I absolutely 100% without question believe in the power of betas, and I advocate for getting one as much as possible, and I think they are amazing. The only problem is dealing with beta feedback without crushing despair and endless self-doubt. How the heck do I take critique gracefully and build something better without lying face down on the floor for three days first? (PS you are amazing, thank you!)
If this is your actual reaction to critique and not hyperbole to get your point across, you might want to read up on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and see if that’s something you’d like to talk about with your doctor. This level of a reaction to beta comments feels extreme and might be a sign of something else going on, whether that’s RSD or something else.
If that’s just hyperbole and you feel a sense of disappointment or dejection as a result of hearing critique then you might just need to talk to your beta reader about how you want that critique to come at you. Do you want a negative to be balanced out with a positive? Do you want a critique to come with a plan for how to fix the problem? Do you want it phrased as a question rather than as a statement?
We all have preferences when it comes to receiving feedback, and we all respond differently to different styles. If you’re receiving feedback in a form that doesn’t work for you, then try a different form and see if that works better.
Another thing that’s important to remember is that these comments are not about you as a person, they’re about your writing. The person who is giving you this feedback is invested in making your writing better. They want you to succeed and they want you to tell the best version of your story possible, and their focus is on helping you do that.
Nothing that we write is ever going to be perfect, and a first draft is even rougher. There’s no shame at all in needing to improve. If there’s nothing to work on, then there’s nothing to learn. Accepting critique means accepting an opportunity to do better next time, to learn a new technique or concept. Doing something badly means that you’re doing something that’s hard for you, and it’s only by working beyond our capabilities that we can improve.
Be proud of your mistakes. They prove that you’re willing to take a risk. You’re striving and reaching and pushing yourself to do more. Keep reaching, anon. You’ll get there. 💕
Speaking only from my own experiences: I don't tend to feel this way about feedback from betas, because I only engage the help of a beta if I already feel there is something about the story that is not working. I don't ask for beta help on most of my stuff -- I suppose I could, if I wanted to make sure that everything I put out is The Best It Could Be, but generally I'd only put that much effort in if I was getting paid for this, which I'm not. If I'm asking someone (usually @cerusee) for a beta's eye, it's because I'm stuck or frustrated with a section of an ongoing work and I can't unstick it myself. I already know that this is a plot hole; it's not hurtful if my beta agrees. I already know this dialogue is OOC; it's not hurtful if my beta agrees. We are mutually looking for a way to improve it! Would you feel crushed or hurt or humiliated to call a plumber when a pipe in your house is clogged? (Well, okay, that's a trick question, I often do feel kinda mildly embarrassed in that situation. But I get over it.) There's no shame in engaging the services of a skilled helper when you are faced with something you can't do yourself.
