that, but I obviously don't have a choice.”
“It's going to be okay, Pooh.” She told you as you let out a deep sigh.
“I hope so.”
“And Kiran is such a cutie.”
“And looks nothing like me.” You said as you finished the last of your apple juice.
“He got your hair so that counts for something.”
The sliding door was heard from behind you as Joe emerged with Kiran and you gave him a blank stare.
“I don't have any more milk to give him, so he wanted to go to the source.” He told you and he handed him to you.
“I didn't pump as much as I did yesterday so that's probably why and it doesn't help that he has your appetite.” You told Joe while eyeing him.
“Look, I'm innocent.” He told you as he held his hands up in defense.
“Gonna end up bleeding me dry and he was nine pounds, that was all you.” You sarcastically said as you undid your bra.
“Not my fault my genes are strong and it still amazes me how he hid in there.”
“Don't even get me started.” You replied as he began to feed and Joe sat down next to you.
“Can't wait until we have another one.”
Your eyes instantly went wide and you looked at him in disbelief.
“Can we get used to having him first before we start talking about having another one?” You asked and Joe shrugged.
“Nothing wrong with planning for it.”
Jazsmin could sense your annoyance and quickly jumped into the conversation to ease the tension.
“So, Joe, how's dad life going for you?”
“I mean so far, so good. Still scared as hell though, but I figure that the scared feeling will go away eventually.”
“It honestly won't, I still have that feeling and mine are now teenagers. I'll probably feel like this forever, but it levels out a little bit.”
“I hope it does. Definitely excited that he's here and that both of them are healthy.”
“Sooo, training camp is next week?”
“It is and I'm excited for the season to start.”
“And I'm excited to hopefully go to more games this year.”
“And Kiran will get to see me play even though he won't have any idea what is going on.” Joe said as he peeked over at him.
“I can't wait until he's old enough to actually understand what's going on and understand how important your job is.”
“And how his dad is one of the most accurate quarterbacks of all time.” You added as you switched him to the other side.
“And who knows? He might be next.”
A week had passed and it was now Sunday afternoon.
Training camp was due to start tomorrow and you were wondering why Joe hadn't left yet. After you had put Kiran down for a nap, you found him in the kitchen looking in the fridge.
“Why are you still here?” You asked and he turned around and looked at you confused.
“Uh? I live here?” He replied while opening a bottle of water.
“You know what I mean. Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Since when?”
“My wife doesn't want me to go so I'm not going.” Joe replied as he gave you a blank stare.
“I refuse to do this with you and I told you to have fun. And why did you say it like that?”
“But yet, you told me that you wanted me here with you so which one is it? And how did I say it?”
“I'm always going to want to have you here with me and that hasn't changed. But what has changed is the number of people in this family and the fact that someone is now depending on us. And I don't know how you said it, but I didn't like it.”
“And that's why I'm not going. I don't understand what you want from me at this point. I'm staying home for the first week and will go the second week to spend time with the two of you.”
“But why did it take all this before coming to this decision? I told you how I felt when you first bought it up and you basically ignored my feelings.”
“How did I ignore you when I'm doing what you asked?”
“Now you are and at first you weren't.”
“Why do I feel like there is no pleasing you? No matter what I do to make you happy, you always find something to complain about and it gets tiring.”
“That isn't true.”
“Hmm, you sure? Because I can think of a few things.”
“Um, why are we arguing?”
“Because it seems like you're always looking for a fight about something and it makes my head hurt.”
“I'm not trying to fight with you, I'm just trying to explain how I feel. That doesn't involve fighting or arguing. At least it's not supposed to. Just… you can go if you want.”
“No, because then you're going to be mad and have an attitude about me going.”
“Why are you making this so difficult?” You asked as you let out a sigh and was on the verge of tears.
“I'm really not. All I said was that I wasn't going and then it turned into this big thing.”
“Well forget I even said anything.” You replied as you turned on your heels to walk away from him.
“Y/N….”
You didn't even bother to answer him and just kept walking.
“Babe! Walking away from me isn't going to fix this.”
“I don't want to make your head hurt so I'll keep my distance.”
You could hear Joe loudly sigh and knew for a fact that an eye roll probably followed.
It seemed as if the problems between you and Joe had escalated since Kiran was born. It was safe to say that the two of you had been having a lot more disagreements than you have had in the past and it looked like it was only getting worse with the two of you not seeing eye to eye.
But these problems have gone unresolved and adding a baby on top of that wasn't the most ideal situation.
You simply curled up on the couch with your Bengals blanket and attempted to find something on TV to watch to distract you from the fact that out of the two people you loved most in this world, one of them you currently wanted nothing to do with.
You loved him with every fiber of your being but you couldn't understand why the two of you hadn't been seeing eye to eye on anything and hoped that this would end sooner rather than later.
It didn't take long for what you thought was a perfect routine when it came to Kiran. That was interrupted by the season being underway and you honestly felt as if you couldn't catch your breath.
Joe was gone a lot of the time and you get it. It was his job, but as soon as he walked through the door, you wasted no time in passing Kiran to him to spend quality time with.
You thought the one week that he went to training camp was bad with Kiran constantly crying and wanting Joe which was the conclusion that you came up with. He was fed with a dry diaper, and his temperature was fine.
He just wanted his daddy.
He had been quiet for the most part when he knew both of you were home, but when he didn't see his father for long stretches of time, all hell would break loose and it sometimes took you a good hour or two to get him to relax.
You never mentioned this to Joe because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel bad about ultimately doing his job to keep a roof over all of your heads.
When this happened you wasted no time in letting anybody hold him who was willing to take him whether it be at home games that you went to or when people came to the house to check on you just so you could have some type of break.
Not having your anxiety medication on top of not working was weighing heavily on you. You were thankful for the break so that you could spend time with Kiran, but you really just wanted to feel normal again.
Trying to be supportive of Joe right now was proving to be difficult. The arguments weren't happening as much as they were before seeing as a lot of the time you were at home with the company of your baby. At least he did surprise you with a push gift that was a new Mercedes Benz that you had been eyeing for a while and as soon as training camp was over, it was in your driveway with a big red bow on top.
Bottom line was that you missed the way that you and Joe used to be.
Communicating with each other in a healthy manner
Not arguing about the smallest things that shouldn't matter
And honestly spending time with each other
The two of you would always have date night, but since Kiran had been born that was all Joe focused on.
Kiran and football seemed to be his only priorities and you felt forgotten or as if you were a second choice.
It also didn't help that your hair was basically thinning and now falling out. But, you made sure to keep it wrapped up or wore wigs so that no one would be able to tell.
If he was only three months now, would this get better, or something that you just had to deal with?
For now, Joe had just walked through the door and sat down on the couch when you spotted him after coming down the steps.
When you were finished feeding him, your intention was to hand him over to his dad that he hadn't seen all day.
“Here, can you take him?” You asked Joe before pushing Kiran into his arms.
The headache that had started earlier in the day still had not let up and you needed to lay down in a dark room because you could tell that it was about to turn into a migraine.
“I…. You literally just held him to feed him and you're giving him back to me already?” Joe replied with a confused look.
“Yeah, what's the problem? You're his dad aren't you? And I've been with him all day.” You replied as you massaged your temples.
“The problem is why don't you want to bond with our son and pass him off every chance that you get? You've been doing this since he was born.”
“No I don't and I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You do know what I'm talking about so stop pretending like you don't. You literally tried to go back to work when he was FOUR DAYS OLD.”
“I love my job, there's no harm in that.” You said as you shrugged.
“But it's not more important than him and you literally just pushed out a nine pound person. Give yourself a chance to recover a little bit.”
“Never said it was and I felt fine enough to do it.”
“But you're acting like it is and there is a such thing called maternity leave for a reason. I don't understand what is going on with you and therefore can't help if you don't let me in.”
“Going on with me? Really?” You asked with a sarcastic laugh as you sat down across from him.
“Uh yeah? I don't know why that response came out.”
“You don't know? How about not realizing you're pregnant until you're in labor when you've been taking birth control and had a period the entire time? Your dream that you finally accomplished gets put on hold because now you have to step into the role of a mother which you had stated a week prior and multiple times in the past that you were not in fact ready for? So I'm sorry if it's taking me a little bit longer to get accustomed to this.”
“He is three months old. It's not like it happened yesterday.”
You honestly couldn't believe how insensitive he was being since he had never done anything like this before.
Joe always took the time to talk to you if he knew that something was bothering you, it now seemed as if his one and only concern is Kiran.
Not his wife who brought his son into the world.
“And that is supposed to make it easier?”
“I didn't say that. But it's not just me. You pass him to anyone that is able to take him. You claim that you want to be a mother, but I'm not so sure. Seems like I'm doing both jobs and still keeping up with everything that I have to do in the middle of the damn season. No matter what time it is when I get home or wake up it's the same thing.”
“Please don't start.” You pleaded while closing your eyes for a brief moment.
“I'm barely getting any sleep because you're not helping me! I didn't sign up to be a single parent!”
“Really? That's how we feel? You’re doing both jobs?”
“I do have a career that I'm barely able to pay attention to. I honestly have no idea how our record is as good as it is because I'm so damn tired.”
“So do I, you aren't special. And you don't think I'm tired?”
“Y/N, I'm really trying to be patient with you. I don't want to argue.” Joe told you as he adjusted Kiran in his arms who was admiring him with his big blue eyes.
“Too late. Besides, you started it. So, let's recap. I'm a horrible mother who pays no attention to her son. Got it.”
“No, that's not…”
“It is. And I'm just supposed to get over this even though he is three months old. Get over not being able to do my job that I have worked my ass off for, get over my body not quite being the same even if it showed no signs of pregnancy, suppress my feelings and keep them in check because I have to be the perfect little wife and now perfect mother. And get over my husband not giving a damn about how my mental state is knowing that I have anxiety that has now gotten ten times worse, but he probably didn't even notice. But it's okay because he got his wish. He became a father. Didn't matter how I felt and it still doesn't.”
“Baby…”
“Give him here and just leave me alone. I know you probably have film to watch, so go do that while I bond with our child that you claim I pay no attention to.” You told him as you got up from the couch and walked towards him.
“Not if you're going to act like this.”
“Oh, so now you don't want me to take him? Make up your mind because my patience has just about run out.”
“Just… take a breath. I do not want to fight and I don't know how many times I have to say that.”
“It's amazing how you start the argument and then say that you don't want to fight. Give him here like I said and go watch film.”
With a deep sigh knowing that you two weren't going to resolve this at this very moment, Joe handed Kiran to you before you walked downstairs into your library.
Sliding open the door, you walked in and sat in the corner and let the tears fall.
“Kiran, I'm sorry that I'm not being everything that your father wants me to be. I'm trying my best but… obviously I'm doing a not so good job. I wish that he would be more patient with me because I know that this is a lot on both of our shoulders. But, I don't regret having you for a second, please don't think I do. I just… am so scared of messing up and I know that I won't be able to live with myself if I do.” You explained to him as the tears were once again threatening to fall, he looked up at you and cuddled himself closer to you as if he was comforting you in his own little way.
“I love you so so much and want to give you the best life possible. I just have to get through this hard part first.” You said and kissed his cheek making him smile.
Thinking that reading a book would help relax you, you put Kiran in his swing that you had put down here earlier in the day and walked to the multiple shelves to find a book that you hadn't read yet.
The task didn't prove to be difficult since your big sister, Jazsmin had gotten a lot for you when she flew here to help you when Kiran was first born.
Making sure he was okay, you settled into your comfortable chair next to him before cracking it open hoping to take your mind off of everything going on around you.
The next few days went by without incident, but only because you were avoiding your husband as best as you could.
Joe wasn't necessarily trying to brush it off like nothing happened, but the awkwardness in how he approached you was there.
For now, Joe was at an away game playing the Chargers in California while you and Kiran were sitting on the floor in the living room watching Gracie's Corner.
Might as well start him early.
Joe had left a few hours ago and should be arriving soon to his hotel. He would usually FaceTime you to let you know that he was safe, but you weren't holding your breath.
For now you were focused on why your milk production had suddenly slowed down out of nowhere. Usually the freezer would be full of pouches of milk for him, but now it was barely anything.
It was a mystery and you couldn't pinpoint what the possible source could be so for now as much as you didn't like the idea, you tried to supplement with formula but Kiran was not a fan. He took one drop of it, scrunched up his cute little face and began to whimper.
“I know, baby, I know. I'm sorry but mommy doesn't have a lot of milk right now and this is the next best thing.” You said as you tried to comfort him.
“But we can try again.” You told him as you lifted your shirt and he wasted no time at all latching on. So far it was coming out so hopefully it stayed that way.
As soon as you switched him to the other side, a facetime call came through from Joe and you couldn't help but to roll your eyes before answering.
“Yes?”
“Hey, I'm….” Joe started to say but stopped mid sentence as his eyes went wide.
“What?” You asked as you stared at him.
“Your hair…..”
“What about it?” You asked as you looked at him.
“It's gone?” He answered as if it was a question.
“Yep.”
“Um, uh? I literally just left a few hours ago and it was down your back.”
Saying that it was down your back was him being generous.
“And now it's not.”
“But… why?”
“Because I wanted to. Can we move on now?”
Ten minutes after Joe left the house, you packed up Kiran along with his baby bag and made your way to the salon that you always went to.
The same girl, Shakiera, always did your hair and she was very surprised when you told her to cut it all off.
You and her went back and forth until it was decided that a cute pixie cut would be the winner and dyed it jet black with small blonde highlights throughout.
“Why does everything have to turn into an argument with you? Usually you ask for my opinion about your hair before you change anything about it.”
“I'm not even arguing with you so I don't know why you said that.”
“I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.”
You took a long deep breath to calm yourself as Joe ran a hand through his hair.
“How's Kiran?”
“Fine.”
“Well can I see him?” Joe's voice dripped with a slight attitude and it took everything in you not to hang up right then and there.
You titled your phone down so Joe could see that he was nursing and then quickly lifted it back up.
Nothing was said for at least thirty seconds and Joe finally broke the silence.
“I just wanted to tell you I got here safely.”
“Mm hmm, have a good game.” You replied without looking at him.
“Y/N, what is the problem? Like, I'm trying my best here.”
“There is no problem.”
“Will you stop lying to me for thirty seconds? Thirty seconds is all I'm asking for!”
“Fine, let's do this. The only thing you seem to care about is how many kids that I can give you and that I'm a baby making machine since that is all you ever talk about now and not my actual well being since he was born and ever since the season started even though you claim I treat you like a single parent, you haven't asked me ONCE how I was handling everything since we've been home. I suffer from headaches almost daily, cannot take my anxiety meds because they can pass through my breastmilk and every single one that I've tried hasn't worked. Now my milk is low and he doesn't like the taste of formula but it's not like you even care enough to ask. That other day when you snapped at me for asking you to hold him, I had been up since 3 am with a headache that still hadn't gone away and just needed a minute but I guess that was too much to ask for. I always apparently ask for too much, so I'd rather sit in silence and suffer. I cut my hair because it's actually falling out to make myself feel somewhat better and you act like the world is ending instead. I'm done, I'm done with this.”
“Wait, baby! I…”
“Goodnight.”
You hung up without another word and turned your phone off completely not wanting to talk to him or anyone else and couldn't help but start to cry. For someone who hardly ever cried, it had been happening a lot lately and you couldn't help it.
Emotions were running high and you just wanted for this to be over and done with.
All you wanted was to feel better and be the mother that you knew you were capable of being.
Joe was at a loss as you hung up on him.
He tried calling you back multiple times, but it ended up going to voicemail every time he made an attempt.
Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath before finding Ja’Marr and seeing if he could help in the situation or had any advice for him.
As soon as he approached him, Ja’Marr could sense that something was wrong and instantly got a frown on his face.
“You good, bro?”
“I think I just might be the worst husband in the world.”
“I highly doubt that and know for a fact that Y/N would probably disagree too.”
“No, she would agree. We just argued for the millionth time and she hung up on me. I tried calling her back, but it went straight to voicemail, meaning that she turned off her phone.”
“I’m sure it’s something that the two of you will be able to fix by the time we get back home.”
“I’m not so sure. I said it felt like I was a single parent the other day when I snapped at her when all she asked was for me to hold Kiran. I told her that it seemed like she never wants to bond with him and always passes him off every time that she gets.”
“Oh… that is dangerous territory….”
“Well, she asked me to hold him because she had been up since 3 am that day with a headache that hadn’t gone away and this was right after getting home from practice. I still had to watch film and do a whole bunch of shit and she was right on me as soon as I walked in the door. It’s like I can’t even breathe. I didn’t know that and apparently she’s not making enough milk and Kiran refuses to take anything else, she hasn’t been on her anxiety meds in three months because they can pass through the breast milk and she cut off all of her hair because I just learned that it was falling out. She hardly talks to me, so I don't know how I was supposed to know any of this.”
“Umm…. She probably doesn't talk to you because she feels like she can't.”
“I never want her to feel like she can't come to me. I think I’ll ask Deja to go and check on her. She might do something to hurt herself and I can't wrap my head around something like that happening. How did I not realize this and it’s been in front of my fucking face this whole time? My wife has been suffering and I’ve been blowing her off. Oh and the icing on the cake was that she said that she feels that the only importance that she holds in my life is based on how many kids that she can give me which is the furthest thing from the truth. I admit that I have been talking about having another one, but I didn’t mean right now. Fuck, I have no idea what to do. Can you call Deja for me? I need her to break down the damn door if it comes to it.” Joe looked at Ja’Marr who was taking everything in and nodded as he pulled out his phone.
“It’s going to be okay, it just seems like Y/N might need a little more help processing this. I mean her body did hide an entire pregnancy so I knew that it had to be difficult from the start.”
“Hello?” Deja picked up on the second ring and Ja’Marr handed Joe the phone.
“Deja! It’s Joe and I need a favor from you.” He asked as he was now in full blown panic mode.
“Yeah, what’s going on?”
“Use the spare key that I gave you and go and check on Y/N. We got into an argument and she hung up on me. Now she’s not answering my calls. She’s next level pissed at me but I need to make sure that she isn’t going to hurt herself.”
“Oh shit. Um, sure, yeah. I’ll go right over and I’ll let you know.” She replied while grabbing her car keys.
Once Joe hung up and handed Ja’Marr his phone back, it took everything in him not to start to cry.
He had let you down and that was the last thing that he ever wanted to do. When he said his vows, he meant every word and these past few months he had fallen short of being the husband that you needed. All he could do now was hope and pray that the two of you could make it through this in one piece with your marriage still intact. He was willing to do the work to repair it, but didn’t know if you were too far gone in order to forgive him.
Deja was going to give you a second.
She was currently at your front door with your favorite food order from Hangry Joe’s and rang the doorbell.
She was giving you one chance to open the door and the next step would be her using the key.
You peeked out of the window and saw Deja and cursed to yourself. She briefly looked over and had seen you so you knew that there was no way of getting out of this.
“Go away, Deja.” You yelled so you knew that she could hear you.
“Not a chance, babe. Open the door, I have food.”
“I’m fine, just please leave me alone.”
“Y/N, I am giving you one chance to open this door. You are in fact not fine.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because your husband called me, let me in.”
“Fuck.” You muttered under your breath because you should have known that this was going to happen.
When Deja didn’t hear another response from you, she quickly put her key in the lock and turned it. What she didn’t realize was that your back was against the front door and was trying to stop her from coming in.
She met resistance and knew that all of your body weight was against the door.
“Y/N, move!”
“No!”
“I will also call Jazmyn and Gracie to help me break down this door. You are scared, anxious, and tired. Please let me in so I can help you.”
Too tired to put up anymore of a fight, you opened the door wide enough so that she could come in and sit on the couch. Kiran was in his bassinet sleeping as she sat next to you.
“Come on, let’s eat some food first and then we can talk about the hard stuff.” She said as she gave you a hug.
You instantly burst into tears as you hugged her back.
“I know this is hard, but you can do hard things. Like I said, come on and eat first.”
–
“Uh, Y/N? When’s the last time you actually ate?” Deja asked as your food was now halfway gone.
“Um, I actually don’t remember.” You quietly said as you took a sip of lemonade.
“Y/N, you have got to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of Touchdown. He’s counting on you and Joe.”
“I know and um this is probably why my milk has been just about nonexistent. I tried giving him formula, but he hates the taste of it.”
“You have to eat and get nutrients so your body can make food for him.” Deja stated as you nodded your head.
You already knew this, you were a nurse after all.
But, why was this so hard?
Once the two of you finished eating, Deja reached her hand towards yours and grabbed it.
“Your hair looks fucking amazing by the way. And um, you ready to talk? Tell me what’s been going on.”
“I guess so. And thank you.” You quietly said before sighing.
“Let's hear it.”
“I just feel so overwhelmed with everything and whenever I ask Joe something, he brushes me off. I… can't take my anxiety medication because it can pass through my breastmilk, every med that they tried to give me to take until I'm finished nursing completely doesn't work, Joe claims that I don't want to bond with Kiran and always pass him off every chance I get and says that he didn't sign up to be a single parent. Even though now he's barely here because of it being the middle of the season. I…. I had to put my dream that I finally accomplished on hold and since the season has started, it has gotten ten times harder. I'm always here just about by myself, I have headaches just about every day and I'm trying to be a good wife and mother but Joe obviously thinks I'm full of shit and thinks I don't want to be a mother when that was never the case. I said I just wasn't ready right now. We had an argument the week before he was born about when we were going to have children and I said I wasn't ready and then I went to work and ended up leaving my job with a newborn baby. It's so hard for me to process and since we've been home, not once has my husband asked if I was okay. He literally left when he was two weeks old to go to training camp despite me wanting him to stay here, but he did at least stay the first week with me. I just… it seems like he only sees my worth as how many kids I can give him. I told him before we got married that I didn't want to be a stay at home wife and mother and that has not changed. Me and him aren't on the same page and haven't been for a while. I can't say I need a break from him because I barely see him. I just want him to fucking listen to me.”
At this point, tears were rolling down your face and Deja quickly found you something to wipe your face with.
“You know he called me because he thought you might try to hurt yourself.”
“I would never do that. I've been through hard shit in my life and know that it isn't going to last forever. I know that there is an end to all this, but right now it doesn't feel that way. I would never leave my baby.” You replied while finishing the last of your lemonade.
“So, Y/N, you're a nurse, right?”
“Mm hmm. What are you getting at?”
“Postpartum depression. I had it with my second. And it doesn't help that you have added stress on top of it.”
As soon as Deja said it, it felt as if you had been hit by a ton of bricks.
How did you not see it before?
“Oh.”
“And I think that you should probably talk to someone. But you also have to talk to your husband and make him LISTEN. Explain everything you told me to him when he gets back.”
“I don't want to talk to him right now.”
“And your feelings are 100% valid. Just take a breath and try to relax for the rest of the day. I'll let him know that you're okay and you need to go and take a nap. I have Kiran.”
“You don't have to stay, I….”
“Stop and let me help you. Do you have any milk frozen?”
“I do, it's the last two and I can try to pump more once he eats those.”
“That's fine. I have him, go lay down.”
Once you were upstairs in your bedroom, Deja wasted no time with opening her phone and FaceTimed Ja'Marr.
“Hey, is she okay?” He asked and Deja shook her head no.
“Pass Joe the phone.” Was all she said and he sighed.
When Joe's face appeared, Deja had a frown on her face.
“Hey, what's going on?”
“Your wife is sleeping and I'm looking after Touchdown.”
“Okay….”
“Joe, I brought her food and she told me that she doesn't remember the last time she ate.” She told him as she picked up Kiran and set him in her lap. He saw his dad in front of him and immediately started to squeal and smile.
“Wait, what? Hey little man, daddy misses you.”
“From everything she told me, if I could reach my hand through this phone and pop you upside the head, I would.”
“I…”
“She has postpartum depression and you have been making this ten times harder for her.”
“What is that?”
“Be a good husband and look it up and get her some help. Her phone is still off and I told her to talk to you once you get back and you need to actually LISTEN. That girl is DROWNING.”
“I never want to make things harder for her.”
“Well you have and now you have to fix it.”
The next day was game day and as soon as Joe woke up he sent a good morning text that went unanswered by you.
Even though you had read it.
He waited for about two hours before he decided to send another one.
Boo Bear 💕- I have not been such a good husband to you and I know that you're frustrated with me. It was never my intention and I'm sorry for making you feel like you had to go through this alone and couldn't come to me. I know that you don't want to talk to me right now, but you have my full attention and things are going to be different from here on out. Please know and don't doubt for a second that I love you and cannot see myself doing this life without you.
He had hardly gotten any sleep the night before because he was worried about you. He looked up what postpartum depression was and saw that you didn't have one or two symptoms, but multiple.
As soon as he got back home, his main focus was getting you help and getting your marriage back on track because this had been going on for far too long.
He still couldn't believe that his mind had checked out so much that he stopped paying attention to the love of his life and that was what was hurting him. You were crying out for help and all he did was ignore the signs and instead just focused on Kiran.
When he had woken up from tossing and turning, he sent an edible arrangement to the house with all of your favorite fruit and chocolate hoping that would aid in helping cheer you up. He hadn't gotten one for you in a while and would do it periodically and figured this was a good time as ever.
He also looked into the company Black Girl Vitamins and got some to help with stimulating hair growth, energy, sleep, and also everyday vitamins that would be there in the next few days.
He should have done this early on in your postpartum journey and was ultimately kicking himself, but better late than never.
As he was deciding his game day outfit because he brought three to choose from, his phone rang with a facetime call from none other than his wife and he immediately answered. He wasn't expecting to talk to you until he got back home seeing what happened between you two.
He saw your face come into view and gave you a small smile.
“Hi, baby girl.”
“Hi, thank you for my edible arrangement. The man delivering it knocked on the door like he was the police and it made me nervous for a second.” You told him as you threw another pineapple in your mouth.
“You’re welcome and I have a few other things coming for you to help your body stabilize everything that's going on with you and I'm sorry that I haven't been who you needed me to be throughout this whole process. I hope that you still love me and can forgive me. I always say how I take my vows seriously, but I've been disappointing myself and you in that department and there's no excuse for my behavior and I'm not going to try and make one. The fact that you didn't even feel safe enough to come to me speaks volumes and that's unacceptable. You need to always feel safe and that you'll be supported when it comes to your husband.” Joe quietly confessed and you took in everything that he was saying.
“Did you say that you hoped that I still loved you? Joseph, are you stupid, simple, or slow? Of course I still love you and don't ever let me hear you say that again.”
“Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. I've been an asshole of a husband towards you and Deja said if she was close enough to me that she would knock me upside my head for how I've been acting.” Joe replied as you stifled a laugh.
“Yeah, that sounds like something that she would say and I accept your apology. But I'm not going to fall out of love with you overnight.”
“We're both too stubborn for our own good aren't we?” He asked and you nodded, agreeing with him.
“Let's hope that's one thing we don't pass onto him.”
“We'll talk more when I get back because there's a lot that I need to say in person so I can explain my reasoning or thought process of why I did what I did.”
“Okay and someone is awake and wants to say hi.” You said as you propped your phone up on the table and picked up Kiran who was growing bigger by the minute.
You were convinced that he needed to be put on Joe's O-Line to protect him.
“Damn, he wasn't that big when I left yesterday.” Joe exclaimed when his twin came into view.
“Yes he was! He takes after you and I wouldn't be surprised if he's close to 20 pounds. Look at his rolls. He looks like a little Michelin man.” You said as you laughed while Kiran just stared at you and Joe looking around.
“Hey baby boy. You better be good for mommy while I'm gone.”
All Kiran did was blow a series of spit bubbles as he smiled at the camera.
“He promises to be on his best behavior and we'll be cheering you on. You'll be back later tonight?”
“Should be since we play at one.” He answered as you put Kiran back down in his playpen. He had on his dad's jersey and was game day ready.
“Okay, see you then.”
“See you then.”
“Have a good game.”
“Didn’t get my good luck kisses, but the facetime call will have to do for now. I love you and our little big baby.” Joe told you as you let out a small laugh.
“We love you too.”
The day passed by quickly as it was now around nine at night and you had just taken a quick shower while Kiran was sleeping.
Walking out of the bathroom after wrapping yourself up in a warm towel, Joe was sitting on the bed with his arms held out wide for you and you instantly went over to him and sat on his lap as he kissed you and held you tight.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Kiran is still sleeping, I just checked on him when I heard you in the shower.”
“Okay.”
“So I told you I wanted to explain a few things. I… I think it was my own way of coping with having to deal with being thrown into the role of being a father. I thought, which was very wrong of me by the way, is that because you were a pediatric nurse that you would be able to handle it. That wasn't fair to you. It was new for the both of us and I needed to be more sensitive to that. It's different taking care of other people's children and taking care of yours.”
“I honestly kind of figured that was happening, especially around the time that training camp was about to start. It was extremely overwhelming and you needed to find some type of balance and normal and football is that for you. It's not foreign to you and you know it very well. I know that you wanted to be a father, but like you said, you didn't want it to happen like this. And I was wrong to place all of the blame on you because it's both of us.”
“Exactly, that's the best way to put it. Now walk me through how you're feeling.”
“Well for one, my hair is falling out. I don't know if it's from stress or from being postpartum and it was obviously making me upset so I decided to cut it. Every day I would wake up and take off my bonnet to see literal chunks and clumps of my hair coming out.”
“I bought some vitamins specifically to help with that and I do like it by the way, it's different and I love that I can see your face better. I was just caught off guard when I saw you. What else?” Joe asked as he kissed your cheek.
“My milk production was low because I was forgetting to eat and I think that issue won't really be a problem now that I know the cause. I set a timer on my phone today so I could eat multiple times throughout the day and thank you for that.”
“And, your anxiety meds?”
“As long as I breastfeed, I can't take them.”
“We can always use formula. Wait never mind, he doesn't like the taste of it. But I don't want you to suffer through this.”
“I just have to go back to my doctor to see if there is something else we can try.”
“Okay just keep me in the loop and let me know if we find one that works and our bye week is coming up.”
“Already? That was fast.”
“And my parents volunteered to take Kiran for that weekend so we can have date night. Something that we haven't had in a while and we need to change that. Spending time with just us. He's three months old and it seems like it's more than that with everything that has happened.”
“I agree, this has been the longest three months ever.”
“I'm planning it and all I need for you to do is show up.” He said as he looked down at your hand and grabbed it.
“I should have known something was wrong when you stopped getting your nails done. I'll set you up an appointment this weekend for that and a massage so I can start to get you feeling better and feeling like yourself. This doesn't scratch the surface of me trying to make this up to you, but I hope it's an okay start. We're going to get through this one step at a time.”
Slowly nodding your head, you then laid it on his shoulder as he asked another question.
“Do you think it would help if you talked to someone, like a therapist? That specializes in this type of thing? I know you have your regular one, but…”
“I think that it would probably be a good idea.”
“We'll look into it tomorrow and when's the last time you actually talked to your therapist?”
“Hmm, probably late June.”
“Yeah, we need to get you back on track. It shouldn't have taken this long for me to notice that something was wrong with my wife.”
“Well I did my best to hide it from you so that was partially my fault.”
“I still should have figured it out. I know you like the back of my hand and can tell when something is off with you.”
“But, it's all out in the open now and all we can do is deal with it and move forward. I've been so tired because Kiran doesn't like to be away from you. I thought that I was going to bang my head against the wall the week that you did go to training camp. He wanted you and no one else and that upset me even more like I can't even comfort my baby. And that is why whenever you come through the door and get back from wherever you were, I try to give him to you. He likes having both of us here. When it's both, he's fine.”
“I wish you would have said something about it. Now I feel even worse than I already did.”
“You wanted me to tell you everything and I am….”
“I do. I want you to be honest and get everything out in the open. Do not hide anything from me from this point forward.” Joe told you as you gave him a nod.
“Promise.”
“So, we're okay now?” He asked and you gave him a small smile in return.
“Yes. I missed my husband.” You told him as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him.
“It never should be a thing. You should never miss me if I'm in the same room as you and I'm going to do my best to change that.” He replied as he leaned down to give you several kisses in return.
“I love you so much and this is never going to happen again.”
Joe had stuck to his word about everything that he said that he was going to do for you. It took some time, but soon you were feeling like yourself again which you were grateful for.
You had been seeing your regular therapist as well as the therapist you got specifically to help you through the postpartum process. Before you knew it, Kiran was close to seven months old and it dawned on you that your maternity leave was slowly dwindling down and it made you have an uneasy feeling.
When he was only four days old, you were in a rush to get back to work but now that it is actually time to go back, the last thing you wanted to do was leave Kiran and put him in daycare because that is what would have to happen.
You swore off from the beginning of being a stay at home mother, but now that role was looking more appealing by the day.
As it weighed heavily on you as you were in the kitchen attempting to cook dinner, you began to cry uncontrollably and turned the stove off to sit down at the island.
You sadly wiped away your tears and didn't notice Joe enter the kitchen and come up behind you. He wasted no time in coming over to you to figure out what had you upset.
“Baby? What's going on? What's got you upset?” He asked as he sat next to you and took your hand in his.
“It's nothing, I'm probably overreacting anyway. It's fine.” You said as you kept wiping your eyes.
“No, we're not doing that. You're crying so that means that you're upset so it isn't nothing. Tell me what it is.”
“I have to go back to work soon. Like in the next two weeks.”
“I thought you were excited to go back?” Joe asked but you instantly shook your head.
“I thought that was what I wanted, but I don't want to leave him. I'll easily be calling them every five minutes to check on him. And knowing me, I'll be at work for a good thirty minutes before leaving to get him. I just….”
Joe took in what you were saying and nodded meaning that he understood but for him there was an easy solution and he would fully support it if you decided to do this.
“Well, how about you stay home with him? Do virtual visits and work from here as much as your job would allow you to until he is old enough to go to school. That way you get to stay home with him, but also work. Because I know you and know that eventually you will want to work while being home with him. You'll get restless. Does that sound like it would be a good fit?” He asked and you sat there thinking about it for a minute.
“And if you want, on my off days, you can go into the office and I'll be home with him during the season.” He offered and you nodded your head.
“So stop the tears and stop stressing. Everything is going to work out how it's supposed to, okay?” Joe comforted you as he wiped away the tears that had fallen and leaned over to kiss you.
“You believe me, right?” He asked and you slowly nodded.
“I believe you. I just want to do what's best for him.”
“You've been doing that since he came out of the womb and I know you'll continue to do it.”
“Thank you for being so patient with me while I navigated getting back to my normal self, or at least trying to.”
“You don't have to thank me, it's what I'm supposed to do.”
“But I'm doing it anyway so just say ‘you're welcome'.”
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Burrow. I told you that we would get through this one step at a time.” He replied as he pinched your cheek making you smile.
this is such a realistic look at what postpartum actually looks like - after i had my son i felt like a deflated balloon and this captured that so well
the way she's drowning and hiding it while joe is just... not seeing it because he's coping by throwing himself into football and the baby. "i didn't sign up to be a single parent" coming from HIM when she's been alone with a newborn for weeks?? sir.
but what got me was her not eating and not even realizing it, the milk drying up, the hair falling out in clumps - all these physical signs that something is deeply wrong and no one noticed until deja showed up with food and actually SAT with her
"that girl is DROWNING" - deja coming through with the reality check he desperately needed
and the complexity of her feelings about motherhood - wanting to go back to work at four days postpartum because that's her identity, then when it's actually time to go back she can't bear to leave him. that shift is so real and no one talks about it
the reconciliation felt earned too - joe actually listening, buying the vitamins, setting up the nail appointment, doing the RESEARCH. not just saying sorry but showing it
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