What did you say? (x4)

I know you sent this a week ago, but I’ve been debating whether to answer this or not. I’m a bit scared of making people worried or sad, but I eventually figured that it would be more worrying if I say nothing.

That being said, please be warned that the rest of this post will be sad, and I don’t mind at all if you stop reading now.

Okay. So, to answer your question, it’s gotten a lot worse. The expectations for me to possibly make it to April have dropped to late January, and judging by how I feel each day that goes on, I think that date will only keep dropping.

I started doing things I enjoy a lot more in order to make everything seem a bit better, but that’s been falling through as well. One of my goals for the past year and a half is to learn Hungarian so I can talk to my best friend in her first language, but my memory and focus just keep getting worse- sometimes I forget my own cat’s name. I’ve also tried going through my tv show hyperfixations, but watching them has started to feel more like a waste than it does comfortable and happy.

Not to mention the fact that the place I went to for therapy abt it all just suddenly got shut down, so that happened too.

Basically, what I’m trying to say, is that life (is that a pun idk) has been pretty awful for a bit now. On the bright side, I’m no longer scared of my soon-to-be nonlife. I’m extremely spiritual and digging deeper into the history of it has really helped with everything mentally.

So um.

As some of you may know, I’ve been dealing with a lot of health issues recently. I won’t get into the symptoms, but I did finally get through to seeing a doctor (and cardiologist and neurologist) and they figured out what’s going on.

The good news is that I now know what it is, how to make it a bit easier to live with, and where to go from here. I won’t be talking in detail about it, nor what “it” is (I don’t know if that info can lead back to me?? So just to be safe), mostly for privacy, but also because I don’t want people looking up the issues with it and feeling bad or anything.

So the bad news.

I’m going to be very blunt with this because I’m unsure how else to say it, I was given 4-7 months to live. Best case scenario, I’ll make it to my sister’s birthday in April, and possibly even to May.

But as things are currently, it’s not at all likely.

So, yeah. The reason I’m posting this is so you know I haven’t just disappeared off the face of the Earth and abandoned this blog. I still care very deeply for making contributions here and helping people with questions.

With my mindset and everything going on at the moment, I don’t think I’m able to properly run this blog anymore, and I do apologize. Please just know that I really do care about you all. I hope you all find what you’re looking for.

For One: This blog doesn’t bring me as much joy as it used to. Not for any specific reason, sometimes I just fall out of interests and I can’t really control it.

And Two: I recently had to get evaluated with a psychologist and she brought up that my ADHD diagnosis may have actually been a misdiagnosis of Autism. That being said, even with the two being similar symptom-wise (though that does not mean they are the same), I’m not sure I feel comfortable labeling my experiences as ADHD for the time being.

That isn’t anything negative! I just want to be absolutely sure of where and what I’m posting for, as I originally started this blog to share my findings and experiences with ADHD specifically.

If it does turn out that my brain (for lack of a better term??) is more in line with Autism than the other, maybe I’ll end up turning this into an account for both; Autism as I go and continue to learn more about it, and ADHD since I still love learning about it in general as well.