ao3 user effigynights

First of all, there's a few sort of surface-level things that ring familiar to me as a trans woman. Sosuke seems fairly knowledgeable about makeup, which is not necessarily evidence on its own (plenty of cis guys know some stuff about makeup), but the fact that she seems embarrassed about it when it's pointed out is the bit I'm more concerned with. Many eggs are interested in feminine things, but feel they have to hide that interest or be ashamed of it. When Sosuke gives this "excuse" about why she knows makeup, she turns aside and blushes.

She also seems... at times uncomfortable, or at least ill at ease with complements to her appearance. Serra repeatedly remarks on how handsome and rugged Sosuke is, and while Sosuke doesn't seem to hate it per se, she always wants to change the topic almost immediately.

That said, she doesn't necessarily seem like she doesn't wish to be seen as attractive (see below), just... conflicted about it.

Honestly, that's mostly where the surface-level stuff ends. There's also just a vibe that I get from her, but that's not exactly hard evidence of anything.

The main thing that made me start thinking of Sosuke as an egg, however, was the way she reads as transmisogynized to me. Others have made better, more well-articulated posts than I could about transfeminine readings of "living weapon" characters, but I always see it; Sosuke, from the beginning, clearly fits into that archetype. She's the Hound of Ikariya, an assassin for House Ikariya. She clearly thinks of herself as a disposable tool, only worth the violent work she does for the House.

Makoto and Mirei clearly care for Sosuke, beyond just what she can do as the Hound. They try to help her not go to jail, but Sosuke (stubbornly) "refuses to act in [her] own best interest", in Morgan's words. Sosuke reads as a trans woman to me partly because of the way she has almost conditioned herself to not view herself as an actual person; an experience that a lot of trans women, myself included, are familiar with. Makoto and Mirei clearly care for Sosuke as a person, and treat her as such, showing compassion and worry; Daisuke, however, who raised Sosuke, is... less caring.

Ultimately, these two exchanges were the final nail in the coffin for me.

"until it stops trying to grow into what it's meant to be, and instead lives as what you want it to be" hits... really hard. Sosuke Ikariya has lived her whole life in service to the House, and has denied herself personhood. She is somewhat uncomfortable with comment on her appearance, though likely not because she doesn't want to be seen as attractive. She wants to be loved and cared for, but has convinced herself she does not deserve it. I have known many trans women who have experienced such things; the worst of it usually being before coming out and transitioning. I think Sosuke Ikariya knows, however deep down, that transitioning would make her happier, but is not willing to prioritize her own happiness and well-being.

tl;dr