Asexual (and other LGBTQ+) Rambles

im sorry to put this in the tags i hate ppl who do this shit and i know everyone else does too but i don’t know what to do. my dad slapped me and spit on me this morning for not wanting to wear my hair down and “look like a girl”

i don’t have a support network i just have my partner & their mom will let me stay but i can’t get there i have nothing and im practically under house arrest. my dad is now making me and my sis ‘check out’ our phone chargers so that once our phones die we can’t do anything until he says we can charge it

Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book “Minimising Marriage” to refer to:

the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types. (Source)

Amatornormativity doesn’t just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst it’s often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.

Amatonormativity in practice is…

The assumption that all single people are unhappy with their status and looking not to be single.

“Coming of age” milestones often revolving around romantic accomplishments (first kiss, first crush, first love, marriage, etc).

Non romantic partnerships (sexual or platonic) being looked down upon.

A sort of relationship hierarchy where marriage is at the top and everything else falls somewhere below it.

The expectation for romantic partners to be more important than jobs, hobbies or other commitments in a person’s life. And the belief that people who choose to pursue the former are selfish.

People who are not seeking exclusive romantic relationships being seen as less mature, stable, trustworthy or settled.

The structuring of laws and society on the basis that eventually everyone will be in a committed romantic partnership (marriage).

The toxic idea of a “friendzone” (which of course, overlaps with misogyny), where friendship with a woman is seen as “second prize” to a relationship with her.

People settling for someone they’re not really happy with or compatible with just to fulfil the desire or expectation to have a partner.

Non-aromantic asexual people trying to normalise their orientation by saying they can still “fall in love” or “have relationships” “just like anyone else”.

Asexual people or people who don’t feel attraction to anyone feeling pressured to seek out and enter into relationships.

And much more…

“I’m 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish”

Yes.

Yes, they were.

They were encouraged to seek out heterosexual relationships.

You can’t uncouple Amantonormativity from Heteronormativity. One is built into the other. Heteronormativity means there is one right way to have a life, and that way is being straight, is falling in love, being monogamous, is complying to certain standards of beauty, it’s being white and thin and abled. 

So yes, amatonormativity is absolutely linked to heteronormativity.