Acacia

everyones got that fic they chip away at like michaelangelo sculpting david. and brother? its penis month

asked my friends if they knew what i was referencing and they said no. we all know that post where someone divided how long it took michelangelo to sculpt david by it's size and went "yuuuuup. whole month spent on penis" right. sure, my search history is full variations upon "michelangelo penis month tumblr" to no avail, but we all know it. right.

Hi, that was a MBMBAM bit. But i see you and i hear you and i dont know if someone already said something

Shane Hollander loves a boyfriend couch. he’s sitting with his legs apart scrolling hockey reels without earbuds. He’s chuckling to himself. He’s small talking with the other boyfriends. He’s saying “that looks fantastic babe” enthusiastically every time Ilya steps out of the dressing room, because he Genuinely Always Thinks Ilya Looks Fantastic. He’s getting the best grade in husband at the store.

If Ilya and Shane actually wrestled like no holds barred to the death full competition mode rough and tumble fighting, I think most of the time Shane would win. Shane is used to Ilya throwing him around and pinning him down, but Ilya gets tossed to the ground once and gets so turned on he passes out. Shane yells at him and pins him and he just gives up because he's so horny he cannot actually think. Their friends are like oh my god Shane you're hurting him! And Ilya is lying there under him so so so pleased like yayyyy I love being pinned by my huge sexy jock boyfriend #mysexyjockboyfriend DO NOT SAVE HIM he is exactly where he wants to be!!

I believe #inmyheart that ‘which one of them is stronger’ changes throughout the season, but they never know when exactly it’s going to flip, and I think this adds extra fun to their wrestling

Hudson Williams got up at the Canadian screen awards and said stop shipping me with connor storrie that man is not my boyfriend he is my dead Texan wife.

shane would see their kids creepy drawings and be like wow, great job bud. you're so creative. meanwhile ilya is frantically googling is my child possessed and calling sveta asking her if the time they got 'cursed' by an old witch as kids was real because he thinks it skipped him and went to his kid and why doesn't shane see it

I think it would be really funny if instead of thinking their son is some sexless shy virgin, the Hollanders think their son exclusively hooks up with puck bunnies and the reason he never brought someone home is because he's kinda a fuckboy slut. Like both Yuna and David are familiar with hockey culture and they're just glad that Shane isn't making headlines with his hook ups, or getting some girl pregnant, or even worse getting married and then cheating on his wife. He keeps his sex life private and so they don't have to talk about it. This assumption is all but confirmed for them when they start suspecting he is gay because of how straight people always assume gay men are promiscuous. Yuna is even prouder cause he's keeping his wild gay sex life so down low there's not even rumors. Her perfect media darling boy!

I think after Ilya and Shane leave on Pasta Night Yuna and David have to have a very serious conversation in which David says. Yuna. Love of my life. you cannot congratulate our son on successfully remaining closeted. you cannot tell him that you’re proud no one figured out hes gay. Do You Realize How Insane You’re Being.

they don't really use pet names when they're around other people but their teammates learn very quickly that there is ilya (positive) and ilya (negative) and rozanov (fuck yeah that was fucking gorgeous) and rozanov (if you do not shut the fuck up immediately i swear to fucking good) and shane (adoring) and shane (sad) and hollander (that's how you fucking do it!) and hollander (sit your fucking ass down or we will have a problem) and these distinctions are way more important to keep track of than the five times a month hollander calls cap "baby" and cap's face goes all sappy

This fandom is obsessed with only bringing up Shane’s race as a negative and how it’s a barrier in his life only and the struggles he’d have because of his race. I’d like to present a fun head canon instead that isn’t just misery because a lot of us are actually grateful we’re not white. I’m a South Asian American and we have big ass family friend networks. I have family friends across the US and Canada. My mom’s friends will always be down to host me, feed me, or take me out to dinner. It would be cute if Yuna had a similar network of Japense-Canadian or American friends. Shane has aunties in most major cities he travels to. They’ll try to go to games to support Yuna’s son. He’d rather ditch the bar or club with his teammates to get a nice home cooked meal. He’s also that perfect Asian cousin who you’re always compared to. Shane’s so talented, rich, disciplined, well mannered, and handsome. Their moms always go “you’ll never be as successful as Shane Hollander if you don’t practice the piano.” “Shane Hollander listens to his mom and see how rich he is.” They think they catch a break when he comes out as gay but no, “why are you dating such a loser? go find a good and successful husband like Shane Hollander did. He’s with Ilya Rozanov!”

there’s a swedish princess who’s currently sitting alone at wimbledon feeling all sulky and miserable because she was really looking forward to discussing swedish politics with shane hollander

pour one out for the Swedish princess who didn’t get to talk politics with Shane Hollander :/

the Beatles would exist in star wars but they'd be actual beetles. they'd look like the real Beatles but w like insect antenna and they'd be part of an alien species who are all musicians. they'd all have star warsed versions of their names except for Ringo bcos Ringo Starr is already a star wars name.

Favorite running heated rivalry bit is that to Hayden, hockey is A Job. He comes home to Jackie after losing a game with the same energy like Damn, Tough Day At The Office.

i am 100% convinced that mobile phone/ social media bans for under 16s are an attempt to remove kids and teens from public life. this is not protecting kids this is locking them in houses with no escape from their abusers. the world is so hostile to teenagers rn