tam

as a phrase, “she [x] on my [x] til’ i [x]” only is funny if on either side of a spectrum. either the phrase ends so specific to a sexual action it’s a smart joke (for example, “she strogan me off til i beef” uses the word “beef stroganoff’ but also makes a “stroking off” joke, making it clever wordplay.) or it makes so little sense that it ends up funny from the absurdity of deciphering what type of sexual action could even be taking place. (example: when my roomate the other night asked to hand them a sanpelligrino and then said “she san on my pelli til’ i grino” which begs the question of what ‘sanning’ is, what a ‘pelli’ repersents in terms of human genitalia and what ‘grinoing’ could possibly be.)

drink my concoction boy

Please, use commas

drink him

secret hug techniques to be used only in dire emergencies

we need to start romanticizing doing household chores in tank tops and sweatpants in the same way that we romanticize knighthood and i am not fucking kidding

#when you set out for revenge dig two graves#unless you’re hamlet#in which case you’re going to want to rent a backhoe (x) YOU’RE NOT LEAVING THAT IN THE TAGS BUDDY

violent reminder that my strength is unparalleled

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon