ADHD positivity blog

You have things you want and need to do. You want to do -something- but you just can't. This is based on my recent struggles with ADHD, executive dysfunction is a bitch.

My issue is/was that my brain doesn’t want to switch from the “thinking brain” to the “doing brain” and my instinct for dealing with this was always “think harder” which is very counter productive. The “doing brain” should be automatic, which is why people like to tell people with adhd to “just do it” not realizing that we don’t have the same automatic systems functioning as they do. It’s also where the idea of “flow state” comes from.

Ask yourself whether your story needs to be that long, whether your artwork needs to have all these components, whether your dish needs all these embellishments. Small does not mean insignificant. Basic does not mean bad.

DON’T: -hit them -yell at them -wave in their face in excess

-gotta have eat first

-gotta sleep enough first

(seriously so many days i’m like “i have all afternoon I’ma Do a Thing” and then i just kinda buzz around and do Nothing and think “WHY” and then i’m like “oh yeah i’m really fuckening tired”)

-gotta be Excited About It (ADHD brain only does things if they’re Literally the Most Interesting Thing Happening Right Now) (so like, hype yourself up to work on a project, or think about how happy you’ll be with a cleaner room/all those chores done)

-gotta have small, doable first step (like, “get cloth from fabric drawer” or “open google docs”

-FUCK distractions (computer is in drawer, phone is Off)

-Engage the Senses (if task needs Brain, play vague background Music, if task needs No Brain, listen to audiobook/podcast)

-maybe set time limit so i don’t get lost??? e.g. i have a little egg timer that i use because the ticking isn’t distracting but is enough to remind me that Time is a Thing that is Passing Right Now

-gotta have Self Awareness and Thinky about the Moment (get into the habit of Consciously Noticing what you’re doing at the moment, so you’re more likely to go “wait, this isn’t what i wanted to be doing” and be able to redirect)

-be willing to redirect and try to do something else if whatever you want to do Just Isn’t Happening

-DON’T beat yourself up for only doing part of something, or failing entirely- all that does is make your brain associate “trying to do stuff” with “well that SUCKED”. Which means you don’t want to try again. Tell urself u did good for trying, and if it didn’t work, try again later, or figure out why it didn’t work and try a different way. Reward yourself for trying

I’m hungry and I want to eat. But when I get to the kitchen I realize I have to cook something. It’s not that hard but it’s something in the middle of where I am now and me eating. So I end up not eating.

I’m cleaning my room. There are dirty clothes all over the floor. But my laundry basket is full and so I can’t put my dirty clothes where they are supposed to go. Now my momentum for cleaning is shut down and I go back to something I know how to do, like change playlists.

we have very fast, very associative minds that connect ideas. we have a train of thought, it just goes WAY faster than yours!

example: im thinking about dogs. that makes me think of pitbulls, which makes me think of an animal planet show i enjoy. the show connects to tv in general, which makes me think of my favorite cartoon. i associate my favorite cartoon with art and animation, and i wind up thinking about shading techniques.

Yeah.

Let that sink in.

It drives my husband absolutely NUTS- we’ll be having a conversation and in a lull between sentences I’ll have jumped ahead six topics, pop back in with a “Yeah, and-“

OH OH I HAD PROBLEMS WITH THIS FOR LITERAL YEARS

this is a true problem for me

pro tips!

make a shower schedule! 

like i have to shower everyday every evening when i get home

because otherwise ill forget to shower for three days and ill get super rank

if u cant do everyday then like keep a mini calendar and mark whether or not youve showered to like keep track

me forgetting to shower also had a lot to do with memory

my SECOND pro tip is

listen to music or podcasts in the shower

just put ur phone or speaker down somewhere in the bathroom and have it blast stuff out loud then u can focus on it and have more motivation and sing if u want because i like to sing because im annoying

it helps with time keeping because you can be like oh i’ve listened to three songs thats roughly 10 minutes!

and you can focus on something else other than the boring shower

Basically just try find something else to focus on.

Im mainly saying audio based stuff cause thats literally the only sense and body part that isnt doing anything when ur showering.

Like my hands r busy, my eyes are busy, cant hold a phone or itll break due to water,

Only free stuff is a mouth to talk and sing or monologue if ur a drama kid??

And ur ears to listen to smth like an audio book, music or a podcast or a tv show if u think u know the show well enough to not need visuals to enjoy it???

Thats is my protips thnks!

i've been really anxious to go to my mother about mental health since last year when she told me that i was pretending to self harm and called me stupid and then pretended like nothing happened afterward. and i did worse stuff then that but whatever. and my sister has autism and she just pretends she's an expert on it even though you can clearly see she's just using it as an excuse for something (she's spoiled) but she does have autism so i do feel bad

anyways back on track basically these are my ... symptoms? what even is this post im so sorry :(

1. a big part of my life is around my fixations or obsessions. so like i find something to attach onto and i make that thing my entire personality (that's an exaggeration) but it's literally everything i do in my spare time

• the issue i have with straight up thinking i have adhd is the whole "people with adhd can't sit still thing." i can sit still perfectly fine but i almost always have to have something in my hand or something to play with or it makes me stressed and that sounds really bad but it's normally fine because you are either talking or working if that makes sense

• so socially i'm usually normally fine but there are times where i just do stuff wrong and make a joke that's a bit bad maybe , or like i overshare by relating a story to myself but otherwise i'm fine but pretty awkward when i'm trying to be funny or with someone who is.

• to continue off socially i've realised that my personality isn't... fake, but i act like a drawly person around those sorts of people or whatever

• academically it's complicated. not to brag but i'm really good at english. like really good because i feel like the words i write are something i can physically go into and i look at a poem and think that it's not very good and i can do better (even though it's like a really good poem and this is very egotistical of me) and i... i think i usually do

• to continue off academically i've found school really difficult in the sense that... well. basically i get by, in maths, enough to be in the bottom set and not a learning disability class, but i. remember. nothing. i learnt something the other lesson and i came back and i couldn't do it at all and it makes me so frustrated and i want to cry

• it's almost the same with science but it's not... as bad. it's physics i really really hate

Depending on where you live and your own personal circumstances, seeing a professional might not be an option. Lets say this is the case, there is nothing wrong with reading into adhd, listening to peoples experiences, testing some of the adhd life-hacks to find tricks that might work for you, finding any comfort you may find in relating to people who are """"officially"""" diagnosed. Adhd is different for different people, no one experiences every symptom.

The more you learn about it and yourself, you may even be able to help educate your mother on what ADHD really is (instead of her steryotype of it being a 13 year old boy who cant sit still in class) and you can convince her that it would give you peace to try getting official diagnosis.

It took me 3 different doctors before I got my diagnosis (at the age of 25). I found a lot of help from online ADHD communities even before I was diagnosed, it got me through college (even tho I graduated late) and it got me my first career job. All before diagnosis. I am happy I have my diagnosis now, but getting it didn't suddenly fix all my problems, and you can still be okay without it (if its not a possibility for you right now).

Basically, she found that people generally fall into four categories based on how they respond to external expectations (like a school or work deadline) and internal expectations (like a New Year’s resolution). Upholders respond readily to both external and internal expectations. Obligers respond to external expectations but struggle with internal ones. Questions respond to internal expectations but struggle with external ones. Rebels, well, they struggle with both.

These tendencies are hard-wired! We’re born with them, and they aren’t something you can really change. What you CAN do is learn your tendency and then change your circumstances to make yourself accomplish the expectations!

I’m an Obliger myself, so that’s where I have the best examples. Plus, that’s kind of what this thread is about! I can’t get myself to go to the gym - but if I’m meeting a friend there, I know they’re counting on me, so I’ll be there. For Obligers, it’s all about taking your internal goals and creating external accountability for them. You want to read more? Join a book club! You want to get up earlier? Find someone else who wants to get up earlier and schedule a morning conversation every day!

For Questioners, they (surprise) question everything. They need to turn external expectations into internal ones, and the key is to know why this is necessary. Questioners can easily get lost in research, so they have to be careful - they may never buy a coffee pot because they’ll spend weeks searching for the perfect one. If something feels arbitrary, they’ll never do it. They have to find the why.

I know a lot less about Upholders, just because it always seems to me like they struggle less with expectations and goals. They want to do something? They will do it! Someone else wants them to do something? They will do that too! It’s important for Upholders to recognize that people around them aren’t always wired the same way, or they can become very frustrated easily.

As for Rebels, they struggle with all expectations. They can do whatever they want - if they want to do it. Accountability, like what an Obliger needs, will NOT work for a Rebel, and in fact will make it more likely that they will not accomplish the goal. Rebels need to make things appeal to their sense of identity. “I want to be known as a smart person, therefore I will write this paper.” Rebels need to do things because they choose to do them.

There’s lots of nuances and variance within each of the Tendencies, strengths and weaknesses and striking patterns as well. The important thing here though is that if you know how you respond to internal or external expectations, you can accomplish what you need to do by changing your circumstances to best suit you!

There’s tons of information on Gretchen Rubin’s website, where there’s a quiz you can take to find out which tendency you are. She also has a book called The Four Tendencies and talks about the framework all the time on the podcast she hosts with her sister, Happier with Gretchen Rubin.