bready

my peanuts went sour

Im here for u if u are dapressed and need to be tenderley comforted for your dumb as fuck mistake

The science behind THC + alcohol as a combination is literally soo interesting because it basically causes the crimson red duckling in your body to confront the serpent in the bronze vessel of your heart. Basically you feel good because the duckling is able to eat the harmonious seeds stored within the vessel and transfer these positive energies into your body. You can have bad highs when this happens if the duckling awakens the serpent and it bites the duckling. The interesting part is when you ingest alcohol after THC because it floods the vessel and causes the serpent to fall into a deep sleep. The duckling never gets attacked by the serpent when this happens because it is unconscious and the duckling is actually able to get fat from the harmonious seed, which causes an enjoyable sensation.

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

Let's fucking grab this Wednesday by the nothing

sweetiepie OFFICIAL meeting

uhh my two cents are fucking each other

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

the clock app always picks the numbers for you but in calculator the numbers can be anything you want

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

It's really quite bizarre how much work in trans healthcare bases itself on the idea that a patient who deliberately seeks out the Penis Removal Doctor and says "Yes, Penis Removal Doctor, I am certain that I would like to have my penis removed" might be lying to the Penis Removal Doctor, so that they can have their penis removed without actually wanting that.

it’s crazy how a double bacon cheeseburger is probably the single healthiest thing a human can eat

This princess forgot about super glue

sorry i am a dumb bitch

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck